by Amanda Wylde
The waitress drops off our third round of beers and I'm ready to use the ladies room. I do my time in the usual line, take care of business then wash my hands and check my makeup in the mirror. Once I'm satisfied I'm out of there. The strong touch of someone's hand on my arm makes me flinch. When I turn and see him I nearly gasp.
"It's been too long, Remi."
I nearly spit out the words, not long enough, but then realize we're within eyeshot of Kris. If he's watching us he's probably already jumped to the same conclusion I have. That text was from Chaz. The only reason he can text me now is because he too has obviously changed his number. I blocked him the day I finally got back to Travis after the night he gave Chaz that beating. It killed me to know he was so angry at me. But I can't make a scene. Kris is far too perceptive when it comes to everything. If I even appear the slightest bit upset he'll question it.
So I smile instead and nod. "It's been a while."
"I just got back from school a few weeks ago. I'm here tonight celebrating because I just passed my SLAT. Means I got into law school."
I know what it means, you pretentious asshole. I also know if it weren't because of all your threats you'd be a registered sex offender right now and in no way on your way to law school.
"Congrats," I say mindful that given that text Chaz sent me Kris if very likely watching us closely.
If Chaz saw me earlier, like his text said, then he also saw I was sitting with a man whose lips were never off me for more than a few minutes at a time. There's no way he wouldn't know his text would be inappropriate and I'm certain Kris is thinking the very same thing. Only given me and Chaz's past I know just how inappropriate it really is. I have to be careful not to lose my cool.
"I guess you're following in your father's footsteps."
My smile doesn't feel quite as genuine anymore but I'm trying my best—for Kris's sake only. Because Chaz doesn't even try to hide the way he's leering at me from top to bottom.
"So you and Travis's cousin, huh?" he chuckles as he turns in Kris's direction and I go cold.
I hadn't even thought of the possibility that it'd gotten back to him about Kris being Travis's cousin. "I guess you have a thing for De Lucas. At least this one isn't trash. I hear he's a cop."
I want to say we both know who the trash is. We both know who the rapist piece of shit is but I can't. I'll never pull off trying to hide how pissed I am when I get back to Kris if I allow myself to get that worked up. So I smile big instead about the one thing that gives me much pleasure about seeing Chaz again. "I see some of the scars from the night Travis trashed you are still there. May they be with you forever, you dick."
I smile even as I turn and walk away. I was right about Kris. He's watching me as I walk back and the expression on his face says it all. He probably watched the whole time and he's not happy about the outrageous way Chaz eyed me the entire time we spoke.
"Is that the asshole that text you?" he asks before I'm even in the booth next to him.
This is how perceptive Kris is. He's never even met Chaz and already he knows he's an asshole.
"I didn't even think to ask but he didn't mention it."
"Who is he?" he asks still staring in that direction and I pray Chaz isn't staring back at him but I'm afraid to look.
"An old friend from high school," I say picking up my beer trying desperately to not send out any of the signals Kris so easily picks up on. "I haven't seen him in years. He was away at college. Just got back."
"Did you ever go out with him?"
I take a swig of my beer knowing I need to be at least partially honest about this. I can tell Kris already knows Chaz was more than just a friend. No thanks to Chaz's infuriating ogling.
"We had a flirtation," I admit. "But that was way back in high school and it never went anywhere."
"What'd he say to you just now when he was looking at you the way he was?"
I wish he'd just drop it but I can't say I blame him. Chaz is such an infuriating instigator. Even the night of the party just a week after he'd taken such a beating from Travis he walked up to ask me if I'd seen Travis across the street with that night's piece of ass.
I shrug still in damage control mode. "That he just passed his test to get into law school so he's here celebrating. His dad's a lawyer too so it's no surprise."
"What's his name?"
"Chaz."
Kris chuckles dryly before taking a drink of his beer. "That even sounds like an asshole name." It's only when I lean my head against his shoulder that I realize just how tense he is. "He looked my way and said something. Did he ask you about me?"
"Yeah," I admit but that's about as much as I'm admitting truthfully. "He asked if you were my boyfriend. He must've seen me with you earlier."
"Exactly. So if that was him who texted you, that was a dick move. I just hope he's not stupid enough to come talk to you again."
My stomach tightens but not just at the thought of Chaz being stupid enough to come over here. If Kris's this tense about this, this pissed about Chaz's dick move, I dread to think of what he'd say if he ever found out what Travis did. What I allowed him to do the very night Kris had bought him a beer and insisted he hang out with us longer. I literally shiver at the thought and Kris puts his arm around me and rubs my arm. "You cold?"
"A little," I say in an attempt to derail this conversation already and it works.
He starts telling me about his mother's tendency to always be cold as the band starts to play and that distracts him—us—for a while. A couple of hours later even after I've gone to the ladies room a few more times Kris finally goes. I wonder if maybe he was avoiding leaving me alone since we've seen Chaz walk from the area at the bar where he and his friends are to the men's room a few times. He's still here. But I guess Kris's poor bladder couldn't take it anymore.
