Dark Diary

by Anastasia,P.

  As he tugged his shirt over his head, a thick ridge of scar tissue caught my eye. It trailed down his left side near his ribs and disappeared beneath his belt.

  What the hell could have caused such a violent wound? My stomach turned at the sight. I knew he had gotten into a lot of fights as a teenager, but…

  “You can watch something if you want, while I cook,” Derek said, tugging the hem of his shirt down. He poked his head through the kitchen cutout and pointed behind me. “Bathroom is behind you and the remote for the TV is under the table there.”

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  “Let me know if you need anything.”

  I flipped on his TV and channel surfed for several minutes, trying to shake the image of his massive scar from my memory.

  Water was boiling on the stove, something yummy-smelling was in the oven, and it wasn’t long before tantalizing smells filled the air.

  Later that evening, after dinner, Derek brought two cups of coffee to the couch and set them down on the mirrored table, sliding a small marble coaster beneath each of them first.

  “Thank you,” I said, taking the glossy, dark green mug on my end into my hands and polishing the handle with my thumb. “Do you mind if I ask you something?” The question had been whirling inside me for several minutes while I had waited for the coffee to brew.

  He took a sip from his cup. “Fire away.”

  I felt awkward for taking advantage of his kindness but…

  “I don’t know if this is too personal, but I… noticed the scar… on your side. Where did you get it?”

  “Oh.” He cleared his throat and tapped his fingers against the side of his mug. “That.”

  Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

  “I’m sorry, Derek, I—”

  “I wasn’t always this way,” he said, placing his cup back onto its coaster. A frown stole the joy from his face. “I used to be a very different person. I was involved in bad stuff as a kid. A gang—a lot of fights. And my mom threatened my dad that if I didn’t straighten out, she’d leave him.”

  He took a deep breath and pressed his fingers to his forehead.

  “The night I ended up in the hospital with a knife wound that… should have killed me, she didn’t come see me. When I came home, she had already left. All I had was my dad. That’s when I realized how damn ignorant I had been.” He wrinkled the fabric of the armrest with his fingers and bit his lip.

  “I didn’t mean to open old wounds,” I said, scooting closer so I could put a hand onto his shoulder. “Really.”

  “I ruined my whole family and lost almost everything,” he continued, looking off to the side. “All because I picked a fight with the wrong guy… over the wrong girl.”

  “Derek.” I set my mug on the coffee table and rested my free hand over one of his. “Your mother would be proud to know what you’ve done with yourself. You’ve changed. You helped your father have a good life.”

  “And I haven’t seen my mom since.” He scowled and then cleared his throat again in an obvious attempt to change the subject. “So, what’s your story?” He resituated himself on the couch and leaned back into the cushions.

  “My story?” I asked, releasing my hand from his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, pardon my bluntness here, but you’ve been acting a little detached lately. It’s like your mind’s somewhere else or something.” He paused. “Are you… seeing someone? You could have just told me, you know? Instead of—”

  “He’s no one you need to worry about.” I should have lied, but he deserved an honest answer. “He’s a little strange.”

  “But you really like him, don’t you?”

  “What makes you think that?” I knew I was blushing.

  “I can see it in you. You’ve changed recently.” His eyebrows rose slightly. “Why are you making excuses for this guy, anyway? Either you like him or you don’t. Right? Is he worth protecting?”

  Yes?

  “Well, I-I care about him.” I crossed my arms and sat back. “But, I don’t think he trusts me.”

  “I trust you,” he blurted, then swallowed hard and looked at his hands in his lap. “I mean… how do you know that? How do you know he doesn’t trust you?”

  “I…” I leaned forward and lifted my coffee cup up from the coaster, cupping it in my hands. It was cold now. “I doubt you want to hear this, but I kissed him.”

  Derek straightened up in his seat, his brow furrowed. “Did he kiss you back?”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “There shouldn’t be a ‘but.’” He tried to hide his disgusted expression. “What’s wrong with him? Can he not decide if he wants you? Or is he just paranoid?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t known him for that long, but it feels like I have and maybe that’s why he’s scared. Maybe I’m trying too hard, or moving too fast, and—”

  “He sounds like a fool. Sorry.” He scoffed.

  I laughed nervously. “Maybe I’m just blinded by love.”

  Derek smiled sheepishly and looked me in the eye. “That makes two of us.”

  My face was on fire.

  “Damn it. I’m sorry, Kathera.” He exhaled loudly and groaned beneath his breath. “I didn’t want it to happen this way. I just wanted to have a nice, quiet dinner with you away from the rest of the world. Then you mentioned him…” He turned toward me. “I know I asked you to tell me, but still. I had expected to hear something about how great this guy was, or how happy he makes you feel, but… that’s not what happened.”

  I remained silent and his dark brown eyes searched mine.

  “I don’t know what this guy has said or done to make you want him so badly, but whatever he hasn’t said…” His voice trailed off. I could hear his breaths becoming heavier.

  I’d never seen him so flustered before and I wasn’t worth getting worked up over.

  “Kathera, I…” He licked his lips and sighed. “I don’t even know how to say this to you, but…” He stood and offered me his hands, which I took and leveraged myself against to pull myself up from the couch.

