“I was stupefied, saying words as if in a foggy dream while painfully trying to understand his.
“ ‘Tell me the real reason,’ I demanded. ‘Why have you done this?’
“He approached me, with a scowl on his face and looked at me sternly.
“ ‘I collect souls. I’m a fan of souls; I collect them, I catalog them, and I hoard them. You understand? I like to capture souls like humans trap insects. And when all is said and done, I’m not as cruel as humans are; I don’t poke holes in them with needles, undaunted by their pain, while they are still alive. I have a large repertoire of souls; all are different; all are beautiful. What I’ve shown you is just a sample, a small showcase, a page in an immense album. I’m an expert, a great expert on souls. I like to watch them; admire their immortal beauty. I imprison them to do this. If man could see what I can, they would sell their souls to the devil just to be able to steal their neighbor’s soul. Imprisoning souls is one of my powers. Only Shallem and I have that power.’
“I was completely speechless; he watched as I became a hoodwinked puppet.
“ ‘Tell me,’ he said. ‘Do you still want me to kill this pretty little butterfly?’
“I watched him with a foolish expression on my face, as if I were dreaming and he were a protagonist in my nightmare; the sun would wake me before I had to answer his heartrending question. But there was no sun and my eyes grew darker by the minute.
“ ‘Will you free her soul?’ I think I murmured.
“ ‘Yes, this time I’ll be satisfied with just her body.’
“The woman turned her contorted face from Cannat to me and watched us as if we were gods capable of deciding more than just life and death. Then, she stared at me, at the being who had such obvious influence over the god, and waited for a response I refused to give. She was trembling feverishly. She would soon die but her soul would be imprisoned in her decaying body and the only way Cannat would free her soul was if I told him to kill her. I felt ill, like a child who had just pulled a terrible prank and knew that his parents wouldn’t get mad at him if they knew the danger he had been in. I only wanted both of them, the victim and the executioner, to free me from the responsibility. She understood my indecision and her head was trembling slowly in a sign of imploring consent.
“ ‘Kill her,’ I mumbled.
“No emotion surfaced on Cannat’s face; instead, it seemed like he was finally given permission to carry out a bothersome task he wanted to complete as soon as possible. As soon as he heard my answer, he turned around and said:
“ ‘All right, I need a stake to inaugurate this new collection.’
“He began searching the cave, among all the stalagmites and stalactites, until he found a long, thin, and sharp stake that would serve his purpose. After grabbing it, he approached the woman and then looked at me to see whether I understood his intentions. And when he realized that I understood and that the woman, who at that moment was screaming in panic, also understood, he smiled subtly and raised the monstrous weapon as he walked toward her. Her screams ended forever. It seemed like she died instantaneously. The stake was hammered directly into the center of her chest and blood poured from all of her orifices. Then all I remember is being on the ground and Cannat shaking me nervously as he called my name as if he were truly concerned. I felt an uncomfortable wetness leave my body. A large puddle formed beneath me. I heard myself say, ‘The baby, Cannat, my water just broke.’ But when I opened my eyes, I realized I still hadn’t said those words. Then, Cannat picked me up and I heard a horrifying noise. The crevice we had used to enter the cave turned into a gaping hole. We passed through it quickly, the cave was beginning to collapse.”
–IX–
The woman remained silent and stared at her confessor’s hands.
“What a pity,” she said. “You’re crumpling the pages of your Bible again. You’ve almost ruined them. I don’t like to see books mistreated. I’ve always been very careful with them.”
It seemed like the priest had just woken up from a dark nightmare. He blinked several times to rest his eyes since they hurt from staring at the woman for so long. He let out a slight sigh and relaxed his muscles. Then he licked his dry lips with his tongue and set the ruined Bible to the side.
“I’m sorry,” he said and leaned back in the chair. “Did you have your baby in the cave?”
