“Leonard had many gifts; he could read minds with ease, move objects and start fires with a simple thought, leave his body and travel through space and time to remote places, crush his enemies minds with just a thought -but he assured he only did this once and out of pure necessity. Also, he could gravitate and speak to animals. Leonardo had never experienced physical pain or illness.
“Cannat had visited him frequently throughout his life and spent long periods of time with him. When he left, he would resolutely promise Leonardo that he would be back soon. However, they could always communicate with each other, no matter the distance or time between them.
“He told me they loved each other since, all told, they were the same being. However, Cannat and only Cannat could, at any given moment, kill him. Then, the part of his soul he had given Leonardo would return to him. And he knew that, sooner or later, his father would end up killing him because he had a gift that Cannat wanted: the ability to read the minds of souls. When that happened, Leonardo’s soul would lack its own volition and would have to return to its maker, to Cannat, and thus augment his powers with the ability to read souls.”
Father DiCaprio made a nervous gesture with his hand to stop the woman.
“But how’s it possible that the son could read souls and the father couldn’t?” he asked and waited, with his mouth and eyes wide open, for the answer.
“Leonardo wasn’t sure but he had some theories. He thought that, when Cannat had given him part of his soul, something could have been passed on to him from his grandfather, in other words, from God. Something residual from God that Cannat had harbored. It’s very simple when we apply this to humans. Suppose a child, whose father has brown eyes, inherits his grandfather’s blue eyes. Today we know this happens because of genes. Well, something similar could have happened to Cannat’s soul, which had been created by God. Leonardo also came up with another possibility. That Cannat had this gift and, in some way, had given it to him by mistake. I didn’t believe that theory since, knowing Cannat like I did, I knew he couldn’t have gone three hundred and twenty years without possessing such a valuable gift.
“Leonardo knew things about us that we didn’t even know. Because, not only could he see souls, he knew how to interpret what he saw.
“That afternoon breezed by as we sat in a dark corner of a deserted tavern. We did nothing but talk. We were two strange creatures, two monstrous twins isolated from the rest of the world. But Leonardo was going to have a little nephew, someone just like him, his uncle Shallem’s son. This seemed to please him greatly.
“When night fell, I begged him to stay at my house so I wouldn’t be alone with his father. He said it wasn’t possible because Cannat had specifically told him he couldn’t. This was the only requirement Cannat imposed on Leonardo to be able to see me. He had been begging to do so since the day Shallem had disappeared. Cannat was afraid we would get to close due to our similar natures and it would be too hard to separate us in the future. However, the only way this would have happened is if I were to lose all hope that Shallem would come back to me.
“Leonardo took me home and said we would see each other the next day. Once again, I was lucid, healthy and alone with Cannat. He was quiet and distracted when I entered the house and barely paid me any attention. He sent me to bed with a glass of milk. Then later, like every night, he lay down beside me after blowing out the candles.
“ ‘Juliette, turn around and look at me,’ he said, his voice sad and subdued.
“I couldn’t avoid not doing as he asked.
“ ‘Juliette, Shallem... Shallem..,’ he began, his voice torn and breaking. ‘All the angels who follow Eonar are against Shallem. There’s no way he can escape. They are like a pack of wild dogs chasing a wolf. He’s stronger but they are too many.’ He wanted to continue speaking but his voice had grown faint. He took a deep breath. ‘He won’t get here in time,’ he added with a sigh.
“ ‘I know,’ I whispered and watched Cannat’s sad expression. He seemed so vulnerable and harmless as he suffered for Shallem.
“ ‘How do you know?’ he asked.
“I slowly shrugged my shoulders. ‘I can’t explain how I know, I just know.’
“ ‘Of course,’ he murmured.
“ ‘Can’t you help him?’ I asked with tears in my eyes.
“ ‘It would be no use. If I were to go, they would immediately kill you and your son. Shallem would lose both of you. He could have more children but he’ll never get you back.’
“ ‘But I’m immortal, I know I am!’
