Rocky Road

by Anna Cove

  I cut my run in half, looping back to the apartment complex well before I was scheduled to return. Sweat soaked my running shirt and shorts and by the time I reached the steps to Krysta's apartment, I'd found zero clarity. I pulled out my phone. My father had left another message. His calls had come with increasing regularity and anger each passing day. Ed had called, too, leaving a much more level-headed message than my father. The essence was the same, though. It was time to go home.

  Krysta wanted me to go. My father and Ed wanted me to go. But I didn't want to go yet. I wasn't ready. Whenever I thought about returning, that pit opened in my stomach like a sinkhole, sucking my organs inside. At least now I knew I didn't have cancer or appendicitis or some kind of irritable bowel. The pain was because of something else. The only time it disappeared was when I was with Krysta, when I felt a whole range of emotions I never felt in my real life. Sure, fear, anxiety. But not pain.

  Yet, I had to return. People depended on me. Amanda, Ed, my parents—whose farm I'd paid for with my earnings. The little girls who looked up to me. The women who saw me working in a man's world and thought I could do this. They all depended on me to show up, to do it again. But I couldn't go back to the way things were. They had to change.

  A seed of an idea surfaced in my mind. Maybe… maybe I didn't have to return alone. It was a long shot, but maybe Krysta would go with me. As I thought that, the sinkhole began to close. I decided to do a test, sitting there, thinking about leaving without Krysta—sinkhole—and leaving with her—closing sinkhole. But how could I get her to come with me in a way that wouldn't have her thinking I was only pitying her?

  That was my next task, and I didn't have long to figure it out.

  With a sigh, I stood and climbed the worn wooden steps to the apartment.

  "Is that you, Billie?" Krysta called as soon as I opened the door. It sounded like her voice was coming from the deck. "Come here, I want to show you something."

  "I just got back from my run. Can I shower first?"

  "It'll only take a minute."

  As soon as I stepped outside, my discomfort fell away.

  Krysta sat on the lawn chair wearing a short dress with roses on it. Silver earrings dangled to her shoulders and her hair was braided in a halo around her head. Oversized sunglasses covered her eyes and her smile dazzled.

  Her beauty took my breath, though that could have been the oppressive Florida air again. Or my run. No, I couldn't keep lying to myself. It was her. I'd felt the same way when I'd first seen her.

  "Want some lemonade?" she asked brightly.

  I couldn't square this brightness with her earlier mood. How had she turned around so quickly? "Maybe later. What's up?"

  Krysta touched the sides of the laptop she had in her lap. "First, I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. My moods are absolutely unacceptable."

  "That's—"

  "Second," she said, before I could finish my statement. "I've been digging around in your social media accounts and they're a mess."

  I chuckled. "Thanks."

  "You barely ever post."

  "It's so overwhelming. I just don't have the time to figure it out."

  Krysta shrugged, her collarbone popping out, leaving a hollow above her chest. "People just want to hear about your life."

  There was something so sexy about collarbones and hers didn't disappoint. I imagined running my fingers along the curve of it and over her neck. Seeing her like this—up and out of bed and dressed—the screams and the pain and the thrashing dreams fell away. I was finding it hard to focus. "My boring life? Why?"

  Krysta's eyes widened. "Are you serious? You're one of the only female IndyCar drivers. That's amazing. Even if you just posted pictures of you after a workout or with your mechanics or even with your car. Give people the dream."

  I had a brilliant idea then. Arguably, I needed help with social media. Arguably, Krysta would be a great person to help with that. I stopped myself from blurting out my question. I needed to think through it first.

  She waved me over. "You've already got thousands of followers even with your boring-ass posts."

  I bent over her shoulder. The faint smell of flowers wafted from her skin. I couldn't bring myself to look at the screen. Instead, I subtly drew in a breath of her fragrance.

  Krysta kept talking. "I saw you with that little girl a couple weeks ago. You changed her life. Think of social media as a chance to change the lives of dozens, maybe hundreds of girls like that. Show them what it takes to work in a challenging world. Like it or not, you're an idol to so many people."

