“I’m not. I’m sorry I pushed you to it, but, Drew, I want to know everything that makes you, you. I want to know what you’ve experienced: the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I want you to know about all the things I’ve experienced. I haven’t experienced anything that soul shattering, but still, I want you to know everything about me.”
“What’s the worst thing you’ve been through?”
“Tonight isn’t the best time to be swapping stories like that.”
I looked in his eyes, pleading with him. “Tonight is the perfect time. You know the worst night of my life, what’s yours?”
Dennis was silent for a second, and I didn’t think he would answer. “My worst night was finding the hickeys on your neck that I didn’t put there.”
“Oh.” I was stunned. Part of me was happy for him that he hadn’t experienced true pain. The other part of me was wondering how he was going to relate to me when he heard the other things I had to go through at the hands of Craig.
“You’re pulling back again, Drew. Don’t pull away.”
I looked back into his eyes and decided to be honest. “How can you understand any of the pain I’m feeling if you’ve never felt it yourself?”
He didn’t have an answer for that. He didn’t even try. He just held me.
~*~
“How did it feel to tell him about the baby?” Joseph was pleasantly surprised that I was able to open up to Dennis. He thought it was a big step that I was showing trust where Dennis was concerned.
“It didn’t feel good to talk about it, but I guess I was relieved at first.”
“At first?”
“I asked him to share his worst night with me since I shared mine, and his didn’t even begin to compare.”
“Not many people would have something to compare to that.”
I looked out the window. “I know that. I’m happy he doesn’t, but at the same time . . .” I looked at Joseph. “Mark lost his sister, so I feel comfortable knowing that when he knows things, he’s got an understanding of the pain I feel. I wish he never had to feel that pain, but he understands.”
“What has Terri lost? I don’t recall you ever mentioning anything horrible in Terri’s past, and yet you consider her your best friend.”
“She lived through the hell with Mark. She saw firsthand what that pain was about. Maybe she didn’t have it for the same reasons or have the same loss, but Mark’s pain became her pain.” I sighed. “I feel as if I’m talking in circles. Does any of it make sense?”
“Yes, it does. Let’s shift gears a little. What about Carl?”
“Well, Carl lost his wife.”
“What do you mean? You already knew that.” Joseph narrowed his eyes at me and nodded.
I started to get defensive. “What’s that look for?”
Joseph finished what he was writing and put his pen down. “You just said that Dennis hadn’t felt the loss you have, and you started to get frustrated. When I was trying to change the subject and ask how things were with Carl, you brought up his biggest loss. Do you think that’s why you feel a connection to him?”
I sat there shocked. I hadn’t put any of that together yet. I hated it when he figured out something before I did, but I guess that was his job.
Chapter 9
Peggy gave me more responsibilities. I was learning how to order supplies, calculate payroll, and handle the budget. My next task to tackle was trying to get next week’s schedule finished. A shadow blocked my entire doorway. I knew without turning around that it was Carl. Hoping he would see that I was busy and go away, I kept working.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
I put my pen down, but still didn’t turn around. “I’m busy, Carl.”
“You’ve made sure to be in a room with the most people, or you disappear before I get here. Today I asked and found out you’ve been hiding in your office.”
It frustrated me that he asked about me. “I’m not hiding. You can see that I’m working.”
I felt him step closer and could smell his cologne. Carl put his hands on my shoulders, and I stiffened at his touch. He started to work the knots out in my shoulders and neck with his strong hands. “You have the weight of the world on your shoulders here. You need a man who can take some of that tension away.” He leaned down and whispered directly in my ear. “I think you’ll find that I can relieve all kinds of tension. Come home with me tonight, and tomorrow you’ll come back as a new woman.”
I had closed my eyes at the feel of his hands kneading the tension out of my shoulders. As soon as he said I would be a new woman after one night with him, my eyes shot open. I was afraid of what new woman I would be. I stood up quickly, and he had to move fast to avoid my hitting him and knocking him back. “Stop, Carl.”
He looked me up and down, which caused me to cross my arms. He smiled. “You say no, but your body—”
“Will hurt you if you take another step.”
“Why do you fight this? We both know what’s going to happen, so let’s stop this game, declare us both winners, and get to the prize.” He took another step forward.
I put my hand out in front of me. “I told you I’m dating someone.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me close. “And I told you that until you say you’re taken I’m not stopping.” He kissed me hard, and I wanted to stop him. I wanted to push him away, but he had both of my hands behind my back.
It was as intoxicating as I remembered it. I had hoped I was playing it up a little in my mind because of how forbidden he should be to me, but there was nothing but heat in his kiss. When he felt me lean into him, he let go of my hands. They automatically tangled in his hair.
“I like it when you kiss.” Amy was in my doorway.
Carl pulled back enough to look into my eyes. He had a mischievous glint to his eyes. He opened his mouth, and I covered it with my hand. “Don’t use your daughter again.”
Something shifted in his gaze, and it told me he understood. I uncovered his mouth. He turned to Amy. “I think we should go home and get some dinner for you. What are you hungry for tonight?”
Carl stepped out and tried to take her hand. Amy refused to let him. “What about Drew?”
