The Accidental Human

by Dakota Cassidy

  Marty’s head swung from Nina back in Wanda’s direction. “What? What do you want?” she hollered back.

  Wanda thwacked at the air with the handle haphazardly, creating small whooshes of air. “Just dooo it! Get it over with! Stake me!” Wanda screamed. “Stake me noooow, bitches!” she roared, spittle flying from her lips in a spray of venom.

  “Wanda?”

  Now what? She was in the middle of preparing to die—again, for fuck’s sake, like she hadn’t already done this once—and right on cue, someone was calling her name. Could no one get by without her for just one second?

  “What!”

  “Give me your hand, honey.”

  Wanda looked down to her feet and nearly collapsed.

  It was Heath. Smiling. Holding out his hand. A hand that was moving.

  She closed her eyes and sent up a silent prayer of eternal thanks.

  Their hands connected, his skin cool and dry. She gave him a good, hard yank upward, throwing her arms around his neck, burying her head there for a moment. She leaned back to look into his face, which no longer had that ruddiness it once had. Ohhhhh, and he had those crazy fangs Nina’d had once upon a time. Not nearly as big as Nina’s, but they were there, gleaming at her. She couldn’t grasp what had happened. She didn’t care what had happened. Heath was alive or dead or undead or whatever. He was talking and smiling and absolutely everything was suddenly right as rain. “I’m sorry. I’m sooooo sorry,” she sobbed against his neck. “I thought you were dead! Jesus, don’t ever, ever do that to me again!”

  Heath cupped her jaw in his hand, running a calloused thumb over her lower lip. “I think I am dead—again—which is okay. I get dead. Human was hard work.” He winked down at her.

  “What happened? How did this happen?” Wanda asked against the front of his now very messy shirt.

  Marty and Nina stumbled over each other to explain what they’d done, peering around either side of Heath’s body. “You should have seen yourself—you were bigger in Were form than Marty ever was, and your fucking fangs were like elephants tusks,” Nina said. “Dude, you were crazed, like some prehistoric, wild fucking animal in a cage. We didn’t know what to do—so we locked you in the basement and called Greg and Keegan and that’s when we found out that you needed human blood. Then Heath showed up and offered to let you bite him.What the hell that makes him now is beyond me. This paranormal shit gets freakier by the day as far as I’m concerned.”

  Wanda had grown still, making Marty nudge Nina, shooting her the “shut up” look.

  Everyone quieted for a moment, letting Wanda assimilate that information. The air was filled with their hesitant concern—rife with their worry about what they’d done to save her.

  But Wanda wasn’t even a little upset. Vampire plus werewolf equaled . . . Now she understood exactly what had happened. Exactly what she was—would be eternally.

  And she liked.

  Instead, she began to laugh, her head thrown back, her mouth wide open. When she could finally speak, she spit the words out. “Marty? Nina? You do know what this means, don’t you?” Her question was cocky and held the biggest neener, neener of all.

  “You need a new razor?” Nina asked, pointing to her legs.

  “It means I’m a werevamp—which beats werewolf and vampire every single time.”

  “Is that true?” Marty asked Keegan.

  Keegan nodded his dark head. “Yep, and she’s right—she’s ten times as powerful as you and Nina put together.”

  Nina sauntered up to Wanda with that threatening stride she’d perfected, sticking her face in Wanda’s. “You know, you’ve been pretty cocky lately. Don’t think because you’re paranormal to the max that I can’t still take you.”

  Greg was instantly beside Nina, throwing an arm over her shoulder. “Lambykins?”

  Nina’s face softened. “What?”

  “You and me—we have to talk.You were a bad, bad girl,” Greg drawled. “And no matter the outcome of this, shit’s gonna fly. So whaddya say we go on home to Castlevania and we conversate about that?”

  Wanda instantly regretted teasing Nina. She’d saved her life. Sort of. Okay, so she hadn’t saved her life—but good intentions and the paved road to hell and all. “Greg, please don’t be angry with Nina.You either, Keegan. I begged them to do it. Nina looooooves me—so does Marty. Sometimes that’s bigger than all these paranormal rules you people have.”

