Beautiful Wreck

by Kasey Lane

As she walked through the door, she pushed back the tears threatening to spill, and marched down the steps to the only thing she really had left in the world. Her car. What a sad statement on the state of her life. But she didn’t have it in her to feel sorry for the sadness in Bowen’s eyes. He’d made his decision. She’d laid it all out for him and he’d soundly rejected her. In no uncertain terms. So she was doing what she always did: she was pulling herself together and moving forward.

  Without him. Somewhere she wouldn’t be reminded of what they shared and how much it hurt to let him go. Ironically, it was him who had given her the courage to find her own inner strength. No longer running away, she was just trying to put a little distance between her and the pain.

  Bowen’s hand landed on her shoulder and she stopped. She fought the need to push into his hand, to feel his fingers dig into her flesh. One. Last. Time. Instead she pulled away and turned to face him. “Will you be at the show tonight?” he asked.

  “I told you I would be.”

  “That was before…”

  “Before what? Before I handed you my heart and you decided to play racquetball with it?” She dug for the anger she knew was bubbling under the surface of all this crazy heartache. “Before I told you I…” she choked over the word, unable to say it aloud again “…how I felt.”

  The shadows under his eyes seemed to darken and move across his face. “Gabby, if I could take back my words I would. I’m so sorry. If we could just talk about it.”

  She held her hand up. The last thing she wanted was his pity. So what…he didn’t love her. No big deal. “Don’t. I don’t want your apology. And I certainly don’t want to talk anymore. It wouldn’t change anything. What’s done is done.”

  Gabby continued to her car and Bowen followed. “It would. It does. Will you just stop and talk to me for a minute?”

  “I’m done talking, Bowen. I just can’t do this with you anymore,” she said and got into her car and drove away.

  If her heart was going to hurt like this every time she saw him she was glad she was leaving town and wouldn’t have to see him anymore. She’d built herself a life here in Portland—she could do that again somewhere else.

  She’d go to the show tonight because she wasn’t a coward, but then she would leave. For good.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Later that night, Gabby walked into the Tiki Torch with Roland and immediately saw the rest of the group including Mason, Kevan, Jami, and Conner on crutches sitting at a large table off to the side of what would be considered the dance floor. A trio Gabby had never seen before was up on the stage playing some weird form of folk rock she’d never have associated with the Tiki. Apparently, the rest of the audience was as impressed as she was. Boy would they be shocked when Manix Curse roared onto the stage next.

  She glanced around. The club was packed. Maybe word had gotten around that Manix might be popping in for one last show before they left for their Pagan Saints tour. As far as she could see in the sea of denim and flannel, there was no sign of anyone from the band… Or Bowen, for that matter. The obnoxious drumming from the currently playing band did nothing to quell the nervousness she felt roiling in her veins. This was the first time they’d been out with their group since Conner’s accident. And even though they’d been with everyone at the hospital, and they’d seen Bowen and her holding hands, this was the first time they’d been out socially. And for some reason she was terrified someone would ask about whether or not they were together.

  “Hey,” Jami yelled over the noise as she and Kevan jumped from their seats to hug Gabby and greet Roland. “I’m so glad you guys made it.”

  Gabby smiled at everyone and waved shyly to Conner. He dipped his chin at her and offered a weak half smile before turning back to his conversation with Mason.

  “I was able to get one of the volunteers to take my tutoring shift at the center,” Gabby replied. “And here we are.” Gabby and Roland took the two empty chairs at the table before ordering drinks—Diet Pepsi for Gabby and Jack and Coke for Roland.

  “Yep. Here you are.” Kevan’s smile stretched across her face. “So what do you think about Bowen going on the road with Manix for a couple weeks?”

  It took every Jedi mind trick in Gabby’s arsenal to keep her face clear of any emotion and her cheeks from burning up red. She knew Kevan well enough now to know the woman was sharp and saw things, especially when someone tried to hide something from her. She was also present for Gabby and Bowen’s confrontation earlier that day so Gabby wasn’t quite sure what she was playing at.

