Dance With Destiny

by Louise Crawford Ramona Butler

  "But you did not bring it?"

  "No."

  "So,” she said, her leathered face thoughtful, “perhaps the last of the winter's snow has only just melted from the bear's heart? Perhaps the Whirlwind keeps its prisoner."

  As she left him, striding away with youthful vigor, Cole dug deep to recall the meaning of her reference to the whirlwind – the spirits of the dead, the ones not properly buried.

  No, you’re wrong. He wanted to shout it, wanted them all to hear and to know. The bear had awakened.

  Just then, Jake stepped out of the shadows in front of him, bringing Cole to a quick halt. It was either that or run over the man – which wouldn't win him any points with Destiny.

  The disgruntled brave looked as though he'd like nothing better than for Cole to try something. He’d removed his ceremonial buckskins, was now bare to the waist and looked fully capable of taking a scalp. "Destiny isn't for you," Jake spit out, his voice low, only for Cole's ears.

  Cole bristled. "I think she's the one who should tell me that."

  Eyes narrowing, Jake's fingers curled into fists. Cole could feel the anger rolling off the younger man. Darn, this wasn't the place to reenact the Battle of Wounded Knee.

  He sidestepped, unintentionally brushing against Jake who reacted by grabbing Cole's arm. "She will tell you that."

  They were almost the same height, the same weight. But he didn't want a fight, not here, not now. He jerked his arm free. "Can't stand to see her happy with a paleface, is that it, Jake?"

  Jake glared. "She's too good for the likes of you, Doc." A smug look stole into his expression. "And if she's happy, I'm an English Earl."

  With that, he whirled and strode off before Cole could respond.

  Furious, Cole stalked to the parking area, then back again – then made the trip two more times. Finally, his emotions reined in, he located Kayla, and led her back to their seats at the powwow.

  Whenever Destiny passed their spot outside the dancers’ circle, her gaze remained steadfast on the ground. She’d erected an invisible barrier between them and he felt the evening hours limp along, minute by tortuous minute. Half of him wanted to drag her from the circle and break down the wall with his hands, his kiss. The other half said to wait, after he put Kayla to bed they would talk. God, what a mess!

  He rubbed the gritty feeling from his eyes and when he looked up was surprised to see Destiny. “This dance is for the men. Little Joseph’s grandmother has reminded me that the dancer’s heart is often seen by all. That perhaps I will know your heart, if you dance.”

  And what if he stumbled? Destiny would surely see that as a bad sign. Cole Jackson, the Klutz King of Carson City didn’t have a great track record. “I’m not dancing tonight, Destiny. I don’t have anything to prove.” Frustration made his words sound stilted and harsh.

  She whirled away.

  “Destiny– ” He started after her, but she disappeared into the women’s trailer.

  Cursing his clumsy feet and tongue, he returned to the powwow fire only to see Jake’s triumphant glare.

  Jaw tight enough to crack a tooth, Cole resumed his seat, Kayla beside him. The magic of the drums and chants failed to soothe him as they once had.

  Destiny danced the next two dances, avoiding his gaze.

  Near midnight when the campfires glowed with dying eyes, he waited outside the trailer where she'd gone to change. In the growing chill, he held Kayla as she slept, her head on his shoulder, her breathing deep and even. Anxiousness skewed his thoughts. Would Destiny listen to him now? What would he say?

  Now that the drumming had stopped, the desert silence engulfed him. He searched the distance, wishing for answers. The moon was hidden, but off to the south an enormous glow reflected against the clouds like a misplaced aurora borealis--illumination from the neon that was Reno.

  "Is she asleep?" Destiny whispered, stepping from the trailer, her eyes soft on Kayla.

  "Yes."

  He stood for a moment to drink in the vision that was Destiny. Dim light from the trailer filtered through the gloom and touched her face. He ached to take her in his arms.

  "How do you make Doctor Moon disappear when you step into your ceremonial gown?" he asked, a bit in awe of the quiet way she held herself. He shifted Kayla's weight. "One minute you're an Indian princess, the next, a doctor again."