  Wanda threw her arms around the two of them, pinching Nina’s cheek with affection and blowing Greg a kiss.Then she turned to Marty and Keegan.

  Keegan had bent-out-of-shape written all over his face, and Marty danced from foot to foot, obviously waiting for the ration of shit Keegan was sure to give her. If Greg wasn’t a rule breaker, Keegan wasn’t one to the nth degree. “I’m sorry I made Marty go against pack law—I know how much that means to you, Keegan. I promise to stay right here in Jersey, and no one has to know about me, okay?”

  Keegan reached out a hand to squeeze her arm, his dark expression going instantly light. “Know what, Wanda? I’m not so sorry the girls did this—broken laws or not. It means you’re going to be around a long time, and that makes me damned glad. It also means it won’t be up to Greg and me to shut these two up.”

  Marty made a face at him, nudging him in the ribs.

  But Wanda laughed, hugging them both.

  Nina gave Wanda another rare hug, her eyes bright when she scanned Wanda’s face. “I need to feed, and Marty always needs to feed lately. We’ll let you two make nice, and I’ll drop some blood back by later tonight. You’ll both need to feed soon, I think . . . doesn’t matter. I’ll bring blood—do with it what you will. And Heath?”

  “Nina,” he drawled while Wanda watched, fully expecting the “you better take care of my friend” speech.

  But Nina surprised her with a grin at Heath. “Dude.You’re all right. I’m glad I don’t have to kick your ass.”

  Heath’s laugh was a sharp bark. “Well, thanks on both counts.”

  “Call us,” Marty commanded. “Once you’ve settled and you get used to this—well, just this . . . okay? You’ll be going through a lot of changes—you’ll need to learn how to shift, and I think I can help.Though I get the feeling you’ll handle this better than we ever did, and Heath can help—with at least half of it.”

  “I will. Now go, and thank you. I love you both.” She hugged Marty once more and smiled as the two couples left.

  And that was when the reality of what had taken place set in.

  Her house was a fucking wreck. Her basement door was trashed. So was her bathroom door.

  Thank God for DIY and eternity.

  She turned back to Heath and smiled, cocking her head at him with coy eyes and a slight tilt to her lips. “So are you vampire or werewolf—or both?”

  His grin widened. “I’m both—just like you.”

  How could there possibly be a paranormal phenom she didn’t know about? She thought she knew them all. “But if I needed the blood of a human, how did you survive me biting you? I don’t get it.”

  Heath scratched his head. “I think I’m going to have to go with the fact that I was once a vampire. I had some very minimal, residual effects leftover. Like I could still read minds—that’s how I knew you were full of shit when you said you didn’t want to get involved. I guess some of that must’ve taken over when you bit me. I say we don’t question it, we’ll just be grateful for what we’ve been given. Now, there are things you need to know about this werevamp stuff and the combination of the two.”

  “Yeah, it means I can kick Nina’s ass now, and,” she said, looking down at her legs, “shaving is going to be an event.”

  Heath chuckled. “Well, there’s that, but there are other things, too. Like dietary restrictions.”

  Hold on. No fair. “But Marty can eat whatever she wants.”

  “But Nina can’t. The two, vampire and werewolf combined, make our intake restrictive. You can have blood and raw or very rar
e beef.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because I know the legend, and I know a guy it happened to. Name’s Ernie. Lives in Oshkosh. Nice guy—shitty diet—bit his ex-mother-in-law to save himself.”

  The bigger picture had begun to dawn on her, and it had nothing to do with the fact that her weenies in a blanket days were over. “So wait, you gave up Whoppers for me?” God. Heath had loved being human. He’d loved everything about it, and he’d given all that up for her. Which meant, she thought smugly, he crazy-dug her.

  “Yep.”

  “And Resee’s Peanut Butter Cups?”

  “Those, too.”

  Still, her disbelief rang clear in her voice. “And—and—beer. How could you give up beer?You love beer. And chicken wings—Buffalo style—with ranch dressing.”

  “Yep.