  “Give me a chance,” he said, his voice shaking. “Please.” His warm hands cupped mine with the utmost care.

  I watched discomfort twist his face as he fought to get out the words that were on the tip of his tongue.

  I forced a smile.

  “You deserve better,” he said, looking me in the eye. “You deserve to live in a house where you’ll never be scared or feel alone. And you deserve to have someone there who cares about you. Someone who isn’t afraid to trust you.”

  His fingers tightened over my own and I felt a rise in his pulse as it throbbed through my hands.

  “Kathera, you deserve to love someone and be loved by them in return.” He swallowed hard. “I-I would like to try to offer you those things. If you give me a chance. But I can’t if…”

  I froze and a breath caught in my lungs. Even as my body trembled with surprise, the warmth of Derek’s hands holding mine eased my nerves. He looked right into my eyes and I was sure he had meant every single word that had come from his mouth.

  But… Matthaya? I thought I wanted him. When he had kissed me back, I lost myself in it—in him.

  Was it wrong of me to fall in love with Matthaya? Was he a… mistake?

  I gasped at the painful thought and pulled my hands away from Derek.

  “Kathera?” He reached out to rest a palm at the base of my neck, lightly stroking the side of my throat with his thumb.

  “Derek, I-I…”

  I couldn’t even take in a breath.

  He was real. Warm and… present. All I had wanted was for Matthaya to look into my eyes the same way—to want me.

  He took a step closer and a rush of body heat made my pulse quicken. His arm came up and hooked me around the waist as he leaned down and kissed me.

  A dizzying rush of emotion bolted through my veins, electrifying my heart like a lig
htning strike. My eyes closed and I unconsciously went for his hips. I tucked my hands underneath the hem of his shirt, sliding my fingertips over smooth, hot skin. Accidentally, I grazed the scar along his ribs and felt a crushing wave of sympathy.

  It must have been devastating. And all because of some girl?

  Derek massaged the sensitive skin near my throat, taking my breath away with the incredible tenderness of his lips against mine. His other hand slid from my neck and I gasped as it came up underneath my blouse to tease the side of my ribs. He embraced me tightly, igniting new, carnal sensations. There was a firm plane of skin and muscle running across his torso and I felt his arms flex when my ecstatic lightheadedness made me lean more weight against him.

  The softness of his lips weaved a spell and the fingers that caressed my hips gained power over the rest of my body. I clasped my hands onto his face, my fingertips tickled by the stubble. He pressed a hand against the small of my back and I couldn’t suppress a groan of pleasure that resonated through me. Every inhalation thrilled me. Every exhalation made my grasp on him tighten.

  I didn’t want it to end.

  In a carefully executed movement, he coaxed me to move and I was released from his kiss just long enough to resituate myself down against the couch. Derek propped himself up against the back and I drew seamlessly back into his kiss and welcoming embrace.

  So much heat between us. Sweat beading on our skin. His taste on my lips. The taste I couldn’t get enough of just then.

  He was willing to sacrifice a friendship and risk a broken heart for an uninvited kiss with a girl who was in love with another man.

  And it had worked.

  My hands cupped over his shoulders, my nails grazing his neck, and my own pounding heart burning with some newfound desire. He held me close, his breaths growing longer and deeper as the satisfaction of our kiss settled. I was tired, but it was a good sort of tired—content and whole. The feeling of finally being protected… of finally being found and wanted.

  Had I betrayed him? Had I betrayed Matthaya?

  But… Derek was so real. So very, very real.

  "YOU REEK OF HIM." I tried to keep quiet but couldn’t ignore the overpowering essence of Derek she exuded.

  “Wh—?” Kathera looked surprised to see me. “What are you doing here?”

  She had barely taken a few steps out of the shop door before she saw me standing at the corner of the building.

  Heavy cloud cover kept most of the UV light from bothering me at dusk, though it was uncomfortable. Sunlight can cause a lengthy and intolerable death if we are exposed to it for long. I wouldn’t smoke or burst into flames, though both of those options might have been more pleasant in the end. Festering from the inside out is an experience not soon forgotten.

  “I take it you slept well last night?” I asked, noticing how much more at peace she seemed in general. Perhaps the company had staved off her nightmares for a change.

  “Excuse me?” She glared at me.

  The comment wasn’t meant to be malicious.

  “My, my… aren’t we touchy?” I replied. “I came here early to walk you home and I don’t even get so much as a simple ‘Nice to see you.’” I leaned against the side of the building and propped one foot up on the wall behind me, crossing my arms.

  She straightened the strap of her purse along the crest of her shoulder and frowned. “I’m sorry, Matthaya. I thought you were… trying to insinuate something.”

  Guilty conscience?

  I didn’t have to pry to know what had happened last night after Derek had invited her into his home. The potent eccentricities of their mingling pheromones had stained her skin. He had finally won her over.

  I also did not have turn around to know Derek was behind me, ready to defend his prize.

  “Hey, can I talk to you?” He came up beside us. “Kathera, can you give me a minute with your friend?”

