The Hedonist

by A. L. Patterson

  “I’ve never heard that one before!” Shawn said while raising a beer from the cooler.

  The music suddenly blared even louder than before when Lauren told him she was heading to the backyard to play “Swim Shots.”

  Shawn was headed to the kitchen when he saw a young guy immediately pass out and fall onto the floor.

  “Whoa!” Shawn responded.

  The guy’s friend propped him onto a sofa.

  “What do I do?” the friend asked.

  “I got an icy-hot patch in the kitchen. You can get one and put it on his head I guess.”

  “Dude, what the hell is an icy-hot patch gonna do?

  “I dunno,” Shawn said while raising his shoulders. “I guess it’ll make him feel better.”

  The friend followed Shawn into the marble-tiled kitchen, making his way through a storm of students. Shawn grabbed the medical patch and tossed it to the young man who took it to the aid of his friend. Shawn then entered his stainless steel refrigerator and reached for another beer.

  Suddenly the doorbell rang and Shawn ran to the stereo speakers. He quickly turned the music off and told the students to be quiet. Then he headed to the front door.

  He opened the door and a single police officer greeted him.

  “Sir, there has been a complaint about noise at this house from two of the neighbors,” the officer said rigidly.

  “Oh… my greatest apologies,” Shawn said while maintaining his composure and acting as sober as possible.

  “Are you having some sort of party?” asked the officer as he attempted to look into the house.

  “A party? No. Just a few friends enjoying a leisurely game of scrabble and hangman.”

  “Well, just keep the noise down, Mister…”

  “Doctor… Doctor Stevens.”

  “Okay, Dr. Stevens. Thanks for your time. This neighborhood tends to be quiet. Given your position I’m sure you understand that. So be careful and have fun… just not too much fun.”

  Stevens waved him goodbye. He closed the door and watched the cop drive away. As soon as the officer was out of view, he cranked the music back up and the party resumed.

  ***

  The following week several students that attended the party told their friends about it and those friends told other friends. One day Professor Hugo Sawther overheard students talking about a house party and he was certain he also heard the name ‘Dr. Stevens’ within the conversation. It was enough to arouse his suspicions.

  Dr. Sawther was simply too indirect to launch a full scale inquiry by questioning students. Nor would he address Stevens head-on. He would only be confrontational if he knew for absolute certainty and by this point he only had a gut feeling.

  While in the faculty lounge one day, Dr. Sawther began asking Stevens questions in the same sly manner that he usually operated.

  “So Dr. Stevens… I’ve heard there was a recent complaint about you.”

  “Really? That’s the first I’ve heard of this, Doc,” Stevens shrugged.

  “Yes, apparently some of your older students weren’t please with what they considered an overly-liberal tone to your lectures.”

  “Oh that!” Stevens thought back. He remembered that days ago a complaint was indeed lodged against him by a handful of middle-aged students in his class. They felt the manner in which he conducted his classroom and his curriculum was too liberal. Dr. Daniels asked him to be a little more considerate of the older students and Stevens promised to oblige.

  “Conversely,” Dr. Sawther spoke with stiff lips, “From what I understand, you’ve become quite popular among the younger students.”

  “What can I say?” Stevens smiled. “I do my best.”

  “As a professional I personally prefer to maintain a certain boundary between my students… and myself.”

  “Look Sawther, I don’t know what kind of games you’re playing but I know how to conduct myself. Save your lectures for class. I’m sure half your students sleep through it, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear the rest of it.”

  Sawther hissed under his breath.

  “I think we’re done here, Professor Stevens.”

  Although Shawn acted cool and was far from afraid of Sawther, he decided some sort of cover would be helpful. A few days later he met Stacy Hines, a fellow assistant professor at Ashmore Regents. After speaking to her a few times, she was won over like most people.

  “Would you like to grab dinner sometime?” he asked her one evening.

  “That would be great, how about tonight?” she said gleefully.

  “Tonight is perfect.”

  That night Shawn canceled his plans with 19 year old Lauren in order to get to know Professor Stacy Hines more. He learned that she was a 39 year old English professor who graduated from Penn State. She had two young children, a two year old son and a three year old daughter from a previous marriage. When she wasn’t teaching or spending time with her children she would devote the rest of her time to research and publishing literary articles.

  “She’s perfect,” Shawn thought to himself. She would be far too busy to spend great deals of time with him. When she wasn’t teaching she’d be doing research or taking care of her children. That meant he would get to foster the appearance of having an age-appropriate woman as a girlfriend but was free to do whatever he liked in the considerable amount of time they were not together.

  Stacy Hines, on the other hand, was ecstatic to have such a charming man as her boyfriend. To Shawn’s chagrin, she wanted to have dinner with him every night their first week together. He knew it would break her heart to turn her down so for seven straight nights he agreed. She thankfully went back to her usual routine after that first week together.

  Shawn became incredibly bored with her and couldn’t have been happier to return to his younger friends. He immediately went back to hanging out with them but boredom always seemed to kick in when he returned to an empty home.