  She gave him a solemn expression, fighting the sudden urge to discover why his scent was making her nose feel like it was on fire. “Deep. Very deep.”

  Heath stared at her—those intense hazel eyes refusing to allow her to look away. “That’s me—deep. I hope to build up a tolerance again someday. Just takes time.”

  Wanda trailed a finger along the sharp plane of his cheek. Her chest tightened, and her throat started to clog.The breadth of what he’d done was finally sinking in. “And my cheese log.You can’t ever eat my cheese log again. Why would you do that?” She was fishing, but she needed to hear it.

  His dark blond eyebrow rose. “Because you wouldn’t have been here to make me a cheese log. I figured you’re the only one who makes a decent one. It was worth keeping you around for.”

  Wanda’s smile was smug. “Is not.”

  He pulled her closer, setting every available patch of flesh on her to blazing. “Is.”

  She walked her fingers up his arm and over his pecs. “That’s not why you did what you did, Heath Jefferson.”

  Heath grabbed her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers, giving her a wink. “Huh. I can’t think of any other reason. So why did I do what I did, Wanda Schwartz?”

  She curled her fingers around his, reveling in the warm reassurance they brought her. “Because you sooooooo love selling Bobbie-Sue and Linda Fisher’s your idol. You just couldn’t bear going on without her,” she teased.

  “That definitely has to be what made me do it. Sticky-lips Linda and goop. I don’t know if life would have been worth living if I didn’t have color wheels and goop. That, and you’re aiiight in bed—so all right, I might be willing to break my let’s not get involved rule,” he joked. His grin was infectious.

  But Wanda’s face fell. The guilt each time he’d mocked her insistence about not becoming too attached resurfaced, digging a fresh hole in her gut. Her eyes left his to stray to the floor. A floor where she could see every fiber of carpet with startling clarity. A floor that needed the ultimate in vacuuming. “I was so wrong. I don’t know what I was thinking.The whole thing—that isn’t me. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you, because I thought for sure it would end, and I didn’t want it to. I was selfish. I admit it. My potentially dying wasn’t just about me, and what I was doing sucked. I swear, I’ve never, ever been involved in a relationship just for the sex. Not that that’s a bad thing—it just isn’t my thing.”

  He tipped her chin back up to make her look at him. His eyes were serious, his sharp jaw set. “I know.”

  “Do you?”

  “Why do you think I kept hanging around? I didn’t need many of my former vampire skills to tell me something was wrong, honey. I just didn’t know what.Which brings me to my next statement. Don’t ever fucking do something like that to me again. If something’s wrong, whatever it is, I wanna know. Got that?”

  Completely, totally, utterly. She sighed in contentment. “Got it.”

  “So you know what we get to do now, don’t you?” Heath’s hands roamed over her back, pulling her until her body was flush with his.

  “I do.You get the vacuum, and I’ll get the mop.”

  “Uh, no.”

  Her smile was flirtatious, her eyes lit with anticipation. “So what’d ya have in mind?” She felt empowered, omnipotent, invincible, strong for the first time in a long time. And hairy, very, very hairy.

  He tipped her chin up on his finger. “Now we get to be all involved.”

  “Ahhhhh, and what does being involved mean, Mr. Jefferson?”

  Heath wiggled his eyebrows, planting a light kiss on her lips. “It means you get to have hot paranormal to the max sex with me.”

  “Is that different than uninvolved sex? ’Cause I don’t know about you, but the uninvolved sex was pretty hot.”

  “Oh, but it’s way hotter than uninvolved sex.Trust me, I know.”

  Her head came to rest on his shoulder, her next words held the same hint of amusement his eyes did. “So this involved thing—thoughts on it? I haven’t been involved since my ex. That didn’t work out so well. He did leave me for another woman. I think I might have forgotten what involved is. I do know, if it means having to give up America’s Next Top Model, you can forget it.”

  “First, your ex was an asshole who needs a good smack down, and second, don’t look at me,” he joked, gazing down at her with eyes that glinted amusement. “I haven’t ever been involved. I was mostly an uninvolved guy, but I have a plan.”

