by Edie Claire
No way.
Her denial of any recent relationship had to be a cool, calculated lie. A lie from an expert. Like, say, an attorney.
I’m good at it.
His head spun.
They ate in silence for a while. “Ben?” Haley asked finally, her tone concerned. “What’s wrong?”
He had no idea how to answer her. Mercifully, he didn’t have to.
“Will we be having dessert tonight?” the waiter interrupted cheerfully, extending them each a menu.
Haley’s eyes remained on Ben. She looked upset. He marshaled every ounce of his willpower and bucked up. “None for me, thanks,” he replied, waving off the proffered menu. “I’ve got an entire orca pinata’s worth of candy at home.”
The waiter produced their check instead, and Haley paid the bill. Ben struggled to make small talk as they walked out of the restaurant and returned to his car. Haley seemed subdued. The awkwardness between them only mounted during the short drive home, and as they stood between their cabins preparing to part for the night, the tension became unbearable.
“Ben,” Haley said finally, her tone pleading. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. He tried. But he couldn’t. If she could lie to him so blithely, they had nothing.
Nothing.
He took a step toward his cabin. “I just wish you’d be a little more honest with me, that’s all,” he answered, explaining as best he could. She wouldn’t understand. But at least he had the satisfaction of knowing that he hadn’t lied to her. “But I do thank you for the hike this morning. It was wonderful. And thanks again for the birthday dinner.” He walked up the steps to his door. “It meant a lot to me that you were willing to listen to me yap about my nieces and nephews for an hour. Not to mention your being brave enough to try Zora’s neon green Rice Krispie treats.”
“Ben?”
He unlocked his door and opened it, his head down. Her voice was so ridiculously soft. And tender. And sexy. And genuine. “Yes?”
“I enjoyed it all, too. Very much. Happy Birthday again.”
“Thanks,” he stepped inside. “Good night.”
He shut the door. He leaned his back against it with a thump and closed his eyes.
God, he was miserable.
Five seconds later, the door vibrated.
“Ben?”
Haley was right behind him. She was knocking. He groaned out loud.
“Open the door!” she ordered.
Ben turned around and jerked it open. Haley stood before him practically trembling, her face set with determination even as her green eyes swam with angst.
“I’m four months’ pregnant.”
Chapter 16
Haley watched Ben’s face with no small amount of terror. He had known she was hiding something from him. She didn’t understand why her incomplete unburdening would be so hurtful to him, but the pain she’d glimpsed in his eyes was so raw it cut her own heart like a dagger. She couldn’t leave things like that; she couldn’t stand another moment of his distance. Nor could she think of another way to make things right.
She knew the cost would be high. He would look at her differently. He sure as hell wouldn’t be attracted to her anymore. She knew it was the height of selfishness for her to enjoy their aimless flirting, but the fact was, she did. Now the lightness and fun between them would be gone. Now it would be all seriousness, all the time. And that would be if her insane predicament didn’t scare him off altogether, even as a friend. For all she knew, he could have ethical problems with surrogacy. He could be repulsed by the whole idea.
But all of that would come later. First — she realized with a new shot of horror — first he would think she’d gotten pregnant the regular way. When she had only just assured him there was no guy.
Haley rocked back on her heels with dread. She hadn’t thought before she’d spoken; she had merely reacted to his pain. But she should have considered the consequences. He could be even more hurt, now. He could be furious with her for lying to him. He could be disgusted by the sight of her.
As her words hung in the air between them, reverberating in the stillness of the woods, Ben’s face underwent a transformation. A transformation that totally baffled her.
“Haley,” he said tenderly, his eyes flashing with relief — and something else indescribable. Before she could get the crucial second part of her explanation out of her mouth, he stepped out, wrapped his long arms around her and pulled her to his chest.
Her mouth fell open with shock.
He gave her a squeeze. “I know,” he whispered.
