Once Upon a Wish-Mas

by Laura Barnard

  I sigh, giving up my search, and slump down on the chair opposite. It’s the first time he’s talked to me since Lottie’s broken arm. I have to take advantage while I can.

  ‘He’s a God botherer.’

  He bursts out laughing, crinkles forming by his eyes. It’s such a rare sight that I wish I could freeze time, go grab my phone and take a picture. Maybe frame it, place it by my bed and say goodnight to it every evening. No Ruby, now you’re being weird.

  ‘You’re joking!’ He chuckles, clutching at his sides.

  ‘Nope.’ I grimace. ‘As if being a Manny wasn’t bad enough.’

  ‘No way? Stop!’ His head shakes with laughter. ‘How did you find this loser?’

  Oh, you know, I have a magnet attached to my head that only attracts completely inappropriate people.

  ‘At the school of course.’ I shake my head. ‘But he would have found me anyway. I’m like a beacon for losers like him.’ I stand up again. ‘Hence the search for the only thing I can depend on; chocolate.’

  I boil the kettle, deciding I’ll have to rely on hot chocolate for my fix instead. God, my life sucks right now. Really can’t catch a break.

  He stands up and walks slowly towards me, his eyes predatory. What the hell is he doing?

  ‘You do know you can depend on some real humans too, right?’

  I gulp. He stalks towards me, so close now that I push myself back against the cabinet in an attempt to escape him, but he follows me, his hot breath so close I feel it on my forehead. His delicious spicy scent envelops me. Is he going to kiss me?

  The kettle boils noisily behind me. I look up and very almost lean in for a kiss I had no idea I wanted. Only...he opens the top cabinet above me and takes out a huge dairy milk bar.

  He hands it over with a smug smile. ‘Picked it up for a teacher’s Christmas present the other day. It’s all yours.’

  I can’t help but grin back at him, as if we have some weird inside joke. He knows I wouldn’t have stopped him had he tried to kiss me. How embarrassing.

  ‘My hero,’ I mock, grabbing at it.

  His eyes twinkle with mischief. ‘See, not all of us are bad.’

  Then, just like he always does, he turns and struts out.

  ‘Looks like it’s just me and you tonight,’ I say to the chocolate.

  Chapter 15

  Wed 11th December

  Ruby

  Barclay’s mum Freda is here again. She mustn’t work. She comes across as bored, while also strangely being busy at the same time. She’s always having to rush off to pick out china for an event, or a wall colour for a renovation of a room.

  ‘So, Ruby,’ she says as soon as the girls are out of ear shot and practising their moves from kids’ yoga. ‘Any improvements on getting on with my son?’

  I smile with gritted teeth. I’m finding him strangely sexy actually.

  ‘Well, the good news is that he’s not here much.’

  ‘That bad, huh?’ she asks with a wicked grin. ‘He’s a workaholic, just like his father.’

  ‘Was he always like this?’ I can’t help but ask her. ‘I mean, did he work less when Claire was alive?’

  She smiles sadly, her eyes turning teary. ‘Honestly, everything changed when Claire passed. The minute he met her at school I knew he was in love. Had a stupid lovesick grin on his face whenever he talked about her.’

  I can’t imagine him being that over the moon in love. Nowadays he’s so cold. Well, apart from last night. The more I think of last night the weirder it gets in my mind.

  ‘She kept a light in Barclay that no-one else could. When she left this world that light went out and the darkness crept in.’

  I put my hand on top of hers and give it a squeeze. It’s clear she loved the woman too.

  ‘Since you’ve been here, I’ve seen that light in the girls. I feel that Claire is with them again, in some small way.’

  That’s it. I can’t lie to the poor woman anymore.

  ‘Look, I don’t want to mislead you.’ I gulp, unsure of how she’s going to react. ‘Barclay’s actually fired me already.’

  She grins. ‘Oh, I know, my dear. Mrs Dumfy told me.’

  Mrs Dumfy? I’m shocked. I didn’t tell her. I suppose Barclay must have told her to get my leaving papers ready.

  ‘Oh, so you know I’ll be leaving.’ It’s weird that she didn’t mention it.

