“You did get me off, baby.” He skimmed his free hand over her side and around to her bottom. She held her breath, waiting for him to squeeze her butt cheeks or run a finger down the crack of her ass. He did neither. He pulled her closer, his wet sweatpants chilling her and tempting her to snuggle closer. It was impossible. Held by her wrists above her head and his hips to hers, she couldn’t wrap herself around him the way she’d like.
“What about you? Did I”—he brushed his lips across her cheek to her ear—“get you off?”
The warmth of his heated breath spread tingles over her skin. She squirmed, rubbing her groin against his. He didn’t counter her restless motions. His body remained stiff, much too far from hers with only their hips touching. Not good enough. She tugged her arms, trying to free them from his firm grip and failing. A frustrated groan crawled up her throat. “You know you did.”
“Do I?”
Her breathing quickened. “Yes. You always made me come multiple times before you ever would.”
“Did I? Or did you lie?” He chuckled. “I’ve heard human females do that. Fake their pleasure so their lovers aren’t hurt, or maybe to get the sex over with quicker.”
He nibbled on her earlobe. The tiny bites heightened her arousal, making her focus on every sensory detail he offered. She closed her eyes and tried to get herself under control. “Don’t be ridiculous. Our physical attraction isn’t in question. Our emotional ties, on the other hand, are. You’re lied to me, saying you…”
He slid his fingers to the edge of her cleft. Her thoughts scattered. Her attention once more centered on Nic. He didn’t disappoint her. A slow stroke of his finger parted her folds on an upward swipe, but he stopped before reaching her clit. He dragged his finger back, dipping the tip into her opening and stilling his hand. Her sex clenched, an attempt to draw him inside. He didn’t move, not to push his fingertip into her achy core or to pull it away.
“You know, I never questioned your attraction or affection, but maybe I was wrong.” He nipped her jaw and nibbled his way to her lips. She parted them, silently begging him to kiss her. He continued his teasing bites across her other cheek to her ear instead. “Maybe you didn’t love me.”
“I do.”
She felt his smile against her skin. It lightened her heart and excited her at the same time.
“Then why didn’t you ever tell me?”
She swallowed hard. “I did.”
He eased his hand away from her sex. “Twice.”
She nodded and hoped he didn’t ask why.
“Do you remember when, baby?”
She squeezed her eyelids shut. “Yes, I remember.”
“Tell me.”
“The night you bit me.”
He slipped his forefinger through her drenched lower lips and dipped the tip into her sex, swirling his finger in her arousal. “And the other time?”
Her breathing quickened. Sitting in the ceremonial circle earlier had brought the memory back of their first time together. Emotion choked her. He’d teased her, aroused her and worshipped her until she’d orgasmed multiple times before taking her virginity. Their loving had cracked her heart open, ensuring only Nic would own it.
He pushed two fingers into her body, parting her muscles on a controlled slow thrust the way he had that night. “Well, angel?”
“The first night we made love.”
“Why not every time I told you?”
Tears pricked at her eyes while heaviness settled low in her belly. She didn’t want to tell him the true reason. Voicing her fears might make them real, and she was fighting to stop it from happening. “Because.”
He grunted in response and turned his attention to arousing her. He worked her body with deep strokes, loosening her muscles the way he had that night. As a teenager, Nic had been large. Taking him in for the first time had stretched her to the point of pain even with the attention he’d given to prepare her body. He’d been conscious of her comfort, loving her slowly and reverently until she’d adjusted to his size before taking her to heights she hadn’t known possible. She’d been his first too. They’d discovered heaven together.
He tightened his hold on her wrists, yanking them higher. Her back arched with the move, her nipples brushing against his chest. He eased back, breaking their slight contact. She whimpered. “Nic, please.”
“Please?” He stilled his pumping strokes with his fingers lodged deep inside her body. “So, you want me to keep touching you?”
She squirmed as much as possible over him, needing relief from his sweet torture. “Yes.”
“Then answer me. Why didn’t you tell me you loved me too when I gave you the words? That is what most couples do, express their love with words and actions.”
She stared into his eyes, unsure of what to make of their conversation. Nic’s visit wasn’t turning out the way she’d expected it. He was on edge, a little crazed even, but he wasn’t in her bedroom for sex only. He wanted to talk as much as she did. Hope spread. “We were never a couple. Not officially.”
“In our hearts, we were. Do you deny it?”
She shook her head. “But why there, Nic? Why did you insist we make love for the first time in the ceremonial circle?”
He held her gaze, the truth stamped onto his face. She needed him to say it. Acknowledge what she was to him.
“I wanted it to be special, to mean more than just fucking.”
Emotions choked her. She licked her lips, giving her precious seconds to put her thoughts into words. “By tradition, only pack alphas have sex on the sacred grounds. Am I right? Humans aren’t even allowed near the area, let alone within the ring.”
He pulled his fingers from her body, and she shuddered with the loss of him.
“Yes, you’re right.”
“Then why did—”
“Why did I claim you as I would my mate?”
She nodded, not trusting her voice. A lump had formed in her throat.
