Say Yes

by LK Shaw

  I walked across the lawn, the overly long blades tickling the bottom of my feet, and crawled into my comfy, oversized blue papasan chair. I pulled my knees toward my chest, taking a cautious sip of my hot coffee, basking in the warmth of the sun radiating through the leaves, and tried to settle my mind.

  Josie had picked well when she’d bought this house. I lived on a quiet street of mostly older couples. There weren’t really any kids in the neighborhood so it wasn’t often I heard the laughter of children playing. It was peaceful. Or rather, it had been until today. Now, it just reminded me of how isolated from the outside world I was. I knew part of that was my own fault. I was the one who didn’t venture out. I was the one who kept myself locked inside.

  My thoughts lingered on Philip’s kiss, as they had ever since Sunday. My first one. Well, my first real kiss anyway. I didn’t count the peck on the lips from Billy Parker at recess one day when we were in second grade. And Mr. Childress, my father’s former business associate, had been busy doing other things to me besides kissing. I counted that as a blessing. Kissing was one thing he hadn’t tarnished. Kissing, especially kissing Philip, was something I was eagerly looking forward to doing again.

  The feel of his lips against mine had sent delicious tingles racing through me. I’d expected his skin to be rough and dry, but it wasn’t at all. In fact, it was soft and just a little damp. Not slobbery, but the perfect amount of wetness. And when Philip’s tongue touched mine, my pulse raced, my stomach dropped, in a good way, my nipples hardened, and my core throbbed. His beard and mustache had lightly brushed my nose and chin, and it was so much softer than I’d thought it would be. It had been an exciting feeling. I hated that my skittishness had ruined such a beautiful thing. But when my hand had landed that close to Philip’s crotch, I’d panicked.

  Even with all that, I was ready to do more kissing. With just one, I’d become addicted. I didn’t let myself think about what came after the kissing part yet. I just wanted to continue reveling in the fact that Philip kissed me. I’d loved it, and I couldn’t wait to do it again.

  Poppy Park was the first place, other than Josie’s house, that I’ve stepped foot into in ten years. And even though it had been completely empty except for Philip and me, it had actually been a liberating experience. Like kissing, I was ready to venture out again. Nowhere crowded and filled with people yet, but somewhere new and exciting. I’d discuss it with Philip when he came by.

  I’d just closed the folder on the portfolio I’d been working on when Philip walked through the door. My skin got all prickly as I looked him over. Maybe it was the kiss, but I was suddenly observing him with a more critical eye. I’d always known Philip was handsome, but we were friends, so I didn’t truly pay much attention to his appearance. But today, there seemed to be something about him that I couldn’t take my eye off.

  “Is everything okay?” Philip asked cautiously, his brow furrowed as though trying to figure out a puzzle.

  “Yeah, why?” I was confused by his question.

  He just shrugged. “You’re just giving me this weird look. Like I have something on my face.”

  Embarrassed at being caught ogling, I hastily responded. “What? No—um, your face is great. I mean—no, no there’s nothing on your face.”

  My words came out rushed and awkward. I snapped my mouth shut with an audible click. Philip stood there for a minute, then shook his head before heading into the kitchen.

  Smacking myself on the forehead, I jumped up and followed him. My list hadn’t been long this time, so there was only one bag of groceries, and Philip was already mostly done putting things away.

  He shooed me to my chair when I tried to help. I huffed, but hopped on the bar stool, propping my chin on my palm as I watched him move around my kitchen. It was like I was seeing him for the first time. His shirt pulled taut in places as he reached in the cabinet, and the way his muscles twitched and flexed and bulged had me squirming a little in my chair. What was I doing? This was Philip. We were friends. I mean, I know I basically asked him to have sex with me, but that was because he was comfortable and familiar. I hadn’t expected to be this attracted to him. My eyes automatically focused on his butt when he turned away. I’d never noticed how tight and firm it was. Or how well his jeans cupped his cheeks.

