In a Jam

by Cindy Dorminy

  Jake whistles. “Man, you got it bad.”

  “I do not. Okay, maybe I care about her a little bit. Man, I was a jerk to her. Something snapped, and it was like I was a ventriloquist dummy and somebody was pulling my strings.”

  The fish over the door starts singing, and Stanley walks in, holding a Styrofoam cup.

  “Hey, Stan.”

  “What’s up?” He spits tobacco juice into the cup.

  Jake lights up a cigarette. “Talking about Andie.”

  Stanley snickers and spits again. “You like her, don’t you?”

  I throw my hands in the air. Nothing goes unnoticed in this town. “All right, I care about her. A lot. You happy?”

  Stanley and Jake wait for me to continue.

  “I knew better than to get involved with her. I knew she wasn’t going to stay, but...”

  Jake puffs smoke in the air. “Were you listening to the little head?”

  Stanley chuckles.

  I whack him in the chest, almost knocking over his spit cup. “It was like I had known her all my life.”

  Stanley removes the Skoal can out of his back pocket. He turns around to show us his backside. He points to his pants.

  “You see how these jeans are worn where my can’s been?”

  I glance over at Jake. He shrugs. He doesn’t seem to have a clue where this is going, either.

  “Uh, Stan, are you saying you need some new jeans?”

  Stan shows me the can then slides it back into his jeans pocket. “See how nice it fits right in that pocket? Like it belongs there?” He pats the pocket. “Like the pocket has stretched to hold it jusssst right.”

  Jake and I stare at each other. He shrugs.

  “Yeah? Go on,” I say.

  Stanley takes the can out of his pocket again and shows it to me. “Without the can, the pocket droops and feels all empty.”

  I try not to grin, but it’s not easy. “Okay.”

  Stanley pops open the can and puts a fresh plug of tobacco in his bottom lip. “She’s your Skoal.”

  Jake’s jaw drops open.

  “She fills my... pants?”

  Jake turns around and chuckles; his whole body trembles.

  “No, silly,” Stan says. “She fills your heart. Your heart is like the droopy pocket. Without her, it’s missing something. She fills in the missing pieces of your heart.”

  Wow. Stanley rocks back and forth on his heels then bows. Jake high-fives Stan.

  “Uh, Stan. I don’t really know what to say to that. When did you get all philosophical?”

  He grins a toothless grin. “When I met my Skoal. Jolene means the world to me.”

  I pat Stan on the back. “I don’t care if you ever get your GED. You are one of the wisest people I’ve ever met. Thanks, man.”

  When I didn’t think his smile could get any bigger, it does.

  The bass song starts up again, and Liza walks in. Her eyebrows are raised, and her hands are on her hips.

  “Hey, Liza,” Stanley says.

  Jake points to Stanley. “Liza, who is Stan’s Skoal?”

  She rolls her eyes at her husband. “Duh. Jolene.”

  Stan hugs her. She paces the room. Uh-oh. I don’t like it when she gets like this.

  “Gunnar, that girl is a mess. You have to make things right.”

  Sometimes, I want to hide and not let anyone know anything that’s going on in my life. “Liza, some things aren’t meant to be. She’s great, and it’s been fun, but she doesn’t want the same things I do. She doesn’t care if downtown folds when she sells.”

  “Bullshit,” all three of them say.

  Liza gets right in my face. “You are a jerk for making her feel guilty about selling. It does not fall on her shoulders whether the town sinks or swims, so you owe her an apology. Gunnar, talk to her.”

  “No. She’s angry, and I can’t blame her. Besides, we’ve already said everything that needs to be said. ”

  She smirks, and I lean back, waiting for her comeback. “Everything but three sweet, simple words.”

  I chuckle. “Okay, Yente.”

  Her face turns beet red. She hates it when I call her matchmaker.

  “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I need to be alone for a while. I might even go to Chicago to clear my head.”

  Steam practically shoots out of Liza’s ears. “Mister, if you do that, you will be disowned. That chick is so full of herself, I bet she screams out her own name during sex.”

