Fever

by Melissa Pearl

  I hadn't seen Cole since last Saturday. He hadn't tried to text me, and I knew that shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. We had this huge thing hanging between us and I felt like there was nothing I could do to fix it. Well, I could break up with David, but would that fix it? The fact Cole hadn't made one attempt to connect after that dynamite kiss was unnerving. Maybe he didn't want me after all, and if that was the case, I might as well stay with David. Disappointment seared through me and I hated myself for it. David was a good catch! What the hell was wrong with me?

  Besides, I couldn't forget the friendship between Cole and David. It made everything a million times more complicated.

  I swallowed and blinked rapidly, not wanting to ruin my eye makeup.

  It was better this way. Cole and I obviously couldn't just be friends, so we had to be nothing...except when we were around David, and then we had to pretend that everything was okay.

  I closed my eyes and leaned against my desk.

  “This is such shit.” I sucked in a breath that was a borderline sob and stood straight. Sniffing back my angst, I straightened my back and gazed in the mirror. “You can do this.”

  Tonight was going to suck. Even if Cole and I stood on opposite sides of the room, it’d be impossible not to look at him. It would be awkward and exhausting. Dread didn't even begin to describe it.

  Wiggling my hips, I pulled the tight coral fabric a little further down. I hated its tendency to ride up my thighs. I knew David would love it though. It'd make him happy, which in turn made me happy...or it used to.

  I frowned.

  Thank God his parents weren't there tonight. His brother Luke was flying in from New York, but the rest of the family was planning on having a party for David over the Christmas break. Another event to look forward to. I rolled my eyes. I so wasn't into this swanky to-do. David kept on describing the hotel as classy, which meant it was like a ten-star for me. The food would be catered and amazing. I, no doubt, could eat none of it, but that didn't matter. David was happy, which in turn made me happy.

  I frowned again. Tears scorched my eyes. I snatched a Kleenex out of the box and pressed it into my eyes. There was no way my mascara was going to survive the night if I didn't pull my shit together.

  Once I'd pressed the tears into submission, I dabbed beneath my eyes and made sure I was blotch-free. Shaking my fingers, I breathed out. “You can do this, Ella. Just smile and nod.”

  I slipped my feet into my high, strappy heels and snatched my clutch purse off the bed. Gripping it with tight fingers, I walked into the living room. Morgan slid her phone into her own purse and glanced over at me. She looked stunning in her midnight-blue dress, her blonde hair swept up in a loose bun. Her silver drop earrings came to just above her shoulders.

  “Wow, you look great.”

  She grinned at me, appreciating the compliment.

  I did a dip, forcing a cheesy smile. “How do I look?”

  “Miserable.” Her head tipped to the side with a sad smile, and I felt my insides splinter.

  “Morgan, stop!”

  “I can't. I know you don't want to talk about it, but you're like my sister and I can't keep watching you do this.”

  I didn't want to relive my Sunday morning cry-fest with the girls. It had drained me completely and we'd gotten nowhere. I clenched my jaw. “I'm not breaking up with David so that I can be with Cole. It's wrong!”

  Morgan shook her head. “You didn't see you and Cole on that dance floor. It was magic, Ella. It's like you guys were dancing in this bubble, like the world around you didn't even exist. You guys have a connection.”

  “I'm not denying that, but he's David's best friend. It doesn't matter whether I want him or not. I can't have him!” I threw my arms wide.

  Morgan's head jerked to the side and she clicked her tongue, a sure sign she disagreed with me. “Okay, fine.” She nodded, tapping her finger against her purse. “Let's take Cole out of the equation then. Let's pretend he doesn't even exist.” Her dark gaze bored into me. “Now picture next year or three years from now or ten years from now...where do you want to be?”

  My throat began to swell. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

  Morgan stepped toward me, bending down so she could get right in my face. “Ella, if David's not in those images in your head right now, then it's not fair for you to keep stringing him along. You're part of his plan. You know he has no intention of breaking up with you.”

