by J. B. McGee
I might normally care, but today I couldn’t care less. “You pick ‘Miss I Am Worried They Are Gonna Run out of My Size.”
“Yeah, they might. Mall of Georgia then if it’s my pick,” Val counters.
I glance at her appreciatively. If my heart could smile, it would right now. She makes me happy. I had forgotten how much lately. “Thanks for not letting me back out of this. I think I needed a day with you.”
Val smiles. “You’re going to have to be way more sick than you are to get out of a day with me.”
“Hey, penny for your thoughts? Better yet, I’d even give you a quarter,” Val teases.
We’re on our way back to my house from shopping. I can barely keep my eyes open. I continue looking out of the passenger side window trying to stay awake. “I’m just so tired. In a funk or something,” I reply.
“Bradley being gone?”
Just as I’m about to shrug, Val’s phone rings. I am almost relieved that maybe I don’t have to answer the question. I am so confused by all of these new emotions that I don’t know what to think. I don’t know if it’s him, if it’s whatever bug I seem to have, or the fact that I am a creature of habit and him being gone has my schedule all whacked up.
I realize that it’s Alex on the phone. I’m really surprised he had not called sooner. My guess is like a typical guy, he’s calling about food, which reminds me that I’ve barely eaten anything all day. I don’t have an appetite at all. Val and I ate lunch at the mall and all I did was play with my food the entire time. Anyone who knows me knows that I play with my food when I’m done. I guess it’s a nervous habit, boredom. Who knows? It drives my parents crazy because they raised me better than that. Our fine china might have been Corelle, and there wasn’t money for social. But my parents did make sure that I learned manners and etiquette. I don’t even realize I’m doing it, though.
“Veronica,” Val shouts.
I glance over to her as I fidget with the sash that is tied around my shirt. “Yeah?”
“Snap out of it over there.”
I smile and try to act more myself, but it’s just not there. I have no clue where my usually bubbly personality has escaped to today. But, I have a feeling that a large reason for its absence is a certain man who is currently preparing for a wedding in Charleston.
Val once again interrupts my thoughts. “So, that was Alex on the phone. One of the guys at the station called out and he’s going to have to work tonight.” She beams and her voice gets higher as she continues, “You know what that means, right?”
I do know what that means. I know that means that instead of getting to go home and go back to bed like I’ve wanted to do all day, Val wants to go to dinner and go clubbing. I try to perk myself up. I cannot let Bradley have this much influence over me, even when is five hours away. I think what is bothering me more than anything is that in the past I’d never been so forthright about wanting to go anywhere with him. I put myself out there and he not only rejected me, but he vocalized his lack of commitment. And while I thought I was okay with the lack of commitment from him or anyone for that matter, I’m not. I know that if I were in his arms right now, I’d be feeling totally different. Even if I had a cold, he would make me feel better. I’m putty in his hands and he knows it. Even if I want more, he knows I’ll never walk away. I shake my head and close my eyes realizing that I really think I might be in love with him.
“You don’t know what that means?” Val says confused.
“No. I mean yes, I know what that means. Val I am so tired, though.” I pull myself out of my trance and glance back at her. “I can either go to dinner with you and not go clubbin’…” Val looks over at me like I’ve grown an extra head. “Or, I can go home and take a nap, and then meet up with you later.”
Val’s hands quickly leave the steering wheel as she moves them up and down like balancing scales. “Eating dinner or getting drunk. Hmm, tough choice.”
I tilt my head and give her my most condescending look. “Would you put your hands back on the wheel!”
Val busts out laughing. “You most definitely need to loosen up tonight. I definitely think we should screw dinner. I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting plenty of guys to buy our dinner and drinks later.”
I can’t help but grin, and then go back to staring out of my window. Suwanee is beautiful this time of year. There are Crepe Myrtles along the streets. All of the trees are in full bloom. Flowers are everywhere. I say I hate summers in the south, but really I find the scenery so pretty.