He tugged at his sweats, freeing his cock. His thick erection pressed between them. The sensation of his silken hardness against her skin pushed her lust a little higher. Her womb squeezed and released on air.
“Because I love you.” He tilted his hips, sliding his erection along her cleft and spreading her arousal over his length. Another back and forth stroke over her folds, and her breath rushed out, her needs spiraling out of control. He lined the head of his cock up to her opening. “Do you remember what I said to you after I spilled myself inside you?”
She glanced away. “Yes.”
“Tell me.”
His order hit her. She couldn’t deny him the words. She met his gaze. “You said you’d love me forever, that no matter what happened in the future, I would own your heart.”
“What else, Riley? What did I say before taking you a second time?”
“That our souls would be reunited in heaven.” The reason she’d withheld her declaration of love came out on a sob that ripped her heart open. “That our love would tie us together and be stronger than any bond you would form in life.”
Her sadness overwhelmed her. She needed space. Just a couple of minutes. She yanked her arms hard. He released her hands, and she pushed at his shoulders. He didn’t move. He held her gaze, the demand in his eyes clear.
She dug her nails into his skin, no longer shoving him away but holding him in place and letting him see the hurt he’d caused her. “I always knew you’d become pack alpha, but hadn’t realized what that meant until then. How was I supposed to tell you I loved you when I knew it wouldn’t matter in the end?”
“Yet you felt it. You just withheld the words.”
“Yes. I felt it.” She pulled him closer. The head of his cock dipped into the mouth of her womb. Her eyelashes fluttered, but she held them open. “I feel it, Nic.”
“Tell me.”
She shook her head. “Not until you give me the rest of the reason why you took my virginity in the ceremonial circle.”
He flashed her a smile. “You took mine too, angel.”
“You planned it that way. For weeks, we’d teased each other, but you stopped us from having sex every time I tried to initiate it. I’d started to think you didn’t want me.”
“Oh, I wanted you, Riley. Had from the first moment I understood what a woman and a man could do together.” He licked her lips, a slow swipe of his tongue over the seam of her mouth. Her air escaped on a moan, but he didn’t swallow the sound. He eased back enough to gaze into her eyes. “Even before that, I recognized what you were to me.”
“What’s that?” she asked, but again, the answer burned in his glowing blue orbs. Would he voice it and give it life?
“Mine.” He took her mouth on a deep kiss. Not hurried, he explored her as if he’d never kissed her before. She clung to him, following his lead and relishing the emotion she felt twined into his reverent strokes. Much too soon, he broke their kiss. “There’s magic in the circle, Riley. Our pack’s spirit is tied to the Mother Earth as much as it is tied to the alpha and subsequently all of the pack members. I claimed your body that night, ensuring you belonged to me and would fit me like no other female ever would.”
It was why alphas often waited to claim their mates until the full moon, so they could first have sex within the circle. She’d known that, just not the reason behind it.
“You own my body.” He’d said so himself. Many times.
Hands at her waist, he lifted her. She wrapped her legs around him, crossing her ankles over his ass.
“Yes, but you own my heart. I gave it to you years before I took your virginity.” He rubbed his thumbs over her hipbones in soothing circles. “And I prayed our pack spirit would have mercy on me and allow me to mate you when the time came.”
“Didn’t you know—”
“That I needed a child?” He nodded. “Yes, but at the time, loving you was more important than filling a role I never wanted in the first place.”
“It still is, Nic.”
He broke their stare and skimmed his open mouth down her neck to the bite he’d left on her shoulder. Her womb clenched, and her breath caught. A swipe of his tongue, and he laved the raised marks, skipping tingles across her skin and tightening her body impossibly more. “And then I matured. The night I shifted I was driven by needs I’d never experienced before. Primal ones, you understand?”
She cradled his head and held him close. The memory of that night had replayed in her head many times. She’d analyzed every nuance of it, looking for what might’ve set him off. For a long while, she’d thought she’d done something wrong, but finally realized she hadn’t. Other than being born the wrong species, that was.
“Your instincts made you change your mind.”
“No, not exactly. My wolf changed it for me. He showed me what life with you would’ve been like because he made it clear he wouldn’t agree to our mating.” He pillowed his cheek against her shoulder. “You growing old with a lover who would outlive you. Hell, I wouldn’t have even been able to marry you. Having a husband who never aged would’ve drawn the human’s notice. We would’ve had to move somewhere and live in secret. I couldn’t have done that to you.”
“So you made the decision to push me away, hoping that by hurting me enough, I’d hate you and find happiness.”
He grabbed her calves and urged her to release him. She uncrossed her ankles and slid down the length of his body. He tugged his sweats up and turned away.
“What else was I supposed to do?” He glanced over his shoulder. “Would you have actually wanted to waste your life on a crazed wolf? Because that’s what’ll happen. If I choose you, I won’t be able to shift for fear my wolf will take over, and I’ll slowly go insane. Our souls might be separate, but they’re linked. We need each other.”
If I choose you. Present tense, not past. Her heart skipped a beat at the distinction. “But you need me too, don’t you?”
“Yes, and that was the mistake I made four years ago.”