Haley’s mind reeled, even as her body savored the feel of him. She could stay right here, reveling in his embrace, forever.
Wait. He what, now?
She blinked into his shoulder and stiffened. “Excuse me?”
He released her and stepped back again. He didn’t say anything. He just looked at her.
“You couldn’t possibly know!” she protested.
His grin was lopsided. “Sorry. But I did warn you. I have unnatural knowledge in this area.”
“But—” she still couldn’t think straight. She was forgetting something major. Still, her gaze flew to her abdomen. “I’m not showing yet,” she argued. “Not that much!”
“Okay, I didn’t know,” he lied half-heartedly. “But I’m glad you told me. Thanks for that.”
He smiled at her another moment before his eyes grew stormy. When he spoke again, his voice had a ragged edge. “You want to talk about it?”
The pain was back.
Haley’s insides ached anew. Now what had she done to the man?
The swirling mess in her brain refused to settle for several long, torturous seconds. When the last piece of the puzzle finally fell into place, she stepped forward with a gasp and put her hands on his arms.
“Oh, God, Ben!” she apologized. “No… It’s not what you think. I didn’t lie to you!”
His eyebrows rose. He didn’t believe her. And why should he?
Haley dropped his arms, but kept hold of one hand. She dragged him to his porch steps and sat down with him. “I told you I’m single, and I am,” she explained quickly. “I told you there hasn’t been a guy in a long time, and that’s true, too.” She took a breath. Her heart was pounding. “This baby isn’t mine. It’s the biological child of my sister and her husband. I’m acting as their surrogate.”
Now, she realized with sympathy, was when his brain did the swirling. She could see the succession of thoughts that overtook him, as plain as if he’d been writing them on a white board. First was confusion. Then disbelief. Slowly, the digestion: a rewiring of what he thought he knew, and how it all fit together. Then finally, the acceptance. As she watched the last traces of hurt recede, replaced slowly but surely with relief, respect, and — could that be just a tiny spark of joy? — she felt like breaking down all over again.
“I had no idea you suspected I was pregnant,” she said softly. “If I had, I would have told you the truth then. I’m sorry you thought I was lying about being involved with someone else.”
He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. None of it was my business to begin with. You made that perfectly clear from day one.”
“It was day two,” she corrected with a smile. “And I wouldn’t have had to say anything if we weren’t so obviously attracted to each other.”
He looked at her with surprise. Another dose of respect.
Haley’s insides warmed. “Well, hell, Ben, we might as well get it all out there, don’t you think? I adore you. I think you’re wonderful. I can barely keep my hands off you. I wish I’d met you some other time and some other place but I didn’t and we’re here now and it is what it is. We have four days left together at the max. And despite everything I just said, I have nothing to offer you but friendship, for obvious reasons.” She paused and took a breath. “The floor is now open to suggestions.”
He flashed a grin. “You really can
’t keep your hands off me?”
Haley rolled her eyes playfully. “Is that all you heard?”
“Pretty much.”
Haley smiled and stood up. “Don’t taunt me, Captain.”
Ben got up also. “Sorry,” he said unconvincingly. His hazel eyes sparkled at her, and her knees weakened. So much for his being ethically offended by her pregnancy. Or offended, period. The way he was looking at her, she had to wonder if he had gotten the message at all.
A phone rang inside his cabin. It was the landline. Ben didn’t move.
“In the interest of fairness,” he said mischievously, “I’m rather fond of you, too. As for keeping my hands off you—”
“Hugs are okay. They’re good,” Haley said tightly as thoughts of less platonic alternatives tortured her mind. “Are you going to answer the phone?”
“No,” he said, showing no response to the insistent ring. “It’s the family, calling to wish me a happy birthday. I’ll call them back.”
Haley’s breath caught. She might talk a good game, but if Ben chose to push her boundaries now she wasn’t at all sure she could resist him. She was both emotionally exhausted and starved for affection, and his gentle warmth beckoned her like safe harbor in a storm.