“ ‘Anyone of us can kill you.’
“ ‘What about Shallem?’ I sobbed.
“ ‘Don’t worry about him. They will let him go once the baby is born. They have to pool their strength to keep him there, an enormous and tedious amount of strength. They want it to end.’
“ ‘Can they hurt him?’
“ ‘They can’t hurt him physically; they can only harm his morale. He’s so... so sad, he feels powerless, devastated.’
“Punctually, five days later and without his father, my son let out his first cry. It was a splendid, physically painless delivery because an angel with resplendent blue eyes helped me the entire time.
“My son’s birth brought me little joy; I have to admit. Except for fact that I was finally free of the little being that had kept growing until I couldn’t stand being in my body. In actuality, there was only one true reason I wasn’t overjoyed by my son’s birth; nothing would ever make me happy until Shallem returned.
“I did love my son but I wanted to repress my love because loving him was frightening and painful since I was certain his life would be short, since I was certain he had been condemned even before he been conceived.
“After the delivery, Cannat, like an experienced mid-wife, washed him in warm water, dressed him in the clothes that had been tailored for him, and, without uttering a word, placed him in my arms.
“He was adorable, as beautiful as any newborn could be. To me, he was much more beautiful than Chretien had been. His skin was as soft as the petals on a rose; his eyes were a bright, sea green and watched me curiously; his limbs, like those of a doll, were small and delicate. You couldn’t say, truthfully, that he looked just like Shallem. However, in my anguish, I wanted to find Shallem wherever I looked. So I told Cannat the baby looked like Shallem as a way to reaffirm my belief.
“ ‘What do you know!’ Cannat responded bitterly, pointed at the baby and added, ‘That baby is just a piece of human flesh breed by two bodies. The same thing that happens thousands upon thousands of times. Humans breed bodies but souls bring them to life. Why do you even call yourselves parents? All you do is produce empty shells that will be anxiously occupied by any given soul with absolutely no relation to you. This is what has happened to your son. He’ll never have anything but a measly part of Shallem, something imperceptible. He is not your son. Not in the way you believe him to be. Humans breed bodies and angels conceive souls. And furthermore,’ he added, at the peak of his contempt. ‘He doesn’t look anything like Shallem.’
“I was tremendously hurt by what he had said and by the fact that it all made sense to me. Shallem must feel so bad, so frustrated!
“If I were happy about anything it was that I was convinced, and assured of by Cannat, that Shallem would return soon. I grew more excited by the second. I approached the window in the bedroom and watched different pheasants cross the street. I asked myself, ‘What if he walks right by me and I don’t even recognize him? What will he look like now?’ I had asked myself hundreds of times if his appearance would change but I never made it a point to ask Cannat. I wondered if my soul would be able to recognize the being it loves beneath its new appearance. What would I do if I didn’t recognize his face or his touch? What if I ran from him? It would break Shallem’s heart if he were to notice fear or horror on my face when I beheld his new body! For nothing in the world did I want to hurt him, I had to control my reaction no matter what. I wou
ld have preferred to die than to hurt him.
“These questions and worries tormented me as much after giving birth as they did since Shallem had disappeared. In fact, at that moment, I was more concerned with looking out the window and counting the minutes as they passed by than dutifully taking care of my son.
“A few hours after giving birth, I was still staring at the traffic of pedestrians on the street with my heart racking. Then, as if from afar, I heard, ‘Do you want me to breast feed the child?’ It was only then that I realized the baby had been crying.
“ ‘Take care of him while he lives,’ Cannat told me. ‘He won’t live that long. He won’t be that much of an inconvenience to you.’ Then, he put the baby in my arms.
“He was frantic. His sweet little arms were flailing in the air and his tiny white hands were clenched into tiny fists. His eyes were squeezed shut and his face was so red and swollen by his fury it appeared he was about to burst. His furious cries irritated his throat so he coughed two or three times, caught his breath and then renewed his delicate but shrill and noisy complaints with even more vigor.
