Shatter (The Children of Man)

by Elizabeth C. Mock

  Without making a sound, he circled around them to get a better view and tested his link to Faela as he removed his matching long knife. Faela, I'm here. I'm in front of you. Does he have a weapon on you?

  Relief flooded through the link. Trying to push down her panic, her thoughts were scattered. A knife. At my neck.

  I need you to focus, Faela. Kade told her trying to repress his rage, so he could think clearly, but just as she had failed, so did he. It'll be over soon. I'm going to move fast and I need to know that you'll hit the ground when I do.

  Faela stifled another cry and tried to pretend that she was somewhere else, that this was not her body. She had done it before, she told herself, she could do it again.

  Kade's wrath flared at this thought and repeated more harshly than he meant, Can you do it?

  She wordlessly indicated her assent. She had to stay connected to what was happening to her or she would fail to respond when she must. Before Kade moved, as she focused her attention back to the physical, to her muscles, to her skin, she shuddered.

  I'm right here, Faela. You're not alone. Ready?

  Her mind like cold steel, she responded, Ready.

  As Kade left his cover, neither man saw anything except the movement of the branches as Faela broke the man's grasp and sank to the forest floor. Lifting her face, her eyes glowing red, she sang a low note and the men froze mid-turn, paralyzed. Rising out of his low run, Kade brought his blade up and across the chest of the man who had assaulted Faela. The fire of the blade cauterized the wound as it cut. He pivoted and brought the second blazing blade down slicing the second man's throat. But just as with the first, no blood escaped as the wound burned with the black fire.

  Letting the note fade, the paralysis released them and their bodies fell to the floor like puppets cut from their strings. Both men had barely had time to see their death's coming.

  Faela looked up at Kade who stood with both knives still rippling with the dark fire. His relief at seeing her safe immersed her with a heady rush. The fire receding from his eyes just as the fire flickered and extinguished on the blades and he sheathed them. Then he saw the bruises on her face and the blood dripping from her lip and the anger flared again.

  Hugging her knees to her chest, she stared at the floor, the disgust and shame overwhelming her. She could see herself from his perspective, so she buried her face into her arms trying to block the image. She wished he would stop looking at her.

  Kade stood unsure of what to do now that the immediate danger was over. All he wanted to do was comfort her and reassure himself that she was all right, but everything about her posture screamed for him to stay away. He took a step toward her.

  At that action, her panic returned. "Go away," she said her words muffled by the sleeves of her coat. "Just leave me be."

  Kade sat down across from her and said nothing, but his mind kept replaying her thoughts he had heard. Not again, she had said, not again. He reached out a hand, then thought better of it and closed it into a fist bringing it back to his lap.

  Aloud, she groaned as she began rocking back and forth. "Don't ask me, Kade. Please," she begged, "please, don't ask me."

  Uncertain of what to do, confused by the swirling and mixing of her emotions with his, he made a decision. Scooting forward, until he was parallel to her, he rested his head on his shoulder waiting for her to look up. When she did so, he put a finger under her chin and gazed into her blurry, wet eyes.

  "That was not your fault," he told her. "You did nothing to deserve it." He felt the turmoil of her guilt and shame, but she could put none of it into words.

  "Nothing gives anyone the right to treat you that way," he repeated.

  When she tried to shake her head, he drew her into his arms and she stiffened at the touch. When he did not press her, but neither did he let her go, her resolve melted and she burrowed her face into the collar of his shirt and cried soundlessly. He stroked her hair repeating in soft tones that she was safe and that no one was going to hurt her any more.

  After a while, she stopped crying, her throat was dry and the abrasions on her face stung from her tears.

  Still resting against Kade, she closed her eyes feeling safe and oddly peaceful. "Thank you for coming," she said in a hoarse voice, but she meant for not leaving and he knew it.

  "Faela, when you opened whatever this is. I felt what you felt and saw what you saw." His anger stirred again just thinking about it. "I've felt the righteous anger of justice before, but I've never felt anger like that. When I think about what he did–" Kade broke off not wanting Faela to have to think about it, even through his own thoughts.

