Shatter (The Children of Man)

by Elizabeth C. Mock

  No," she denied with vehement shock, “of course not.”

  "Then why are you now shutting out Mireya? Jair?" he asked, his eyes vulnerable for half a heartbeat.

  Faela broke the gaze and walked past him, her head tilted back to see the sky. A triad of stars stretched up as if trying to reach beyond the stars around them.

  "The people in my life from before," Faela said, her eyes ranging across the heavens, "they're stuck with me. That's just the way it is. But only darkness knows if they'll have anything to do with me once they know the truth – the whole truth."

  Kade considered his next words with care. "Do I know?"

  "More or less," Faela evaded reflexively.

  "That's not an answer," he told her as though she were unaware of the fact.

  "People keep telling me that lately," she said, her eyes crinkling in annoyance. "You know the basics, the facts."

  "Do I know more than they do?"

  "Ianos knows it all," she admitted, shifting her weight onto her right foot. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to consolidate her heat. Her overcoat lay across her pack at the camp and the night air blew through the cotton of her shirt with ruthless efficiency. She hadn't planned on being gone this long. "Other than him, you and Jair know the most."

  "Has Jair run from you in horror?"

  "You're using him as your example of good sense and sound judgment?" she questioned, her left cheek dimpling.

  After a moment of silence, he sought her eyes. "Have I?"

  Faela's breath stammered in her chest as she returned his gaze. Shaking her head, her hair came forward hiding her face. She shoved the palms of her hands into her eyes. "Idiot," was all she said.

  "Did you just call me an idiot?" Kade asked his lips twitching.

  "See, this is exactly the problem," she accused.

  "Me being an idiot?" His eyes sparkled catching the moonlight.

  "Stop trying to make me laugh," she ordered him.

  "I'm just asking simple questions, because I am, in fact, confused," he said with a flawless mask of innocence. "I'm not trying to do anything"

  "Kade," her voice pleaded with him to understand, "I'm married."

  He nodded and spoke his next words slowly. "I know."

  She squinted one eye at him. "What're you playing at?"

  "Friendship."

  "I don't follow," she admitted suspicious.

  He inhaled and gave her a slight smile. "This entire time our acquaintance has been defined by necessity and duty. But it has," he paused, "shifted. What I propose now is that we be friends. I don't have many. Sheridan and your brother are pretty much it actually. Which is shocking, given how truly remarkable I am. So, will you be my friend, Faela Durante?"

  "Well, given your supreme humility, how can I refuse?" she answered. "All my friends vastly overestimate their own self importance. Not sure I could balance another pompous braggart."

  "You'll be my friend, Faela?" he asked holding out his hand to her.

  She took it and their stretching shadows shifted and merged into a single, bridged silhouette. "I don’t have many myself. Pretty much just Ianos, Caleb, and Talise. And Caleb and Talise are family. You’ve got me beat there. You sure you want a friend like me, Kade?"

  "I'm not sure I can do without,” he said, his hand lingering on hers. “You're freezing." He observed, releasing her. "Let's head back to the fire. I think I hear some music."

  As they walked back to the camp, the firelight shone in the space between the two.

  His back against a fallen log, flakes of bark littered his cloak as Haley strummed his fingers lightly over the strings of his lute. Peering over the fire, he saw Faela and Kade returning from burying any trace of food that might attract any unwanted animal visitors. Though Faela looked calmer than she had since the attack, they still moved with deliberate care whenever near one another. He smirked.

  "How did our noble diggers fair?" he asked as his fingers plucked the strings in a complex pattern changing the song from a haunting dirge to a jumping reel.

  Eve's fingers drummed out an intricate rhythm in counterpoint to his playing as she stared unseeing into the flames.

  Seeing her sister's fingers and the absent smile playing on her lips, Sheridan hugged her knees in closer. It had been years since she had last seen her sister dance like she used to, smile like she used to.

  "I think we'll be safe from any ravenous squirrels tonight," Faela answered as she took a seat next to Jair and Kade sank next to Sheridan who elbowed him in the arm as a way of greeting. "Eve, your rhythm is brilliant."