  The clearing of a throat had my eyes quickly darting up to catch Philip’s gaze.

  “See something you like?” he asked, amusement evident in his tone as he crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow. My face heated, and I wanted to crawl under my seat in embarrassment. Instead, I sat up taller and thrust my shoulders back.

  “Actually, I was just thinking how nice your butt looked in those pants.”

  Now, it was Philip’s cheeks that flushed pink. He coughed into his fist to mask a chuckle. “Thanks. I’m glad you approve.”

  He leaned back against the counter and crossed his ankles. “Do you have a nice dress?”

  I blinked, taken aback by the sudden change in topic. “Define ‘nice’?”

  “Like, nice. Something you would wear to a fancy restaurant for dinner.”

  “I’m not ready to sit in a crowded restaurant, Philip,” I said, trying to calm the intense anxiousness that burst through me at the mention of being around people. I know I wanted to venture out more, but not so soon. And not around so many people. Agoraphobia manifested itself differently, for various reasons, in those who were affected by it. For me, it was being surrounded by too many people, who might accidentally touch me. It was the feeling of being trapped with no escape. A familiar buzzing sounded in my ears and a metallic, briny taste filled my mouth.

  “Casey,” Philip called out my name. While my eyes focused, he moved across the room and now stood directly in front of me, his hands palming my cheeks. I hadn’t even felt his touch.

  “Look at my eyes, Casey, and breathe with me.”

  I tried to match my breathing to his, and finally, my racing heart slowed, and soon, our inhalations and exhalations were in sync. We continued our shared breaths until my panic attack was under control. Well, that had escalated quickly.

  “Sorry.” My voice came out small and ashamed.

  “Don’t be sorry. I should have explained myself better. Still, you said you trusted me. Which means, you have to believe that I wouldn’t let anybody hurt you. Okay?”

  Our eyes were still locked on each other’s. I could only read concern and sincerity in Philip’s gaze. I let out a thready breath. “Okay.”

  His hazel eyes sparkled with approval. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

  “Okay,” I repeated, this time in a hushed voice.

  Philip’s lips touched mine, but unlike our first kiss, there was no hesitation. His touch was firm, but not aggressive. And I immediately opened when his tongue begged for entrance. Flavors of mint and coffee burst across my taste buds. He deepened the kiss and my whole body tingled at the sensation of his lips, tongue, and beard rasping over my skin. The tingle ran from my head to my toes, which even curled inside my shoes.

  His hand fisted my hair, and he angled his head just right as he deepened the kiss. My brain short circuited, and all thought escaped. The only thing I could do was feel. My fingers felt the cottony fabric of his shirt as my hands stroked up and down his firm, muscled back. This was the kiss all the girls in school talked about, but I’d been too broken to even want what they’d experienced. I knew better now. I knew that I’d been waiting my whole life for someone to kiss me the way Philip was kissing me. As though I was the most important person in his life.

  It was a mind-numbing, spine-tingling, toe-curling kiss that I never wanted to end. But as with all good things, it had to. With concerted effort, Philip dragged his lips away, but he still remained so close our heavy breaths mingled together when he rested his forehead against mine.

  “A man could get used to kissing you,” he whispered against my skin.

  “I hope not just any man. I hope you could get used to kissing me. ‘Cause I like
your kisses very much,” I answered.

  “Oh, I definitely could get used to it.”

  “You’re welcome to anytime.”

  “Good to know.”

  Finally, he separated our bodies, but stayed close.

  “Now, I’m going to pick you up at 9:00, and I want you to wear a nice dress. There is going to be food, but don’t starve yourself waiting to eat that late. Eat something light early on. Deal?” Philip asked, even though it didn’t really sound like a question.

  I shook my head at the abrupt change in conversation. I wasn’t sure about this bossy side of him. He’d always kind of treated me with kid gloves. Then again, I’d agreed to do this his way. I was just a little trepidatious about it, no matter how much I trusted him.