My heart thuds again when my phone dings with another text from that same number earlier and I'm certain Chaz is just being a total asshole now. I click on it knowing the bastard is probably watching only because I want to prepare myself for anything he might be up to.
Even though Kris's really enjoying this particular band I'm already thinking of an excuse to get out of here before I even read the text. Then I do and my heart speeds up.
Text: Get off your high horse, bitch. Travis is lucky my dad had mercy on him.
I'm beyond tempted to respond that he's lucky he's not having to register as a sex offender but I don't even have time to talk myself out of it.
"Bitch!" I flinch at the sound of Chaz's drunken voice.
There's another guy with him trying to hold him back and talk sense into him. All I can do is glance around and pray his friend can get him away before Kris comes back. He nudges his friend away and goes on slurring. "You and that De Luca family should be thanking me you ungrateful bitch!"
The people in the booths and tables around us start turning to us as Chaz's drunken voice gets louder. He calls me a cunt and then his face is slammed onto the table. Glasses shatter, beer spills, fists fly and next thing I know security is escorting both a furious Kris and a bloodied faced Chaz out of the restaurant. When Kris shows them his badge and I explain what happened, they go easy on Kris and just ask that he leaves peacefully but detain Chaz. He's not making things easy on himself with his continued cussing and resisting like an idiot.
He's been yelling for someone to call his dad from the moment they started escorting him out. Threatening everyone he's going to sue including the restaurant he'll have shut down.
We drive away in deafening silence. Kris is still completely tensed up and I'm dreading having to talk about this but I know it's inevitable. Only I have no idea how to even go about it. How much I should admit.
"What's that guys fucking problem?" Kris finally asks staring straight ahead. "Why's he so angry with you? And what does he mean by you owe him?"
"He's drunk and talking out of his ass. Just like he's gonna have the restaurant shut down."
"Don't tell m
e everything that just happened in there was all just because he was drunk, Rem. Drunks don't just get mad at random people they haven't seen in years for no reason. Tell me the truth." He turns to face me when we come to a stop. "What's the deal between you and this guy? It's all in the past right?"
"Yes," I whisper looking down at my twisting hands. "This is really the first time I've seen or heard from him in years."
"Well, then it shouldn't matter whatever it is. I just wanna know."
I take a deep breath as my heart starts thudding. "I was seeing him for a little bit my senior year in high school. He stopped by to hang out with me a couple of times when I was watching Trace and Trevor. I let him kiss me once then the next time he came by he was drunk." I close my eyes hating to have to relive this. "He pushed for more. So much so he scared me. Travis got there right when I'd started to cry."
I'm so into the horrible memory I don't even notice Kris pull over. We're parked a few blocks from my house now. I glance around then at Kris whose hardened expression from earlier has changed. It's still as hard but there's something even more severe about it. I have to look away before I tell him the rest.
"Travis beat him. Really bad. If Travis's friends hadn't been there when he got home it would've been even worse." I wince at the thought. "Chaz's parents threatened to have Travis arrested but even worse. When his dad called my dad to talk about the incident, they said they had things on Travis's mom. Ugly things," I whisper then look up at him. "His dad had also looked into my parents and me to see if he had anything on us he could use to try and bribe us into not pressing charges. The only thing he was able to find was that my parents were close to defaulting on the mortgage so he offered us money. Enough that they could save the house and said he wouldn't press charges on Travis or report his mother to child services."
"What ugly things did they have on my aunt?" he asks but his voice is gentle; much calmer than it was earlier.
"I never told Travis about that and I don't even know if it's true or how they knew but I didn't want to chance it. I felt responsible for having allowed Chaz to come over in the first place."
"What things, Rem?"
I can't even look at him when I say it because I'm almost ashamed to admit that I honestly feared it could be true. "They said she was a prostitute. Chaz's father said he had proof that her and her friend took money from men at the bar they frequented in exchange for sexual favors. He said many of her clients were local married men and it would cause a neighborhood uproar on top of getting the boys put into foster care because she was neglecting them. But he said if we forced him to, he'd out her. My parents didn't care about that. They didn't even care about the money to save the house. They were already in the process of pulling money from my dad's 401k so they didn't need his bribe. They wanted to press charges but I begged them not to. I finally convinced them but only when Chaz's father agreed to get Chaz into counseling."
"So why's this asshole so fucking mad? He got off easy."
"He's just an arrogant jerk, Kris. Always has been. He made a comment earlier when you saw me talking to him about Travis being trash and I countered by pointing out the scars he'll forever wear from that night Travis kicked his ass. It pissed him off I guess. And once drunk he decided to tell me off."
"Why haven't you told me about this?"
I glance up at him praying he doesn't read more into my response. "It's not a memory I like reliving. He didn't actually rape me but it was still a terrifying experience. If Travis hadn't gotten there when he did . . ."
I shake my head. It's something I'll always wonder about. How different my life would be if he hadn't. Would I still be the same person or would it have scarred me for life?
Kris reaches out for my hand and takes it. "I understand why you never told me but I want you to know, no matter how hard it is to talk about something I want to be in on everything about your life. Everything that makes you happy as well as all the hard stuff. I'll always be here for you to open up to. I don't want you to ever have to deal with even bad memories alone okay?" I nod feeling a warmth inside because I believe him with all my heart and then he adds. "I love you, Rem."