  Faela felt his smoldering protectiveness toward her and she froze. These emotions were not those of a man keeping his word to a trusted mentor and friend. These emotions differed substantively from the sisterly affection she felt for Jair. Tobias had tried to warn her about ignoring these emotions, these emotions that mirrored her own. How could she have been so blind, so stupid?

  Kade watched her as she recognized his feelings and he sensed her reciprocation. With a crooked smile, he ran his thumb against her cheek as he raised her face to his. Faela looked into his warm brown eyes and saw her silver eyes reflected there. For a moment she sat motionless simply staring.

  With a start, she shook her head and braced her hands against his chest pushing herself back forcing distance between them. Doubling over, she wrapped her arms around her torso, as if in pain, chanting a denial.

  His hand hanging in the air, Kade stared bewildered. "What is it?”

  "No," she repeated. "No, I can't." She just curled further into herself refusing to look at him again. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stay away.

  Kade waited without pushing any further, his mind piecing together the things that he had observed about Faela. The guilt and shame that shadowed her daily differed in texture from this. That followed her like a cloud, but this, this was more solid. It clung to her, weighing her down. He thought back to the cave where they had spent their recovery and his mind fastened on Caleb's request.

  "These were the bounty hunters," he said tapping his index finger against the opposite wrist, "the ones that Caleb warned me about."

  Faela bobbed her head as she attempted to regain control of herself, her chest rising and falling as she tried to slow her tremors.

  "Faela," Kade said trying to keep his voice neutral, "I need to know why they were hired. I need to know who sent them and why. I can't protect you if I’m blind to what’s going on."

  Faela bit down on her split lip without thinking and winced at the stinging pain. Her throat felt raw and gummy as she tried to speak and the words caught. Though she failed to block the thoughts from slipping through. You'll hate me. It's all my fault. I brought this all on myself. You’ll hate me, just like I hate myself.

  Kade knew in his gut that trying to touch her again would only drive her further away, so he forced his hands to stay draped over his legs. "I wish I could promise you that nothing will change," he told her, "but the truth always brings change. Hiding from it will only put yourself in more danger though, Faela."

  Still unable to force out the words, she reacted instantly to his. You don't understand; I don't matter. Only Sammi matters.

  Realizing that he had heard her instinctive, protective reaction, she moaned and her fingers raked back her hair as her forehead rested against her hands. The intensity of her thoughts told Kade more than words ever could. The same protectiveness and love that he had sensed when she sang her lullaby infused her thoughts.

  "Is Sammi why you disappear?" he asked, but he already knew the answer.

  She peered through the bars of her fingers at Kade, her silver eyes shining with desperation. With an effort, she choked out the words. "He's my son and those men were sent by his father."

  Though Kade had suspected this, it did nothing to diminish the tiny stab of anguish he felt at her admission. He didn’t reproach or condemn her; he just focused o
n her eyes and waited.

  She maintained his gaze as she continued. "Sent by my husband."

  Kade felt the conflict tearing through her as if the words burned her as she spoke them. He just looked at her, numbness insulating him from his own feelings.

  "Why?" he asked his voice cold.

  "Because," Faela laughed without humor, but finished the sentence internally. Because I belong to him.

  Though her eyes glinted with moisture, what looked out through those eyes was not Faela. Those eyes were empty as if the memory of this man had stolen her from Kade.

  The muscles in Kade's jaw rippled and tensed as he clamped his teeth together. Still detached, just the way he had honed himself to become during the war, he paused sifting through the information he knew. Faela had been running. He had assumed whatever she had done to use and renounce black magic had been the catalyst. Once he had learned of her father's death, he thought he understood why she had a bounty on her. Until Kelso, when she confessed to Tobias that her father had committed suicide because of her gift.

  Now, there was this. The way she distanced herself from others, but especially the unspoken boundary she had placed between the two of them, had been more than guilt for her father's death. Though her father’s death haunted her still, it had never caused her to run. He had been wrong.