  He loved the independence that came along with living alone and he enjoyed hosting parties. But he admitted only to himself that he also missed his mother. He spoke to her often but had yet to visit her since moving to Ashmore. He felt bad about not keeping his word.

  He had neither a wife nor children to share his large house with. A lack of company left him in a slightly sullen state when he arrived home each evening and perhaps that was why he stayed out as much as he could. When he wasn’t on campus, he hung out with student friends, went to bars, or any event that could keep him occupied. He also enjoyed playing golf all weekend long. It was perhaps his most mature pursuit.

  When he finally arrived home at night, he’d bring with him a nice bottle of his favorite distilled cognac. He bought the most expensive French bottles available at the local Package Shop and began consuming a full bottle each night. When he became bored of the cognac, he’d switch to something else. Brandy, Gin, Vodka, Rum. He bought it all.

  When the alcoholic beverages were not enough he turned back to his old habit: pills. His professional position gifted him with numerous acquaintances. He met a doctor that would prescribe him anything he wanted. Vicodin, Demerol, Percocet, Oxycontin, Palladone. Shawn had an entire cabinet of habit-forming painkillers and he loved the euphoric high they gave him.

  “Too much of a good thing is a great thing,” he told his young friends who worshiped his rock star lifestyle.

  One day Stacy Hines questioned his drug use.

  “You don’t look so good, Shawn,” she said during a sparse dinner.

  “I’m fine,” he assured her.

  “I don’t think so. How much have you been drinking lately?”

  “Not much, just a small bottle here and there. Nothing heavy.”

  “Well you look extremely tired. You need to rest and lay off the liquor.”

  “Jesus, woman. I told you I was fine. I just had a long day.”

  “Shawn, I’m going to leave now. I care about you and that’s why I want you to contact me when you become a little more sobe
r. I just can’t have someone abusing alcohol around my children.”

  When she left he headed straight to the restaurant’s bar.

  The next day he showed up to his class totally hung over. He moved slowly and told his class to freely discuss whatever they’d like. He then proceeded to end class twenty minutes early and told his students he wouldn’t be able to speak to any of them after class.

  An hour later he was in his office and felt much better after taking an aspirin and downing two cups of black coffee. He kicked off his shoes and loosened his tie. Then there came a knock at his office door.

  “Come in,” he said while lounging back in his leather chair.

  It was Lauren Styles with a worried look on her face.

  “Shawn, you looked really tired in class today. Are you okay?”

  “I was just going to ask you the same, Lauren. But I’m fine now. Just had a few too many drinks.”

  “I missed you.”

  He smiled. “We should spend more time together.”

  She sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk as her eyes welled up.

  “What’s wrong?” Shawn asked with extreme conviction.

  “My roommates started treating me like crap. They’re all backstabbers. I couldn’t take it so I moved out.”

  “That’s heavy,” Shawn said flatly.

  “I’ve just been staying with other friends but I don’t have any permanent place. And I don’t have a job right now so I can’t pay for my own apartment.”

  “If you ever need any help, just say my name three times,” he joked.

  “I may have to leave school and move back in with my parents,” she said as her voice quivered.

  “Lauren, I’ve got an idea,” he hesitated for a moment before abruptly asking, “How about you move in with me?”

  Her eyes became the size of silver dollars. Her tremble became a wide grin.

  “You’d let me do that?” she asked exuberantly.

  “Absolutely. I’ve got a five bedroom house and only one room is occupied! And I’d love some company.”

  “And we’d get to spend more time together,” she said excitedly.

  “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

  “But I see you’re getting pretty close to Professor Hines. Would she be okay with that?”

  “Oh yeah,” Shawn said without thinking. “We’re only friends. She has kids and lives in her own place.”

  “She has kids? Uggh!”

  “Having kids is what mature people do, Lauren.”

  “That’s why I don’t have any,” she beamed. “I’m way too young for kids.”

  “Me too!”

  Lauren quickly packed her things and moved in that evening. She owned only four large briefcases of clothes which she placed in an empty bedroom in Shawn’s house.

  “I think that’s pretty cool,” Shawn stated.

  “What is?” she asked.

  “Only owning a few luggage bags of clothes. That’s the life of a free spirited college student. You can move from place to place whenever you like and without a care in the world.”

  “Is that why this place is so empty?” she asked.

  “Yep. If ever I leave for another city, I won’t need a truck to haul mounds of junk. I still live like a college student.”

  “That’s such a great idea,” Lauren said with the utmost gaiety.

  “Lauren, if anyone ever tells you to ‘grow up,’ you kick ‘em in the nuts!”

  She laughed with delight. Then she eventually realized that she had no bed to sleep on. Shawn went through his phone, dialed a number, and a few minutes later a brand new queen-sized bed was being driven to their place of residence.

  ***

  Another two weeks passed and appearances on campus were as good as ever. Shawn was ‘dating’ Professor Hines and showed up to class suave and sober. He heard little else from Professor Hugo Sawther and was still able to enjoy a relationship with Lauren. He did as he pleased without a care in the world.

  Then one afternoon, without a single knock, his office door flew open and in walked Dr. Laura Daniels, the Department Chair who did the hiring and the firing.

