Holy Socks And Dirtier Demons
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play.”
I wanted to point out that Danny Devito did all right, but I wasn’t
sure that would further his cause. The Hobbit glanced at the demon mess,
shook his head, and slipped back into our building.
“I do not like this place.” The angel fluffed his hair, ridding it
instantly of dead demon parts. “In Heaven I am treated with reverence. Here
I am beaten, and locked in a trunk.” He raised his hand before I corrected
him. “Fine, hatchback, and served as a demonic entrée. I cannot wait until
God smites you, and this horrific assignment is finished.”
“What’s with this smiting stuff?” My expression shifted to sincere.
“If you’d help me locate the kid, you’d be sleeping on your heavenly cloud in
no time.”
“Angels do not sleep on clouds.” Shaking his robe, he sniffed the air.
“Something is on fire.”
I glanced toward my broken window. Sure enough, flames shot from
it, licking at the outside bricks. Picturing my smoldering cell phone, I cursed.
Lilith sure had paid me back for stealing her car. I was now
homeless, stuck with a bitter angel, and my only possessions consisted of a
gun with, I checked the clip, four rounds, and a beat-up Bible.
A fire truck pulled to the curb and the NYFD’s finest burst from it.
The first two firefighters slipped on demon guts, causing a chain reaction of
dominoed guys in fireproof suits. It would’ve been funny if it weren’t my life
turning into ash four stories above.
“Let’s get out of here.” I waved to the angel, and tossed the Bible to
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the ground. From now on, I was playing by my own rules.
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Nineteen
The sun rose over Central Park, reflecting off the fine layer of snow
that had fallen last night, last night at about 4:37 a.m. to be precise. Having
slept in the park, bundled in an old issue of the New York Post, I’d know the
exact moment when my life went from shit to shit.
Coldness froze my fingers, turned my toes black, and my ears searing
red with frostbite. That wasn’t the worst of it. The angel had spooned me
sometime in the middle of the night. His non-anatomically correct parts
pressed into my back. It didn’t get lower than that.
“Isn’t this sweet.” Lilith kicked the newspaper from my body, and
dropped a cup of coffee at my head.
I snatched it out of the air, warming my numbed fingers against the
cardboard cup. “I thought I warned you to stay away from me.” It hadn’t
come out as tough as I wanted through my chattering teeth.
The angel whispered something in his sleep, and tried to snuggle
closer to me. I jumped up, feeling dirty.
When my eyes adjusted to the morning light, I took in the beauty
surrounding me. No place on Earth was as perfect as Central Park at first
light, then my gaze fell on Lilith. For a heartless demonic bitch, she looked
damn good. Dressed in black cargo pants, black leather lace-up boots, and a
heavy green army jacket, she appeared ready to kick ass. Masochistic lust
flared in my icy body.
She took my frozen hand in hers. The heat from her body slowly
melted my frostbitten bones. Was it an act of kindness or did she want
something?
I pulled away. “What do you want?”
She tsked, her tongue clicking against white teeth. “I wasn’t lying
when I said we’re not enemies, Jace.” Her lips twisted into a flirty smile. “As
a matter of fact, we could be friends. Good friends.”
“No.”
A line formed above her brow. “And why not?”
“Because not only did you lie to me, you betrayed me.”
Rage filtered across her features. She tried to conceal it, but for a
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second or two, I scored a direct hit. She blinked and the anger vanished.
“Betrayal is a good choice of words, but I did not come here to argue the
point.”
“So why are you here?”
“Alone, neither of us will find J.C. We don’t have much time left.”
“Does that mean if we don’t find the kid the world will end?” Damn.
The end of time, and my only clean suit had burned up in the fire.
She smiled and tapped the watch. “Wouldn’t that be nice? Nope,
something much, much worse will happen. Something so evil Satan himself
would want the Second Coming restored to his rightful place among the
angels.”
“Oh, your lover has a softer side, huh?” I smirked, wanting to see the
fire glow in her yellow eyes.
“This is not the time, or the place for your jealousy.” She grinned.
“Will you be my partner in finding J.C., or not?”
I glanced at the heavens. I might be dammed, but I would find the kid
if it took my last breath. Reluctantly, I stuck out my hand, and she took it,
pulling me toward her. Her lips crushed mine, sealing our devil pact with a
kiss. The warmth of her lips shot stabs of pain through my frozen ones, but I
wasn’t complaining.
Ten minutes later, we sat side-by-side on a wooden bench, trying
hard not to ruin our tentative peace treaty.
“Why don’t you tell me what you know.” I rubbed my hands
together, keeping loose just in case.
Lilith sucked on a cigarette, smoke mingling with puffs of cold
breath. She crushed the half-smoked cigarette under her boot and stood.
“No.”
“No?”
A smile touched her lips. “Let’s start by buying you some clothes,
and me some breakfast, and then I might share my secrets, but only if you
promise to be a good boy.”