  Reluctantly, I agreed, not entirely comfortable with this. At least I’d have the rest of the day to prepare myself. I hated relying on medication as a coping mechanism, but in this case, I might have to cave.

  “Deal. I’ll be ready. For the record, this sounds an awful lot like a date.”

  Philip strode toward the living room, and just before disappearing around the corner, he turned and winked. “That’s because it is.”

  I heard the front door close, but still hadn’t moved. Oh. Knowing I was way out of my league, I broke down and called Josie.

  8

  PHILIP

  After giving a lot of thought to Casey’s proposal, I’d come up with my own plan. I wanted her to have all the life experiences she’d missed out on. A first date. A first kiss. A first dance. So far, we’d done things a little out of order, but it didn’t matter. It was all about the experiences leading up to the biggest one of all.

  I was the first point of contact at an exclusive, private club that specialized in, to put it honestly, kink. It wasn’t my thing, but when I’d been discharged from the Marines after my mom’s accident, I’d had to find a job that paid the bills but also allowed me flexible hours. I’d struggled for a couple years, but I’d lucked out when I saw the ad in the classifieds, especially since it had been buried. All it had said, was doorman needed at specialty club, evening hours, well compensated, discretion and confidentiality a must.

  Considering my size and former military experience, I figured I’d be a great candidate. I’d called the number on the ad and after an eye-opening interview, I’d been hired. That had been fifteen years ago. Believe it or not, there were more people in the kink community and lifestyle than I’d ever imagined. I met a wide array of members. Influential members, including one extremely expensive, ritzy restaurant owner. Who was doing me a huge favor.

  At precisely 8:55, I pulled into Casey’s driveway wearing a navy and white pin-striped suit and dark blue tie. I’d tied my hair back, and in my hand, I held a bouquet of fresh flowers. I knocked and waited. Several minutes passed with no sound coming from inside. I figured this would happen. Casey was so used to me just walking in and making myself at home. I knocked again. Finally, I heard a shuffling from inside.

  The door opened a crack, the chain across it halting its progress. Good thing I hadn’t tried to let myself in this time. Her eyes widened at the sight of me. The door slammed, and the chain rattled as she removed it. When she opened the door fully, it was my turn to be shocked. Casey looked fucking gorgeous. She’d twisted her hair up, but left a few long tendrils down to frame her face. She’d put on makeup that made her baby blue eyes pop. But that wasn’t what had my eyes almost popping from my head. It was what she was wearing.

  Hugging her every curve was a sapphire-colored, floor-length gown that almost matched her eyes perfectly. It was sleeveless with a sheer panel from just above her breasts to her neck that gave the barest hint of cleavage and had a band of sparkling beads just under her small breasts. Casey was absolutely breathtaking. Feeling like an awkward teenager on prom night, I held out the bouquet.

  “These are for you,” I said almost stupidly, struck dumb by the sight of her.

  She lifted the flowers up to her nose, inhaling their scent. “Thank you so much, Philip. They’re beautiful. Oh, come in, please. Let me run and find a vase for these.”

  She hurried away as I shut the door behind me, my eyes tracking her movements before I lost sight of her as she entered the kitchen. Lord, help me. A few minutes later, Casey returned with her purse in hand.

  “I guess I’m ready.”

  “Before we go, I just wanted to make sure you know how stunning you look. I was woefully neglectful not telling you as soon as you opened the door, but I was speechless at your beauty.”

  “You have no idea how much that means to me, Philip. Honestly, Josie bought me this dress today. I was forced to tell her you were now helping me. In fact, you just missed her,” she chuckled. “She only left thirty minutes ago. I called her, frantic, after you left earlier, because I had nothing to wear. I do feel like a princess though.”

  I reached for her hand, bowed, and kissed her knuckles. “Then, I shall be your Prince Charming for the evening, Princess.”

  Her laughter lightened my heart. She didn’t do it often enough. I gave her my crooked elbow.

  “Are you ready for our date?”

  Her smile never even dimmed as she threaded her arm through mine. “Definitely.”