“I suddenly realized he had been born, that he existed, and that I loved him. I also knew Shallem would love him just as much as I did no matter what Cannat thought. I knew Shallem would protect him, just as he had protected me, even if he were a mortal.
“ ‘Shallem. My Shallem,’ I whispered, brought my baby toward my lips and kissed him desperately. Then, I quickly unbuttoned my nightgown, indifferent to Cannat’s ever-scrutinizing gaze, and satisfied my son’s hunger.
“A few hours later all the doubts, which had kept me awake at night, disappeared.
“The baby was in bed. With his head bowed, Cannat sat thinking and waiting. And I, I just sat at the window imagining Shallem briskly walking toward the house, like a mortal, wrapped in his velvet blue cape. But that didn’t happen. He suddenly appeared out of nowhere. For a few moments, he stood in the middle of the room, silent and still, as if he wanted to go undetected for a while, as if he were enjoying our uneasy anticipation, our anguish for him.
“When I saw him, he was looking at the crib and Cannat was looking at him. It was him, undoubtedly, HIM. My lover’s familiar and beloved naked body stood right in front of me. Reborn on earth. I can’t explain how much relief I felt when I recognized him. The answer to my questions, which I had always know but never wanted to admit, was finally able to unveil itself and it did so with harsh clarity: I loved him in body and soul, but I couldn’t separate his soul from his body. This made me feel profoundly ashamed. I briefly recalled Shallem speaking to me about how the body has no value, how the soul is what matters the most; how souls, divine or human, are the only things worthy of love. I remember him telling me how the human body was nothing more than an instrument, a vehicle, the soul’s mutable tool. However, in his case, the body never changed. He said that the only thing that was truly ours is our soul.
“I forced myself to erase those ideas from my mind. ‘If it’s only my body you love, than you don’t love me,’ he had said. But that wasn’t true. If his body were a poem; each of his limbs would be a verse; his face a stanza which spoke to me of the sweetness in his soul, of the beauty in his soul, of his feelings toward this displeasing world. It wasn’t the grace in his gestures, or the supple sway of his hair in the wind, or the harmonious cadence in his soft voice, or the gentle expressions in his luminous face. It was the sensitivity he showed me, the experiences he gave me, and the emotions he awoke within me. His body showed me all that I loved about his soul. If, in the brief span of a mortal life, the face were to become a reflection of the soul, can you imagine what Shallem’s face could reveal after millions of years of existence? In a body more beautiful than his, but lacking this emotion; perhaps I wouldn’t have been able to love him with the same passion.
“My body sprung forward as soon as I saw Cannat stand to approach Shallem for a hug. Like an arrow, I darted past Cannat and shoved him with such force and surprise, he stumbled. I managed to be the first to reach Shallem’s embrace, who had seen, amazed, how I had outmaneuvered Cannat and the anger it provoked.
“ ‘You’ve come back, my love, you’ve come back!’ I cried and held onto him with all my strength as if I would lose him again. ‘And your body... I saw it burn! I never thought I’d see it again. Are you always going to look like this?’ I asked him foolishly.
“He stopped kissing me and looked at me with an incredulous and worried expression.
“ ‘What do you mean?’ he asked, shocked by my words. ‘This is my body! What would I look like if it weren’t?’ he continued, surprised, as though what had happened was the most normal thing in the world and I should also see it that way. He was the same as before; confused, offended and inconsiderate when confronted with my sempiternal ignorance.
“Shallem was deeply affected by the pain, frustration, and impotence he felt for not being able to imbue his son with his soul because he had been kidnapped and enslaved.
“ ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, his eyes bright with pain. ‘I’m sorry.’
“I consoled him as much as I could. I told him it didn’t matter, that no one could have escaped, that we would love our baby just the same even though he was human, and that the only thing we should worry about now was that nothing bad happened to him. I told him we would have another child in the future and that no one would prevent him from giving this child his powers. But when I saw him watching the baby in his crib, when I saw him cradle the baby in his arms with his eyes closed, resting his cheek next to the baby’s tiny cheek, I knew he was thinking about what could have been and wasn’t. I knew he was thinking about the portentous immortal man he could have been but would never be. Shallem couldn’t stand failure and impotence; just as much as he couldn’t stand being committed to nor burdened by authority.
