Tormented him.
Drove home the truth.
He couldn’t betray her. Not for one night. Not for the length of her life. Not ever again. The price was too much. He couldn’t pay it and remain a male worthy of his pack’s spirit.
He stepped into the ceremonial ring. Power radiated from the balls of his feet to his head. The communal spirit recognized Nic. It would rush to him tomorrow night, eager to be rejoined to a Kagan. If he entered the circle, that was.
Nic would not.
He dropped to his knees in the soggy grass, water squishing out and soaking into his pants. Arms stretched out and eyes closed, he offered his ancestors his regret for not being the strong male he was supposed to be.
The wolf he held within him growled. It sensed his intent and didn’t approve. Nic ignored it and the tempting licks of energy dancing over his skin. To give in to either would damn him and his pack.
His decision was the only one he could make. He could not live torn between his obligation to a mate and his love for Riley. He had to choose one. Riley’s betrayed expression had made it for him. He couldn’t take the chance she’d refuse him in the afterlife because of the sins he’d committed on earth.
Nothing was worth the loss of his angel or his heaven. They were one and the same.
And her name was Riley.
Peace settled over him with the sparks dancing over his skin. Different from what he’d experienced moments before, the pack’s energy caressed him, easing the tightness in his shoulders and taking with it the heaviness that had weighed him down. Crazy or not, he couldn’t help but wonder if the wolf spirit hadn’t taken away the burden he’d been born with.
He stood and strode from the circle, but the drive to protect and provide for his pack still overwhelmed him. There was only one way he could see to do that, but he’d need his father’s cooperation. After his insistence that Nic accept the pack spirit or die, he wasn’t sure he’d get it. Then again, his father would want what was best for the pack. Nic hoped, at least.
First, he needed to fix his mistake, and it wasn’t in loving Riley. It was in walking away from her.
He made his way deeper into the woods and headed in the direction of her house. Although tempted to shift and reach her sooner, he remained in his human form. He couldn’t trust his wolf with any freedom. It wanted what Nic had turned his back on. He ignored its displeasure. The short walk to Riley’s house tried his control, however. His chest ached from the beast’s attempts to force a shift upon him, but as soon as he reached her backyard, her lingering scent on the air hit him. He dragged in a lungful and let her sweet fragrance soothe him.
Eyes closed, he conjured her image. Combined with her scent, strength seeped into him. Not the physical kind, but the intricate and delicate power her smile brought. Hannah had been right. The knowledge that Riley was alive and well had been the only thing that had allowed him to survive without her. No longer, though. His decision was made.
After what he had done to her, both four years ago and today, he didn’t know how easy it’d be to convince her he was worth fighting for. He was patient, though. He knew what he needed, and he’d win her.
Riley was his.
Darkness had fallen by the time Riley forced herself to go home. She’d spent the hours after her encounter with Maria wandering aimlessly around the Kagan pack lands. No, that wasn’t the truth. She’d gone to very specific places, but her reasoning behind visiting the spots where she and Nic had often spent time together wasn’t one she’d acknowledge out loud. If she voiced her worry over never seeing the land or any of her pack members again, then she’d have to admit defeat.
She refused to do so.
She would not lose Nic or her own life, not to Maria Tanner or whichever shifter thought to steal him from Riley.
Thoughts whirled in her head, and the idea she’d gotten while speaking with Maria had grown. She needed her computer and to speak with a mated female shifter, but for the first time in weeks, hope surged.
She made her way to her front door, but the sensation of someone watching her froze her on the steps leading to the porch. The memory of Maria’s glare and Nic’s warning of what the unmated wolves might do to her came rushing back. Her blood chilled. For the second time in a matter of a week, fear gripped her. She swallowed hard.
Conscious of the tremor in her hands, she dropped her arms and pivoted. She scanned the woods. Nothing unusual caught her eye. Not surprising. Under the cover of night with the misty fog creeping over the ground, she couldn’t see far. She waited a moment more, but nobody rushed her nor did she hear anything unusual.
She breathed a sigh. No doubt it had been one of her protectors. Still, she waited a moment more. Only the patter of rain on her tin roof broke the silence of the night. She reached behind her, turned the knob and backed into her home.
Once the door closed, she dropped her cell phone and keys on the table, then kicked off her shoes. Her wet clothes clung to her body. Chilled, both from being out in the cold rain and from the emotional encounters she’d had, she shivered.
She wanted dry clothes, her computer and a pot of coffee, in that order. She needed to figure out the details of her plan. Nic would want her reasoning before he even considered risking his pack.
She gripped the hem of her shirt and yanked it over her head. A flick of her wrist tossed it behind her. Her pants, bra and undies followed. She let them drop, flopping onto her hardwood floor, not caring about the mess. It was the least of her worries.
Her steps quickened, excitement fueling her. She jogged up the steps and rushed into her bathroom. She started the water and stepped into the shower stall. The hot spray pounded against her back and filled the bathroom with steam. It tempted her to luxuriate in the warmth it offered, but she hurried through the motions and climbed out.
