by Edie Claire
He collected his laundry and drove back to the cabin, fighting the urge to look for Haley’s car on the way. He was no masochist. He knew he needed to back off a bit, stop initiating things. If she initiated, that was different. He had offered her friendship and a sympathetic ear, no strings attached, and he would honor that promise if it killed him. She had done nothing to deserve otherwise.
As much as it irked him to be left guessing, he knew that Haley was under no obligation to tell him her deepest and darkest secrets. She was under no obligation to tell him anything. The fact that she had been so forthright and so quick in saying that she didn’t want a relationship had been — ironically enough — the beginning of his downfall. What woman does that? She could have jerked him around all week, enjoyed guided sightseeing, mooched meals, and anything else she wanted from him, and then just disappeared. Instead she’d shown a genuine concern for his feelings.
She had even resisted crying on his shoulder. There she was, falling apart in the middle of the woods, and she would rather have cried alone on bare rock than risk sending him the wrong message. Even that beautiful, spontaneous hug had made her feel guilty, because Haley Olson was nobody’s fool. She knew damn well how much he wanted her.
But she was pregnant. And he had no shot. And while she might not trust him enough to share her life story, she did at least respect him enough not to lie to him. She had been honest, and direct, and compassionate.
Dear God, she was killing him.
He pulled up to the cabins fervently hoping that her car would not be there.
It was. And so was she. On his porch, with her hair up in a towel, which meant that she had just stepped out of his shower.
The mental image was brutal.
He parked and got out of his car. Haley skipped down the steps and smiled at him. She had released her hair and was casually toweling it off. Ben looked away.
“You got a package!” she said excitedly. “Is today your actual birthday?”
He surveyed the giant box on his porch. It was covered with the words “Happy Birthday” in any number of different colors of ink, including neon green with glitter. He smiled warmly. The green glitter would be from Zora. “It actually is.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Haley protested. “Happy birthday!”
He braved a direct look at her. Her face was particularly beautiful without makeup. But she bore the telltale signs of another crying jag around her eyes. “Thanks,” he replied. “How was the conference call?”
“Dreadful,” she said tonelessly, passing him on her way back to her cabin. “Besides which, you set me up.”
He turned. “Excuse me?”
She kept walking. “Don’t play innocent, Captain. You knew it would mess with my mind to talk business with that gorgeous view staring me in the face the whole time.”
His heart pounded. Damn, she was smart. And she understood him, too. “Did it work?”
She turned around. For a second she stared right through him, displaying that just-under-the-surface misery he had come to know so well. But in the next second, it was gone again. “Of course not,” she said lightly. “You have big plans for tonight?”
He would give anything to say yes. “Nope,” he answered. “Just opening up that package.”
Her face brightened. “Let me take you out to dinner, then. It’s the least I can do. For all your naturalist and bear-protection services, I mean.”
No, no, no…
“Sure. That’d be great.”
“What’s your favorite place? Sky’s the limit. Assuming there are no five-star restaurants in Seward, of course.”
“That would be a safe assumption. But I do know a nice place close by, with a view of the Resurrection River. I’ve never been there before, but people say it’s good. I’ve been meaning to try it.”
“Sold,” Haley called cheerfully. She jogged up to her door and turned around again. “So when do you plan on opening that package? I have to admit, I’m dying of curiosity. It says, ‘Warning: May contain marmalade,’ on the far side.”
Ben smirked. “Well, at least they warned me. They know I hate marmalade.”
Haley smiled, but her expression was tinged with sadness. “I’m guessing some kids somewhere are pretty crazy about their Uncle Ben.”
“I guess so,” he replied, touched.
“I’m not surprised,” she murmured.
He dared to look up at her and regretted it immediately. Her eyes were welling with tears again.
Chapter 15
Ben studied the drink menu the waiter had just handed him.
“By the way, how old are you?” Haley asked.
He looked up. “You think I’m not legal?”
She chuckled. “Seriously, how old are you?”
“Twenty-eight.”
Her eyes widened dramatically. “You’re a baby!”
He frowned. “And how old are you?”
“Twenty-nine.”
“Ancient!” he teased.
Haley’s laughter warmed his soul like sunlight. She was deeply troubled; she had been all afternoon. The conference call, as near as he could guess, had been a complete disaster. But she was refusing to give in to her misery. She had thrown herself into his birthday celebration like it was some kind of lifeline, delighting in every crayon drawing and sticky home-baked treat they had discovered in the giant box. She had asked him a million questions about his nieces and nephews, his sisters, his parents, and what it was like growing up in Seattle. The more remote the time and anecdotes being recounted, the more relaxed she seemed to feel.
“Would you like some wine?” she asked.
He hesitated. “Would you?”
“I’m not much of a drinker,” she replied easily. “But don’t let that stop you. Order whatever you like.”
He put the menu down. “I’ll pass. But thanks.”
They studied the regular menus, and after making his decision quickly — the salmon, of course — he found himself staring out the large picture windows at the wildflowers growing on the other side. What would Haley do with herself tomorrow? He was scheduled for two short cruises, morning and early afternoon. Both were already overbooked because of the cancelled tours today. He knew he should be glad that her coming along was not an option. Limiting his time with her over the next few days would be vital to his sanity. But he couldn’t make himself like it. Not when he knew that after Saturday, he would almost certainly never see her again.