  Her arms wound upward around his neck, she locked her fingers behind his head. The thin T-shirt allowed her to feel the press of his hard, hard body against hers. “And that is?”

  “I figure, we’ll figure it out together.”

  Her smile was once more smugly playful. “You dig me, Mr. Jefferson.”

  “You dig me back.”

  “So I vote we go get involved,” she said, her tone light. Her heart, if she still had one—did she still have one?—unburdened by a secret she no longer had to keep, felt free. “Oh, but one question.”

  He ran his tongue over her lower lip, brushing the undersides of her breasts with his hands. “Ask away.”

  “This hot, paranormal to the max sex—will my leg hair interfere—it’s pretty righteous.” She pointed down to her legs again. Jesus, Marty hadn’t been exaggerating when she’d told them she’d had to shave twice a day until her body adjusted to the change.

  Heath grabbed her around the waist, hauling her even closer. “You know, you’re nowhere near as freaked out as you should be about this enormous change you’ve just gone through. Sometimes it takes months for people to adapt, and here you are only hours into your paranormal state, behaving like you’ve always been this way.”

  Wanda grinned. “And you know exactly why I’m not freaked out. Marty told me you met with her and Nina.”

  “Caught,” he admitted, a guilty smile on his face. “I contacted Marty and Nina because I was worried about you, and they told me everything—it all made sense after they explained their backgrounds. And I won’t apologize for going behind your back. I was worried. I did what I had to, and I’d do it again. But you’re still in for some heavy-duty changes, honey.”

  Her heart sped up—which was a good sign. It meant she still had one. “I might have done the same, had this situation been reversed,” she confessed, raising her head from his chest. “As for the rest, I would have been more honest about Nina and Marty, but you know from experience how secretive their world is. After everything that happened with them and their accidental paranormal mishaps, too many humans found out as it was. I just learned to keep my mouth shut for the sake of their well-being. Believe me when I tell you, I didn’t know how to react when you told me. But I’d been there, done that—there isn’t much left that can freak me out, I don’t think.”

  His smile was warm, indulgent. “Someday, I want to hear all about how Nina and Marty were bitten. As for freaking out—your not freaking out, freaked me out. It had to rate high on my list of surreal conversations. But I’ve been here before. Even if you’ve experienced this with your friends, it’s not exactly the same as living it—or not living it
.” He shook his head. “Whatever it is that we’re doing.”

  “I made a choice. One I understood from the word paranormal. I know being friends with Nina and Marty isn’t the same thing, but I sort of get what I’m in for. I chose to be in for it because—”

  “Of me,” he said in all his luscious arrogance. “So I say we go be in it before we have to feed—which will be soon.” His grin was lascivious, devilish.

  “But shouldn’t we wait for blood from Nina?” Her stomach rumbled its agreement. If she didn’t feed soon, she’d become weak and turn to dust—or would the werewolf half of her take over and she’d just need a raw steak? Cheerist—what a conundrum.

  “I thought you knew all about the paranormal. I guess there’s a thing or two I can teach you, and one of those things is feeding from each other—very, very hot perk to the paranormal to the max deal.”

  Just the thought made her thighs clamp together when heat rushed between them. “I did know that, I’d just forgotten about it—but I do know it means we’re not life mates. So you’re off the hook.”

  “I don’t know about that,” he muttered with a husky whisper against her mouth, scooping her up so her legs automatically wrapped around his waist.

  She looked down at him with confusion in her face. “Yes, it does mean that. I know because when Nina and Greg mated it had to be in front of a witness and at midnight on his five hundredth birthday. God, what a mess that night was. There was this vampire—Greg’s sire, Lisanne—what a total biotch. She wanted to mate with Greg so she could keep the clan strong, or some such nonsense. Boy, was she pissed when Nina stepped in and decided she wanted to mate with Greg. I also remember she said it didn’t hurt—that it was kinda hot. There’s never a dull moment with those two, I tell you. Marty, for instance—if you think Nina’s turning was a disaster, you should have seen what happened to Marty. Insane, I tell you—”

  “Honey?” Heath asked, pressing a finger to her lips.