  “I mean, I think it’s fine if that’s what he wants to do.” Then she added a shrug to really demonstrate just how nonchalant she was about the whole thing. “It doesn’t really have anything to do with me anyway.”

  “Hmm,” Kevan muttered and took a sip of her rosy-colored drink. Gabby knew Kevan was baiting her with her little passive-aggressive “hmm” and yet she couldn’t keep herself from biting. Just a little. Just one little tug.

  “What does that mean?” Gabby shouted over the music just as the band ended their set so the end of her sentence sounded like she was screaming at her friends. “Uh,” she said much quieter. “I’m not even staying with him anymore. And I’m moving in a week anyway.”

  “I know. I just thought, you know…” Kevan shrugged.

  “Kevan, Bowen was sweet to let me stay with him. I’ll admit he turned out to be a lot cooler to hang out with than I originally thought. But don’t turn it into something it’s not, okay? We might have had a thing, but that thing ended.”

  Her heart hurt just talking about him, ached like a bruised muscle. It was definitely the right decision to move. Even if it was only two hours from Portland. Even if she did have to drive up every weekend to work her Sunday and Monday shifts at Quirk. They needed space between them. Correction, she needed space between them.

  “Fine. But it’s not just about Bowen, Gabby. We like having you here. You’re part of our family now.” Kevan grinned and reached for Gabby’s hand. The fact that Gabby didn’t yank her hand away and actually took some comfort in the tight squeeze of Kevan’s fingers said something about how much Gabby had changed over the last several weeks.

  The bar lights flashed, ending any discussion, and the low howl of Mandi’s guitar sang out from the stage. A low spotlight lit the pink-haired guitar virtuoso from behind and she curled around her instrument. The throbbing strum of the deep bass joined it as Bowen was lit with another light. Gabby had prepared herself for that moment. She’d known it would hurt to see him up onstage, to see him one last time before she left for good.

  She had expected it to be awful, but she hadn’t expected the physical kick in her chest she experienced seeing him up there. God, he was so beautiful, his shaggy hair falling forward over what she knew were his stunning, see-everything gray eyes. The spotlight cast his huge shadow against the side wall, deepening the darkness and mystery swirling around him. When he looked up and out into the crowd Gabby knew he couldn’t see her, but it felt like he stared directly at her nevertheless. And the hurt spread throughout the rest of her body. Who was she kidding? She shouldn’t be here. If she wanted to get over this man she couldn’t keep seeing him.

  Jax added his drums to the growing tide of sound, in and out the music rolled, building, building until Marco’s guttural growl joined it, providing the final missing piece to the metal symphony. Marco’s deep voice was laced with underlying pain that reverberated throughout the packed club. Gabby could hear his agony, his rage at Sabre’s death in his voice. His body vibrated with it as the stage became fully lit to reveal the band.

  But despite Marco’s riveting stage presence, she could only stare at one man up on that raised platform. Even from the back of the room she could feel the power roll from him as he moved his fingers on his bass, as he flipped his already damp hair back from his face, as his muscles rippled beneath his torn T-shirt. The way he moved with the band, one part of the whole, was like he’d play
ed with them forever. A blurry memory of Jami telling her that Bowen had been part of the original line-up, but was replaced by Mandi after he stopped showing up for practice fluttered through her brain.

  He belonged up there. Maybe not with this band, but onstage. Bowen’s quiet command of the audience and the music were undeniable. He was a born entertainer and a talented musician.

  After the third song, Bowen yanked off his flannel and threw it to the side of the stage, exposing his muscled and inked arms. The women in the crowd screamed and his serious expression flickered for a moment, revealing a quick smile. Marco punched him in the arm.

  “You like this guy here?” he asked the audience. “Don’t get too used to this pretty rock star. He’s sitting in for our buddy, Conner, who was involved in a pretty nasty accident.” He pointed to the back where they sat and the spotlights illuminated their table, blinding them all. “Give Conner some love, y’all!”