  She gave a deep sigh. "It isn't always easy. But I do what I must. I had to leave the reservation to study your medicine."

  His medicine? It was the first time she'd referred to his Anglo culture. And the way she said it shook him.

  He forced his legs to function, to move toward the car. They would talk when Kayla was in bed, he promised himself. He’d make things right.

  Destiny walked beside him, near, but far away. "My heart is here," she said, a world of feeling in her voice and words. "One of these days I intend that my people have access to a full range of medical services right here at Pyramid, without having to go into Reno where most doctors treat them like second-class citizens. The frail, the ill, the old – they need to be among people who love them."

  Cole fastened a seat belt around the sleeping child. She hadn't wakened, not even when he'd put her down in the back seat. He closed the door as quietly as possible, then opened Destiny's. But she stepped back. "I'm not going with you," she murmured, looking out into the ebony distance. "My brother's giving me a ride home."

  "What?"

  She looked sad, but determined, as she met his gaze. "I need some time, Cole. To...think about us. About why you didn’t tell me about her, about the reservation..."

  He felt like he'd swallowed an anchor. No! It felt more like a knife was slicing his belly from the inside out. It may have been a long time since he'd done this sort of thing – played the dating game – but he remembered what goodbye sounded like. And he knew who was behind it – Jake. He'd punch out the sonofagun’s lights!

  Destiny retreated another step.

  "Wait a minute!" He grabbed her arm, then let go quickly when he saw her grimace. But darn it, he was just as determined as she. "Destiny, what we have is special. "So right– "

  “You would not dance – show your heart.” Pain etched her words. "Who do you see when we make love, Cole?"

  He hesitated, but only because he wanted to choose the right words – words that would convince her of his earnestness, his love. She had become a part of his soul, he couldn't bear to lose her now.

  She spoke before he did, her words quiet, accusing, final. "Then there's nothing more to say, is there?" And without another word she disappeared into the night.

  "Destiny, wait!"

  He wanted to run after her, but he couldn't leave Kayla. Dammit it all, this was not supposed to happen!

  Angry, frustrated, wishing he knew what to do next, he climbed into the car, cranked the engine and slammed the gear shift into reverse, his thoughts already racing. He hadn’t seen her as Lanni, hadn't tried to change her. Destiny, shy and quiet? Ha!

  This whole mess harked back to his stupid slip – calling her Lanni as the darned alarm jolted him awake. An accident, that’s all it was. A darn-fool mistake, nothing more. Not a statement of who he wanted her to be.

  Gravel spun from beneath his tires as he bounced across ruts and onto the paved road. "Back to civilization," he growled. The irony of that term applied to a raucous world of casinos and strippers failed to amuse him.

  All right, Destiny, if that’s the way you want it!

  But deep down he knew it was his anger talking, not his heart. Still, she’d made a good point, the rez was her world. Maybe Broken Hoof no longer belonged.

  His foot pressed harder on the gas pedal, his jumbled thoughts tumbling like laundry in a dryer. She was sending him back to his big empty bed, in a room where the stark walls reflected only bleak images.

  Well, hell, what if he refused to go? Five years ago he'd been made an honorary member of the Pyramid Paiutes. He, too, moved from culture to culture.


  But how was that going to solve the problem between Destiny and him? He was heart deep in love with that warrior woman. And he was not going to let her go without a fight, not when she loved him every bit as much as he loved her! But how to convince her of that? Especially with that wolf of a brother working to convince her otherwise.

  Chapter Ten

  Destiny wept on Jake's shoulder, gulped, and tried to stop the flood of tears, but when he patted her on the back, more flowed. Old Man Coyote was definitely laughing now. No doubt about it.

  Cole’s hesitation had spoken volumes. Her brother's soothing tone and strong arms offered comfort, but they weren't the arms she wanted. And now that she'd practically torn the blanket with Cole, her heart would never be the same.

  Tired, dispirited, she left Jake's recalling all the strange warning looks she’d received but hadn’t understood. First Web’s innuendo, then Fran’s murmured question. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

  Obviously not, she lamented silently as she trudged up the stairs of her own apartment. There was a note taped to the front door. Call me, please!!! Cole.