He kneeled down to her and rubbed her arms. “Drew needs to work, honey. You’ll see her tomorrow.”
I was shocked that he didn’t try to use her again. Amy nodded and waved to me before taking his hand. He looked back and winked before walking away. Carl thought he won that battle because I kissed him back, but really I was the winner since he walked away.
~*~
“I still don’t like him.” Terri wasn’t impressed with the news I shared.
“I didn’t say you should like him.” My phone rang. “I said I was surprised he walked away. This is Peggy. I’ve got to take it.” I stepped to the stairway, not for privacy but for quiet. Mark was playing with both kids, and they could get a little loud.
“Hi, Peggy. What’s up?”
“It’s down, Drew.” Peggy sounded worried.
“What are you talking about?”
“Our funding. Did you and Carl have a fight tonight?”
Uh-oh. “No, why do you ask?”
“He just called to say he won’t be able to make his contribution this year. He said he may be able to figure something out in a few days, but it isn’t looking good, and he wanted us to know so we could make proper arrangements.”
“That son of a bitch!” I said it a little too loud, and Terri came running. “I need to be late tomorrow.”
“Drew, don’t do anything crazy. Times are tough right now.”
“Not as tough as they’re going to be for him. I’ll talk to you when I get in. Thanks for letting me know.” I hung up and turned to Terri.
“What happened?”
“Carl is threatening to pull his contribution to the center. Mother—”
“Shhh.” Terri looked behind her. “I told you I didn’t like him.”
“Well, I’m going
to give him a piece of my mind tomorrow in his office.”
“As long as that’s all he gets a piece of.” Terri smirked.
“That’s why I’m not going this evening. I think he’s sitting there waiting for me to pounce on this information tonight. Well, he’s going to be waiting a while.”
~*~
The office was big, dark and masculine—just like Carl. I was ushered up to his floor without hesitation. I was sure he was waiting for me to come to him. He knew I would be pissed about the funding, but I was more pissed that he was finding different ways to manipulate me. I looked at the floor as I realized that I was letting him.
“What’s a pretty girl like you have to frown about?” Carl walked in and shut his door. I heard the click of the lock.
I raised my eyebrow. “You can unlock the door, Carl.”
“Too many distractions if I don’t.” He stood a few inches from me. “What can I help you with today?” I wanted to smack the smile off his face.
I smiled as I thought of a way to do that. I’d call his bluff. “I’m just here to say thank you for the contributions you’ve given us over the years.” I put a serious look on my face. “We understand that times are tough right now, and we hope you understand that since we’ve lost the funding we have to shut down the Pre-K room until we can find another contributor.”
I started to walk away, but he blocked my path. “I’m sure we can figure something out.” Carl ran a finger down my arm. I watched it until he touched my wrist, and I flicked it away. “That’s no way to treat a potential donor.”
“I’m not a prostitute.” I stepped around him.
“I didn’t say you were. I’m simply saying we each have needs the other can fulfill.” He finally turned around and looked at me. “I tend to be more generous when I’m happy.”
I slowly looked him up and down while licking my lips. “Well, then by all means,” I unlocked the door and opened it, “let me save you some money.” I walked out.
It didn’t take him too long to catch up to me. I was pleasantly surprised to see the look on his assistant’s face when he chased after me. Something told me he didn’t usually do the chasing. “Drew.” He took my elbow. “I’m sure we can come to some understanding.”
I tilted my head. “Oh, I understand everything. You’re a manipulative son of a bitch who throws tantrums like a two-year-old when he doesn’t get his way.” I poked his chest. “You are not getting your way with me.”
~*~
“You think you can have your way with me?” I was trying to come off as playful, but was seriously trying to prevent Craig from unbuttoning my jeans.
He looked at me and smiled. “I know I can.”
“You don’t know anything about me.” I had just met Craig two days before when I was doing an audit at my summer job. I worked mostly behind the scenes in the money vault unless they suspected someone of stealing. An audit was requested, and he happened to be near the station I was checking. He instantly struck up a conversation and invited me to a party. I agreed to meet at his place so we could go together. We still hadn’t made it to the party.
“I know you shiver when I do this.” He blew on my neck and proceeded to point out different reactions my body had as he touched me. By the time he was done, I was unbuttoning my jeans for him.
~*~
“Drew!” Carl was shaking me. “You’ve got to stop doing that. Are you not well?”
I blinked a couple of times and noticed I was back in his office, sitting in a chair across from his desk. He finally let go of my shoulders and stood up straight when he realized I had come back. I started to stand, and he pushed me back down. “Carl!”
“No!” He pointed at me. “You are going to tell me what the fuck happens to you and where you go. I don’t want a crazy person around my daughter.”
I stood up and slapped him. He tried to grab my hands as I fought him, slapping whatever I could while I still could. Carl finally got a hold of my hands and put them behind my back. “I am not crazy, but you are an asshole!”
I hated being this close to him. I hated feeling his body against mine. It had been so long since I gave in to any desire, and the desire I felt for Carl kept building. He seemed to take notice as he looked at my lips and down to my heaving chest. Before I could tell him no, he kissed me harder than he ever had before.