We’re almost back to my house and I am thankful in a way that Val chose option two, which means I can take a nap. I hope when I wake up that I’ll have the energy to go back out with her. Even if I don’t, she’s not going to take no for an answer. My lips curve up as I think about how much I love her and how much I know she loves me. It’s not like she’s totally inconsiderate of my physical well-being. I know she just misses me. And she knows me better than anyone. Hell, she knows that a large part of this funk is him. I’m sure she’s just trying to be the perky best friend and keep my mind off him. I really am just bummed that I have felt like this all day. Damn Bradley.
Chapter 4
I look over at the clock and wonder how long I have been asleep. It’s too soon after waking up to see if I feel any better. All I know is that I just want to go back to sleep. I decide to stay in bed a little longer. I know I need to be getting ready to go back out with Val, but I’m so tired. I feel like my limbs are weighted down with those lead jacket things they make you wear if you have an x-ray. Maybe if I can wake myself up more then I’ll feel better.
My thoughts immediately go to everything that has happened this past week. I find myself playing the conversation from Wednesday with Bradley over and over in my head. I pull the covers up and snuggle into my pillow. I have been so emotional since then, mainly frustrated and pissed off at the world.
I didn’t see what the big deal was when I asked him about going with him to the wedding. Well, maybe I did. But I have always thought we should make more of our relationship, if for no other reason than appearances. There is no doubt we would be one of Atlanta’s leading couples, the son of a prominent politician and a high profile attorney. Hell, he could stand alone from his father on his own accomplishments. He is confident and successful all by himself.
But the only place we go in public together is Joe’s, and we always go separate. Joe and Val are the only people who I think really know about us. I don’t see how he doesn’t feel more after all this time, surely he cares. I have only made the mistake of mentioning taking our relationship public a few times before I decided to just leave it alone. That is until Wednesday when I opened my big mouth again.
I don’t think I realized why I was so emotional until today, why this time was different from the other times I’d mentioned going public. I acted like I didn’t care Wednesday, like it was just me being nice offering to go so we could have great sex somewhere other than his place or a vehicle. But it was subconsciously more than that. It’s been the slow revelation that I think I am in love with him.
I shake my head at the just the thought of that. It makes me cringe because I know it’s not reciprocated. I realize how much I’ve been fighting wanting more from him. I think all this time I would have been happy for him to have just taken me to get coffee and introduced me as a friend.
He knew that I wanted more Wednesday even before I did. And he had no problems telling me he wasn’t interested in that. As if that wasn’t hurtful enough, he offered me a nice ultimatum to get over my feelings or we’d be done. The mere those words coming from his mouth make my teeth clench. I don’t do well with ultimatums. Maybe it is the attorney in me. Maybe it’s my strong personality. Although I’m sure it’s a combination of the two. I think, no I know, that is what has had me so pissed and frustrated. I can’t walk away, and he knows it.
I wonder if he could walk away from us so easily, from whatever this is that we have. I find that a lot
of people who offer ultimatums are terrible at actually following through with the “or else”. Something has kept him around all this time. I am pretty sure that he doesn’t sleep around in Atlanta. We had both agreed we’d get checked out so we wouldn’t have to use condoms after the first few times. I was already on the pill, so I had no reason to want or need for him to wear a condom as long as he was clean.
After those first few times, I knew there was no way anyone else could compare to him. I knew I would be with him and only him any opportunity that I got. But maybe it’s time to all his bluff. Cut him loose. Maybe it’s time to find someone else and a new this.
A sickening thought pops into my head, and I can feel the bile rising into my throat. What if the reason he didn’t want me to go with him was because he had every intention of picking up another girl and letting her take care of the needs I usually satisfy on Saturday’s for him. I wonder for a moment if he’s been doing this all along. The thoughts make me shiver and just like, that my mind is made up. I jump up from my bed determined to go out with Val, and have just as good of a time as I’m sure he’s planning to have.