  Once Casey was buckled in, I headed toward downtown Pinegrove. It wasn’t a huge city, but it was still large enough that we had a popular downtown with quite a few restaurants and bars on Main Street. It was summer, so a lot of people were out on Patterson Island, which was about a forty minute drive. It was a popular tourist island with a lot of beach rentals. I still expected there would be quite a few people wandering around, even on a Tuesday night. Which is why I chose Patsi’s Table. It was a couple blocks off the main drag. Most visitors to the city had no idea it existed, so it was really only frequented by locals.

  Patsi’s was a quaint, two-story upscale restaurant that catered to some of the “upper crust” of Pinegrove. A real estate mogul, a pro-basketball player who lived here in the off-season, and the lieutenant governor could often be found eating here. The owners, a gay couple, frequented the club I worked at.

  I turned down Porter Street and started scanning for a parking spot. As luck would I have it, I found one just before we got to the restaurant. I loved coming here, but I hated the damn parallel parking. I kept my eyes on Casey to see how she was reacting. So far she seemed calm with no signs of distress. Once I’d maneuvered into the spot, I cut the engine and jumped out to open her door for her.

  “Just keep remembering to breathe.” I reassured her as I helped her down from her seat.

  “I’m doing fine at the moment, I swear.” She smiled genuinely. Immediately, muscles I hadn’t realized were tense, relaxed.

  “Here we go then.” I pulled her close to me, not only to help her feel more at ease, but also because I couldn’t not touch her. Her tart cherry smell wafted through my nose, and I could only shake my head, because the scent fit her perfectly—a little sour mixed with a little sweet.

  No sooner did we reach the door than it was opened for us by a hostess.

  “Mr. Maxwell?” she inquired.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She smiled and waved us in. “Excellent. My name is Tiffany. I’ll direct you to your table. If you’ll just follow me, please.”

  Tiffany led us through the dimly-lit restaurant that was almost completely vacant until we reached a set of stairs. I gestured for Casey to go in front of me. The top of the steps opened up to a separate dining area with empty tables covered in pristine, white tablecloths. I grabbed Casey’s hand to stay in tune with her mood and to keep touching her. She didn’t tense, but instead, seemed relaxed as we weaved through the tables and through open French doors that led out to the rooftop patio. Soft music was playing and small, twinkling lights strung across wooden beams lit up the roof with an ambient, romantic glow.

  In the middle of the rooftop patio was a table set for two with a lit candle in the middle.

  “Here yo
u are. Joseph will be out with some wine shortly. Enjoy your meal.”

  I held out Casey’s chair for her. Her eyes wandered around, taking in the sights around us. Wide-eye wonderment was the only way I could explain the expression on her face. I let her take everything in. Finally, she realized I was waiting for her, and she slid into her seat with a mumbled, “Oh, thanks. Sorry.”

  Once seated, I laid my napkin across my lap. “So, what do you think?”

  “Oh my god, Philip, it’s beautiful up here. But where is everyone? I expected a place like this to be packed. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. ”

  “They actually close in about thirty minutes. I know the owners, and they let me ‘borrow’ the place for tonight.”

  Casey narrowed her eyes. “You sure do know an awful lot of people.”

  I shrugged, brushing off her suspicious tone. I did actually know a lot of people. “What can I say, I have a lot of friends.”

  She was about to respond when we were interrupted by our waiter.

  “Good evening. My name is Joseph, and I’ll be serving you tonight. Can I start you off with a bottle of wine? Perhaps a nice pinot grigio or merlot?”

  I, personally, wasn’t a wine drinker, but I actually didn’t know about Casey. I’d never seen her drink any alcohol now that I thought about it. I’d leave it up to her.

  “Are either of those sweet? I don’t really know much about wine.” She was doing surprisingly well interacting with the man, considering he was a stranger. I was extremely proud of her.

  “No, ma’am, neither are sweet, but we do have an exceptional prosecco I could recommend. It’s a little more bubbly and closer to a champagne.”