You would be using him, she reminded herself firmly.
With a burst of determination she sprinted down his porch steps and back toward her own cabin. “I’ve monopolized enough of your time already today,” she called back. “We can talk more tomorrow if you want. Or not. If you think it’s better we don’t hang out so much, I totally understand, under the circumstances.”
The phone continued to ring. Haley turned to see that Ben hadn’t moved. His mind seemed deep in thought. Even standing still doing nothing, his tall, strong figure looked so inviting that her teeth clenched, and she struggled to turn herself around and proceed to her own cabin. If he did want to keep spending time together, she could only hope for his sake that he had a strong sense of self-preservation.
Because she was a friggin’ mess. A pregnant, dangerous mess.
Run away, Ben. Save yourself.
“A suggestion from the floor,” he said finally, his tone amiable. “I’ll be at work until late afternoon tomorrow. If you’re free by then, I move that we go search for a grizzly.”
Haley’s pulse pounded. So much for his running away. And so much for her having the strength to push him. “Would this grizzly be behind reinforced Plexiglas? Or better yet, steel bars?”
He grinned at her. “I hope not. It’s tough for them to catch salmon that way. But you can stay in the car, safe and sound. I promise.”
The phone stopped ringing. Finally.
Trust me, Haley, his eyes pleaded.
“Motion seconded and passed,” she said quickly, turning and jogging up onto her porch. “Now call your family. Tell Zora that your landlord said her treats were divine. Ditto to Josh and Mylah for the homemade chocolates. I especially liked the ones with marmalade in the middle, even if you didn’t.”
“I will not encourage Josh about the marmalade,” he returned. “Otherwise, okay.”
His phone rang again. He was a popular guy.
He never had answered her question about a girlfriend, had he?
“Goodnight, Ben,” she said with finality, unlocking her cabin door. “Happy Birthday.”
“Goodnight,” he called back, starting towards his phone. He went inside and the ringing stopped.
She would ask him about the girlfriend again tomorrow. He had admitted being attracted to her, but he had never said he wasn’t involved with someone else. It would make the friend thing a hell of a lot easier if he were.
She closed her door with a sigh. He didn’t have a girlfriend. Not at the moment, anyway. If he did, he wouldn’t be looking at Haley the way he looked at her. He was too honest to play those games. She might only have met Ben Parker three days ago, but she knew already that he was a one-in-a-million, bonafide gem. Every female twenty-something in the state of Hawaii had to be a complete and total idiot to let him get away.
Her teeth clenched harder.
What was she?
***
Ben finished his conversation with his youngest nephew, which had been a little one-sided because Aiden wasn’t talking in complete sentences yet, and got back on the phone with the tot’s mother. Lara’s call had been the last of three Ben had received from his various family members, one right after the other. Since his first call with Maggie this afternoon, his spirits had risen considerably, and evidently, the change had been noted.
“You sure everything’s okay out there?” Lara asked with her typical take-charge, no-nonsense tone. “Mags said you were upset about something, but to me you sound more on the hyper side. What’s up?”
Ben hesitated. He would rather go down with his ship than talk to any of his other three sisters about his love life. But Lara was different. Lara had good sense about people, she didn’t overdramatize, and most importantly — she knew how to keep her mouth shut. “Promise this will go no further?”
“You know you don’t have to ask me that,” she said shortly.
“I know,” Ben appeased. “Sorry. But it’s important. I don’t think I can handle any extra grief right now.”
Lara waited.
“When you met Dan,” he asked finally, “how long did it take before you started to sense a real connection?” He fidgeted as he awaited her answer. He expected her to be shocked. As many awkward family conversations about love and sex as Ben had been an unwilling party to over the years, he had never, ever talked about himself.