  Stanley backs out of the room. “On that note, I’m out of here. Remember. Pocket. Skoal. Think about it.”

  I don’t have any plans of going to Chicago, especially when it would mean being with Willow, but I love getting a rise out of Liza. She deserves it. I love her like a sister, but sometimes, she needs to butt out. And the best way to stop the freight train of her mouth is to freak her out.

  “Relax. I’m not going anywhere with Willow.”

  She points her finger. “You better not, or I’ll knock you into the middle of next week, looking both ways for Sunday.”

  Jake leans over to me and whispers, “Don’t try her. She’s as ornery as an old mule when she hasn’t gotten any.”

  She pops Jake on the shoulder. “I heard that.”

  “Listen, I need to tell you something before word gets around.”

  Liza backs up into the paint mixer. “Willow’s not pregnant, is she?”

  “No! But it does involve her.”

  I pick up the color palette wheel for no other reason than to have something to do with my hands. I never knew there were so many different shades of white. “I need to tell you all something, and I should have confided in y’all a long time ago. Now that it might get out, I don’t want any of you blindsided. I did something really dishonest in graduate school.” My eyes stay trained on the paint swatches. “I wasn’t doing very well in school. I was so far behind in my research project, I was ready to quit—give it up and come back home. Willow talked me into staying, and I wanted her to be proud of me.” I chuckle. “We both wanted out of Smithville so bad, and I didn’t want to let her down. So one night, we were at a bar, and there was this guy. We were chatting him up, and he told me he knew a guy that could hand deliver me my research project, for a price. And before you say it, it was not Willow’s idea. She tried to talk me out of doing it. Apparently, I suck at cheating because the one time I try to pass off someone else’s work as my own, I get busted.”

  “Oh, Gunnar,” Liza says, squeezing my arm.

  Thinking back to that day brings back all the humiliation. “Willow knew someone high up, and she talked them into granting me a master’s degree since I had the courses to qualify. That’s the only thing that kept me from going off the deep end.”

  Liza wraps her arms around my waist and gives me a big hug.

  “I thought she did it because she loved me, so I moved back here and waited for her to finish school. Turns out, she did it because she was embarrassed. That came out when she broke up with me.”

  No one in the room moves. The only sound being made is the hum of the air conditioner. I turn to face my friends. “So, when I go on and on about trying to save this town, it’s because this town, you two included, saved me.”

  I blow out a breath. Those words needed to be said years ago, but I was too embarrassed. Now I don’t care who knows.

  Liza hugs me again.

  “I could lose my job for lying about my school record.”

  Jake waves me off. “Explain it to the chief. You did get the degree. You only left out the little details surrounding it.”

  Liza waves her arm through the air in front of everyone in the room. “We love you exactly the way you are. But there is someone that loves you even more. Don’t let her go.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  Andie

  After a serious cold compress session and a pound of concealer, my puffy eyes are finally presentable for church. I’ve come this far; I’m not about to let my heart mess all this
up for me. He’ll probably be there, and everyone will stare at the physical and emotional distance that’s between us. He has to know that I have to be at church, so the nice thing to do would be to let me have my time. He can have the church the rest of his life. God, I hope he doesn’t show. But I want him to.

  I slip in right as the organ cranks up for the first hymn and slide into the back pew, next to my favorite brat who throws spitballs at my face. I give him a warning glance before he settles in next to his mother. Sweet Lily scans the crowd, and when our eyes meet, she grins real big and waves. She whispers something to her mother. Faith looks over at me with her mouth turned down. She mouths “no” to Lily. Lily turns to me one more time and frowns before she slinks down into the pew. I sure could use a Lily hug right now, but it is right of Faith to not get Lily caught in the middle of all this.

  Gunnar walks past me and sits next to Lily. She climbs onto his lap and whispers into his ear. He shakes his head and stares straight ahead. Please don’t let me cry in front of all these people. I’m so glad I don’t see Willow because the few bites of breakfast I did manage to eat might make an appearance all over the sanctuary’s carpet.