  There was rivalry bubbling up in his blood and the fire in his eyes to prove it. It was nothing to worry about. There wasn’t a mortal alive with the strength to intimidate me, though the rigid tone of Derek’s voice was an effective start.

  Kathera shrugged and glanced at me with concern.

  “It’s alright, Kathera.” I motioned to the overhang just behind us. “Why don’t you wait there for a moment while we talk?”

  She backed off and took a few steps away until she was out of earshot.

  Derek looked me over quickly. “You don’t get out much, do you?” he asked, his brows furrowing at the unnatural grayness of my skin.

  “My… condition won’t allow it,” I replied in a tone just as slated as his had been.

  I’d had over 400 years experience in back talk and I knew exactly how to answer even the most undermining questions with poise.

  He quieted himself in preparation for a second blow.

  “I don’t know much about you,” he started, “but she told me about how you’ve been treating her.”

  “In what way have I treated her, exactly?” I sneered, letting him do most of the talking. I remained calm but could sense his frustration building.

  “She’s told me about you. About what you are.” Derek’s gaze became dark and serious.

  “Has she now?” I shot a glance past his shoulder at Kathera who was still in the distance behind us. Our eyes met briefly.

  Derek’s breath was hot with anger and it filled the air with tension. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and stop leading her on?” he growled. I noticed one of his hands forming a fist as his heartbeat quickened.

  “I haven’t led her anywhere,” I corrected. “Her assumptions did all the leading for her.”

  Even from a distance, I could taste the scent on her skin, her hair, and in the wisp of her breath. I smelled passion in the blood flowing through Derek’s veins with every thump of his jealous heart.

  He had kissed her that night… and she had let him. She had even enjoyed it behind her delirious cravings for me.

  But the truth was we did not belong together. Despite my temporary fixation on the hallucinations she granted me, I needed to end the charade.

  For her sake and mine.

  “If you want her, you can have her,” I said, simply. I took what was likely my last clear look at Kathera. “She was never mine to begin with.”

  And she could never be mine.

  I turned and started walking off on my own. Derek watched, unsure of how to react.

  “What did you say to him, Derek!?” Kathera rushed over to him. “Damn it!” She pushed past him and came after me.

  My steps hastened.

  “Matthaya! Wait! Where are you going?”

  “You don’t need me anymore,” I said, my eyes not meeting hers.

  “Matthaya!” She lunged for my hand, but I pulled it from her reach and she stumbled. I didn’t want to hurt her, but it had to be done.

  “Derek loves you.” I paused and glanced off into the distance. “I… do not.”

  “But… you said I was safe with you… that…”

  I fought back the thread of mortal emotion tangling up my tongue and I finally forced the words from my mouth. “I said what needed to be said because you needed to hear it.” It took all of my strength to lie to her face. “This fantasy you have cannot be. No matter what you believe, Kathera, I will never love you.”

  I thought her newfound love for Derek would keep her composed through my dismissal.

  It didn’t.

  The sun was setting behind us, but a violent fire sparked in her eyes and it terrified me. The rage brewing within her made her shaky and weak. She toppled to her knees and her eyes glistened at me.

  “Do not walk away from me, Matthaya!” she screamed with a chillingly familiar inflection.

  Derek darted to her side and she shoved him away with all her might. A painful cry escaped her throat and I couldn’t stop myself from locking eyes with her. Torment and agony surfaced on her face an
d her pupils lightened behind a soft, white haze.

  “You will not reject me, Matthaya!”

  Her words. I’d heard them before. They pierced my heart with a violent echo from my past.

  “You will not reject me,” she repeated in the same cold, threatening tone.

  My body stiffened.

  The pale color in her eyes disappeared beneath her eyelids and she fell. Derek caught her in his arms just before she could hit the concrete. I grimaced but swiftly mustered the courage to vanish from the scene.

  She would be safe with him…

  I had to let go of my mistake.

  As darkness fell, I disappeared from her life, leaving Derek to fend against whatever beasts she fought in her delirious state. Though I wondered if it was a delusional state at all, considering how her words were eroding a savage grain into my soul—haunting me throughout the night as I walked the streets. Alone.

  “You will not reject me,” she had said. I had heard it before.

  A jingle of metal caught my attention and I veered around.

  “You can’t have it all, Matthaya,” a rough voice crackled. A skinny, pale-skinned woman of middle age crept out from the shadows behind me, wearing a wide, wild-eyed grin beneath her hooded cloak.

  “Hello, love,” she piped, a thick British accent coloring her voice. The tone was hoarse and menacing even when she wasn’t trying. “You can’t have the best of both worlds. That’s why we are given a choice.”

  “I was never given a choice, Ve’tani!” I roared. My maker was not a welcome face and her advice was the last thing I needed.

  “Kill the girl.” Her vibrant amber eyes, flecked with browns and reds, gleamed with evil.

  “I would never.” My lips curled angrily. “How dare you ask me to commit such an atrocity! I am no longer under your control.”

  Her lanky legs were hidden beneath a long flowing cloak of black velvet. Fastened at her waist with an elegant brooch, a black sash fell from her hips down to her ankles and flapped and twisted as the wind came and went.