The good boy remark pissed me off, but I let it go, too cold, hungry,
and tired to argue. I glanced at my bare chest, threadbare jeans, and one
shoeless foot. For future reference, when sneaking down a fire escape in the
middle of February, remember to dress accordingly.
“Should we wake him?” Lilith gestured to the angel. He lay curled in
a ball, wings tucked around his body for warmth, and a serene smile on his
face.
“Naw, he’ll catch up. Eventually. He always does.” I dropped my
newspaper blanket across him, and left the park, arm in arm with Satan’s
whore and my personal succubus.
~ * ~
I speared a sausage and stuffed it into my mouth. Juice dripped down
my chin, staining my newly purchased Salvation Army sweatshirt. “You’re
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saying that whoever has the kid wants to control the Second Coming? But
why?”
“I have no idea. Maybe they want to challenge God or Satan for
control, or keep things how they are here on Earth. It really doesn’t matter
why, but how can we stop it?” Lilith sipped a glass of orange juice,
grimacing at the acid bite.
A server in a 1950’s uniform trudged to our table, and asked if we
needed anything else. Lilith shook her head no, and the waitress walked
away.
“So how do we stop it?”
“I have no idea.” She winked at me, but added, “But when we find
J.C., we must kill this entity. And to do that, we have to find the right
weapon.”
“Weapon?” Now we were gettin
g somewhere. I loved guns, the
bigger the better. There was no greater feeling than unloading a hundred
rounds from an automatic. The smell of gunpowder. The jerk of the recoil.
Invincibility and God-like power.
Her smile grew into a laugh. “Don’t get too excited. With
supernatural weapons you never quite get what you expect.”
“I took you out with three pounds of sugar and some holy water, so
I’m pretty sure I can handle it.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from
laughing at the look on her face.
An array of expressions from violent murder to malicious humor,
raked across her face settling on a You’ll pay for that look. “Yes, you got me
all right.” She leaned in. “But what would have happened if you’d followed
my lead?”
I raised an eyebrow. “I’d have died a horrific, painful death, and most
likely have ended up chained in hell for an eternity.”
“I can see why you’ve been divorced three times.” She grinned.
“Sarcasm is not a pleasant trait.”
I shrugged. My personality flaws aside, my ex-wives weren’t angels.
I’d thought so at first, blinded by their beauty and the chance at a real family,
but I quickly revised my opinion having paid alimony for the last ten years.
“Funny how you’re still hanging around.”
She chuckled, eyes twinkling. “I’m betting your wives were the girl
next-door type. Blonde and sugary sweet.”
“And how do you know that?” I grinned, giving her a slow once
over. Cat-eyed devil girls held a certain sick appeal to me lately.
She licked her glossy lips. “Because the candy-coated woman
standing behind you, looking like she wants you dead, is blonde, and wearing
a pink dress.”
Shit. I twisted in my seat. A small fist caught me in the center of the
forehead. I blinked and rubbed at the spot. I’d hurt myself worse shaving.
Grabbing the woman’s hand before she delivered the next blow, I
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said, “Damn it, Khloe, I can have you arrested for violating the court’s
restraining order.”
Ex-wife number one’s face turned a violent shade of red. “I’m Aisa,
you asshole. Wife number three. The woman you swore you’d grow old
with? The one who ironed your underwear!”
What could I say? They all looked the same. “Aisa? I thought you
moved to Washington, or someplace.”
“I did. Two years ago. I’ve been back in the city for three months.”
Her hand went to her hip. “Which you would have known if you’d bother to
show up at our divorce hearing.”
I shrugged. “I’ve been busy.” That excuse came up a lot recently.
Aisa glanced over my shoulder, her eyes examining Lilith. “Who’s
she? Another one of your women?”
Lilith answered before I could, “I am a woman, but I am no man’s
woman, even one as dumb and cute as Jace.”
“Hey—” I began.
A high-pitched squeal of humor escaped Aisa’s lips. I suddenly
remembered why I divorced her after six months, well the laugh and the fact
that she had tried to smoother me with a pillow.
Under the strain of her humor a nearby water glass cracked, spilling
its contents onto the tabletop, and a man seated at the counter dropped to his
knees, face frozen in a death mask. Birds fell from the sky outside. But
Aisa’s mirth only grew louder.
The blood pumping through my brain turned sluggish, and a wave of
dizziness passed over me.
“κλείστε επάνω, εσείς προδιαγεγραμμένη σκύλα, ή θα σας κλείσω,”
Lilith yelled in Greek, her hands cupping her ears.
As suddenly as Aisa’s laughter had begun, it stopped. Blessed
silence. Aisa smiled, gave Lilith the finger, and smacked me in the back of
the head. “I will enjoy snipping your thread.” She turned on her spiked pink
heel and left the restaurant.