Chapter Seventeen
Nic curled his hands into fists so as not to pull Riley into his arms. She stood before him, a mixture of hurt, affection and desperation on her face. He wanted to tell her he loved her. Had chosen her. He couldn’t. Not yet.
All he had to offer her was the bleak future he’d described. He loved her enough to let her have a chance at a real life with a male who could give her all the things he couldn’t. No matter what she decided, though, he wouldn’t take his place as alpha or claim a shifter mate. He’d follow her into death. It was the years between that were up in the air.
She raised her chin. “The only mistake you made was in thinking you could live a life torn between love and responsibility. You can’t. Doing so will make you weak.” She turned imploring eyes on him. “You’ll be worthless—as an alpha, a mate and a father.”
Nic stared into Riley’s eyes, more confused than he’d ever been at the fact that her words mirrored his own and over the reaction of his wolf. Nic had been struggling to keep it contained all day. It had been edgy and revved up with the approaching moon, but in the face of Riley’s harsh words, it sat on its haunches and listened, ears perked and head cocked as it watched her through Nic’s eyes. He wanted to read into its behavior but knew better.
“Is that really what you see? An unsalvageable male?”
“No, not unsalvageable. Broken.” She stepped closer and laid a hand over his chest, right over his heart. Her touch pushed the shock over his wolf’s reaction aside and redirected it to Riley and the hold she had over him. “There’s only one thing that’ll save you.”
“What’s that?”
“Love.”
“Whose love will save me? Yours?”
She curled her fingers around the waistband of his sweatpants and tugged them off. His cock sprang free. She tossed his pants behind her, ran her fingertips over his hard length and bent closer, her intent clear. He wanted her mouth on his dick too. As soon as she did, however, he’d lose all rational thought. He dropped his hands to her shoulders.
“Well, angel? Is your love going to save me?”
“Yes.”
God, he wanted to demand the words from her, along with her promise to live out her life with him but couldn’t. She had to be sure. “Did you not hear what I said? I can’t mate you, not without my wolf’s permission.”
She dropped to her knees without answering him and skimmed her fingertips up his calves. At his knees, she broke their stare and replaced her fingers with her lips. The first brush of her tongue to his skin, and his dick jerked. He stood still while she kissed her way higher.
“Look at me.” He waited until she peered at him from under her lashes. “Love can’t fix me, not completely. You think to save me, but all you’ll end up with is a male who can’t grow old with you, one who can’t give you children, and one whose mind will slowly unravel. I’ll be insanely jealous without any binding tie to you. Today. Tomorrow. Fifty years from now. It won’t matter. You’ll be the only thing holding my broken mind together. Could you live with that? Knowing I won’t be able to function without you?”
A small smile graced her full lips in answer. She glanced from his face to his straining dick. Precome welled at the tip under her focused study. She leaned closer and curled her tongue, capturing the drop. Her eyelashes fluttered closed. A look of pure rapture crossed her face.
“Answer me.” He tightened his grip on her shoulders.
She opened her mouth and sucked him deep, the head of his cock hitting the back of her throat. He groaned. “Riley, if you don’t stop…”
She dragged her mouth off him, and his warning died on his tongue. His dick glistened. So did her lips. The sight reignited his lusts that had dimmed in the face of their intense conver
sation. He dragged in a breath, the scent of her arousal heavy on the air. It enveloped him, tightening his body.
One hand, she wrapped around his cock. The other, she skimmed over his ass. She held him still and worshipped his dick. He closed his eyes and focused on the swipes of her tongue and the wandering caress of her fingertips. Every touch and lick sensitized him, excited him, made him crazed.
She cupped his balls in her hands, massaging them while licking his dick top to bottom. It was heaven and hell mixed into one. She didn’t linger anywhere but teased him, licking and stroking him.
Her lips left his dick. She skimmed her open mouth higher. At his rib cage, she stilled, her breaths coming quicker. The scent of her arousal filled the air around them. She rocked into him, brushing her arm against his leg, and moaned—a raw, carnal sound that didn’t have anything to do with the attention she was giving his dick.
He popped his eyelids open and was greeted with a sight he’d only ever seen in his dreams.
Eyes closed and lust slackening her features, she stroked her fingers through her cleft. On another low moan, she pushed two into her sex. Her grip on his dick tightened, and she pumped him with rough tugs in time with her thrusts.
“Fucking beautiful.”
She cracked her eyelids and met his gaze with unfocused eyes. A faint blush darkened her cheeks, and she pulled her fingers from her dripping sex.
“Don’t stop, baby.” He dropped to his knees, facing her, and spread his hands over her hips. “I want to see you pleasure yourself.”
She danced her glistening fingertips over his cock. “I’d rather have you stick this inside me.”
He grasped her wrist and directed her hand back between her legs. He straightened two of her fingers and pushed them into her body. A shaky breath fell from her lips. He grinned. “Make yourself come for me. I fantasized every night I was away from you that you were in your bed alone, touching yourself and thinking about me.”
Her intent gaze focused on his face stopped his heart. Jealousy burned in her eyes. It was an emotion he’d never seen from her.
Bridged by Love Page 14