I should have grabbed my stuff and chased her the second I thought she'd left, but then what? Force her to break up with her boyfriend? I didn't even know the woman. She was obviously loyal.
My voice clearly didn't impact her the way hers did me.
I sighed.
Hearing her sing “Someone To Watch Over Me” nearly made me cry. That in itself was unnerving. I didn't cry. I hadn't cried since watching my parents' caskets being lowered into the ground. I'd wiped away those final tears and sworn to never feel anything again.
This year was screwing with me big time. Damn girls. They messed up everything. Why'd they have to be taken already? I couldn't have Ella because she was with David, and now I couldn't have my songbird because she was taken, too. Had I missed the boat? I was only twenty-one, for fuck's sake.
Pressing my elbows into my knees, I grabbed two clumps of wet hair and stared at the bathroom floor.
She'd said no.
Why did it have to hurt so damn much?
She was supposed to be my way past Ella. She was supposed to solve all my problems, but she didn't want me.
“We don't want him.”
My mind flashed with the words that had laid the initial bricks around my heart.
“Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds, we understand that you are heartbroken over the death of your son, but your grandson needs you,” the social worker said.
“We are far too elderly to care for a ten-year-old boy. What could we possibly offer him? We've finally secured a place in a retirement village we've been wanting for months. They won't allow us to have it if we bring a child with us.” Grandma Pauline turned to look at me. “Honey, it's not that we don't love you. We're thinking of your best interests. You don't want to live with two old fuddy-duddies like us.”
I wanted to spit at her sweet smile, but instead turned my head away. I caught the social worker's sympathetic look as my eyes traveled to the window. He let out a reluctant sigh and tried one last time.
“You are aware that if you refuse to take him, he'll become a ward of the state. He'll go into foster care.”
“Yes, we've thought this through. Foster parents will be able to provide him with a life we can't. It's for the best. Now, where do we sign?”
I closed my eyes, my insides turning numb as I listened to the scratch of pen on paper.
I squeezed my eyes tight and stood tall, yanking my towel off the hook. Roughly drying my body, I got dressed in sharp, snappy movements that nearly ripped my clothes.
People didn't want me. That just seemed to be the way my life went.
The only people who had ever kept me around were Nina and Malachi. They were the exception to the rule. The only exception.
This was why I didn't want a girl. They just complicated everything. Light and casual. That was the way to avoid the hurt. It was that simple.
I had far more important things to focus on than being in a relationship. Nina was full of crap. Having a partner wouldn't make anything better; it would just be a let-down.
I needed to get my head out of the loved-up clouds and back into reality.
Study.
Work.
My dreams of the pub.
“That’s all you should be thinking about,” I muttered.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ELLA
Guilt.
It felt like a chain around my neck, pulling me down and dragging me through a muddy river. I deserved it. I was fantasizing about two different men when I should only have one on my mind.
The one. David. My one.
I repeated the word one through my head as I scurried down the hall with my bundle of clothes. Bypassing my room, I walked straight to David's, not even bothering to knock. It was unlocked and all seemed quiet when I entered. Cole's door was open, his bed empty. I closed my eyes with relief. He'd obviously spent the night at the pub. I thought I'd heard him say he might.
Pulling in a breath, I tried to quell the fire still racing through my body. I was hot, for all the wrong reasons. I needed to vanquish these thoughts from my head and focus.
Gently turning the handle, I pushed David's door open and crept in. The room was starting to grow light. I could just make out David's scruffy locks of sandy-blond hair on the pillow. I grinned as I watched him moan and roll over.
His eyes squinted and popped open when I clicked the door shut.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“Hey, baby,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
I shrugged and simpered. “I missed you.” Biting my lower lip, I swallowed and dropped my clothes to the floor. Tugging on my towel, I let it fall and enjoyed the slow smile creeping over his face as I wriggled out of my T-shirt.
Standing naked in front of him felt good, like somehow I was doing the right thing. Showing him I loved him would cleanse me of my guilt.
He threw back the cover with a chuckle and I slipped beneath the sheets. His hands traveled up my torso, squeezing my breast as his lips hit my neck, nipping and sucking my soft skin. With my body already sizzling thanks to shower man, it didn't take much. I cried out in ecstasy, squeezing David’s neck and scraping my fingers down his back.
Helping David rip off his shirt, I slathered his neck in warm kisses while he touched me, making me reach climax in record time.
I shifted beneath him, keeping my eyes closed as he kissed my lips and plunged inside of me. It felt good, euphoric, heated...like the best sex we'd ever had. Gripping his shoulders, I moved to his rhythm, panting softly as our bodies slapped together.
“Oh, Ella!”
I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter, hearing a different voice call my name. A voice that set my insides alight. Liquid fire coursed through my veins as I lost myself in the moment. A moment that had nothing to do with David.
He finished quickly after that, arching his back before slumping on top of me with a luxurious sigh.
“Wow,” he murmured, nibbling at my neck. “Wow, Ella, that was amazing.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, my voice quivering. I pressed my lips into his shoulder, trying to enjoy the taste of his hot skin.