“Lovely girl.” Lilith wiped up the spilled water, as a rush of
customers started CPR on the downed man. Rhythmic pounding and shouts
for help filled the air. The once peaceful diner slipped into chaos, much like
my life following Aisa’s and my wedding vows.
At one time, I had thought she was the one. Actually, I’d thought
Khloe—wife number one—and Lacie—wife number two—were the ones as
well. Drawn by all three ex-wives’ sweet innocence, kindness, and purity, I
fell in love quickly and out even faster. They had an untouchable quality,
like.... Shit. Mary. I’d forgotten all about her.
I quickly reached for the check, remembered my homeless state, and
pushed it toward Lilith. She grinned, and dropped a hundred on the table.
Rising from the booth, I motioned to the cash. “Sleeping with Satan
pays well, I see.” Lilith rolled her eyes, but followed me out the door
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without comment.
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Twenty
As an ambulance screeched to a halt in the front of the diner Lilith
and I had just left, I dialed Mary’s number from the payphone at the corner.
The phone clicked a couple of times before the call connected.
Lilith smoldered next to me, literally smoldered, smoke rising off her
reddening skin. She tapped her foot as her eyes shot daggers at my back. I
smiled, and cupped the phone waiting for Mary to answer.
“Hello?” Mary’s voice sounded divine. As if a spell had broken, cast
likely by the devil woman beside me, my heart swelled with desire for Mary.
I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let go.
“Is anyone there?” Fear crawled into her words.
“Sorry.” I shook my head. “It’s Jace. I wanted to make sure you’re
all right.”
“Because heaven forbid Mary broke a nail,” Lilith sneered, a bluish
flame igniting in her eyes.
“Oh Jace, I was so worried. When your apartment burned up, and the
firemen found a body….” Her voice broke. “I didn’t know what to think.”
Body? Whose body? “I’m fine, but tell me about this body?”
“Body? What body?” Lilith grabbed my arm, burning my skin
beneath her fingers.
“Ow!” I pulled away, slapping at the fire handprint on my sleeve.
“Shut up so I can find out what body.”
“Is someone there with you?” Mary’s sweetness shifted to suspicion.
“Is it that Lilith woman?”
“No.” I smiled at Lilith. “Some hooker just asked me for a date. So
where did the firefighters find this body?”
“In your bed. That’s why I thought it was you.”
My bed? That didn’t make sense. The angel and I had been the only
people…umm… beings in the apartment. When had a body snuck into my
bed? I scratched my head. “Burned beyond recognition I bet?”
“Yes.” The shiver in Mary’s voice carried through the phone, circling
my spine with the premonition of doom. “If you need someplace to stay...”
That sounded like one hell of an offer. I licked my lips in anticipation
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of tasting Mary’s skin. Smack. The palm of Lilith’s hand met the back of my
neck. I blinked, and swallowed my lust. “That’s a great offer, but I have
s
ome work to do.”
“Work?” Mary acted surprised.
Ouch. Shame mingled with my desire. I grew used to that feeling as I
aged. “It shouldn’t take more than a day or so. I’ll call you when I’m
finished.”
“Or dead,” Lilith said, as I hung up the payphone.
~ * ~
After my conversation with Mary, an annoyed Lilith and I cruised the
Lower East Side searching for the perfect weapon to defeat an army of
unknown kidnappers. We stopped at gun shops, aromatherapy boutiques, and
an odd strip club or two. Don’t ask me why. This was Lilith’s show. I merely
provided morality support.
An hour after our search began, we entered The Divine Comedy
Pawnshop & Bass emporium. Sadly, the place resembled neither a wharf nor
hell. It did however stink of marijuana, and beer battered onions.
From floor to ceiling worthless crap teetered like drunken children. A
greasy, dark-skinned mobster armed with a steak knife and a chicken wing
slouched behind the counter.
“Here? Really?” I gestured inside. “We’re more likely to find Jimmy
Hoffa then a supernatural weapon.”
Lilith grinned, but sauntered to the register. “Hey, Dante. How’s
business?”
“Can’t complain, doll.” The doll sounded affected, as did the rest of
his accent. I listened closer, trying to pinpoint his nationality. East Indian, I
guessed.
He sucked on a chicken wing, and smacked his large lips. “Are you
looking for something special? Or did you come around to show off your
new man?”
“A little of both.” Her eyes met mine. “Twirl for the nice man,
Jacey.” I cracked my knuckles but did a three-sixty as she asked.
“What is he?” Dante stroked his chin, weighing me like cattle.
“Human,” Lilith snapped out. “A shame really, but what can you
do?”
“He doesn’t look human.”
Now wait a minute, I looked plenty human, and in fact I was human.
What did a fake mobster from the third circle of hell know about it?
“Trust me, Dante. Jace is as fallibly human as man gets.” Lilith
laughed, clicking her fingers in front of Dante’s face. “Stop ogling my man,
and help me find the perfect weapon.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What type of game are you hunting?”