  "Where's Sammi now?" he forced himself to ask.

  "In Kilrood with Ianos," she answered then swallowed, "for the time being."

  "Those bounty hunters were hired to find you, in order to find your son," Kade said, "and you've been leading them away from him. That's why you told that innkeeper in Dalwend what you did."

  The ghost of a tortured smile passed over her lips. "Give the boy a prize."

  He braced himself for what he had to ask next and Faela tensed. "Faela, did you leave because of your father's death?"

  "Yes," she answered deflated, but her mind amended, no.

  "Which is it?"

  "Both?" Faela shoved her fingers into her matted hair, sticky with blood. "Do you remember what I told Tobias about what happened? Well, that was a somewhat censored version. He got the whole truth out of me later that night. Sammi's father was the reason I manipulated my father's impressions and perceptions," her voice dropped with a cynical tone, "because I thought he loved me. All’s fair with love, right? It wasn't long before I found out what he really wanted. It was darkness-blighted Merchant politics. That's it."

  Faela's shame transformed into animosity and bitterness. "I gave away myself, my vows, and my family. Betrayed them. For what? I was with child, unmarried, and terrified. My family had no idea, not even Caleb knew. In my despair over a situation that I created myself," she pressed her splayed hand against her chest and repeated, "myself, I murdered my father. He's dead, because I deluded myself into believing that man loved me."

  Her nostrils flared as her breathing intensified. "Once we were married, his mask of charm and wit cracked. It revealed a calculating and cruel man. He forbade me to return to Kilrood, even to visit Ianos."

  Kade's mind immediately went to Faela's earlier thoughts during the assault and through the numbness seeped an icy, calm wrath. His eyes darkened. "He hurt you."

  "No more than I deserved," Faela said in a flat, emotionless voice realizing it was pointless to lie about the abuse. "But I wouldn't let him hurt my baby, not ever."

  Kade's fingers tightened around his wrists leaving the skin white from the pressure. Keeping rigid control of his voice, he said, "So, you ran."

  She nodded. "I was still pregnant, no one else knew but Sammi's father. I went the only place I knew to go."

  "To Ianos."

  "I certainly couldn't face Caleb after what I'd done." She stared at the blanket of dry leaves on the floor of the forest. "Where else could I go?"

  "Then Sammi is still with Ianos," Kade guessed. "Does Caleb know any of this?"

  "He knows about Sammi and about," she paused as she almost spoke Nikolais' name, "his father. He knows nothing about the true cause of our father's death though."

  "Caleb knows what your husband did and he's still alive?" Kade asked in disbelief.

  "He had more pressing promises to keep to you at the time." She poked at a drift of crunchy leaves with the toe of her boot.

  "Caleb is heading for Kilrood right now, isn't he?"

  Before Faela could answer, they heard voices and the sounds of several people moving through the woods caring more for speed than discretion. Kade extended Faela a hand and they stood to face the noise. Already twirling one knife, he offered his hand back to Faela. This time it held out the hilt of his other blade.

  She shook her head and thought, I have a more effective means of defending myself, and her eyes flashed a dark crimson.

  Breaking into the hollow first, Jair searched it, panic on his face. When he spotted Faela and Kade, his posture relaxed immediately and he jogged over to them and crushed Faela into a hug.

  "Thank the Light," he breathed into her hair, his arms pressing all the air from her lungs.

  "Jair?" she said surprised. "What are you doing?"

  "I felt. I saw. I heard," he said the words tumbling one after another before he stopped. "You were attacked."

  Faela and Kade shared a look of shock.

  "How much did you hear?" she asked dumbstruck and anxious.

  Jair grimaced with a flush. "Um, everything?"

  Before either could respond to this revelation, Eve, only a stride ahead of Sheridan, hurdled a fallen branch.

  When she saw Kade sheathing his knife, her eyes sparked and she demanded, "How are you alive?"

  "Skill and natural born talent," he answered, but Faela and Jair could hear his unspoken hurt response, Why would you be so much happier if I weren't, Eve?