  And the crowd went wild, cheering and chanting Conner’s name. The first genuine smile she’d seen on him since the accident graced his handsome bearded face and he waved before the lights refocused on the stage again.

  It was time for Gabby to go. She was beginning to fall in love with these people and the longer she stayed the harder it would be to leave them. “I’m going to take off. I have a bunch of work to catch up on. I’ll see you in the morning for our goodbye brunch, okay?” she said into Jami’s ear. Jami scrunched her brows together and made eye contact with Kevan before saying, “Why don’t you stay for a couple more songs?”

  What were those two up to now? She didn’t need to see him anymore. She needed to get out of the bar before the walls closed in on her. She noticed Kevan whipping out her phone and tapping something into it. Probably flagging Mason down so he could talk Gabby into staying. Well, no go, she was done with this charade. She’d come to love these people, and she hoped she would still get to be part of their world, but seeing Bowen up there hurt too much. Too damn much.

  She shook her head and mouthed, “I gotta go,” before getting up and grabbing her coat. She was halfway to the door and already tuning out the playful banter from the stage when she heard her name over the speaker system.

  “Gabrielle Alvarez.” Bowen’s commanding voice boomed through the room—which had gone strangely quiet—and grabbed her around the throat.

  Just keep walking. Nothing he says will make a difference. But she was frozen where she stood.

  “Gabby,” he said her name again and she felt it in her bones, the pull to him, the desire to do what he said. To be what he needed. For him to need her.

  Do NOT turn around. It’s over.

  “Before you leave I need you to know something.”

  Slowly she turned around.

  “I know I fucked up. And I know it’s going to be hard for you to trust me again, but I’m going to do everything to change that.”

  She wrapped her arms around her body, trying to hide from all the staring eyes, feeling too raw, too exposed.

  “I lied when I said I didn’t love you. I was scared, Gabby. I was afraid of the way you made me feel. You make me want things that I have no business wanting. Things like forever and babies and a white picket fence. All the shit that I never thought I could have. But with you, I can. I know we can be happy. If you just give me another chance.”

  The crowd continued to stare at her and parted as she began toward the stage.

  “I want to be your safe place. I want to be the one you come home to. I love you. Will you give me a second chance? I promise I won’t need a third.”

  She stood directly in front of the stage and looked up into his striking face. Could she believe him? Was she brave enough to take the leap of faith for a chance at love?

  She knew him so well now and could tell he wasn’t lying. His face was an open book, begging her to read his truth. And the truth was that he loved her. Her chest constricted and she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

  “I want everything with you. Now and forever. Will you forgive me, Gabrielle?” He whipped off his bass and handed it to the crew member standing at the edge of the stage before hopping down into the crowd.

  And then he was right there. Standing in front of her with that sweet smile and those goddamn dimples. “I love you, little one,” he said low enough that only she could hear. “I love you and I don’t want to be without you.” He held out his hand. “Put your hand in mine and we’ll do this together.”

  She covered her mouth with her hands and no longer tried to hold back the fat tears rolling down her cheeks. The crowd had started chanting, “Kiss him, Gabby.” This was it. This was the time to put up or shut up. He had made his grand gesture and everything she’d ever been afraid to dream about was within reach. She only had to jump and grab hold of it.

  “I’m a wreck, Gabby. I don’t have anything to offer you, but me. Just as I am.”

  She put her hand in his and he closed his fingers around hers and pulled her to him. The way his arms wrapped around her body, and the way his full mouth felt on hers, it all made sense. It was somehow the way it was supposed to be.

  She took his scruffy face in her hands. “You are a beautiful wreck, Bowen Landry. A beautiful, broken wreck of a man and you are perfect for me in every way possible.”

  He kissed her like he’d realized the very same thing: he was home.