She grabbed a fresh towel, wrapped it around her body and slipped out of the bathroom. An open notebook lay on her desk next to laptop. She made her way over to it, turned the computer on and jotted down some the notes. Her idea of what might help Nic get the kid he wanted looked good on paper. She couldn’t see why it wouldn’t work…biologically speaking. Except, shifters weren’t human. They housed an animal spirit. Not an animal per se, but the soul of one.
If what she’d guessed were true, the reason shifters didn’t breed well was because two conceptions needed to occur simultaneously for a shifter child to be created. On top of that, they had a one-hour window when the moon was at its highest for the dual-natured pregnancy to be formed, infusing the baby with both its halves, human and animal.
She and Nic had the additional issue of a species difference, but… But if her plan worked, they might be able to overcome it.
Might.
One word. It scared the shit out of her. Might wasn’t a guarantee, and for Nic, he needed one.
She dropped her head into her hands and groaned. Why couldn’t love be enough for him? Why did he have to put the stipulation of an heir on their relationship? As much as she wanted to be able to give birth to Nic’s kid or, hell, even raise his little one as her own, she couldn’t help feeling…well, resentful.
And, dammit, she hated the growing emotion. She did not want to feel bitter toward an innocent child, especially Nic’s. Whether his baby came from her body or that of another woman’s, Riley would love him or her as much as she loved Nic. It was just that…
She wanted Nic to pick her, knowing full well they might never conceive.
Was that really so much to ask?
In Nic’s eyes, it was.
She scrubbed at her tears, hating herself. Hating Nic. And hating the beautiful child that had not even been conceived yet.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Nic’s son or daughter would look like. Both would have his black hair and deep blue eyes. His son might inherit his rough features, the straight nose of th
e Kagan males, and maybe the cleft Nic’s dad had denting his chin. His daughter, on the other hand, would probably have her mother’s features. They’d never match Riley’s.
She waited for the anger or hurt the thought brought. It never came. The hours since walking away from Nic’s house today had given her the chance to think.
To plan.
And decide what truly mattered.
What it all came down to was that she was in love with a shifter. If she wanted to wake up in Nic’s arms, she had to make some concessions and accept the limitations of their biology.
Why couldn’t Nic do the same?
She shoved from the table on a groan. Let it go, Riley. You can’t hold this against him, not completely.
And she couldn’t. She understood what drove him. The past few days struggling to keep Nic’s dad alive had driven home the point. They were not human. Their rules were different for good reasons. Strength was necessary for the health of the pack, and without their animal half fully integrated into their psyche, they were broken.
Weak.
Trying to help Nic’s dad eat and make it to the bathroom had hurt her, but his demands had driven her to tears. He’d begged her not to save his life after the full moon. He wanted to die. He felt his mind and body unraveling. The harsh reality was they too made concessions to claim longer lives and power, only theirs weren’t a choice. They were born with a separate soul inside them, an animal driven by the raw and unforgiving world of nature where only the strong survived.
But strength wasn’t only physical. She too held power within her—courage, compassion and…
Love.
She’d wield it however necessary to protect and hold on to what belonged to her.
Her breath escaped on a hiss. She snapped her laptop closed and shoved her notebook in the top drawer of her desk.
A boom sounded. The lights flickered. Another loud crack, and the power cut.
She groaned. So much for her Internet searches. No matter. She had books from college in the storage totes in her attic. She made her way to the walk-in closet, where a pull-down ladder offered access to the attic, but halfway across the room, a thump cut through the night. She froze, her heart in her throat, and tried to remember if she’d locked her door.
I did. I know I did. It didn’t mean someone couldn’t have broken in. Maria, maybe? Ready the take out the threat to her mating? Then again, some of the pack members had her key, Hannah included. If Nic had told her what Riley had walked in on earlier today, there was a good possibility Hannah had come over to comfort her. The sight of Maria’s fangs and the incident with the injured shifter were too fresh in her mind, however.
She pivoted and rushed to her nightstand. A loaded gun lay in the middle of the top drawer. Sean had insisted she get one after Nic left four years ago. Just in case, he’d said. He’d warned her not to develop any more deep relationships with the other female shifters either. In fact, he’d told her to distance herself from the ones she’d formed. All except Hannah and Jenna, that was. The reasoning made sense, of course. They wouldn’t have been threatened by her if they’d found out about Nic’s bite. Sean had never come outright and admitted to knowing about it, but she’d always suspected he did. At the moment, she was grateful for his insistence.
She wrapped shaky hands around the cold metal and hurried to the middle of the room. Arms raised and legs spread, she pointed the pistol at the door and waited.
Chapter Sixteen
Riley’s hands shook and her heart pounded. Her first instinct was to call Nic, but she didn’t move from her spot in the middle of her bedroom. Her cell phone sat on the table near the front door with her keys. Besides, what could he do for her? If the pack protector guarding her house hadn’t stopped her intruder, there’d be nobody close to intervene. She was on her own.