  She waves me off, as if it’s no big deal. ‘He was always firing his own nannies as a child. It was a running joke in our family actually. Little Barclay and his temper.’

  I can’t help but laugh, imagining a bossy little boy with dark brown eyes.

  I grimace. ‘He meant it though.’

  She rolls her eyes. ‘Even if he did. Don’t you want to stay for those girls?’ She looks over at them, now getting snakes and ladders out on the carpet.

  My heart squeezes at the thought of leaving them.

  ‘Of course I do. But I can’t change his mind. It’s made up.’

  ‘So.’ She smiles mischievously. ‘Make him change it back. Trust me, if I know Barclay like I think I do, he’ll already be kicking himself for saying that in a moment of haste.’

  He was different last night, but the more I think about it, the more I realise he must have been drunk.

  I sigh. ‘Something makes me think that Barclay means exactly what he says.’

  She takes my hand in hers. ‘Just promise you’ll try, hmm?’

  ‘Okay.’ I nod, a wretched guilt beginning to grow inside me for letting the woman down. There’s no way in hell he’s changing his mind, but I can let her think he might.

  Barclay

  I can’t stop laughing to myself whenever I think of Ruby’s disastrous date last night. Honestly, the woman’s a hot mess. Emphasis on the hot, my subconscious reminds me. I shake my head. She’s not hot, she’s an employee of mine.

  It’s just...well seeing her dressed up like that, it had some feelings that have been dormant for years come springing to the surface and most of those were worryingly in my dick.

  I’ve decided that I enjoy teasing her. She really is easy to wind up. I love seeing her little angry face, the way she scrunches up her nose covered in freckles and steels her jaw. Its strangely adorable.

  Jesus, what the hell is happening to me? I must really need to get some. This must just be my body’s way of telling me its time, time to move on and have sex with someone else. Not Ruby, obviously. I suppose Queenie will do, although I’d far prefer a quick one-night stand with someone I don’t need to see again. I know Queenie will turn on the cling factor no matter how straight up with her I am.

  Anyway, I must stop thinking about Ruby. Except, well I’m on my way to the parent’s evening where she’s currently filling in for me. I can’t help but feel bad that I had to get her to fill in so late and unprepared, but that’s Ruby all over. Go with the flow, hippy dippy Ruby. And the weirdest thing of all? I can’t wait to see her.

  Ruby

  Tonight, Mrs Dumfy is looking after the girls while I go to Jessica’s parents evening. Barclay was supposed to be going but text me saying his meeting was going to run late. So that’s how I find myself running into the classroom, late and dishevelled. I barely managed to get changed out of my pyjamas. What is it about having to get changed from pyjamas to skinny jeans that makes them feel all the skinnier.

  ‘So, so sorry I’m late!’ I apologise, seeing I’m already five minutes past our designated time.

  ‘I assume you’re the new nanny?’ the woman in her early forties asks with a warm smile.

  Ooh, she’s friendly, thank god.

  ‘That’s me. I’m Ruby.’ I awkwardly wave.

  ‘I’m Mrs Engleton. Nice to meet you.’

  She leads me into the classroom, and I sit down on a tiny child’s chair across from her, trying desperately not to stare at her immense facial hair.

  She shuffles her paperwork. ‘Well, I must say that I’ve noticed a real difference in Jessica since you’v
e come along.’

  ‘Really?’ I can’t help but bluster, completely caught off guard.

  ‘Yes.’ She nods. ‘I understand that the girls have suffered a carousel of nannies, none of them staying more than a few months. But you seem to have given Jessica some form of stability in merely a few weeks. She’s more settled in class, less anxious. Whatever you’re doing, please continue to do it.’

  ‘Wow. I had no idea.’

  I mean, I did, because I’m awesome. But still, to make such a noticeable difference in a few short weeks. That’s why I accepted this job. I don’t dare tell her I’ve already been fired and am leaving by New Years.

  She talks briefly about how she’s coming along in maths and English and where she’d ideally be by the end of the school year. We have to practise capital letters and full stops. Then I’m shaking her hand and walking out of the door, smiling as the next parent is called.