But it didn't work.
Now I felt worse.
Coming to see David had been a huge mistake.
Slipping out of me, he rolled me onto my side and collected me against him. His lips skimmed the back of my shoulders and he chuckled. “You know I usually hate surprises, but surprises like this...feel free to bring those around anytime.”
I laughed with him, trying to sound jolly and playful when all I wanted to do was cry.
Leaning over me, he squashed me into the bed as he reached for his watch. “This early morning wake-up call was a big help, Ella. I have a huge day ahead, but you know...” He rolled me onto my back and settled between my legs again. “I can probably finish early tonight...take you out to dinner.” He kissed my nose. “Maybe after that we could come back for a little more...” He wiggled his eyebrows and I had to concentrate on smiling.
“Whatever works for you.”
His eyes lit with a smile as he leaned down to kiss me. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the feel of his tongue, the warm taste of it. It had always been such a comfort, given me a sense of security, but right now it felt wrong, and there was only one reason why.
David and I had been sleeping together for just over a year and not once had we had sex this hot. It made me sick to think the only reason was because I'd been thinking of somebody else...a mystery man whose voice gave me fever.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
COLE
I shouldered my door open, still antsy and frustrated. I had no idea what I was going to do with my day. Nina and Mal didn't need me at the pub until after noon. It was going to be a long morning.
Shutting the door behind me, I heard muffled groans from behind David's door and wanted to slit my wrists.
“Oh, Ella!”
I closed my eyes as he called out her name.
Maybe a noose would
be better.
Dumping my wet towel and dirty laundry into the hamper, I pressed my hands over my ears and made a beeline for the door. This morning was going to be painful enough without having to picture beautiful Ella writhing beneath my roommate.
I pulled the door back quickly and stormed out of the room, shoving my hands in my pockets and leaping down the stairs. I needed a long walk and some sunshine. A coffee wouldn't go amiss, either. I looked at my watch.
Six hours until I was due at work.
“Crap,” I muttered, heading toward Hyde Park. Like hell I was going back to my room today. Images of those two having sex scalded my brain and I squeezed my eyes shut for a minute. Shaking my head, I opened them and nearly barreled straight into Morgan.
“Oh hey, sorry.” I caught her arm before she fell.
She chuckled. “No problem.”
Her dark eyes were sparkling, her cheeks flushed. She was still dressed in that black number of hers, her heels dangling from her fingers.
“Coming home from Brad's?”
She nodded, her flushed cheeks growing a shade darker.
Great, so I was the only person on the planet who hadn't had sex last night.
I pursed my lips and looked across the park.
“Hey, last night was awesome, by the way.” Morgan patted my arm. “We had such a great time. I haven't seen Ella that happy in...I don't know if I ever have, actually.”
“Yeah.” I couldn't help a chuckle. “You two looked like you were having fun.”
“It was nice to see Ella loosen up a bit. She's always so shy and closed off. She can be pretty insecure sometimes. I was surprised she even showed up. Her original plan was to get into her PJs and watch a movie.”
I could see that. Images of her snuggled on the couch, cuddling a pillow, with her slender legs tucked beneath her made me smile. That wouldn't be a bad way to spend a night, especially if she was tucked up against me.
I drew in a sharp breath and focused back on Morgan. “Well good for her then.”
“Yeah, that's what I thought too. I was proud of my little Ella.” She lifted her chin and laughed.
“You know you sound like her mother sometimes.”
Morgan shrugged. “Her and Jody, my little sister...we're really close, like family. We understand each other.”
“I can see that.”
Her serious look faded as she tipped her head and gazed at me.
“So, what are you doing out so early? I thought you'd be crashing after such a big night.”
I wasn't sure how much to say, but Morgan seemed to know everything about Ella anyway, so I shrugged and went for the truth. “I just needed to get out of the room.” I pointed back to the dorms. “There's a little bit of animal sex going on in there this morning.”
Morgan's eyebrows quirked. “Really? David and...Ella?”
I frowned. “Why do you look so surprised?”
“No, it's just, I don't...” She shook her head. “When Ella talks about her and David, it just never sounds that passionate.”
“Huh.” I so didn't need to hear that. “Well, maybe she's not telling you everything.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Morgan's frown was still in place. She opened her mouth to speak then closed it, but then opened it again. “He's not cheating on her, is he?”
“Not unless the girl he's cheating with is also called Ella.”
“Oh.” Morgan's eyes rounded with understanding. “Okay.” She huffed out a laugh, looking relieved when all I felt was annoyance. I didn't want David to be a cheater, but it would be pretty damn convenient if he were.
My face bunched tight at the thought. I was such an asshole.
“Hey, are you okay?” Morgan rubbed my arm.
“Of course.” I cleared my throat. “Just trying to figure out what I'll do with my morning.”
“You know, my last roommate used to have really noisy sex. Do you remember Susanna? Short, black hair, nose ring?”