  "You should see her dance," Haley said with a grin. "Now, that is a sight."

  Sheridan's chin snapped up from her knees. "You've seen Eve dance?"

  "Aye, it's how we met," he said, his face lowered over the instrument again.

  Sheridan turned to her sister with confusion and suspicion warring in her eyes. "You don't dance anymore. I haven't seen you even notice music since that day."

  Her eyes staring at the sea of grass over the moor, Eve seemed to struggle to find words. “Everyone heals, Sheridan. No one can grieve forever.”

  “No, I suppose no one does,” she responded and an uneasy silence fell around them.

  Picking up the conversation, Jair asked Dathien a question that Sheridan missed. She didn't look at Eve, instead her eyes drifted to Haley. He sat with an ankle tucked under him and his other leg propped up. In that crook lay his instrument, which his body curled around cradling it as he continued to pick out lively notes. Holding the lute's neck, he tried to brush his hair over his ear, but it just swung back into his face.

  Sheridan’s skin tingled. Within a breath, she was on her feet, her eyes glowing with fire. She could hear inquiries of confusion, but the sound was distant and garbled. All she could see was the musician sitting across from her. Cocking her head to the side, her braids slipped into her face. The fire flared in her eyes and she saw the golden shimmer surrounding the man Eve called Haley. She could feel hands on her, shaking her, but she just cocked her head to the other side.

  Not even realizing she spoke aloud, Sheridan whispered, “I see you.”

  Haley kept his face inclined toward the instrument. Sheridan shrugged off the hands and circled the fire. Crouching down, she inclined her head again. Motionless, she stared at Haley.

  Without warning, her right hand struck out grabbing his throat. She brought his face within inches of hers and repeated, “I can see you.”

  Fire rippled over her hand in a flash that swept through the man. When the wave dissipated, the man before her had pale skin, long auburn hair and squared features, but the silver eyes remained.

  “Hello, Lucien,” Sheridan said with a guttural growl. She pushed him back using the force to stand.

  Eve sat absolutely still barely breathing, but her eyes were wide with horror. Recognizing the new man, the surprise on Kade’s face shifted into a quiet disgust. Sheridan turned away from the sprawled man and marched out of the camp, then back in. No one else moved. No one else spoke. On her fourth pass, Sheridan skidded to a halt kicking up dirt and stones.

  Her voice simmering with rage and her eyes bright in the firelight, she finally looked at her sister and yelled, “You lied to me!”

  Eve just continued staring at the ground offering no explanation, no excuse.

  “I held you for hours while you cried for him,” she accused throwing a hand in Lucien's direction. “I comforted you. You barely ate for weeks. I thought I was going to lose you to the grief and it was a lie. It was all a lie.”

  Sheridan started her pacing again, nostrils flaring with her quickened breathing. “You two must've had a great laugh over this one, at what a fool I was.”

  “No,” Eve disagreed raising her head. “It wasn't like that. He was as good as dead. I was never supposed to see him again. Sheridan, I never meant—”

  Cutting off her explanation with a hand, Sheridan looked at her sister, her eyes f
illed with the pain of betrayal. “You lied to me, Eve. You told me he was dead and he's not.” She paused. “How long?”

  “While I was hunting Kaedman.” Eve dug her fingernails into the soft flesh of her palms. “That's the first time I'd seen him in six years. I give you my word.”

  Sheridan barked a bitter laugh and covered her mouth with both her hands. Sliding them down from her face, she clapped them together. “Your word?”

  “I was never supposed to see him again or...” Eve drifted off unable to complete her thought.

  “Or?” Sheridan asked her gaze piercing.

  “Or she would kill me herself,” Lucien answered for her.

  Sheridan fixed her eyes on Lucien. “You look pretty bloody good for a man who's apparently died twice.” Without looking back at Eve, she held Lucien's unreadable mirror eyes. “He betrayed you, Eve. He betrayed you and you're with him again.”

  “He never replaced me,” Eve blurted out, then slapped her hand over her mouth.

  Turning back, Sheridan’s eyebrows lowered over her gaze. “What?”

