Older and Wilder: A Steamy Gay MM Romance

by Totts, B. J.

  Still, watching Derek strip off his shirt and wipe himself down with a rag he'd taken from the tack room put a hitch in his breath. Derek was shameless, catching his eye and watching Jesse watching him. With a sly smile he invited him to join in, offering to scrub his back if he ’d take off his shirt and Jesse briefly let himself consider what would almost certainly come next: Derek laid out on the clover beside the red barn wall, both of them naked and streaked with mud, skin sliding on skin in the bright light of the sun.

  It was no small effort to decline his invitation, but he’d been caught once already this week. He never should have touched Derek in the first place, and giving in to temptation again wouldn’t do anything good for his mental state. If Derek was interested in anything more than dirty, public sex he could have had Jesse last night in bed.

  “We shouldn’t,” Jesse said.

  “If that’s what you want.” Derek tugged his shirt back on, the fabric sticking to his damp arms as they slid into the sleeves. “What’s your mom have us doing this afternoon?”

  “She said she’d leave a list.”

  They crossed the yard back to the house and Jesse fought the urge to hold his hand as they walked. Derek wasn’t his boyfriend. This wasn’t a romance. His mother, however, didn’t know that. Item one on the chore list: watch recorded program on Colorado.

  “I can’t believe his,” Jesse stormed.

  “I can’t believe you’re surprised.” Derek dropped to a seat on the couch, the old springs squeaking as he landed and patted a seat beside him. “Come sit with me. Let her see you happy and thinking things through when she gets home. That’s all she wants for you.”

  “You want to snuggle on the couch and watch DVR’d educational television?”

  “I can think of worse ways to spend time.”

  “I can think of better ones,” Jesse growled.

  “I offered. You said no.”

  The program was as dull as expected, slow steady pans across mountains covered in trees or snow accompanied by the drone of the announcer. When Derek fell asleep Jesse nudged him so he laid down, then lifted his legs onto the couch, and stretched out beside him, telling himself that since they were already sharing a bed at night this couldn’t make things worse. He was wrong. This was a different, more dangerous kind of mistake.

  Having Derek a few inches away in his bed had been a long, slow torment, denying him the sleep he needed and making him crave the sensual caresses he’d decided he wouldn’t feel again. This touch, casual and lazy, was intimate in a different way. The images on screen slid from green plateaus to brown, rocky slopes covered in scrub brush while Jesse relaxed, his own breaths deepening to match the steady rise and fall of Derek’s chest at his back. Consciousness slid away as he drifted into dreams of Colorado and Derek.

  ***

  The screen porch door banged shut behind Rebecca and Mike, waking Jesse and Derek from their long nap on the couch. The room was only dimly lit with the fading light of the sunset, and they stretched without getting up, bodies pressing into each other with the lazy intimacy of people people still half asleep and reluctant to move into full consciousness. As they watched their son and their oldest friend rouse and tangle up in each other, Rebecca and Mike had a conversation of glances and grunts with Rebecca stuck in the role of the calm one while Mike banished the nappers to different showers with orders to stop sweating and stinking on his furniture. He let the porch door slam behind him again as he stormed out.

  ***

  Chapter Three

  After a quick, tense dinner, Jesse fled the house to be sure the animals were all in their pens for the night. He stayed out until the fireflies began their evening show and when he returned he went straight to his room, walking past Mike and Rebecca without acknowledgment. Derek refused to be ignored.

  "Jesse?" he called out as he pounded up the stairs to the second floor of the Pace home.

  He cracked the bedroom door, but didn't come through it.

  "Yeah?"

  Derek slid a hand through the crack and around Jesse's waist leaning in to whisper, "Tell me what's wrong."

  Jesse hesitated only a moment before stepping back and opening the door. Derek closed it behind himself. “Do you need to talk?” he asked.

  "Talk? Don't you think this show for my parents has gone far enough?"

  "No," Derek said. "I don't. You don't either or you would have ended it already." Derek backed him against the door and slid his hands along Jesse's sides, resting them at his waist .

  “Tell me what you need,” Derek said, then cut off his ability to answer by leaning in for a kiss.

  Jesse gave in briefly, feeling his breath catch as the world zoomed into sharp focus and all his attention concentrated on the places where he touched Derek. Derek was an adrenaline rush, and he probably could make him forget the mess he’d made of his family for a while. Jesse broke the kiss before his brain surrendered entirely to the whims of his body. "What's your plan?" Jesse asked.

  "Right this minute? I thought we could play the quiet game."

  "The what?"

  "They’re downstairs and we're up here." Derek slid one hand over the back pockets of Jesse's his low slung jeans and pulled their hips together his while his other hand trailed along the lower edge of his shirt. "Tell me what you want Jesse. Tell me what I could do to you to take you mind off things. What couldn't you stay quiet through?"

  Jesse rolled his eyes and gave Derek a half smile. "Do you really think I'm going to say 'Throw me on the bed and fuck me rough and dirty' with my family downstairs?"