The waiter returned, and they both ordered the salmon. Ben requested draft root beer, a specialty of the house. Haley sipped ice water.
“Ben?” she asked quietly, interrupting another of his reveries as he gazed across the road at the river. He hoped he wasn’t being rude. But he was having a tough time looking her in the face. Her innate attractiveness was bad enough — she was wearing her hair down, and her cobalt blue shirt set off her eyes like emeralds. But the look in her eyes was punishing. She was looking at him like he was a dessert she couldn’t eat.
“Yes?” he replied, fighting a strong urge to run out across the road and jump in the frigid water.
“I’m sorry if it seems like our conversations are one-sided,” she began awkwardly. “You’ve shared so much about your family and your job, and I haven’t shared much of anything. But it’s not that I don’t feel comfortable with you or that I enjoy being secretive. Frankly, I hate it. It’s just that the whole idea behind this week was that I wouldn’t think about my problems.”
“I get that,” Ben said quickly, taking pity on her.
She shook her head. “It’s not working. I realized today that it’s pointless. My worlds have collided and the fantasy’s over. I’m probably going to have to fly back early.”
A bolt of fear shot through his chest. “Earlier than Saturday?”
She caught his tone. Smiled at him. Looked miserable again.
“I haven’t given up completely yet,” she explained. “My plan is to hit one of the internet cafes
in town tomorrow and see what progress I can make. Maybe it will be enough. But honestly, I doubt it.”
Her eyes glistened with sorrow. “I really love it here, Ben. I don’t want to leave. In fact, I don’t want to sell. I’m going to try to talk Micah into keeping our uncle’s property.”
Ben felt a flicker of hope. But just as quickly, it fizzled again. She wasn’t talking about moving here. Just visiting once in a while. Maybe.
It wasn’t enough.
“I’m glad to hear it,” he said, feigning cheer. “Just don’t jack up my rent.”
Her grin was genuine. “We’ll see.”
He looked back out the window again.
He heard Haley exhale, then clear her throat. “The way I see it,” she began, sounding every bit the lawyer, “we have two choices for the rest of your celebratory meal. One, we both keep pretending. We keep the mood light and the conversation fun and hope to avoid any more ‘waterworks,’ as you put it.”
Ben turned toward her. This sounded promising. “And number two?”
“I completely ruin your birthday by unleashing a horrific torrent of personal angst, going on and on about what my family is putting me through and how incredibly burned out I am trying to manage other people’s hysteria while working a never-ending job that’s slowly sucking the life out of—”
She stopped suddenly, surprised. She blinked and stared out the window herself. “Did I really just say that?”
Ben’s heart pounded. The hope was back, damn it all. He couldn’t help himself. “You did,” he replied. “And by the way, I choose option two. How do you really feel about your job, Haley?”
She looked at him, seeming genuinely confused. “My job is fine.”
He leaned toward her. “You hate it and you know it. Why? Tell me.”
She looked conflicted.
“Tell me,” he pressed, holding her gaze. Trust me. Just a little. Please?
Moisture swamped her eyes again. “Crap! This is so embarrassing!” She wiped her eyes with her napkin. “I swear to you, I’m not normally like this. It’s just the damn horm—” Her voice broke off. She looked horrified.
Hormones, Ben finished glumly. He knew he was right.
Haley straightened up again. She looked directly at him and her eyes flashed with a sudden fire. “I do not hate my job, Ben. I’m a damn good attorney and I do not consider what I do to be unethical. It’s just…” Her jaw muscles clenched.
Pain was etched across her face, the pain of an anger long suppressed. He said nothing more, just willed her to get it out.
“I got into law because I promised my father I would when I just a freakin’ child, and then he died and I could never take it back,” she gushed at last. “Everyone expected me to do it and I never even considered doing otherwise. From the day I started law school I’ve felt like nothing but a stick floating down a river just spinning around in the current. I’ve got my mother and sister to take care of, and I can handle that, but it never gets better, it only keeps getting worse, and somehow without me ever seeing it coming, I’ve completely and totally lost control of my own damn life!”
Her voice had risen to a shout. People at other tables turned to look at them.
Ben beamed at her. “Good job, Haley,” he said quietly.
The waiter brought their salmon. Haley collected herself. Then she dug in.
“You have a strange effect on me, you know that?” she said mildly, stabbing at a sprig of asparagus.
“Ditto,” he replied, admiring her quick cool-down. She undoubtedly was an excellent attorney.
“I can’t believe you want me to yell at you for a birthday present,” she said dryly.
He shrugged. “I wouldn’t have thought so either, but hey — it’s working for me.” He took a bite of salmon. It was perfect. He grew bolder. “Now keep going. Tell me why you feel like you have to take care of your mother and your grown-up sister. Why their phone calls upset you so much.”
Haley kept stabbing. “I’m afraid that’s a long and messy story. With a disturbingly high ‘girl stuff’ factor.”