  "No," she argued taking a step toward him. "You can't be alive."

  "And yet here I stand," he said holding his arms out, "as I live and breathe."

  "I felt the binding spell dissolve," she said clearly enunciating each word. "It broke. Only death could have done that."

  "I'm just glad you were wrong," Sheridan told her sister as she closed the gap and threw her arms around Kade. After holding him tight, she pulled away and punched him in the arm. "Don't do that again – ever."

  "You," Eve accused advancing on Faela menace in her voice. "What did you do, Gray?"

  Faela's shock was dwarfed by the wave of protectiveness rolling off Jair and Kade. Jair, with his arms still around Faela, pivoted her away from Eve, but Faela gently removed his grip and stepped around him revealing the evidence of the attack. Sheridan sucked in her breath at the abrasions and bruises that were beginning to blossom on her face. Faela had not bothered to wipe away the blood streaking her cheek and chin.

  "What are you implying?" Faela asked her voice cold as her anger bubbled up inside her with a ferocity that caused Kade and Jair to share a concerned look. Her jaw and back had started aching terribly.

  "Oh, I'm not implying. I'm accusing. That one's just a channel and untrained at that." Eve pointed to Jair. "Other than the Daniyelan council in Finalaran or death, the only thing that can break that particular binding spell is black magic, which leaves you. So, I'll repeat my question. What did you do?"

  “What did I,” she stressed the word, “do?” Faela jammed her fingers into her tangled hair again as she laughed. The stress of holding her fear at bay, of confronting her feelings for Kade, of reliving her mistakes and the abuse she had suffered, it all came crashing in on her and she laughed.

  Eve took an unsure, involuntary step back from the battered woman in front of her who stood illuminated in a shaft of moonlight with her head thrown back laughing. When Faela leveled her gaze at Eve, her eyes bathed in the shimmering light glowed with a wildness. She had gone beyond caring. Stretching her arms out to the sides, Faela jerked her chin toward the corpses at her feet.

  "Look at them," she demanded capturing Eve's brown eyes, "Do you want to know what they did? Do you want to know why t
hey’re dead? You're supposed to be the servant of justice. So, ask me. Ask me why they’re dead."

  The leaves that carpeted the forest floor partially covered each man’s body. Their eyes stared, but they would never see anything again. She and Kade had guaranteed that.

  "I am tired, Eve," Faela said softening her voice. "I'm tired of watching what I say and reveal. I'm tired of being hunted and of running. I'm tired of hiding. If you want to drag me back to Finalaran to make some example of me, try it. Just stop making threats and snide remarks, because I’m done watching what I say. Either do something or stay out of my way."

  When Eve said nothing, Faela just shook her head and turned toward the moor.

  "Why are they dead?" Eve said pushing against the nearer body with a boot. It flopped onto its back revealing the deep trench across its chest. With a wound like that, the ground should have soaked up a lot of blood. But the hollow was clean, like the wound. Sheridan, however, had seen wounds like this before.

  Faela smiled, a fact Kade and Jair did not miss, out into the trees before turning back to the clearing. "Ultimately, because I was naïve. But immediately, because he," she said kicking, none too gently, her assailant, "decided he wanted to have some fun before he took me back home. I really didn't want to kill them." Her chest rose with her gusty exhalation.

  "You didn't do this," Eve said shaking her head in disagreement. "Kade did."

  "True," she acknowledged, "but I still hadn’t planned on killing him."

  She heard Kade's thoughts as clear as her own. That had always been his plan.

  Ignoring him, Faela continued, "I told you I was done hiding." Kade and Jair both questioned the wisdom of this decision, but she told them to hush, because she had to think.

  "You're just going to stay suspicious of me until you understand what's going on, am I right?" Faela looked Kade up and down, remembering his intense curiosity about her. "I'm right. Those were bounty hunters hired by my husband to bring me home. More to the point, they were after my son. I will never let my husband get his darkness-blighted hands on my son. End of story."