  That’s when I spot Barclay rushing down the corridor, iPhone in his hand. I’m starting to think its glued to him.

  He stops when he sees me, out of breath.

  ‘I’m assuming I’m too late?’ he asks me, peering into the classroom where a parent is already deep in conversation.

  ‘Yep.’ I nod. ‘Sadly, you missed her telling me how fantastic I am.’

  ‘I’m sure.’ He nods with a quirked lip, shaking his head ever so slightly. Obviously doesn’t believe me.

  ‘Don’t worry, she went through everything with me. Was there something you wanted to know in particular?’

  ‘Just...’ he notices the other parents in close vicinity so takes my arm and starts leading me away. ‘She was concerned about Jessica’s behaviour last time. Said she needed more structure in her life. That’s why I’m so regiment with their routine.’

  Ah, so that’s where it came from.

  I scoff a laugh. ‘She actually said she’s massively improved since I’ve come along.’

  ‘Seriously?’ He raises his eyebrows, obviously un-convinced.

  ‘Seriously.’ I nod, a little pissed off he doesn’t believe me. ‘And I’m all about breaking those rigid rules.’

  He scoffs. ‘Well, trust my daughter to like a rebel.’ He starts scrolling through his phone again. ‘I should buy her a gift to congratulate her.’

  I roll my eyes heavenwards. So typical of him.

  ‘A gift? You seriously think your daughter wants a gift?’

  He frowns. ‘Well, don’t you think she deserves it?’

  I take a deep breath to stop myself getting angry. Remind myself he’s just stupid, he’s not going out of his way to hurt these girls.

  ‘I think some time with you, and you telling her she’s done well, will make her just as happy.’

  He sighs and I suddenly notice the dark rings under his eyes. When was the last time he had a good night’s sleep?

  ‘Ruby, work is crazy right now. I don’t have the time to spend.’

  I think as we walk back towards his car. There must be something he can do to truly show how he cares for her.

  I’ve got it!

  ‘Okay, then I have something which might make her happy.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ he asks, still scrolling down his phone, as if completely uninterested. ‘Care to share?’

  ‘I think we should buy her a real life Christmas tree.’

  He stops in his tracks, his eyes jumping to mine.

  ‘A Christmas tree? You’ve already set one up in their playroom.’

  ‘Yes,’ I roll my eyes, ‘but I’m talking about a real one. Maybe put it in the living room or the kitchen. Then ask them to buy decorations for it.’

  He seems to mull this over. ‘Okay. A tree seems easy enough. Is there anything open at this time of night?’

  I laugh. ‘Barclay, this is London. Everything is always open somewhere. But I assumed you’d want to get at the weekend.’

  He shrugs. ‘No time like the present, Ruby. Besides, the evenings are the only time I have. Find me a place and we’ll go now.’

  ‘You want me to help you?’ I can’t help but sound taken aback. I just assumed he’d want to sort it himself. Control freak that he is.

  He nods. ‘I think so. I’ve never bought a Christmas tree before.’

  My eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets.

  ‘Never? Jesus, who were you brought up by? Scrooge?’

  A smile plays on the edges of his lips. ‘No, but we always had them brought in for us.’

  ‘Ah, yes.’ I nod. ‘I keep forgetting you were brought up by the Royal Family.’

  He rolls his eyes. ‘Will you help me or not?’

  ‘I will.’

  Chapter 16

  Barclay

  It took us thirty minutes to drive to the place and a further hour for us to argue over which tree to get. The woman wanted the prettiest tree, not the most practical. We eventually agreed on a Norway Spruce.

  ‘Great, now we just have to work out how to get it delivered,’ she says, tapping a finger on her chin.

  ‘Delivered?’ I snort. ‘I’ll just tie it to the car.’

  She barks a laugh. ‘Yeah, like you’ll be able to lift this enormous tree.’

  Is she seriously insinuating that I’m some weak preppy shit that can’t lift a bloody small Christmas tree?

  I’ll show her.

  I lean forward and before she realises what’s happening, I’m slinging her over my shoulder, fireman lift style. ‘See.’ I chuckle, so tempted to slap her on the arse. ‘If I can lift you, I can lift a tree.’