  “Oh, please, don't insult her by acting like you don't know what she's talking about, Sheridan,” Lucien said with a drawl as his eyes swept to Kade. When their eyes met, the unspoken, but promised retribution in Kade’s face caused Lucien’s guts to clench.

  “You will hold your tongue or I will take it,” Sheridan said with an unquestionable authority

  Lucien laughed mastering his anxiety at being exposed to Kade. “You never truly appreciated her. You took her for granted. Then you abandoned her when she needed you the most and made your own family.”

  Drawing her arms in around herself, Eve looked into the night away from the fire. Sheridan ignored Lucien and went to Eve's side on the ground.

  “Evelyn?”

  “You were gone,” she said to the trees. “You were gone when papa died. I was all alone in Kitrinostow in a new country. I hated Isfaridesh, but you were in Mergoria and you had Kade. I had no one. But then I met Lucien. He was always there.”

  Sheridan shook her head. “He tried to bind you using yellow – bind you, Eve.”

  “Which is why he's now Gray,” Eve said defensive for the first time. “Just like your two new friends over there, the kin slayer and the deserter who disrupted the Balance. What makes them any better?”

  “That's more than enough, Evelyn,” Kade said with a warning in his voice.

  “This isn't about them,” Sheridan said redirecting Eve back. “This is about you and me, sister dear. Make me understand. Make me understand how you lying to me for six years is justified. Explain, Eve.”

  “I couldn't do it,” she yelled. “I couldn't kill him. I don't care what the law said. I don't care what he did. I love him.”

  “That makes everything all right?” Sheridan asked incredulous. “It's okay to lie to me, because you love him.”

  “I never said that,” Eve retorted. “But I had no choice.”

  “You always have a choice,” Sheridan said leaning in toward her sister. “Everything is a choice.”

  “Sheridan, I had to.”

  “No,” Sheridan disagreed getting to her feet. “You didn't have to. It's always a decision.” Sheridan started walking away from the fire only marginally slower than a run. “It's always been your choice, Eve.”

  At Sheridan’s departure no one moved, except for Kade. Lowering himself until he was eye-to-eye with Lucien, he flicked his wrist releasing one of his throwing knives into his hand.

  “I understand why Faela and even why Jair did what they did to turn Gray,” Kade said in a voice that only reached Lucien’s ears as he twirled the knife. “But you are a self-serving coward, Lucien.”

  Allowing his contempt for Kade to finally show itself on his face, Lucien glared.

  “It would be wise for you to be gone by the time I return,” Kade told him as he stopped the weapon’s rotation with his fingers holding its blade. He offered the knife to Lucien hilt first. “If you’re still here when I return, you’ll need this.”

  When Lucien failed to reach for the knife, Kade flicked his wrist again. This time the knife quivered in the log, trapping some of the fabric of Lucien’s cloak.

  “Keep it,” Kade said loud enough for the others to hear as he rose and left the camp in the same direction Sheridan had gone.

  After Sheridan’s revelation, the evening progressed with awkward exchanges and empty silence. No one knew quite how to react to the exposure of an imposter in their midst, an imposter who divided and tested their loyalties. Instead of trying to think of something to say, most just crawled into their bedrolls hoping the morning would bring some clarity and perspective.

  When Faela nestled under her blanket, Kade and Sheridan still hadn’t returned. She could empathize with Sheridan’s desire for solitude and Kade’s to provide her with a shoulder and an ear. Despite everything she had experienced and done, Faela could always rely on her brother. She hurt for Sheridan. She understood betrayal.

  As Faela lay drifting to sleep, her thighs twitched from overexertion. The pace she had set that day had exhausted her. When she finally did sleep, disturbing dreams plagued her.

  A woman with long silver hair hung suspended in a pillar of blue fire, her toes skimming the ground. Red blossomed from her chest soaking her dress. When the fire disappeared, the woman fell, revealing an adolescent girl in chains with a web of tiny scars crisscrossing her young face. The scenes all shifted one into the next in a blur.