Carl backed me up to his desk and slid the files out of the way to lay me down. He had to let go of my hands, and I should have pushed him away, but instead I grabbed his jacket and tried to take it off him. He flung his jacket on the chair and took his tie off next. Carl grabbed my wrists as if he were going to tie me up. “No!”
He looked at me for a moment and nodded before adding his tie to the jacket. He leaned his body on mine and pressed me into the desk. I missed the feel of a man on top of me. In the back of my mind, I was screaming at myself to get up—screaming to run out the door—but my body was too far gone to let good sense stop him.
Carl unbuttoned my blouse as he kissed my neck, kissing further down as he exposed more of my chest. He was going too slowly, and I was growing impatient. I unfastened the front clasp of my bra to expose my breasts. It didn’t take him long to show them the attention they were crying out for. My hands tangled in his hair, keeping him close to me.
I wrapped my legs around him and started rocking against him, causing him to suck harder. As I arched my back, he quickly stood up. “I have to be inside you.”
It wasn’t the most romantic thing I’d ever heard, but I couldn’t argue. I needed him just as much as he needed me. I sat up and unfastened his belt. Opening his slacks and pulling them down just over his hips revealed that Carl didn’t wear underwear. I looked up at him a little shocked.
“I don’t like to be confined.” Carl looked at me a second longer. “What? Are you really going to complain about it right now?”
I shook my head and wrapped my hand around him. We both closed our eyes. It had been so long since I’d felt that powerful, that alive—all with just a touch. I opened my eyes as Carl pushed me back to the desk. Lifting my hips and still holding onto him, I allowed him to remove my panties. I spread my legs and tried to pull him to me.
“Not so fast.” Carl removed my hand.
“Carl.”
“I need to make sure you’re ready for what I want to do.”
“I’m ready, Ca—” I sucked in a breath as he used two fingers to check my readiness. He removed them just as quickly, and I almost whimpered at the emptiness. I didn’t have much time to complain before he slammed into me, causing me to arch my back.
It was better than I thought it would have been with Carl. I knew it would be intense. I knew it would be powerful. Maybe it was because I had denied myself for so long that the exquisite feeling I had was just because I’d finally allowed myself the pleasure and it really had nothing to do with Carl. Yes, I’d keep telling myself that.
As I felt the second and more powerful wave building, I gripped the front of the desk with one hand and tucked my mouth into the bend of the other arm. I didn’t want anyone to know what we were doing, and the entire building was about to find out.
Carl took my arm and put it over my head. I gripped the desk there, too. “I want to hear you.”
I closed my eyes as it kept building. I was shaking. I wanted to let go and really feel what I knew Carl was capable of making me feel. At the same time, I didn’t want to lose that sense of anticipation. I wanted to hang on to it. I needed to feel everything he was giving me and not miss a single second of it. He leaned forward and took my nipple into his mouth. The second he bit me, I couldn’t hold on anymore, and I really hoped no one was outside of his office, listening as I screamed my pleasure and praise.
Carl stilled and put his face in the crook of my neck, doing his best to keep his climax quiet. Once he finally caught his breath, he lifted himself on his elbows and looked down at me, smiling. “That was incredible. I managed through the first one, but I couldn
’t hold back the second time you pulsed around—” I covered his mouth with my fingers.
“Shh.” How did I know he would talk and bring the return of reality too quickly? “Please let me up.”
Carl stood and backed up. The disgusting look of his mostly flaccid member, wet from what we had just done, would haunt me forever. I didn’t expect romance with Carl. I didn’t even want it, but this pure animal, emotionally detached sex just wasn’t for me anymore.
I admit it felt great at the moment, but the sinking feeling afterwards far outweighed everything else and obliterated any pleasure had I felt moments before. I slowly sat up and eased off the desk. I could barely speak. “Restroom.”
Carl still hadn’t made himself decent, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open as I watched him point out his private restroom. I smoothed down my skirt and pulled my blouse closed. I walked to the room he pointed to and vaguely remember thinking I needed to look for my panties before I left.
I cleaned up the best I could and avoided the mirror at all costs. I couldn’t look at myself. I disgusted myself. I heard a light tap on the door. “Everything okay in there? You’re not freaking out on me, are you?”
I took a deep breath and opened the door. I walked by him without looking, but did notice that he cleaned up and redressed himself. I walked straight for my purse. Fuck the underwear. I wasn’t staying another minute longer than necessary. I headed for the door, but he stopped me.
“Are we going to talk about this?”
“That’s such a chick move, Carl.”
“Chick move?” He sounded angry. “I don’t just fuck people and let them walk out the door.”
“Let me make this simple and clear. We both wanted it, and neither one of us was mature enough to stop it. As far as my reason for coming here,” I shrugged, “contribute or don’t contribute, but don’t for one second write a check if you think that,” I pointed to the desk, “that was any part of getting money out of you. I’m no whore.” I turned and left a stunned Carl watching me walk away.
~*~
“Drew, are you in here?” Terri opened my door and turned the light on. I covered my eyes. “Drew. What’s wrong?”
Striving for Normal (Striving Series) Page 10