  Jesse saw the flush creep up Derek's neck and felt the words land as Derek pressed harder against him. Derek's hands moved firmly over his body before combing through his hair and grabbing him at the base of his skull as if he was scruffing an animal. It shouldn't have surprised him that Derek knew how to do this, but a shudder of relief went through him. He shouldn’t do this. It was a terrible idea and he’d only been teasing. Sort of.

  Derek spun Jesse around, pressing his chest against the door and himself against his back. In a voice as hard and sharp as a knife edge, he whispered in Jesse's ear. "Thank you for letting me know what you want. If you change your mind, all you have to say is 'no' or 'stop' and I'll stop. Understand?'"

  “Uh-huh,” was all he managed. The heat of Derek's breath on his neck singed his skin and made him long for the lips that were slightly too far away to kiss.

  Derek's teeth nipped a trail along his hairline and Jesse's breaths turned ragged. He barely held back a moan as Derek's hand moved roughly up and under his shirt to pinch his nipple. Jesse could feel Derek's breath blowing over the places he kissed and bit, heating then cooling his skin as he made little shushing sounds as part of his sensual path down his neck. The Quiet Game was going to be Jesse's favorite game after tonight.

  Jesse was still standing, fully dressed, and his knees were shaking. He let himself snuggle back against Derek for support, and Derek leaned down and bit his shoulder, hard, in response.

  "Take off your pants," Derek ordered.

  Jesse's body pulsed at the command, but his mind briefly resisted. Slowly his hand moved to his waist and unfastened his belt, slipping the leather out of the belt loops and then holding it in his trembling hand. He’d read about things that could be done with a belt and Derek seemed likely to know how to do them well.

  "Just drop it," Derek said. When Jesse didn't immediately comply Derek whispered, "I can't spank you here without them running upstairs, but I'm keeping notes, Jesse. You don't take orders very well. Get those pants off. Now."

  Jesse undid the button of his low slung jeans and wiggled more than was necessary to free himself from the fabric, making certain to grind against the hard peak in Derek's pants with each swing of his hips.

  Derek groaned appreciatively. "You are a very naughty boy."

  "My boots," Jesse said, gesturing toward his ankles. Without removing his shoes, his pants had formed an awkward set of shackles. />
  Still behind him, Derek ran a hand over his stomach and across his chest, this time fondling the hard nipple through the fabric of his shirt, rubbing the soft cotton against his. "Don't fucking move. I need to get something from my bag."

  Jesse forced himself to hold still as Derek moved across the room and rummaged through the duffel bag that held everything he'd brought with him on this trip. Jesse peeked over his shoulder in time to see a foil packet and a small bottle slipped into Derek's back pocket.

  When Derek returned, Jesse tried to rock his hips against him and Derek grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, right on the line between pleasure and pain.

  “I didn't say you could move, but since you can't stop yourself, you can get ready for me.” Jesse heard the pop of the bottle cap and felt the lube, cold and slick, cover his fingers. “You need to get to three fingers before I'm going to give you what you want. Get to work.”

  Jesse froze. He'd never touched himself like this in front of anyone before. It wasn't even completely dark in the room. Derek would see everything.

  Derek slid a hand down his stomach and through Jesse's nether curls then gripped his shaft. “I'm not a patient man, Jesse. Not right now anyway.”

  “But you're looking,” Jesse sputtered.

  “One finger, right now,” Derek ordered.

  Jesse complied and the routine was set. Derek stroked Jesse's shaft and ordered him on, touching himself as well. Jesse did as he was told, his embarrassment burning away in the heat of desire as sweat glistened over his skin and his breaths grew ragged.

  “Are you ready for me, Jesse?”

  “Yes, Derek.”

  “Good,” he said. “You want me?”

  The answer came out somewhere between a pant and a plea. “Yes.”

  Derek kissed the back of his neck and then spun them both around to face the room instead of the door and shoved Jesse, forcing him to stumble forward with his pants still tangled around his ankles. Jesse landed bent over the bed, his chest across it but his legs hanging off. He tried to untangle his legs and crawl onto the bed.

  “Stay like that,” Derek ordered.

  Jesse looked back over his shoulder, but Derek forced him to look away. He threaded one arm under Jesse's hips, lifting him and shoved a pillow under him with the other. Derek's confident hands roughly positioned him, and when he was to his liking, he plunged into him in a single stroke.

  Jesse cried out at the sudden invasion – Derek's cock felt huge, overwhelming - and Derek froze. “Stop or go?”

  “Go. Oh God, go.”

  Derek went. Hard, fast, and unrelenting, his fingers dug into Jesse, holding him where he he needed him and pounding him into the bed. Jesse grew louder, his squeaks and panted breaths turning to wanton moans as Derek rode him. Derek grabbed the other pillow from the bed and tossed it so it landed over Jesse's head. Jesse pressed his face into it and used it to smother his cries.

  “Soon, Jesse. Soon,” he warned.