“Cannat seemed desperate. Semi-conscious, I heard him muttering foolish things he must not have known he was saying due to his confusion. He kept repeating that I couldn’t have the baby there, that I had to wait, that I couldn’t do that to him, that I had to give Shallem a chance. He said all of this as if it were I who could stop the labor and not him. I was sweating and struggling in his arms, begging him to lay me on the floor. All I wanted to do was find a spot on the ground where I could rest my head to keep it from spinning uncontrollably. I saw a blinding light and then we exited the cave. Finally, Cannat placed me on the ground. Then, I heard the cave crumble, forever imprisoning those souls in its interior.
“I was in pain, a lot of pain. Cannat must have seen my face contort with pain because I heard him whisper nervous and worried words of comfort, trying to fix what he had provoked. He told me it would soon pass, that I needed to stay calm, that he would help me. But then I felt a contraction and knew that the baby was coming.
“I moaned in pain and upon seeing what, because of him, was about to happen, Cannat lifted my long maternity dress and complicated underclothes to expose my stomach, not to ready himself for the birth but rather, to rest his warm hands on my abdomen. Instantly, the pain went away and the contractions stopped.
“My cold sweat ended, the world stopped spinning and I was filled with a peace and tranquility that pleasantly numbed all my other senses. I felt the sun’s warm, soporific rays on my eyelids and on the bottom half of my naked body. Finally, true peace had arrived. It was time to sleep. Time to enjoy the numbness in my limbs and the welcomed loss of consciousness.
“When I awoke, I was in my bed in my beloved home in Florence. Except now, nothing made it beloved; nor a home. It was just a place. An Erebus I had to share with Autolycus. And I was not myself but rather a mere semi-conscious, unresponsive, and weak being that lacked all willpower. Sometimes, all thoughts in my mind grew silent and I wasn’t sure if I was alive. Other times, I realized, with horror, that I still lived in Florence, that Shallem had not returned, and that a monster was undoubtedly standing a few steps away, waiting patiently for me to wake so he could continue torturing me. And with these thoughts, I would once again sink into a void, into the most profound and desired sleep with the hopes of not waking until Shallem had returned or not ever waking.
“Once in awhile I would hear an unintelligible voice, an unpleasant whisper, that made me tremble with fear and tears would run in streams down my face. Silent and pleading tears were my only mode of expression. From time to time, I would feel something metallic and annoying being forced into my mouth, spilling a hot and greasy liquid down my throat. In my stupor, I imagined it was my maid who lavished me with such care, who let me be fed with such indifference, like plants let us pour water into their pots. But if I, even for one second, forced myself to return from my void so I could thank her for taking care of me by giving her a kind look or by attempting to smile, I would realize Cannat was holding the spoon and I would become hysterical.
“ ‘You aren’t sick,’ he would say. ‘You can’t be.’
“And that was true. I didn’t return to myself because I didn’t want to return. Because it horrified me to be alone with him. However, against my will, after a couple of days my senses were returning to that dreadful state of consciousness. Nevertheless, I continued wearing a blank expression on my face and pretended to still be in a stupor that, unfortunately, I was already far from enjoying.
“Cannat would sit on the bed for hours telling me his inconceivable stories. I believed he made them up to try and make me speak. He told me stories about creatures that
were too small to be seen by the naked eye but who would swarm by the millions everywhere in the world. He told me stories about gigantic animals that looked like dragons but had been extinct for an uncountable amount of time; about humans who looked like monkeys who were on Earth before us and many other unusual stories that science had yet to teach me.
“I was completely lucid and listened to him attentively but I continued to pretend I was far from reality. And Cannat knew I was pretending, just like he knew, he had taken me beyond the fragile limits of human endurance. He knew it was his fault my baby could have been born premature. I knew he felt this way because of how nervous he had become at that critical moment. In no way did he want Shallem to lose the opportunity to make his son immortal, just like Cannat had done with Leonardo. Because of all this, Cannat treated me with kid gloves. He was patient and understanding with my silences. And even though I snubbed him, he coddled and cared for me like a parent. He never got angry when I became hysterical, whether my hysterics were feigned or factual. He brushed my hair, bathed me, made me stand to stretch my muscles, and he diligently brought me food and fed me when I couldn’t do it myself.