  Someone taps me on the shoulder. I jerk my head up to see Liza standing there. She never goes to church. My mouth drops, and so does the pastor’s. She motions with her head for me to scoot over. She slides into the pew next to me and holds my hand. I rest my head on her shoulder and whisper, “Thank you.”

  During our passing of the peace, the pastor says, “Andie, this is your last required attendance. I would love it if you would take up the offering.”

  I take a gander around the room, and as soon as my eyes land on Gunnar, he snaps his head in the other direction. “I’m not feeling well. I don’t want to give anyone a virus.”

  He hands me a bottle of hand sanitizer. “Nonsense. One last time.”

  “I’ll help,” Lily says, running up to me. Bless her heart. I’m going to miss that darling angel so much.

  “Lily, that is so sweet of you to volunteer. Thank you.” The pastor gives her shoulders a squeeze.

  Faith gives me the faintest of smiles and a single nod. Gunnar bows his head to read the church bulletin. He is the definition of handsome, especially when that dark lock of hair falls over his eyes. I want to brush it away like I’ve done plenty of times, but I can’t. He hates me, and he hurt me.

  During the offering, Lily insists I take up the collection on the side of the congregation where Gunnar sits. I train my eyes on the offering plate and try to pretend I’m happy while I walk down the aisle and stop at each pew. When the plate is being passed back to me, Faith takes it and hands it to Gunnar. Without looking in my direction, he shoves it my way but misses my hands. The offering plate clangs to the floor. Dollar bills and coins fly everywhere. A red-hot flush runs up my neck. Making a fool of myself in front of the entire congregation is what I’ve always been afraid of happening, and to do it at Gunnar’s feet right after he broke my heart is more than I can take. I wipe a tear away as I kneel down in the aisle.

  “I’m so sorry.” I don’t know if I’m apologizing to the congregation for disrupting the service or to Gunnar for the miscommunication. Or maybe it’s to myself for falling in love with this man and this community. With shaky hands, I grab the money off the floor. Lily runs up to help me. My breaths are rapid. On my knees, I lean over to grab some money by Faith’s foot, when Gunnar’s hand stops mine. He picks up the money and hands it to me. His touch lingers for a millisecond longer than necessary. I miss his touch. This may be the last time I ever get to feel his hand on me, so I savor the moment, even though we’re in the middle of church.

  As though he suddenly realizes what he’s done, he snatches his hand away, and the moment is gone.

  “Thank you,” I whisper. I doubt he heard me, but it was mainly for me, anyway. My “thank you” was for more than helping me collect the money I dropped. It goes beyond not reporting my slipup when he could have. It even goes beyond the intimate times we spent together. It’s for welcoming me into his family and never treating me like an outsider. I felt more at home here than I have anywhere in my life. But I don’t anymore.

  When we finish taking up the offering, Lily and I march back up to the front and place our plates at the altar. Lily gives me a high five, and the congregation giggles.

  “Let’s give a round of applause to Andie. No one is an official member of this congregation until they’ve dropped an offering plate.” The congregation stands and claps for me. All except Gunnar, who stays in his pew, focusing on the floor in front of him.

  I shrug as I walk back to sit next to Liza. She hugs me. Even the brat next to me gives me a thumbs-up. Regina gives me a faint finger wave, and Sarah Jackson dabs at her eyes with a tissue, which makes me want to give each of them a big, crushing hug. After today, I will have fulfilled all the stipulations in Granny’s will. I should be happy. It’s only money. I don’t need it, and I surely don’t want it anymore.

  TEARS AREN’T USUALLY an ingredient in Granny’s jam recipe, but they are today. It’s never too early to get started on Monday’s orders, and after I scooted out of church like a scalded dog, I had to do something, or I would go crazy. I measure out the whiskey and pour it into the boiling pot of fresh strawberries from the Jackson’s garden. The golden liquid calls to me. On a day like today, I could use a little bit of liquid companionship. It would be so easy to drown my sorrows. I’ve done everything I needed to do to inherit the money, and the developers want an answer by tomorrow, so I need to make up my mind. Today’s church service was the last on the checklist. I’m free. I can do anything I want. I can drink until I pass out. It would be nice to sink back into my old ways. It would be so easy.