  After seeing the woman crumple to the ground for the hundredth time, Faela woke with a gasp dispelling the nightmare. Larks called to one another with more cheerfulness than decent given the hour. It was still the gray before dawn.

  Squirming her hips to stretch, Faela felt heat running the length of her back. Then she felt warm, moist breath on the nape of her neck and an arm slung over her hips. She froze, her breath stopping. Her heart raced to a staccato. Slowly turning her head, she saw Jair's mussed hair, his head buried between her shoulder blades.

  Exhaling in relief, she threw his arm back toward him. He shifted and rolled onto his back. She couldn't help laughing at his sprawled posture and sat up. Running her fingers through her tangled mess of dew-dampened hair, she twisted it and tied it into a knot. She patted Jair on the leg and wiggled her way out of her bedroll. Stretching her arms over her head, she arched her back. Several pops rippled down her spine. Everyone seemed to still be asleep.

  As the first hump of the sun began to stain the horizon, Faela decided to make up for not contacting Sammi last night. She picked her away around the lumps of sleeping people and walked through the small grove of trees.

  Pulling out her vial, she leaned her back against the smooth, white trunk. Humming Sammi's lullaby, she closed her eyes. She felt the wind chilling her face as the first rays of sun appeared like someone drawing back a shade. The sound of voices hummed just out of range.

  Sammi's wide, gurgling smile fixed in her mind, she reached. She reached for his blood. She reached and she fell as if she had put a hand out to grab a ledge that should be there only to find empty air. With no purchase, her consciousness whipped back into her body. It knocked the air out of her like she had hit the ground from a height.

  When she opened her eyes, she lay in the dirt. Pebbles and soil dug into her cheek. She exhaled and the dirt billowed around her. She heard voices swimming above her, but it all sounded like buzzing.

  “Don't move her," cautioned a voice. "Faela, can you hear me?"

  She felt warm, large hands on her. At the contact, she sucked in a breath and pushed off the ground throwing off the hands. Scurrying backwards, she had a dagger in hand and her eyes glowed red. She blinked.

  Mireya and Dathien stood back from her, while Jair, Sheridan, and Kade surrounded her. They all wore similar concerned expressions. Closing her eyes, Faela tried to slow the heaving of her chest. The light receded, but the dagger stayed in her hand.

  "Faela, are you okay?" Sheridan asked. "Let
me check you. Did you hit your head? What happened? Have you seen Eve and Lucien? Did Lucien do this?"

  Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the dagger more tightly. She blinked trying to force her vision to focus when the pain exploded behind her eyes. She gritted her teeth attempting to suppress a cry, but the dagger fell from her fingers and she clamped her hands to her temples. Her eyes watered with pain. They were still asking her questions, but she couldn't push the pain back far enough to make any sense of their words.

  Then she felt hands covering hers, they dwarfed her own. She felt a rush of warmth. While the pain didn't leave her, it did reduce to a manageable level so she could think again. When she opened her eyes, she saw Kade searching them.

  "Are you all right?" he asked his voice at a whisper, but even at that volume it caused her to flinch in pain.

  Trying to speak, her throat scraped. She coughed. "Yeah, I think I am."

  His hands still held her face. "What happened?"

  "I can't remember," she said her eyebrows drawing together. "I woke up and came out here to contact Sammi, then nothing."

  "Do you remember seeing anyone else out here?" She identified Sheridan's voice.

  "No, no one was up except me," Faela said her head still fuzzy. "Can I have my hands back?"

  "Sorry," Kade said immediately releasing them and rocking back to sit on his feet. "Were you in contact with Sammi when everything went dark?"

  "I reached for him." Faela brought her hand to her vial. "I reached for him and...” Her narrative trailed off as she remembered searching for his blood to anchor her. She remembered being met by nothing, a void were something should have been. Then it all went dark. Her breathing stopped.

  She curled her fingers around the vial and hummed. Instead of reaching for him to make contact, she reached to establish a tracer. She had never tried to place one as far away as Kilrood. Her eyes remained open, but lost behind a red shimmer as she searched.

  “What is she doing?” Mireya asked in concern as Faela stared through Kade.