  “Which is why I can't hurt him.”

  “Sweetie.” Morgan grabbed my shoulders. “Do you think it will hurt less now, or when you're walking out the door with his two-point-four children?”

  “I would never divorce him.”

  “So, you'll die an unhappy woman then?”

  “Morgan, stop it!” I flicked her hands off me and stepped away from her, my ankle turning in the high heels. I grabbed the couch and winced.

  “Ella, you need to figure out what you want...for you. I don't think David is it anymore, and if you don't put a stop to it now, it's just gonna get harder.”

  “I know that! But I can't dump him on his birthday.” I threw the excuse into the air and felt instantly guilty. This was the first time I'd admitted to even wanting to break up with him. Well, the first time I'd said it aloud anyway. Somehow that made it more concrete.

  It hurt. Three years. David was the only guy I'd ever been with. I thought he'd be my always and forever. I hated that things were changing. I just didn't think I had it in me to break his heart.

  In contrast to my inner hurricane, Morgan stood there calmly smiling. “I'd never ask you to dump him on his birthday. I'm just asking you to think about your future and figure out if you want what David has planned. They're his dreams...but are they yours?”

  “I don't know what my dreams are and he loves me and he's been loyal.”

  “Yes, he has, but that doesn't mean you owe him eternity.”

  I blinked at my stinging tears, my lips bunching together, trying to contain the cry of agony I wanted to unleash. I sucked in two sharp breaths and whispered, “It'll break his heart.”

  “And staying with him will probably break yours.”

  I threw her a sharp glare, which she batted away with a raise of her eyebrows.

  “I know you're a sweet soul, but that doesn't always serve you well. A little pain and angst now might just save your life.” Morgan ended the conversation with a pointed look, sliding on her coat and walking toward the door.

  I swallowed and slowly turned to follow her, snatching up my own jacket and pulling it on in robotic motion.

  It felt selfish to put my heart before David's, but was Morgan right? Would I end up becoming some bitter woman if I stayed with him? Would we grow old together, David blissfully unaware of my heartache and me retracting into a turtle mode so deep no one would ever be able to pull me free?

  Locking our door, I caught up with Morgan down the corridor. She put her arm around my shoulders and gave me a little squeeze. I could tell she wanted to say more but mercifully kept her lips sealed as we walked into the cool night air. A light rain descended from the bleak sky. David was waiting for me at the car, his eyes lighting with admiration. He held an umbrella over me as I approached.

  I greeted him with a kiss that he leaned away from because he didn't want to get lipstick on his face. It ended up being an air kiss against his cheek. With a false smile, I slid into the car. His arm dropped over my shoulder as he directed the driver to where we were headed and I prepared myself for another night of fake smiles and forced enthusiasm.

  I had spent most of my teenage life trying to avoid these feelings of isolation and vulnerability, but as I sat in my boyfriend's arms listening to his giddy excitement, they swamped over me, weighing me down until I thought I might suffocate.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  COLE

  I got to the party before David. I'd promised him I'd get there early to make sure the set-up was perfect. David's brother L
uke arrived about ten minutes after me, and we spent the early evening talking to the caterers and setting up the microphone for the speeches. The room looked good. Plain, white, simple. Just the way David liked it.

  Leaning against the bar, I nursed my bottle of beer and watched David's law buddies slowly filter in. He'd invited every single one of his Chicago friends, and the room was soon filled with nearly a hundred people. This night was going to suck.

  I picked at the label on my bottle and waited, my eyes trained on the door. She was going to walk through any second, and it would be the first time I'd seen her since last weekend.

  Her kiss still buzzed on my lips. The feeling was fading, but if I closed my eyes and relived it, it was right there again, injecting a liquid fire into my limbs and making my insides tremble.