  "I haven't done anything yet," I said without really thinking.

  Krysta turned her head, her face coming perilously close to kissing distance. "You're doing it every day. You don't have to win, you just have to live and share your life."

  "I do have to win, though. That's part of the deal." As I spoke, I realized she had hit on something and somehow made social media appealing to me. This was it. This was the way I could get her to come with me. "I'll be right back. I've had to pee since halfway through my run."

  "Grab yourself some lemonade on the way out… and a refill for me, too."

  I took her drained glass inside. Her plan was brilliant, now I just had to search mine for holes. It seemed perfect. Krysta knew how to gather a following—I'd seen it on her social media accounts when I was trying to check on her from Mooresville. It wouldn't be totally out of left field for me to offer her a job.

  During my shower, the idea grew legs. It was the best option. The only problem was, I wouldn't have time to help her when I was in racing mode. But there was a possible solution to that. As I was towel-drying my hair, I couldn't wait any longer. I half-skipped to the room where the nurses had set up shop. I'd expected to see someone from the agency, but when I walked inside, Tanya sat in the rocking chair with a book in her hands.

  This was even better. Potentially. I tried not to get too excited as all the pieces still needed to fall into place. I knocked on the door so I wouldn't scare her.

  "You're still here," I said.

  "The nurse is late again. I thought I'd stay until you got back from your run. I do have some experience in care, too. I was a home health companion."

  Oh my God, she was perfect. I didn't even care about the agency any longer. Soon, we wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. I couldn't wait, the words tumbled out of me. "How would you feel about coming on tour with me?"

  "Say what?" Tanya set down her book on her lap and stopped rocking. "Honey, I think you're real cute, but—"

  I waved my hand in the air as if to erase what I had just said. "I mean, with me and Krysta. I want to bring her with me."

  Tanya lifted an eyebrow. "And she agreed to this?"

  "Not yet."

  Tanya lifted her other eyebrow to emphasize her disbelief.

  "She will. I'm very persuasive. But I didn't want to ask her until I found someone to help take care of her. It's so soon after her accident and I have long hours."

  "And you want me?"

  I nodded. "You'd have to do all of her care, but you can stay with us for free."

  Tanya nibbled the inside of her lip.

  "I'll double your hourly pay."

  This was so dumb. Who the hell would give up their lives to care full-time for someone on the road? But it seemed so perfect. Tanya could still do her physical therapy. And she cared enough to stay when the nurses didn't show up. I watched her face for her decision.

  "If you need more time…" I said.

  "No, no. I'm just trying to figure out… oh, fuck it." She stood from the rocking chair. "I'm in."

  I suppressed a squeal of glee and the urge to hug Tanya. "Okay, now I have to convince Ms. Stubborn out there."

  "You better, woman. I swear, if you've gone and got my hopes up for nothing you're in trouble."

  I couldn't suppress it any longer. I ran to her and hugged her around the neck. I kissed her on the cheek. As I pulled away, I wondered what demon had
possessed me? Had it been here all along? It made me feel alive. Whatever it was, I wanted it to stick around, and I had a feeling that with Krysta nearby it just might.

  ...

  KRYSTA

  Billie took forever to come back outside. While she was gone, I enjoyed breathing a little fresh air. A copse of trees separated me from the busy road just beyond, and it must have been enough to filter the exhaust, as I couldn't detect a hint of it even when I breathed deep. It had been so long since I'd sat outside that I didn't even mind the oppressive heat. It was nice to feel the sun on my skin, the moisture in the air. It was lovely to smell the wet earth and the bougainvillea down below.

  It was the first morning I'd felt satisfied with myself. After Billie had left, I'd decided to take charge of my life. I'd decided that just because I'd been in an accident, I couldn't let that tear me down. It had started when I'd asked her to go.

  It had continued when I'd asked Tanya to stay late and help me braid my hair.