  She took it inside, staring at it as she went. Over and over, she reached for the phone – only to pull back. The red light on her answering machine winked at her. Just as she feared, Cole's voice. He sounded frantic on the tape. "Destiny, call me, please. Let's talk, work this out."

  Several beeps later, his voice again. "Destiny, it's Cole. If you're there, please pick up." Another beep. Cole again. "Where are you, darn it? Don't just shut me out!"

  Is that what she was doing? Or was she merely protecting herself from being used as a substitute – in his heart and in his bed? Curling up in a chair, she hugged her hurt to herself. It was almost dawn. She had yet to get any sleep, and she had to work tonight. What if he was there?

  A worse thought hit her. She'd accepted Web's job offer – a staff position. My God, how could she face Cole after this? How would she be able to see him on a daily basis and yet not beg him to love her? She drew small comfort from the fact he was in surgery most days. She'd be in Family Practice, working nights – different shifts, two separate floors. With luck she could avoid him.

  During her next three nights at the hospital, Destiny was schizophrenic through most of her shift, half of her focused on her patients, the other half worried about running into Cole.

  On the fourth night, it was Web who found her in the cafeteria, buried in the corner behind a newspaper. He plucked it out of her hands as he sat down. "So, what's up?" he asked, chipper as a lark.

  She tried to grab the paper back, but he held it at arm's length. She wanted to dissolve into the woodwork. "Go away, Web, just leave me alone!”

  "Zowie! You and Cole must of had one hell of a fight."

  "How would you know?"

  "He just snarled at me when I stopped by his office to talk about the Bachelor Auction. Threatened to feed me to a mountain lion when I asked about you."

  Her heart thumped wildly. “He’s here?” She lowered her voice. "What time is it anyway?" She wanted to dash upstairs, run to Cole's office and into his arms. She grabbed her coffee mug and took a sip of cold, sobering coffee, put it back down.

  "It's time for you to listen," Web said with a grin which faded as she crossed her arms. "Look," he said, "I'm not exactly cut out to play Fairy Godfather, but you two seem awfully unhappy apart--and hell to work with." His handsome face reflected real concern.

  She examined a smudge on the tabletop, checked a hairline crack in her cup.

  He tapped the paper against the table. "Look, it's none of my business, but for the last month, Cole's looked happier than he has in two years. I haven't seen him so darned cheerful since – since he and Lanni..."

  Destiny stood up. "You were best man, you ought to know. He's still in love with her. You tried to warn me– "

  "It was just a silly idea that occurred to me – I mean – because both you and she– " Again Web's voice trailed off in discomfort.

  "Yeah, both redskins," Destiny muttered, finishing for him through clenched teeth. "Thanks, Web, I needed that."

  “I was ticked you wouldn’t go out with me, that’s all,” he said.

  She didn’t believe him, and turned away.

  And darn if she didn't turn directly into Cole's arms.

  She sidestepped, but he didn't let go.

  He looked tired, hurt, confused. "We need to talk."

  "My break’s over," she said, amazed at the cool voice that came out of her throat when she felt scorched by his touch. She looked past him, afraid for him to look in her eyes, afraid he'd see her vulnerability. "I won't be off work until nine a.m."

  "I have to take Kayla to school."

  As though suddenly aware of the interest he was gleaning from the room's other occupants, he released her.

  Large hands, tender hands, gentle, wonderful, warm... She could feel her face flush. "Come by the apartment around six. I'll be awake by then."

  She walked away, regretting her offer. She didn't know if she could resist Cole's touch one more time.

  As soon as she got home, she called Jake, needing a shoulder. But his words weren’t comforting. “If he’d told you about her – if he’d danced – maybe I’d believe it was just coincidence. But...” His voice trailed off.

  She hated to admit it, but what Jake said made sense. If Cole had truly grieved and let go, he wouldn’t have hesitated when she’d asked him who he saw when they made love.

  “I think I've said enough, Doctor Sis. But if you need me..."