After a long moment, the door opened. Nic’s wide chest filled the space. Relief swept through her, followed by confusion. Droplets of water marked paths down his bare chest to his drenched sweats and wet sneakers.
Nic hadn’t come to her after a run as he had last time or else he’d be naked. Had he walked here? The thought struck her as odd, especially in a rainstorm, but no matter how he’d gotten to her house, one glance at the thick erection molded by his wet pants told her the reason why he’d come.
Sex.
Part of her was annoyed by the fact. The rest of her was glad. She’d take Nic any way she could get him. She let her gaze caress his body while the air between them sizzled. Her breathing quickened. So did his, expanding his chest and drawing attention to the muscles packed onto his frame. Unable to delay any longer, she focused on his face. Wet, tangled hair framed the harsh cut of his jawline. Hunger darkened his eyes. The soft glow to his blue orbs added to the raw look he wore and heightened his predatory aura.
He bent and took off one shoe, then the other, tossing them down the hall.
“What are you doing here, Nic?”
He didn’t answer her. He shifted his piercing stare from her face to the towel loosely tied around her body. She didn’t have to look to know what drew his eye. The thin material barely covered her nipples and reached just past her ass. She’d poured her money into her clinic, not unnecessary items for her house. The hand-me-down towel served its purpose: to dry her. It was good enough.
A low sound crawled up his throat, not a groan or a growl but something more primal. It whipped through her, and her body reacted to the primitive noise. Her nipples pebbled, rubbing against the cotton, and moisture flooded her sex, readying her for his possession. He dragged in a deep breath, no doubt scenting her arousal on the air. Lips parted, he closed his eyes and panted.
Trying to get himself under control? Not if she could help it. He needed to lose it, both the tight grip he held over his sexual needs and the ones stopping him from fighting for her and their pack. Because his appearance in her bedroom proved her right. He was torn between love and responsibility.
Didn’t he realize he’d never be able to give his pack what they needed when he was broken? He’d end up being a shell of a man, one who no longer held any passion for life. Without it, he wouldn’t feel, not love or sympathy. How could he fight for those he’d sworn to protect if he didn’t care about them? Or life?
She took a step forward, gun still leveled on him. “Answer me. Why are you here?”
Her order had its desired effect. He popped his eyelids open and raised his lip on a silent snarl. Not good enough. She wanted him to snap.
She approached him, gun pointed at his chest. The ruse was for his benefit. She hadn’t even taken the safety off. Even if he had been an intruder, she wasn’t positive she’d be able to shoot him. The oath she’d taken to protect was one she held close, much like her love for Nic.
A few feet separating them, he growled. “Put the gun down, Riley.”
The deep rumble to his voice matched the almost feral look he wore, one that warned he was about to lose control.
“No, you see, I’m the one with the power”—she waved the gun—“and I just ordered you to tell me why you’re here.”
He looked from her eyes to her lips and back. A smile spread over his face. It added to the wicked vibe he gave off. Her pulse quickened, and body heated. She locked her knees and held her ground.
“Have you forgotten who I am?” He stepped into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. Another step pushed the gun’s barrel into his chest. “Or what I am?”
“How could I? You’ve made a point of reminding me every time I see you. You’re the alpha wolf, and”—she flashed him an equally taunting grin—“a fool.”
In a quick move she could barely follow, he grasped her wrists in one hand and fisted the edge of her towel with the other. She gasped, and he chuckled. “You’re right on both accounts.”
“So you admit you’re a fool?”
“Oh yes, Riley. I’m a fool.” He tugged on her towel. The cotton slipped from her body, pooling at her feet. He swept his gaze over her in a heated perusal that left fire in his wake. He finally dragged his gaze to hers. “I’m a fool for falling in love with you, and then—”
“So you lied to me?”
His gaze skimmed over her features before focusing on her mouth. “About what?”
She dragged the tip of her tongue across her upper lip and then her lower one, leaving a tempting sheen of wetness, one she knew would entice him to kiss her. It worked. He leaned closer. She turned her head and his lips skimmed over her cheek. “Loving me.”
“I never said I—”
“Don’t deny it.”
The corner of his mouth rose on a low growl, his annoyance showing over being interrupted. The sound whipped through her, weakening her knees. Her air rushed out on a surge of lust, but she sucked in a rough breath, ignored the heaviness in her breasts, and glared at him.
“Every time you fucked me, you whispered those words into my ear. You lied. Told me what you thought I wanted to hear so you could get off.” At least that was what he’d said to her the night he’d left. She didn’t believe it, but she’d use the tools available to her. The intense glow to his blue eyes and the rumble deep in his chest warned her she’d pushed him closer to his limit. Was it enough to crack him?
He took a step forward, then another and another, forcing her to move with him. Her back hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. He raised her arms, pinning her against the wall with his body, and plucked the gun from her hands. A few flicks of his fingers, and the bullets tinged against the hardwood floor. He tossed the empty gun and focused on her face.
Bridged by Love Page 13