  Epilogue

  “Dude, we’re barely offstage and you’re checking your messages already.” Jax laughed and slapped Bowen on the back. It was barely three months after Gabby had accepted his apology. “Don’t worry, she’ll be here.”

  “I know. I know.” And he did. She said she’d meet him in Denver and she would. But she’d said she’d fly into Chicago, too, yet had rescheduled to spend more time with her mom. He was stoked that Gabby was participating in her mom’s treatment and that Alma had actually made it halfway through rehab without giving up. What a gift for Gabby it would be to finally have her mother back.

  Bowen continued back to the dressing room where he stripped his sweaty clothes off and jumped into the shower. Hot water ran over his head and down his body, easing the tension from his shoulders and melting the adrenaline coursing through his veins. The high from performing in front of thousands of screaming heavy metal fans was pretty heady stuff, but it was a lot of hard work. And being on the road was hard work for a dude in recovery. Not to mention a guy in a very serious relationship. Groupies were as tenacious as honey badgers.

  Not that it mattered to him. Thankfully the lonely days of hookups were long gone for him. He had Gabby. And since she’d decided to stay in Portland and keep the apartment in her co-worker’s building, she was all his.

  The shower door swung open and standing there naked was the woman he loved. Her small frame only accentuated her curves and dark beauty. He moved to pull her into his arms, but she raised her hand.

  “Hey, pretty boy.” That smile she reserved only for him spread across her face and her green eyes sparkled with mischief. “You were pretty hot up there. I’m such a huge fan of your band.” She batted her eyelashes playfully. “What’s a girl gotta do to get your attention?”

  He glanced down at his hardening cock and stroked it once. God, he loved this woman. “Why don’t you show me what you can do with that mouth, little one?”

  Gabby moved to kneel, but he couldn’t stand it any longer. He needed to kiss her. It had been two weeks since he’d touched her and other than some very hot and heavy phone sex, he was starved for her. “I appreciate the effort, sweetheart, but I really need to kiss you.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her, loving the way her slender legs automatically encircled his waist. In under a second his lips were on hers, his tongue probing her mouth. But Gabby had needs, too, and wriggled her hips until his rock hard cock was notched at the entrance of her hot pussy.

  “I appreciate the kiss,” she mumbled against his mouth. “But I really need to fuck you.�
�� He certainly didn’t want to disappoint his woman so he arranged her against the wall and pulled her down onto his cock while thrusting up into her very slick core. Every damn time he was inside his woman, he was slammed in the chest with belonging and love. It never ceased to amaze him how each time it got better.

  Her nails dug into his shoulders and he loved the sharp snick of pain, luxuriated in it and the way it sent a flash of electricity straight to his balls.

  Her pants turned to loud guttural moans so loud they drowned out the pounding music of the headline band, Pagan Saints, playing above in the stadium. He could tell she was close. “I love you, Gabby. Come all over my cock, little one.”

  When her body tensed and her keening cry echoed in the ancient venue shower room he thanked the universe he didn’t have to wear a condom with her anymore and filled her with his release. Catching his breath, he held her tight, sandwiched between his body and the wall, knowing she enjoyed the aftermath of their lovemaking and the come-down almost as much as the actual fucking.

  “Did you miss me, rock star?” she asked, her breath hot against his neck.

  “Couldn’t you tell?” He let her body slide down his and began to lather her with soap.

  “Yeah. I could. I tried to get here before the show, but my flight was delayed. You were amazing up there.” She leaned her head back against his chest as he rinsed her and himself off. “So hot. So freaking talented.”

  “Move back in with me.” Dammit why did he always blurt everything out with her? But it was out there so he might as well own it. “I mean, let’s move in together.”

  Her blank face gave nothing away. She hated the idea. He just knew it. He shouldn’t push her, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t stand the idea of not coming home to her.

  “Well, funny you should mention that,” she said, stepping out of the shower and handing him a towel before drying herself off.

  “Why?” He tried to keep from sounding too eager, but she chuckled. She knew him too well. Better than anyone.