  Then, I had started to work. In return for everything Billie gave me, I'd gone over her social media accounts and written up some examples of what she could do. A clarity settled on me. This was what I could give her in return for her company. This way, her trip wouldn't be wasted time.

  Billie finally emerged, changed and refreshed, her hair still wet and in a braid. God, I'll miss her when she's gone, I thought, before I had a chance to edit out the thought. Some people's flaws come out when they're in the sun, but not Billie's. She only looked more beautiful. Her eyes aqua like a tropical forest pool, her lips soft and pink, her hair shiny and dark. I'd taken an art class once in community college and hadn't thought of it since. But now my fingers itched to sketch her. To capture her in some substantial way.

  Billie set two glasses of lemonade on the table. She closed the slider behind her, giving me a nice view of her jean-short-clad ass. I gulped. I was definitely feeling better, well enough to appreciate her legs and that behind. I imagined myself wrapping my hands around her waist and—

  Stop it, Krysta. These lustful thoughts were pointless now, especially if I had no intention to act on them since Billie would leave soon. "What do you think about my plan?"

  "I think it's brilliant."

  "Stop," I said theatrically.

  "I'm serious. Here's the thing. I have to leave and—"

  "When?" I asked, a clenching feeling gripping my chest with a force that caught me off my guard. Hadn't I told her to leave? Hadn't this been what I wanted? The very act of telling her had freed me in a way, but now my throat closed with the thought. You can't have it both ways, Krysta.

  "Today. The team needs me back."

  I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I definitely hadn't expected to feel like this. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes. "That's fine."

  "I've had a really great time here."

  I rolled my eyes. "Right..."

  "No, I have."

  I couldn't help but shake my head. "How is that possible? All you've done is sit around and watch me mope."

  Billie crossed her leg over her knee, shooting up a dark brown eyebrow. "That's not all we've done. We've played games, watched TV, and you gave me all those social media suggestions. This has been a great vacation for me, actually. I don't think I've ever taken a vacation."

  "Never?"

  "Never without my father."

  I recognized then that I barely knew what Billie's life was like. Like a good book, I wanted to read more. I wanted to dive deeper. To see what made her tick. "We've had some good arguments, too, eh?"

  "Yeah, great. Especially because I always win," Billie said,

  My mouth dropped open. "You do not."

  "I do too. Look, you bathed."

  "Arguably, I needed it. And arguably it took you five days to get me to bathe. If that's a win, then so was your race at St. Pete's."

  Billie pressed her lips together, holding in a chuckle. She seemed to be evaluating me, her eyes squinted, but that could have just been because of the bright sun. "Touché."

  In the silence that followed, the reality of my situation grew clearer. When she left, I would have no one but the nurses and Tanya to keep me company. I'd chased everyone else away, everyone who cared enough to visit. None of them had the patience and perseverance Billie had displayed over the last five days.

  A desperate part of me wanted to beg her to stay longer. To come visit in between her races. This is exactly why I had asked her to leave. She was getting too close. I was becoming too dependent on her. Now she was going to leave and all I could feel was what? Anger at that? Yes, that's what it was. Every muscle in my body clenched with it.

  No.

  We were friends. I had to be happy for her. That's what friends did. I took a second to swallow down my pathetic begging and found a thread. "Thank you so much for staying with me this week. You really kicked my ass into shape."

  Billie's face remained immobile as she stared at me. As her eyes moved over my hair and down the length of my fingers. It was like a caress. A breeze lifted the hair on my arms and goosebumps rose on my skin, adding to the cooling effect of her gaze.

  What are you thinking?

  "I want you to come on tour with me."

  Yes. My mind screamed the answer before reason caught up with it. For once, I was able to quash the thought before it became a word. I lifted my chin.

  "Don't say no. I see you want to say no," Billie said.

  "It's not that."

  "If you're worried about being trapped with me too often you don't have to worry. I have, like, thirteen-hour days once I get back to home base and when I'm on tour, I have interviews and sponsors to meet with and the gym and the testing and qualification runs and the races, of course."