  Jesse groans continued to swell and his body ached as Derek gave him what he craved. Derek fought to hold off the inevitable, to give him time, but time was running out. Derek drew back his arm and landed one hard slap on the pale curve of his ass. Jesse’s entire body tensed at the sudden hit, but it was enough, what he needed, to finally release the knot wound within him.

  Jesse's body spasmed, waves of pleasure washing away all other thoughts. He felt Derek swell and pulse within him, his fingers digging deeper into the flesh of Jesse's hips, holding him still even as Jesse clenched around him and screamed his release into his pillow.

  Derek let himself collapse against Jesse’s back, spent and satisfied, for a moment before scooting them both to the center of the bed. He curled himself gently around Jesse now, spooning instead of pounding him into the mattress, and pressed a soft kiss on the spot he'd bitten earlier. Neither of them spoke as they settled back to earth, but eventually Derek broke the silence.

  “Was that OK? What you wanted?”

  Jesse didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t completely inexperienced, but his encounters before Derek had been mostly sweet kisses and some awkward fumbling. Nothing like this, nothing rough, and he'd liked this a lot.

  “Jesse, you need to talk to me. That was… intense. I don’t know if you’re OK or not unless you tell me.”

  Jesse could still feel each impression of Derek's fingers on his skin. He knew exactly where he’d held him as he’d surrendered. He hadn’t noticed how hard Derek had held him at the time, but now he could feel a lingering ache each place he’d touched his. “I’m going to have bruises,” he said.

  “Yeah, well, you said rough. I meant are you OK in your head. You seem… not OK. What’s the problem?”

  “Why does it matter?”

  Derek’s concern was quickly growing into frustration. “I need to know what you don’t like so I know what not to do. What was the problem?”

  “No problem. I liked it.”

  “Then why are you acting like your damn dog died?”

  “That was… dirty.”

  Derek’s burst of laughter filled the room and he pulled Jesse onto his back so he could face him as they spoke. “But you liked it, right?”

  “Yeah, but…” He didn’t have a good answer. Yesterday it had been a public hand job with a man twice his age and now he was getting fucked within an inch of his life. This wasn't making love or a relationship. This was madness.

  “I feel out of control.” Jesse left out the words “around you.” It was Derek that sent him over the edge. He was so thoroughly off-limits that once Jesse had decided to cross that line with him what he did on the other side of it was practically irrelevant.

  Derek said, “You say that like it's a bad thing.”

  “What do you know about it?”

  “Four decades of practice. You know my reputation. I’m pretty good at losing control.”

  Jesse huffed a small sound of agreement. Yes, he had heard about how Derek liked to cut loose. It was no surprise he knew how to make his body sing. He’d had plenty of practice. He’d be practicing on someone else soon.

  Derek’s hand rested on his hip and Jesse's thumb ran lazy, sweeping arcs over his skin. “So tell me what else you want.”

  “What?”

  “Your last idea was a good one. What next?”

  Jesse paused and considered his options. He should send Derek on his way. Kick him out of his bed, out the door, and all the way to Colorado before h got hurt. His body wasn’t the only part of him that craved Derek Heller, but his heart had no business falling for this wayward cowboy.

  Logic and desire could only find one point of common ground, and reluctantly Jesse admitted that even if he was foolish enough to dive into the mistake that was pretending he was more than a passing whim for Derek, he needed recovery time after that last round. “I’ve had enough for tonight,” he said.

  Derek nuzzled his neck. “Tell me what you want me to do to you tomorrow.”

  Jesse held his breath as the offer twisted within him. Derek was leaving soon, but there was a lot he could do before then, and if he was honest with himself it was too late to completely protect his heart. If it was going to break, did it matter if it was in two pieces or four? His parents already thought they were a couple and assumed that they were having sex. Not doing it was taking the punishment without the crime.

  “Tell me what you want, Jesse.”

  He hesitated. He shouldn’t keep doing this, but if he was going to then he might as well get exactly what he wanted. Maybe he could just consider it an indulgence, a second piece of cake when you knew you were starting a diet soon.

  Jesse swallowed hard and closed his eyes. There was no doubt in his mind that Derek would be willing to give him what he wanted, and, given how he did everything else, he was probably good at it. It wasn’t even a shocking request, just something he’d heard was supposed to be nice that hadn’t been very impressive when he’d experienced it. “You
r mouth,” Jesse said.

  “Mmmhmmm,” Derek purred. He trailed kisses along Jesse's neck before whispering in his ear. “What about my mouth?”

  “On me,” he said.

  “Tell me more.”

  He took his hand and slid it down to his cock which twitched at the touch. “Here.”

  Derek gave a low chuckle. “I guess we have skipped that. Yeah, I can do that. Now tell me what else you want.”

  “That,” he said.

  Derek drew back from him. “That's it?”

  “I've heard it's supposed to be good.”

  “Heard? You've never…?” Derek made some hand gestures that didn't convey much meaning but did reinforce his confusion.

  “I've tried it, but it wasn't amazing or anything. Nothing I couldn't live without, but it’s supposed to be great, right?”