I am able to throw myself together pretty quickly. I throw some rollers in my long blonde locks. I’ve been thinking about getting it cut, but I’ve always worn it long. I dismiss the recurring thought of how much easier my life would be with a cute bob. I still have some makeup on from earlier, so I touch it up, and fill in my eyes with a darker shadow more suited for the evening.
I’m feeling bold and daring tonight, so I put on this sexy new dress I’ve been waiting for the right time to wear. One side has a long lace sleeve. The other side is open shoulder. I used to love watching Vanna White wear one shoulder dresses on The Wheel of Fortune. The dress is short like most of my nightclub wardrobe. Well short is probably putting it mildly. It covers what it needs to cover, and that’s about it. The bottom is trimmed in the same lace as the one sleeve. It’s sexy, and Val is right. I probably will have no trouble getting our dinner and drinks covered. Not that either of us need to have them covered. It’s just part of the fun to see how many guys we can get drooling over us.
I am a woman; I have a shoe addiction. My real problem is that I have an expensive shoe addiction. I remember when I found these Jimmy Choo’s. I immediately thought of this dress and knew that I had to get them. They are black, lace mesh stilettos. I smile as I recall the time I wore them only for Bradley. He thought they were sexy as hell.
That makes me brace my stomach, laughing, as I thinking about teasing him with them again when he gets back. See this is what you could have had while you were in Charleston. I daydream a little more thinking about how fun it would be to seduce him, get him to where he is squirming, and then just put a coat on and walk out of the door. Maybe for good. I wonder if he’d realize then how he’s made me feel this week and if he’d even care.
Val and I agreed I’d just meet her at Joe’s tonight. Alex asked her to move in with him a couple of months ago, and he lives closer to Atlanta because he needs to be near the station. It made no sense for her to come back to get me. Besides, I’d prefer to have my own car. I really don’t like being out of control in most things.
It feels strange arriving at Joe’s on a Saturday night knowing that I am not going to meet Bradley, and not knowing whether he is with another girl. I’m not usually an insecure person, but for some reason my gut tells me that things aren’t right with us.
I see Val’s car, and I’m thankful there’s a spot available right next to it. She looks stunning. Teal is her color, causing her features to pop. Her dress is short, but not quite as short as mine. It’s sleeveless but has these silver hoops holding loose fabric that hangs over the shoulders and swoops down to her chest. It’s sexy and sophisticated. I’m sure she’s chosen something a tad bit more conservative since Alex isn’t with us.
We’ve become regulars at the club, so we’ve never had to wait in line. I realize as I walk in that being here is awkward, but also a little bit of a relief after the week I’ve had. It feels good not to be with Bradley. The more I’ve thought about him in the last twenty-four hours, the more I think I’m done with him. Tonight I’m going to have fun with my bestie.
My lips form a sly smile as I turn to Val. “Ya know. The nice thing about you and Alex is that you are in a committed relationship.” I use my fingers as quotes when I say committed. “But if Bradley doesn’t want any kind of commitment other than every Wednesday and Saturday in private, then why should he get the same benefits as Alex gets?”
Val’s eyes widened. “You’re awfully bold, and you’ve not even had a drink yet. Have I mentioned how hot you look tonight?”
I toss my head back laughing. “Hell yeah I’m bold. I think I’m finally done with him.” I throw my hands up in the air as I dance my way over to the bar, then slapping my hand down on the countertop. “Can we get two Cherry Hookers over here?”
Her laughter is infectious. I know I’m in a rare mood all of the sudden. “Oh it’s going to be a crazy night, isn’t it?”
I glance back at her, smirking. “Yeah, I’m channeling my inner hooker. What can I say?” I shrug. “That’s practically what I am to him anyway. Might as well act the part, right?”
“Don’t talk about yourself like that ever again. I must say I’m proud of you, though.”
I see Joe talking to a group of people. He reminds me of Bradley, and I don’t want to think about him anymore tonight. I cut my eyes away from him and back to Val. When the drinks are placed in front of us, we each pick ours up. I tilt my head at her, raising my glass to hers. “To new beginnings.”