  I had so badly wanted to tell her about David's plans. I'd nearly called her twice, and I'd actually been at her door one afternoon, ready to knock, but I just couldn't do it. David made me promise, and I never broke those lightly. To say I was nervous about how she'd react was an understatement. Asking her in front of all these people would no doubt force a yes. Was that David's plan? He was a master manipulator; not in a cruel way, just in the guy knew how to get what he wanted way. He was always nice about it, and I was sure he had no idea he was doing it half the time.

  I wondered if that was how he'd managed to keep Ella close for so long. His words held a magical quality that could elicit just the right emotion at just the right time. Would she have the strength to stand up to it?

  I closed my eyes.

  No. She wouldn't.

  Taking a swig, I continued to pick at the label with my thumb until I caught a flash of bright pink. My body jerked, my hand squeezing the bottle so tight I thought the glass might shatter.

  Damn, she was beautiful.

  She looked my way, her eyes brushing over mine. I saw the tendons in her neck ping tight as she jerked her head in the opposite direction. Her fingers squeezed David's hand and he gazed down at her, his smile sweet and mushy. She grinned back at him, and I knew my days were done.

  She was going to say yes. She was going to pretend she'd never heard my voice, never felt my touch, and never helped me build my dreams. She was going to deny it all out of some sick loyalty.

  I turned my back to her, unable to look. I was tempted to skulk out of the room and not return, but I couldn't ditch my friend. I'd never be able to explain myself.

  “Cole! Hey, man!” David walked across the room toward me. I spun to face him and wrapped him in a half hug, banging his back.

  “Happy birthday.”

  “Thanks.” He chuckled. “Should be a good night.”

  “Yeah, definitely.” I glanced across the room at Ella.

  “She has no idea.” David grinned. “That hot young thing over there is going to be one happy woman by the end of the evening.”

  I wanted to punch the arrogant smirk off his lips, but instead forced a chuckle from my throat. “You're a lucky man.”

  “That I am.” He slapped my back one more time and then moved away to greet other guests. I decided to stay by the bar. People could come to me tonight. I didn't think my legs could carry me around the room anyway.

  *****

  I slumped back in my seat, ignoring the delicious slice of cheesecake placed before me. It looked so good, but I just couldn't touch it. Luke’s speech was making everyone crow with laughter.

  I could barely muster a grin.

  David invited me to sit at their table for dinner, and it was more than awkward. Ella and I both tried our best, put on a show that Morgan could see right through. Her gaze kept flickering between us. David was in his storytelling form, which thankfully made him oblivious to the tension around him. Whenever his brows started to furrow or his eyes narrowed at the corners, one of us would say something light or crack a joke, killing the suspicion. To me, it looked ridiculously dubious, but David was onto his third beer already, and his inebriated state was making him just a little less sharp.

  Luke rounded off his speech with some touching words about his baby brother. Everybody murmured their approval before breaking into applause.

  I took the opportunity to slip from my seat and head over to the bar. Luke was inviting his brother to stand and I wanted to throw up. Maybe I should get off-my-ass drunk. I could wake up in the morning and not remember any of this damn night, but I knew I couldn't do it. I needed to be alert for what was to come.

  I knew it was an insane move, but for some reason I was compelled to let Ella shatter my heart into a thousand pieces. It felt like the only real way to get over her.

  David grabbed the microphone and pushed his chair back.

  “Thank you so much, everyone. This has been an awesome night, and I feel so honored to have you all here with me. I couldn't have asked for a better twenty-first party.” He smiled around the room and then looked down at Ella.

  My stomach coiled into a tight knot.

  “But the main person I want to thank tonight is my gorgeous girl, Ella. Stand up, baby.”

  Her smile faltered as she gathered her napkin and placed it on the table. The last thing she wanted to do was stand, but she capitulated, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and looking down at the table.

  “Ella, baby.” David took her hand and forced her to face him. “I love you.”

  She swallowed, nerves skittering over her expression.

  “Everyone knows I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  Her smile was tight until David reached into his pocket and pulled out that wretched black box. Her mouth dropped open, her eyelashes flying high.

  I swallowed, turning away from the scene.