“Time passed and our wounds began to heal. Our son, Cyr, grew without anything appearing to threaten his life.
“Now there were five of us. Not always, but at least once a week Leonardo joined us for dinner or for a walk in the city. He and I would walk ahead of the others, two strange semi-humans joined by their singularity, joined by the isolation inherent in it. We were followed by two angels with suspicious expressions like attentive parents making sure their children behaved. One of them would hold a mortal child in their arms or would be trying to teach him how to take his first clumsy human first steps. I, from time to time, would turn to make sure everything was going well, to make sure my son was safe and to make sure my lover followed me, warily, without taking his eyes off me.
“Leonardo had become a very prominent painter and owned his own studio. He painted many portraits of us in which we were always disguised as mythological figures. He sold as many as he painted to rich merchants who seemed even more delighted as the price of his paintings increased.
“Cannat’s angelic charms finally came out during this long period of peace in our lives. He loved Cyr and Cyr loved him just as much, so much so that, once in awhile, Shallem’s eyes gleamed with jealousy. When Cannat had to leave for a few days, Cyr cried and cried. He grew so sad it was impossible to lift his spirits. It was only when Cannat returned that his mischievous smile, which he inherited from his uncle, returned.
“I encouraged Cannat’s affection toward my son. It was a relief to know he loved Cyr and would never be jealous of him, like the horrible and cruel way he was jealous of me, for which he had caused me so much pain. However, at times, I doubted his love for Cyr was completely pure and unconditional. I suspected ulterior motives when I would see him take Cyr out of Shallem’s arms, as if he were bothered by seeing such scenes of affection between the two of them, or as if he were afraid Shallem would grow to love Cyr more than he felt was necessary.
“Nevertheless, as I said, I encouraged Cannat’s fondness of Cyr. I would tell him, ‘He has your smile’, ‘He mimics your gestures’, ‘He spent all afternoon asking for you’, ‘He wants nothing other than to be with you all day long
’ and other equally flattering phrases which easily inflated Cannat’s ego.
“In spite of the times, like when Cannat would have to immediately return from wherever he was because, while he was away, Shallem constantly detected those damned and devilish entities that wanted to kill our son, we enjoyed an era of great happiness.
“Cannat treated me better, somewhat better than even before Shallem had been imprisoned by Eonar. He was tolerant of my human shortcomings and, at times, even affectionate. It was fortunate that he adored Cyr because without Cannat our son’s life would have been in extreme danger.
“Shallem was jealous of Cannat’s love for Cyr. Leonardo was also jealous. He was jealous of Shallem because I loved him; he was also jealous of Cyr because Cannat loved him.
“Shallem had a strange relationship with Leonardo. He loved Leonardo because Cannat’s soul resided in Leonardo’s body, therefore, in essence, Leonardo was Cannat. However, he was also jealous of how much Leonardo loved Cannat. That was absurd because, in reality, the three of them shared the same soul. It always seemed strange to me that Shallem didn’t love Leonardo as much as he loved Cannat. And the only reason I could come up with was that Shallem was much more jealous than Cannat.
“The best times were those when Cannat went somewhere and we were left alone with Cyr. I was happier than ever during those times, surrendering myself fully to Shallem’s love.
“I had changed. In his cruel and torturous way, Cannat had made me come to grips with reality, in all its entirety.
“All of my beliefs, my old, inherited, and false beliefs, had come slowly and painfully crashing down. In just a few days, Cannat had replaced them all with a world of abstract but real concepts. And all of them had made me think and grow. Cannat not only made me more wise, he also made me more mature, and much stronger. This was my debt to him. And thanks to him, I came to grips with my relationship to the supernatural in a different way.
The Devil's Concubine Page 26