Perhaps because of that, Lara’s answering tone — much to his relief — was intentionally matter-of-fact. “Well, it wasn’t instantaneous, if that’s what you’re asking. He was working for a supplier, and we were both in the same boring meeting, and there were no sparks whatsoever. But then we met again about a month later, and that time we had to work together on a problem. It’s tough to explain, but… just the way he answered things, the way he approached the problem, the little jokes he made. We knew really quickly that we were on the same wavelength, and the attraction grew from there. We decided to try a date, and the rest is history. Married eighteen months later — no muss, no fuss, no drama. Just two happy people enjoying each other. Does that answer your question?”
“Sort of,” Ben replied, not entirely sure what he was asking. He only knew that where Haley was concerned, no matter what course he took, he would be playing with fire. “Listen, Lara,” he said, running his hand nervously through his hair. He hated standing up in the kitchen to talk, but the ultra-cheap landline was attached to the wall with a cord. “I’ve met someone, but she’s only here for a week. There are about twelve thousand reasons why nothing is ever likely to come of it, but I can’t help wondering if there’s a way to keep her in my life. In fact, I can’t seem to think about anything else.”
Lara was quiet a moment. But when she did finally speak, he could tell she was smiling. “Well, damn, Ben! I was about to think you’d never get bit!”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said impatiently, beginning to regret the conversation. “Well, I’ve been lucky before. This time I’m screwed, okay?”
“And you’re telling me this why?” she asked perceptively.
“Because I don’t know what to do,” he responded. “I don’t know whether I should go for it and risk a major fall, or run screaming while I still have the chance.”
“Too late for that, little brother,” she said confidently. “Sounds like you’re looking at a major fall either way.”
Ben groaned. “Why did I call you?”
“You didn’t,” Lara pointed out. “I called you. But you did solicit my advice. Which touches me, by the way. Does this woman feel the same way you do?”
“I don’t know how to answer that.”
She clucked her tongue. “Not good, bro. Just remember this: Actions speak louder than words. You said she’s there for a week. Is she on vacation?”
“Sort of.”
Lara went quiet.
“What?” Ben prompted.
She sighed. “Do you remember when Jenna did her semester abroad and came back totally gaga in love with that guy Preston that she met in London?”
“Of course not,” Ben said shortly. “I was what — thirteen? I blocked out all that crap as it happened.”
“Well,” Lara continued, unperturbed. “She met him near the end of her stay, and they had a fabulous couple of weeks together seeing the sights. He took her everywhere, even up into Scotland. She came back raving about how she wanted Mom and Dad to ditch the mower and start raising sheep.”
Ben sighed. “You know, I think I do remember that.”
“What you probably don’t remember is how it ended. Jenna saved up to pay for half his plane fare so he could come visit her over Christmas break. But when he arrived in Seattle, she hardly recognized him. She said he was paler than she remembered, he smelled weird, and he had a bad attitude about the weather. A guy from England, complaining about the rain. After four days she put him on a bus to LA and they never saw each other again.”
Ben was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. “And your point is?”
Lara exhaled slowly. “You’ve got to watch out for ‘vacation love,’ Ben. You more than anyone else I know. You live in vacation world. People go to Alaska or Hawaii and they’re not their normal selves — they’re in vacation mode. Everything looks different. Everything is romantic and exciting. It’s hard for a tourist to separate the people she meets, and how she feels about them, from how she feels about the location and the good times. You’re a romantic figure to begin with — the sexy boat captain with the killer dimples. You’re a charmer; it’s part of your job. But to vacation women, you’re all wrapped up with the ocean and the whales and the fun and the beautiful scenery. You’re part of a whole package they can’t help loving. Am I making any sense here?”
Too much. “Yeah. I get it.”
“No, you don’t,” Lara said quickly. “I’m not saying that a woman couldn’t fall for you for you. Many have already, as we both know — and don’t go getting a swell head over it. I’m just saying that if you’re trying to decide how much trouble this woman is worth, and part of that is figuring out if she feels the same way… well, I’m not sure either of you can answer that question while she’s still on vacation.”