  I hold up the bottle, and the familiar smell wafts over me. Screw you, Gunnar. You don’t deserve me. This town doesn’t deserve me. I’m done. I bring the bottle up to my lips, but before I take a sip, my hand freezes.

  No.

  This isn’t what I want. Even without Gunnar or this town, I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’ve gone over a month without even the desire to get drunk. I’m not going to start now. I’ll have to get through my sadness in other ways, like finding friends to lean on, or hey, maybe I’ll even read Granny’s Bible. It may give me some strength like it did for her all those years.

  With this being my last batch of jam I’ll ever make with Granny’s secret ingredient, I pour the remainder of the whiskey down the sink and toss the bottle into the trash. I can actually breathe again. I feel ten feet tall right now. I can do this. I know I can.

  After sterilizing the Mason jars, I line them up on the counter and, one by one, spoon the scalding-hot jam into each jar like a pro. I don gloves, screw on the lids, and let the jars cool on the counter. They are my babies. I label each one and decorate the lids with ribbon and a gift tag.

  “Granny, I hope you’re proud of me. I’ve tried super hard. I really have. Thank you for making me come here.”

  A peace comes over me like I can’t explain. I know she’s watching over me, and in that moment, I feel her loving arms around me, telling me she’s proud of me. And this time, happy tears flow down my face.

  A knock sounds on the door, making me jump. Maybe it’s Gunnar. I wipe the tears from my face and rush toward the door. When I fling open the door, as Mrs. Cavanaugh would say, I could have been knocked over with a feather. It’s not Gunnar.

  It’s Regina and Willow.

  CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

  Andie

  Crap. I barely trust Regina, and the encounters I’ve had with Willow have not been pretty. Regina gives me a tentative smile. Her normal tan face is paler than mine.

  “Hi. Uh, I’m not open.”

  “We know.” Regina points at Willow. “She needs to talk to you.”

  “I don’t think that’s a wise idea.”

  I start to close the door, when Regina stops me. “She’s not here to cause trouble.” She sneers at Willow. “Are
you?”

  Willow’s eyes dart around. “I’m not going to cause a stink. I promise.”

  “No.”

  Both of their mouths drop open. As I start to close the door, Regina throws her body in the way. She holds her hands out as if she’s the referee and Willow and I are on opposing sides, about to have a throw-down.

  “Willow, give me a minute.”

  Willow’s face turns a splotchy red, and she blows out a breath. It’s not as though she has any choice in the matter.

  Regina whispers in my ear. “You’ll be doing me a favor if you hear her out. Everyone is on her ass to tell you the truth, even Stanley.”

  I blink like an idiot. “Stanley?”

  Regina nods. “He’s your number-one fan, so please...” She glances over her shoulder to where Willow stands, nibbling on a fake fingernail.

  I roll my eyes and open the door wider for them to come in.

  Willow tiptoes in and sinks into the first booth she comes to. Regina pats my arm and points at the counter. “I’ll be over here, minding my own business unless she goes into full bitch mode.”

  Regina motions for me to approach Willow, who acts as though she could throw up at any minute. From the little I know about her, she’s usually in control. I bet this is new territory for her.

  I slide into the booth so I’m sitting directly across from her. “Would you like something to drink?”

  Willow shakes her head. “Not unless you got some whiskey. I sure could use a shot right now.”

  Regina giggles, and I bet she’s thinking back to our first encounter at the hospital.

  “Sorry, I don’t have any.” I glance over at my jam jars, and for a fleeting second, I consider sharing with her what my secret ingredient is. “You want to talk?”

  She focuses on her shaking hands. “I wanted to...” Willow’s pained expression makes it seem as though she’s about to cry.

  “You got this.” Regina gives her a thumbs-up. Then she smiles at me. “She’s not used to apologizing. Go easy on her.”