  Tears stung her eyes as she mumbled goodbye. She loved her brother dearly, but he wasn’t the one for whom her heart longed.

  *****

  Cole's hopes were soaring. She'd trembled when he touched her – he knew he could break down her resistance if they had a few minutes alone. He'd make her understand that it was Destiny Moon he loved.

  "Hey, Cole," Web's voice drew him back to the present. "Sit down, buddy."

  "I'm on my way home."

  Web stretched as he got up. "Me, too. I just wanted confirmation about the Auction. I promised the fund-raising committee I'd come up with twenty eligible bachelors. You're second on my list."

  Cole fell into the trap. "Who's first?" He shook his head in mock dismay. "Don't answer. I must be tired."

  "You'll arrange a weekend for two as part of the deal?"

  Cole cleared his throat, memories of Destiny and their time at the cabin filtering through his brain. "Okay, Web. I give in. You can count on me to participate. But just this once."

  Web slapped him on the back. "Thanks. I know you hate these things, but it's only one weekend a year, and its the biggest moneymaker we have."

  They stepped out onto the frosty parking lot and Cole headed for his car. "Just remember, you owe me one."

  Web laughed.

  Cole drove home, grabbed five hours of sleep before taking Kayla to school. He barely heard her as she described the astronaut costume she and Grandma had put together for Halloween the next day.

  Later, he lifted weights at the gym. Sylvia had agreed to pick up Kayla from school and keep her until bedtime. That gave him three hours to work things out with Destiny. Three hours that might decide his whole future. He dressed with care, bought a dozen roses, and headed for her apartment.

  Palms sweaty, he knocked on her door. It swung open immediately. Destiny’s eyes were shadowed with fatigue, her hair loose, no shoes. She wore a faded oversized chambray shirt. What man had she acquired it from? he wondered, jealous at the thought.

  The deep vee of the shirt tantalized him, as did her bare legs. He tore his gaze away, focused on her face. When he held out the flowers, she bit her lip. Stepping back, she allowed him entry, then closed the door behind.

  With a calm expression that did nothing except fan his anxiety, she located a vase, filled it with water and set it on the postage-stamp-sized table in the corner. He glanced around, the first time he'd entered her domain.

 
; He could probably walk around the whole apartment in eight strides. Compared to his own king-size bed, the twin opposite the table looked minuscule, yet it left little room for anything else. The place was neat as a pin.

  "I thought you said you needed a housekeeper," he said, struggling to break the tension. He stepped toward a card table and two folding chairs, bypassing the more comfortable looking upholstered chair near the door to get closer to her.

  She glanced around as though she'd never seen the room before. "Couldn't sleep. Went on a cleaning binge." She crossed her arms as though to protect herself. Only a few feet apart, the distance between them felt like the Grand Canyon. Where once he'd seen hungry desire in her eyes, now he saw only wariness and pain.

  He hadn't meant to cause either. Couldn't she understand that? Okay, he’d blown it by calling her Lanni, but he hadn’t slept with anyone but Lanni for over a decade, so it should have been understandable. Why did she find it so hard to believe he could be in love with her – for herself?

  His gaze followed the dark waterfall of her hair, black as midnight. He clenched his hands, knowing if she gave the slightest signal, he'd take her in his arms and forget talking – or any other communication except the one his body screamed for.

  Maybe that was exactly what he should do. Surely, if he made love to her, she'd know. What they had together was unique.

  Although the tiny apartment was warm, she rubbed her arms. "What did you want to say?"

  The stiff words, her uncompromising posture, her downcast eyes, all made him angry. He didn't like her this way – as though she were hiding herself from him.

  He shrugged out of his jacket without being invited and tried to look relaxed in one of the folding chairs. "Okay, Destiny, I'm pretty sure I know what this is all about. But why don't you lay it all out for me, anyway, just to make sure this dumb paleface isn't missing any of the subtler points."

  "It's about you... me, and..." She hesitated.

  Was the deeply ingrained taboo too strong in her to break?

  Cole did it for her. "And Lanni!"