  “Shawn, we need to talk,” she said sternly. “There were previously complaints about your lectures being overly liberal. There was another complaint about you showing up to class far from sober and some have said that you’re getting a little too close to your students. Improprieties will not be tolerated at Ashmore Regents University and may be penalized by immediate termination.”

  CHAPTER 4

  Dr. Daniels had just confronted Shawn over allegations of improper conduct. Allegations that he was sure were leveled by Dr. Hugo Sawther.

  “That’s pure stuff and nonsense,” he said of the allegations.

  “They’re quite serious and I’m not sure what to make of them. I hope these things aren’t true, Shawn,” she said unpleasantly.

  “I fully admit that my lectures tend to veer to the left of the political spectrum but I haven’t acted in any improper manner. I’d like to know who has brought these ludicrous charges against me.”

  “That remains anonymous for now.”

  “Regardless… it’s pure drivel.”

  “Perhaps we need to talk about this more closely,” she asserted.

  “How about we straighten things out over dinner?” he asked.

  “Dinner… when?” she asked half surprised.

  “How about tonight? I know a great place. We can sit back, relax, and go over anything you feel we need to discuss,” he said coolly.

  “Well… I suppose we can do that and get straight to the bottom of this.”

  “Exactly what I was thinking,” he said before Dr. Daniels turned around and left his office.

  When she was out of sight, he closed his office door and plopped onto his small leather cream colored sofa.

  Shawn arrived to his house around six o’clock that evening where he was met by Lauren Styles. He told her about Dr. Daniels confronting him and how he persuaded her to work things out with him over dinner.

  “If they try to do anything to you,” she told him, “I’ll defend you.”

  “I know, I know,” he attempted to assure her.

  “And so would all of the other students that like you.”

  “I appreciate it, Lauren.”

  “This college is nothing without you!” she declared.

  “You mean that?”

  “Fuck yeah, I mean it!”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said while kicking his shoes off.

  He went into his closet and picked out a dapper grey suit along with a fashionable blue tie. He had a matching handkerchief and cuff links to go along with it. He topped off the look with his Rolex watch on one wrist and a newly purchased platinum bracelet bearing his initials “S.S.” on the other wrist. It was acquired by credit which continued to pile up at an expeditious rate thanks to his spending habits.

  Credit was used to purchase Lauren a top-of-the-line queen size bed but that was not enough; she went on to ask for a new television and a set of dressers. While Shawn endowed her with a large state-of-the-art television, he refused to purchase dressers or home decorations.

  He wanted to live by his prior commitment of packing up and leaving as breezily as possible. He already had enough furniture and any more would just be cumbersome.

  “Perhaps I shouldn’t have gotten a place so big,” he sometimes thought to himself.

  Nevertheless, he stayed where he was and gave generously to Lauren when she occasionally asked. She, in turn, had to accept that he couldn’t spend every moment with her. She had to agree with their arrangement to be independent. So Shawn would leave to do whatever he wanted and so would she.

  When Shawn told her that he was having dinner with Dr. Daniels, she smiled and informed him that she would be going out with her friends to a small party. Her friends had just gotten ahold of a bit of spice, or synthetic cannabis, and she always wanted to
try it.

  “Alright, just be careful,” he told her. “Too much of that stuff can drive you crazy.”

  “What do you mean? You know someone that went crazy ‘cause they had spice?” she asked curiously.

  “Yeah, this one guy I knew… But he was already pretty nuts anyway. Just don’t take too much.”

  “Alright, alright! Go sweet talk Dr. Daniels. Bye!”

  Shawn had invited Dr. Daniels to a fine restaurant named “Cinders.” It was a high end restaurant in which most of the patrons dressed up as he did. He arrived at the restaurant around seven o’clock and promptly greeted his boss when she entered shortly after him.

  Dr. Daniels was dressed in one of her usual dark colored pantsuits. Rings shimmered across each of her fingers and her heels were polished to the point of gloss. Her attitude was more relaxed than when she questioned Shawn in his office and she seemed pleased to see him.

  “Glad you could make it, Laura.”

  “Anytime, Shawn. Anytime.”

  They were shown to a table and quickly approached by the waiter who asked what they would like to drink.

  “How about a Martini,” Shawn told the waiter.

  “And you, ma’am?” the waiter asked Dr. Daniels.

  “Water,” she said looking above her menu.

  “Water? C’mon, Laura, try a nicer beverage. It’s all on me,” Shawn smiled.

  “Alright, give me a martini like he ordered,” she declared to the waiter.

  The waiter was off when they began their discussion.

  “So, Shawn, we’ve got to straighten things up.”

  “Exactly what I was thinking,” he said staunchly.

  After they placed their orders for dinner, Dr. Daniels returned to her inquiry. When she brought up the interaction between him and his students, Shawn told her that he merely enjoyed relating to them. When asked about being less than sober during a lecture, he asserted that he was simply tired that day. She accepted his shallow answers as she swiftly downed her martini and asked for another.

  “These are really good,” she told him. “Waiter… waiter, one more! Is that fine, Shawn?”