I shook my head, not recalling her immediately.
“Well anyway, she loved sex and was a real screamer.” Morgan grimaced. “It was very painful and happened a lot. I couldn't spend that much time walking around campus, so I got into the habit of putting on my earphones and watching movies or listening to music really loud. I bought those awesome noise-canceling ones. I have a spare pair if you'd like to borrow them.”
“That's not a bad idea.” I snickered. “I want to be prepared for next time.” I raised my eyebrows and we both chuckled.
“Well, swing by anytime to collect them.”
“Thanks, Morgan.” I gave her a soft smile. I got why Ella loved her so much; she was a cool chick.
I turned to watch her leave, the fleeting thought that maybe she was my shower diva firing through my head. I scoffed at myself and turned away. I was freaking obsessed.
“Get over yourself, Reynolds,” I whispered between clenched teeth. “Enough now, you fool.”
Stomping over the grass, I pushed aside all thoughts of female creatures, instead trying to work through my business plans and how I was going to make my pub as brilliant as Quigg's.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ELLA
I cut into my fish, pressing a small dollop of creamy risotto over the mouthful before consuming it. It tasted divine. I closed my eyes and relished the flavors exploding in my mouth.
“You like it, huh?”
“Yeah, it's amazing.” My eyes rounded as I looked across the table at David. He was going all out to impress me. No doubt an attempt to make up for being so busy this weekend, or maybe he was still running high after our early-morning quickie.
I glanced around the hotel restaurant. Strains of piano music wafted in from the lobby, combining with the quiet murmur of mealtime conversation. It was really nice.
Nice.
Not fun, energetic, lively.
Nice.
I took a sip of my water, trying to convince myself that I was having as much fun here as I had been at Quigg's.
I was.
This was classy and enjoyable. I didn't need to be up shaking my ass in order to have fun.
“So, I had a really good day. Our study group got through so much.” David piled his fork high and chewed around his words. “We spent the afternoon testing each other. Guess how well I did.”
His eyes were dancing.
“One hundred percent.” I grinned.
“Well, nearly. I got one question wrong, so I want to rework that section tomorrow.”
I nodded, forcing a smile. Placing my glass down, I forgot my food for a moment. “You don't worry that you're working too hard, do you?”
“Ella, there's no such thing as working too hard,” he sniggered. “If I want to get ahead, I have to earn it.”
“Yeah, but what about fun? Re-energizing with a little R and R.”
“I have fun.” He lifted his fork full of food. “I'm having fun right now.” He leaned toward me. “I had fun this morning.”
I breathed out a laugh that sounded so incredibly fake to me. He didn't seem to notice.
“And there'll be more fun coming.” He winked.
“What do you mean?” I tipped my head.
“Well, I've decided to take Mom's advice and have two twenty-first birthday parties.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Yeah.” He grinned. “Since Luke can't make it home for Christmas, he's going to fly here for my college twenty-first party and then we can celebrate a family twenty-first in December.”
“Cool.” I nodded. “What are you thinking of doing?”
“Well, Luke's friends with the hotel manager at Hudson's. You know, that swanky place uptown?”
I didn't, but nodded anyway; it was just easier.
“He's booking a room for me, and we'll have a nice dinner with some champagne and cocktails. I'll invite all my UChicago friends. We'll have one or two speeches, and then I'll cut a cake, I guess.”
“Nice.”
There was that wor
d again.
Smoothing down my dress and rearranging my napkin, I let David's voice wash over me as he continued chatting. The conversation inevitably moved from party plans back to his awesome day. He was on fire, excited about the test on Monday. I didn't think that emotion was even possible when talking about tests of any kind.
I smiled and nodded like I always did when he chatted about this stuff. He was so enthusiastic and animated, it was easy to watch him. He was going to do so great with his life. He had it all mapped out, and I was part of that plan.
It might not be exciting, but it felt secure and comfortable, which was a good thing.
“Will you call me when you get there?” I clung to his shoulders.
The bustle of LAX blurred around me as I tried to make the moment last.
“Of course, baby.” He pulled away from me, holding me at arm's length. “You'll be by my side in no time.”
“There's no guarantee I'll even get in to UChicago next year.”
“Well, if you don't, we'll try for the year after that.”
I smiled at him. I loved the way he always sounded so confident, so sure.
“I've got a plan, Ella, and you're part of that plan, so no matter what, we're gonna make this work.”
He kissed me hard, sealing all his promises between our locked lips.
I'd believed him, waved him off with high hopes and clung to that promise ever since.
David was my security; everything I needed in life was wrapped up in his confidence...his plan. Chewing down my last piece of fish, I washed it away with lemon water and dabbed my lips with the thick, cloth napkin.
Being with David was the right move for me. Shower guy got me hot and Cole made my mouth water, but what would they ever provide for me? I had a life and a future with David.
So, why did that thought not thrill me the way it used to?
I placed my napkin on the table with a little frown, muttering a thank you to the waiter as he collected my plate.
“Do you want any dessert?”
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