She cocks her head in the opposite direction. “You’re really serious? You’re done?”
I nod my head and tip my glass towards hers.
She clanks her glass with mine, grinning widely. “Well, then. To new beginnings.”
We finish our drinks quickly and order a couple of rounds of shots. After the alcohol has kicked in, we lock our arms and head to the dance floor. Bradley and I don’t really dance when we’re here, so it’s nice to cut loose. For the first time since Wednesday, I feel like I can breathe, and I’m not furious. It’s a wonderful feeling, euphoric. It’s as if no one but Val and I even exist in the place.
That doesn’t last long. I feel heat on my exposed shoulder, and I see Val’s eyes light up as her smile changes to an enlightened one. When I turn my head, I am pleasantly surprised to see some very enticing eye candy. He has on a fitted black button up shirt with the first few buttons undone. His jeans are worn and fit perfectly. Snug enough to show his body but not too tight.
I lick my lips because he looks delicious. Our bodies are crushed together as electricity between us swirls through the air. We both start to grind into each other. I feel so sexy. This is just what I needed tonight. It’s been so long since I even looked at another guy. In fact, it’s been so long that I had thought I was only capable of having this sizzling sensation with Bradley. As soon as his name crosses my mind I shake my head, dismissing him. He’s not welcome in my thoughts tonight.
We have danced through several fast techno songs in a row. I haven’t been able to stop looking at him aside from the split seconds it takes for me to re-wet my eyes through blinking. It’s as if his eyes have put a spell on me. I’m compelled to him. When the pace of the song changes from fast to slow there is an awkward moment, like he’s asking for permission to touch me, to pull me into that intimate hold; a hold that will put our bodies even closer.
I tilt my head to the side. All of the sudden I feel vulnerable and shy, except I’m not a shy person. If he’s waiting for me to ask him to dance, then he’s going to have to keep waiting. I’m not about to ask him, although the thought of not dancing with him makes my gut clench. My lips curve into a sideways, seductive smile. I want to know that he wants me enough to ask.
He moves in closer, filling the fraction of space that was still remaining. His body is barely swaying to the music; Christina Aguilera’s Boun
d to You. His fingers tenderly brush a stray piece of hair that is clinging to my sweaty skin. I lean into his touch and close my eyes. That touch, that hand, feels so good on my hot face. He sucks in a deep breath, and I unveil my eyes to his once again. I don’t know whether he is about to kiss me or if he’s about to talk. I feel a twinge of disappointment when he speaks because I realize internally I had been hoping for the kiss. “You wanna dance with me?”
I nod as I reach up to wrap my arms around his muscular neck. “Yes. I’d like that.”
He pulls me in gripping the lower part of my waist. Our bodies are molded together like they are missing puzzle pieces, and I feel every inch of him pressed against to me. I move my head in closer to smell his scent – a mix of sweat, cologne, and clean linen. The more parts of his body that touch mine, the more I want to know what his sun kissed skin feels like under my tongue. His head is tilted down into my neck, his lips brush my ears, and his warm breath sends shivers through my body. I know my breathing is ragged. There is no way I can deny what he is doing to me. There is no Veronica game face tonight.
I feel his lips part on my ear. “What’s your name?” His words are husky, and besides his erection that tells me I am having the same effect on him that he’s having on me, I can now hear his need for me.
It’s the first time I’ve heard his voice. It’s baritone deep, throaty, and sexy as hell. I bring my lips to his ear so he can hear my whisper over the music. “Veronica. You?”
He moves one of his hands from the small of my back to move my hair behind my shoulder. I close my eyes and give him more access to my neck. It is taking everything in me to keep from melting in his arms. His every touch, every word has my senses heightened; my head is so fuzzy I can barely think. I’m not sure if it’s him, the alcohol, or a combination of the two. It’s the euphoric high I so desperately have been craving the past couple of days. He kisses my ear, replying to the question I forgot I had even asked. “Ian.” He kisses my ear lobe, slow and sensuous. “My name is Ian.”