The emotion is almost too much to bear. "I love you, too," I say and I mean it.
He hugs me and I hug him back tightly. I really do love this man. He's won my heart despite all my misgivings about this relationship. I know now I've made the right decision and everything happens for a reason. I wasn't meant to be with Travis like I always thought. Kris is who I'm meant to be with.
Chapter 12
Travis
It's been just over a month since my life was turned upside down and already my thoughts are on her again. I'd begun to finally move on. Finally accept that things between me and the real love of my life would never be. I'd convinced myself Remi was better off with Kris and after what I did to her she'd never forgive me anyway.
I don't deserve her.
But that night I took her virginity haunts me. A part of me knew she'd save herself for me. That it meant everything. But Elsa didn't deserve me leaving her just like that. And unlike my dad did, I wasn't walking away from my kid. Not even for Remi. I'd stay here in Philly where Elsa has her entire family—life and I'd do the right thing.
But after much soul searching and agonizing I know where I belong. I can still be a father to my kid and be with who I really want to be. The proof is in the fact that I haven't been able to touch Elsa like I once did, much less make love to her. Not after having made true love to my Remi. It's helped that she's had to recover from her surgery and not been in condition for anything like that. Even though technically the doctors gave her the go ahead weeks ago, I've still been playing the overly cautious boyfriend who's afraid to hurt her after everything she's gone through, because I just can't.
After an entire month I've made my decision. I'd be hurting Elsa in the process but its better if I do it now then have her believe we're a happy little family when it's all a facade. I know now I'll never get Remi out of my heart. She'll always be the one and I'll never stop thinking about what could've been. I've waited long enough for us to be together and I won't prolong it even a day longer. There's only one person in this world that can make my life complete.
For the millionth time, I glance down at my phone and stare at her name on my screen. What do I say to her? How do I explain fucking her then walking out on her and never calling her back? I know she must think me the biggest piece of shit on the planet. But my resolve is gone. I can't fight it any longer. Fight what I've always felt for her, the urgency to at the very least hear her voice again is an agonizing one.
Finally, I hit the call button. I stand and pace unable to sit anymore. I nearly give up that she'll answer until she finally does. "Hello?"
One word, one little word from her and already I'm smiling despite torment I've been dealing with since I walked away from her. "Hey, Cherry."
She's quiet then I hear her clear her throat. "Why are you calling me, Travis?"
"Because I miss you and I can't stop thinking about—"
"Why are you doing this?" she asks before I can finish and I can hear the pain in her voice.
"Because I need to tell you how sorry I am about the way things happened."
"It's too late for apologies, Travis. You made your choice. You chose for us and you know what? It was a good choice. I'm actually happy that things happened the way they did because I nearly ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me. You leaving the way you did and never even bothering to give me an explanation helped me appreciate Kris even more. He would never do what you did and I'm so grateful that you didn't come back because I might've made the biggest mistake of my life."
"Remi I can explain. I know it was a shitty thing to do but I too thought it was for the best. I too thought you were better off with Kris but you own my heart, damn it. Nothing will ever change that and I know that now. I love you like I know I'll never love anyone else."
"Stop," she says and
I can hear she's crying.
This is not what I wanted to do. This is not why I called. "Don't cry, baby," I say running my fingers through my hair.
“Don’t! You don’t get to call me that anymore! You lost your privilege when you left me high and dry with no explanation AFTER I gave myself to you.”
She's really crying now and it kills me. "I didn't call to make you cry, Remi. I never meant to hurt you and I don't want to now."
"But you did and you are," she says still crying. "You always will if you continue to try and bully your way back into my life."
"That's not true," I say swallowing back the emotion I'm feeling now too. "I wasn't trying to hurt you when I left and didn't come back," I explain urgently. "I was doing what I thought was best for you but I know now I'm what's best for you. No one will ever love you the way I do."
"Don't you even care about what you'd be doing to Kris?"
"I care about Kris," I say feeling the sting of guilt I've felt since the night I made Cherry mine. "But I love you Remi and I've already fucked up one time too many when it comes to you. I won't do it again."
"Kris loves me," she says sounding a little calmer now.
"Not like I love you," I say feeling my insides heat.
"I'm in love with him too," she adds igniting my insides further.
"Not like you love me," I say through my teeth.
"Him and I—"
"Can't even touch what you and I have" I say loudly as I push through my front door because I need air then slam it. "Nothing in your life or mine will ever come close to what you and I have and you know this."
"What you and I had, Travis," she says in a much calmer voice now and it actually scares me. "I've moved on. So have you. It's better this way."
"I haven't moved on," I say with conviction because I know she's full of shit and she hasn't either. "I'll never move on. Girls can come and go in my life but I told you before Remi. It's always been you. It'll always be you."
"If that's the truth. If you really care about me then you'll cut me loose. Let me be. I'm happy now. You may not need to move on but I do. I'm in love with Kris now and he doesn't deserve this."