  “I know we were gonna wait until after I graduated, but I don't think I can hold out that long.”

  I turned back in time to see David drop to his knee. Excited gasps rippled through the room. I caught Morgan's tense expression out of the corner of my eye, but as soon as my gaze landed on Ella's pale face, I couldn't take my eyes off her.

  “Ella, will you marry me?”

  David popped the lid, revealing the sparkling diamond. She glanced at it and swallowed, panic flittering over her expression. My eyebrows bunched together and I leaned forward as her gaze shot across the room and landed straight on me. The desperation in her eyes sparked a glimmer of hope. I stood from my seat, my mouth agape.

  She looked away from me, back to David, her quivering lips rising with a smile.

  “Um...” Her chuckle was nervous as she ran a finger over her ear, tucking away a nonexistent lock of hair.

  David's grip on her hand grew a little tighter, his head tipping to the side. “Baby?”

  “Ah...” Her breaths were coming out punchy and she looked ready to pass out.

  David stood, his expression knotting in confusion. “Why aren't you saying yes?”

  “I'm, uh...just surprised. I thought we were gonna wait.” She swallowed, trying for a brave smile, but she couldn't quite muster one.

  David loomed over her, making her look small and fragile. His jaw worked to the side as he coughed out a laugh. “What's the point of waiting if we know it's what we want?”

  Ella's mouth worked like a goldfish. She stared up at him, scratching the back of her neck and running her hand over her shoulder. “Well, I...I don't....”

  “You don't what?” David's razor-sharp tone cut straight through her, and I had to force my feet to remain planted.

  Leaning toward him, she went on her tiptoes to whisper, but the microphone caught her soft words and pushed them into the room. “Can we talk about this privately?”

  “No, no we can't.” David threw his arms wide and stepped back from her. “Everyone here was expecting you to say yes, so I think we're all pretty interested in why you're not doing that right now.”

  His loud voice riled me. Anger coursed through my system, and I wasn't the only one. I could see Morgan's nostrils flaring. Everyone else in the room was looking down
at their plates or throwing wide-eyed glances at each other.

  Ella was getting desperate, but it was too late for her now. It wasn’t like she could just slap him on the chest and say, “Kidding!”

  Everyone in the room would smell the lie.

  “Please, David.” Ella bit her lip. “Don't do this.”

  “I'm not the one doing anything wrong here.” He shrugged, snapping the ring box closed and throwing it onto the table. It clattered against the cutlery and Brad only just saved a wine glass from spilling over.

  Ella flinched.

  David turned to the room with a snigger, rubbing the back of his neck before turning back to Ella. “I propose to my girlfriend of three years, who I am in love with, expecting her to say yes and she's not, so where am I at fault here?”

  She swallowed, rolling her shoulder and gripping her hands together.

  “So it's no then?” David bent down to her level. “Which obviously means you want to break up with me.”

  Her wide-eyed fear screamed a loud yes. Anyone watching her could see the answer clearly on her face.

  David let out another bewildered laugh. “You're breaking up with me at my twenty-first birthday party. Nice.”

  His sarcastic tone made me want to punch him. What the hell was he doing?

  “I didn't know you were gonna propose,” Ella replied softly.

  “Oh, so you were just stringing me along then?”

  “David, come on, man. That's enough.” Luke touched his shoulder, but David flicked him off, kicking his chair out of the way and keeping his hard gaze on Ella.

  “Don't hurt the boy on his birthday. That's what you were thinking, right? It's better to wait.” He shook his head with a sardonic laugh. “You know I have a huge test in a couple of days, maybe you could break up with me then. Or we could wait until Christmas, so my parents could be there too.”

  Luke righted the fallen chair, ready to step in again.

  Ella stepped toward him, raising her hand to try to calm him down. “David, please stop. I'm sorry, okay, but I can't say yes.” Her voice held more strength than I was expecting it to. “I didn't want to hurt you, and I'm sorry for...I'm sorry.”