“He told me not to be afraid of him, he assured me he had never intended to hurt me. He told me I would never be like one of the humans I had seen in the cave, that they way Shallem had shared his soul with me was completely different from what he had done to detain their souls.
“Also, and with the intention of comforting me, he promised me things that made me shake with terror. He said that when my body grew old, he would find me a new one and then another, and then another, in such a way that I would never have to worry about dying.
“I don’t know which one of those options frightened me the most. For my soul to continue living in a decaying body or for it to roam from one to another like a diabolic and stray spirit, stealing bodies from the living to continue walking the earth. There was no malice in his offer and at no moment did he notice the panic his promise caused me.
“He told me those things to keep me calm, to avoid another panic attack which could make go into labor.
“He would beg me, in a low voice, to say something, to answer him. He assured me I had no reason to continue acting like that, that I was very pale and needed to go outside for a walk, that Shallem would scold him if he found me in such a state. But I remained obstinately silent, lost in a void, lost in my own thoughts, and still trembled with fear and distrust.
“My thoughts revolved around one thing. The indelible and spectral sight of Ornella gushing blood tied in that immense cavern. And those screams, those hoarse, intense, unrelenting screams, which I tried to block by covering my ears, all the while asking myself where they were coming from, and then realizing that it was I who was screaming, that I couldn’t stop screaming.
“Everywhere I looked, that vision followed me, as if it were a picture superimposed over my eyes, like a macabre contact lens that was impossible to remove. When I closed my eyes to escape, the reddish black backdrop my eyelids created would make that vision sharper, more cruel and the sound of my screams would make my brain collapse. Then, I would look at Cannat and think, ‘He did this.’ He would sense such fright in my eyes that he would immediately leave the room, afraid he would cause me to have another attack.
“For some time, many doubts had been pounding in my mind. I was struggling to hold tight to mortality and needed some answers. One day I decided to grab the knife Cannat had brought me to cut meat, yes meat, and waited until he wasn’t in the bedroom to slit my wrist.”
“Good God!” the priest interjected.
“You have to understand. It’s not that I wanted to die, in spite of all the horrors I’d lived through. My intention wasn’t to commit suicide. I had refused to admit that Shallem’s miracle to make me immortal had worked on me. I would ask myself, “What am I?” I expected to see the blood gush from my veins and feel death’s sweet swoon take me by the hand. Then, when I was certain I was really dying, that I could die, I would call out to Cannat to save me. But, if I couldn’t die, I wanted to know, in a concrete way, how it was impeded. I needed to see whether the blood coagulated on my wrist or if the cut instantaneously closed; ways that I had imagined hundreds of times.”
“And what happened?” the priest asked.
“Not even a single drop of blood fell, even though the pain I felt assured me that the edge of the knife had entered my wrist. But my wound closed even before the knife slid completely out of my wrist. It was as if I were using one of those fake knives magicians use to cut their pretend victims in half. The knife went in and then the knife came out and my flesh remained as if nothing had touched it. I did it three times and each time watched, astounded, as the knife seemed to block the flow of blood when it sliced my veins. My heart contracted when the knife pierced my flesh, the pain in itself should have been enough to kill me but when I slid the knife out, my wrist was spotless as if the knife was nothing more than a magician’s tool. I would have continued discovering how my body had changed if I hadn’t of heard Cannat’s footsteps. I knew that when he entered the room he must see the usual mask I wore on my face. My wax, hermetic, and aphasic mask.
“In the end, Cannat found a way to end my silence. He had tried everything and everything had failed. I was due to give birth soon and it was expected that Shallem would return at any moment, after making a final and tremendous effort to free himself from Eonar. And Cannat knew Shallem would not like to find me in such a state. When he returned, everything should seem like it had gone well, that Cannat had scrupulously fulfilled his promise. He needed for us to reconcile, make it so I behaved normally.