  A joke surfaced in my mind, a way to change the subject. Billie deserved better than that, she deserved my honesty. "I'm sorry, I can't. I can't burden you like that."

  Billie burst forward, leaning her elbows on her knees. "You wouldn't be a burden. I want you to run my social media for me."

  I blinked. This was a double whammy to my mind. She wanted me come and was offering me a job? "I could do that from here."

  "You'd be much better on the road."

  "I would be…" I gestured at my useless legs. "It would be too much."

  "Too much help you mean? That's not a thing."

  I didn't laugh at her joke. "Billie, think about it."

  "I have."

  "You haven't."

  Billie lounged back in her chair, a satisfied look on her face. She sipped her lemonade. "I had a feeling you would be a stubborn ass about this."

  "I'm not being stubborn. I'm being practical. You haven't thought this through. You're only seeing the positive side."

  "I didn't want to have to do this." Billie rose from her seat, setting her glass on the table.

  "Where are you going?"

  She opened the slider and disappeared through it.

  "Billie!" I shouted. "Billie, get back here. You can't just leave me out here."

  I reached over and unlatched my brake, then tried to roll with one hand while the other still held my lemonade. Damn it. Damn it. I didn't get too far before the door opened again.

  Billie emerged from my apartment, her arm slung through Tanya's. Billie still had that satisfied smile on her face, that leprechaun look in her eyes. Drop her in the Irish countryside and she would fit right in. "If you don't go, Tanya won't get her dream of touring the country."

  "Ooo…" Tanya laughed. "Oh, Billie, you fight dirty, girl."

  "Yes, she does." My eyes opened wide. "I can't believe you're doing this."

  Billie stepped out, dragging Tanya with her. She slid the screen door shut behind them. "You're not giving me much of a choice are you? Tanya has volunteered to come with us, to be your traveling physical therapist and your companion."

  "I didn't agree to the companion part," Tanya said.

  "But the rest of it?" I asked. "You agreed to the rest of it. You two plan
ned this without my knowledge?"

  "It was all her." Tanya pointed at Billie. "But yes. I think it will be good for you. Certainly better than being cooped up in here for the summer."

  "I can get out. Look at me now. I'm out." I threw my arms up into the air, forgetting I was still holding my lemonade. It sloshed over my arm, the ice sliding into the side of my seat. I would pay for that later with stickiness.

  Billie handed me paper towels, smirking as she did so.

  Tanya continued as if nothing had happened. "You know what a pit Florida is in summer. You'll be trapped inside and you'll be grumpy and who will have to deal with your stubborn ass? Me. No offense, darling, but I would much rather be traveling the country than trapped here with a grumpy woman."

  "You'll only be here a couple hours a day. Max. You're only my physical therapist."

  "A couple hours too many as far as I'm concerned," Tanya said. "Come on! You've got nothing to lose by saying yes."

  Nothing but my life here. What was my life here now except my bedroom and the bathroom and physical therapy and pain?

  I glanced from Billie to Tanya. I didn't like how they were ambushing me, especially when I couldn't escape on my own. It wasn't fair. "It's not going to be fun for either of you."

  "I'm not really looking for fun. If you haven't noticed, I'm a pretty serious person," Billie said. "I mean, some would say I risk my life every day. So what difference would it make if I spent the rest of my day taking my chances with you?"

  It was a joke. I knew it was supposed to be a joke, and an insulting one at that. It was sweet, too, though, the way she had paired us together. I could feel myself swaying toward yes. But was this all coming out of pity?

  "Please," Tanya said. "Please help me get out of here. I'm over forty and I've never been out of Florida. Help a girl out."

  "Begging isn't a good look on you, Tanya," I said.

  "I don't really give a rat's hiney about how it looks. I just care if it works. Please, please, please." Tanya fluttered her long eyelashes.

  "I really need your help with social media," Billie said, joining in the fluttering.