  I plonk her back down, smiling smugly at her. Her cheeks are burning. Have I embarrassed her? Or is it just all the blood rushing to her head.

  ‘Are you saying I weigh the same as a tree?’ she asks, weight on one hip. ‘You’re literally saying my thighs are tree trunks right now.’

  Jesus, trust a woman to turn something into an issue about their weight. I can’t help but glance down at them, wondering if they are in fact large. I’ve never noticed before. No, they’re perfectly lean.

  ‘All I’m saying is that I’m a strong guy.’ I grin, feeling playful. She seems to bring that side out of me. ‘I go to the gym.’

  ‘When the hell do you go to the gym? How do you find the time for that?’

  I feel my cheeks blush the slightest crimson. ‘I go in my lunch break,’ I admit, rocking on my heels. ‘If I don’t have meetings.’

  She rolls her eyes disapprovingly, just as I knew she would. The truth is that I go more for my mind than my muscles.

  ‘Fine,’ she snaps, hands crossed against her chest. ‘Carry the tree to the car.’

  ‘Gladly.’

  I bend down to try and pick it up but can’t seem to do it without one end falling to the floor. Oh, for fucks sakes, just when I was feeling a cocky bastard, and now I can’t even lift it! Way to bruise my own ego.

  ‘Would you like some help to the car, sir?’ the man that served us asks.

  She smiles at me, awaiting my response. Damn, she’s so bloody annoying; waiting for me to admit defeat.

  I jut my chin out. ‘No thanks, we’re fine.’

  ‘Shocking that a giant tree isn’t the same weight as me.’ She flicks her blonde hair in my face and walks towards the car. Sarcastic cow.

  ‘Ruby!’ I call after her. Dammit, I do need her help. I have a feeling she’s going to make me beg for it.

  She turns around with her hands on her hips.

  ‘Yes?’ she asks innocently, as if she has no idea what I’m about to ask.

  ‘Come on.’ I grin, hoping my boyish charms will win her over. ‘You can help, can’t you?’

  ‘I thought you didn’t need any help?’ she retorts, inspecting her nails.

  My jaw tenses. Why is she always calling me out? Making things difficult.

  ‘Not from that stranger. I don’t want him judging me for being too weak to carry it all,’ I admit begrudgingly.

  ‘Oh, but you’ll be fine for me to judge you?’ She smiles sweetly, her eyes telling
me she’s anything but.

  ‘Please,’ I scoff. ‘You already judge me.’

  She frowns as if genuinely shocked by my observation.

  ‘I don’t judge you,’ she says, pretty affronted. It can’t be a shock that I find her judgemental, can it?

  My lips twist, trying to hold back a smile. ‘Please, Ruby. I know you judge me for not spending enough time with my kids.’

  She stares back, open mouthed. Well, I’ve got her there.

  ‘I don’t judge you, I just...’ she searches for the right words, so as not to offend me further.

  ‘You just think I should prioritise them over my work.’

  She shrugs. ‘Well, yeah. To be honest, the fact you even think that shows that you have your own guilt.’

  My eyes turn sharp in an instant. Playful Barclay has gone.

  ‘Hey, listen, you don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through. So just mind your own business, okay. Something you seem to have a huge problem with.’

  Her lip curls up in anger and that little freckled nose scrunches up.

  ‘The only thing I have a problem with is you and how bloody rude you are. Damn, who raised you?’

  ‘One of your kind, actually,’ I snap, not recognising my own bitchy tone. She really brings out the worst in me. ‘I saw my nanny more than I ever saw my parents.’

  I watch as she thinks about it. Probably imagining some poor vulnerable little boy wanting love and only getting it from staff. It wasn’t that bad; I had the best nanny in the world. No one will ever compare to her.

  ‘Surely that made you not want to repeat history?’

  I sigh, suddenly exhausted. ‘Look, Ruby. Can you help me to the car with the tree or not?’ I bark.

  She rolls her eyes. ‘Ugh, fine. If you’re going to be a little bitch about it.’

  I cannot believe she speaks to her boss this way. But what can I do? I’ve already fired her.