“ ‘I’ve brought you someone.’ He told me mysteriously on one sunny afternoon only five days before I was due to give birth. ‘It’s a surprise,’ he added. ‘You’ll like it.’
“I began to tremble and disdainfully turned my back to him. I thought he was contriving one his atrocities. He himself turning into Shallem or something worse.
“He left the room mumbling something I didn’t bother to pay attention to. Then I heard the steps, clearly different from his, of someone who was cautiously entering the room as if afraid to disturb an ill person. Remaining silent, the person indecisively and timidly stopped at the foot of my bed and stood there for some time keeping me in suspense since I was turned to where I couldn’t see him.
“ ‘Juliette,’ he whispered.
“Immediately I felt the urge to turn around, I recognized his voice. But I didn’t turn around and thought to myself, ‘It’s Cannat in one of his monstrous transformations.’
“ ‘Aren’t going to greet your visitor, Juliette.’ I heard Cannat’s voice from the door.
“Then I slowly turned, scared of God knows what. Cannat was standing by the door, leaning against its frame with an air of feigned seriousness. Beside me, next to the bed, Leonardo’s striking violet eyes watched me with concern. Doubtful and shocked, I drew myself up still wondering whether this was just another one of Cannat’s apparitions.
“ ‘Is it really you?’ I finally whispered.
“ ‘Yes,’ he answered and took my hand delicately. ‘It’s really me. Relax.’
“I saw Cannat watching, calm and attentive, to how his experiment would unfold. Good. Everything was going well. For the moment, I was speaking again. I wanted him to leave so I could be alone with Leonardo.
“ ‘Father, do you mind leaving us?’ asked Leonardo.
“And Cannat, quite satisfied, left the room.
“I was so happy to see Leonardo... There were so many things I wanted to tell him! This time I’d tell him everything, absolutely everything. He was the only immortal that could understand me, an immortal almost as human as I was. I threw myself into his arms and began speaking incoherently, everything coming out in a muddle. I told him about how Eonar had made me have his son; how much I loved Shallem; what had happened to him and what he planned to do to our baby; how dreadfully afraid I was of his father, of Cannat, an
d all the horrors he had put me through.
“ ‘Sweetheart, stop. Don’t torture yourself,’ he told me again and again. ‘I know everything, you don’t have to tell me.’
“But I couldn’t stop talking, unburdening myself as I had never done before and clumsily, I let my disjointed and incomprehensible sentences flow. But it didn’t matter, I needed to hear myself confess everything, just like I’m doing today with you. I wanted Leonardo to feel what I had felt and you can’t imagine how much comfort I felt hearing myself confess the truth. I ended telling him I was immortal and that I didn’t want to be, that I barely recognized myself, that I would think things I would have never dared to think in the past and how much those thoughts hurt me and how I had greatly regretted having thought them. I told him I was nothing more than a toy for fallen angels and Shallem’s concubine. The devil’s concubine, I told him. I still hate myself and feel so ashamed that I had called him a devil.
“Leonardo listened to me. He listened to me and held me tightly as his immortal but human heart filled with pain.
“ ‘I know everything, my love. I’ve always known,’ he continued whispering.
“He asked me to get dressed so we could leave the house. Wanting to escape Cannat, even if for a short amount of time, I got dressed very quickly.
“I can’t even begin to explain how much Leonardo eased my pain. Not only were we similar in nature, but also, being with him gave me an idea of what my own child would be like one day.
“And I wasn’t the only one confessing. Leonardo also told me everything about himself, as he had ached to do the last time we had seen each other.
“He told me he had been born in Rome three hundred years in the past. His mother was a noble woman and very intelligent. Cannat slept with her twice. The first time he just made love to her but the second time, he told her who he really was and what he wanted. She accepted and nine months later he returned to fulfill his promise and gave his son divine powers.
The Devil's Concubine Page 25