“Try me,” he begged. “Honesty is cathartic, and you’re on a roll.”
She stopped her fork and looked at him skeptically. But at least she did not refuse. “My sister is driving me crazy,” she said flatly. “My mother, too.”
He smiled. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
She sighed. “Okay, fine. You asked for it. The bottom line is, I’ve always taken care of Micah. My mother was never reliable, and although my father was very attentive, he was almost never home. My Aunt Janie took good care of us, but she—” Haley paused. “Let’s just say we lacked guidance, of a sort. As a result, I grew up super independent — some would say an overachiever.”
“You think?” Ben teased.
Haley glared at him.
“Sorry,” he said with a chuckle. “Proceed.”
“You do realize I don’t normally talk about this stuff, don’t you? I mean, I really don’t. Not with anybody.”
Ben stopped a forkful of fish midway to his mouth. “Don’t you think that’s part of the problem?”
She considered a moment. “Touché.”
He smiled and ate the salmon.
“Anyway,” Haley continued, “whether it was my fault or not, I don’t know, but Micah grew up dependent. On me. And so did my mother, after my father died. We were hoping she would remarry, but now I don’t think she ever will. She has a nice condo, plenty of money, and a seemingly endless pool of love interests she can kick out whenever they start to make a mess. But whenever anything goes wrong for either Mom or Micah, it’s me they rely on to take care of it. I don’t mind, really. I owe that much to my dad. It’s just…”
Words failed her.
Ben waited.
“I guess I’m just burned out,” she speculated. “I’m starting to wonder if it will ever end. When Micah got married, I thought she would… you know… need me less. And she did, for a long time. But as I’m sure you’ve picked up on by now, her marriage is in trouble.” Haley paused a moment, seemingly lost in thought. “Tim is a really great guy, actually. He’s smart and sweet and loving. If he has one flaw, it’s that he lets my sister walk all over him.” Her eyes flashed again. “Honestly, if the man would just grow a pair—”
She broke off. “Whoops. Sorry. Forgot I was talking to a guy.”
Ben laughed. Her newfound comfort level exhilarated him. “Go on,” he encouraged.
“If he would just stand up to her a little more,” Haley corrected, “I believe Micah would respond better. The more he acts like a doormat, the less she respects him. But as much as I’d like to shove the man into a chair and tell him how to fix his marriage, it’s really not my place, you know?”
Ben cocked his head at her, impressed. “The concept of minding one’s own business does not compute with a single member of the Parker family. I am awestruck.”
“Thanks,” Haley replied. “I know I should stay out of it. I want to stay out of it. But the problem is that Micah won’t let me. I hear every detail. Last night she moved out of their apartment, never mind that they have a baby on the way. And my mother is all over it, hyping up the drama under the guise of ‘defending’ Micah and making everything ten times worse.”
Haley gave her head and shoulders a shake. “There. You’ve gotten me to admit that my job is tumbling me down a river and that my family is dragging my head under the water. Satisfied?”
Not even close. Ben understood better now why Haley felt such a deep sense of obligation to both her family and her career. It was obviously all wrapped up with a sense of loyalty to her father. But she was omitting her most pressing issue.
“Last question,” he replied evenly, determined to get it all out — and now. “I can’t help but wonder, Haley. Why isn’t there a man in your life?” His gaze held hers, braced for the coming firestorm. Would she look panicked? Guilty? Angry?
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t ev
en go there. There’s no man in my life because the only men I ever interact with are lawyers, corporate shills, and the guy who parks my car. Of the three, I like Desmond best, because at least he has a sense of humor. Unfortunately, he’s also married with three kids.”
“Bummer,” Ben answered mechanically, his mind frantically processing her answer. How could she be so flippant? “If you’re trying to convince me that you’ve been boyfriend-free since law school, I’ve got to tell you, I’m not buying it,” he said, trying hard to sound like he was joking.
Haley made a face. “Law school? Please. I haven’t had three dates in a row since college. I have no social life. Nada. And if you tell anyone else that, I swear I’ll deny it.”
Ben’s breath caught in his throat. The room seemed devoid of oxygen. Her tone, her expression — he had never seen her sound or look more genuine, or less guarded. She was sharing with him as she would a close friend. She was showing him every bit of the trust and familiarity he’d been longing for.
Yet she was lying through her teeth.
“Married to the law, eh?” he replied as soon as he could breathe.
She scowled playfully. “Oh, please. Don’t say that. How depressing.” She took a sip of her water, then looked at him speculatively. “How about you? Leave any girlfriends behind in Hawaii?”
“Nice try,” he returned, his voice thin. “But it’s my birthday, and I want to talk about you.”
She sighed dramatically. “Fine. What else do you want to know?”
Why are you lying to me? “I’ll think of something,” he replied absently.
Ben felt sick inside. It was as if the honest, down-to-earth Haley he thought he knew had suddenly ceased to exist. He wanted to believe he was wrong about the pregnancy, but he knew he wasn’t. The word “hormones” had been half out of her mouth before she’d caught herself. If she’d gotten pregnant through a drunken one-night stand — or worse yet, against her will — there was no way she could fake such a nonchalant response to his question about a man.