by JA Huss
Ark takes a long swig of his beer and shrugs. “We’ll deal with it tomorrow.”
I let it go after that. I can’t control Ark or JD. This is their night. This is their fight. I was fine with the way things were yesterday, but obviously we need to come to a new agreement if we all want to stay together.
The only thing I know is… I can fix this. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m not walking away from this. I’m not losing either of them.
I love two men.
My soul has two mates.
I love them equally, and with the same amount of fierce devotion.
And I’ll fight to my death to have them both.
I watch the phone for a return text, but it never comes.
And what did I expect? That after four years people still give a shit?
I shake it off, trying to convince myself Blue is right. JD is just mad. He said things he doesn’t mean. Tomorrow we’ll go home, talk it out, and find a solution. In two weeks, Public Fuck will launch and we will forget all about this night.
If she has faith, I can have faith too.
We pass the night watching TV. We drop all the anger and just relax on the couch. I can feel her slipping away. I’m not sure how, but I know it. She’s checking out on me. She’s thinking about JD. She’s thinking about the three we make, when all I see in our future is two.
My arms are wrapped around her, one hand on her belly, the other playing with the long strands of blonde hair that blow across her cheek as she breathes deeply with sleep.
Even though my goals have become muddied over the past four years, the no-girlfriend stipulation was something I respected. Oh, I’ve had fucks. Lanie at first. I liked her a lot in the beginning. She was my only contact and I needed her familiar conversation when I first got to Denver. And knowing that her body is decomposing inside her house—for God only knows how long—makes me sick.
I’ve had other girls too. But no one came home with me. No one came close. It was a quick fuck at their place, or in a car, or wherever. Any place but my place. Because I’m not allowed to get attached.
And here I am, very much involved in a relationship with not one, but two people. Here I am, in love with a man and a woman who make me so happy that every day for the past six weeks I had to convince myself it was real.
What are the chances a person finds their one soulmate in their one lifetime?
What are the chances they find out they have two?
Not everything should come in threes. That’s what it says on my back. The two dragons fighting to claim the world. To claim what’s theirs. But maybe that tattoo has been saying something else all along. Maybe the dragons aren’t a team. Maybe the blue pearl isn’t the world, but a girl they both want. A girl they’re both willing to fight for. Fight over.
Maybe it’s true. Maybe JD is right and every set of three is perfect.
But in my heart I know it’s a lie—not everything should come in threes.
I wait until Ark is asleep and then I get out of bed and go to the bathroom down the hall from the bedroom. I’m sleeping in a pair of his boxer briefs and a t-shirt. I use the bathroom like normal and walk back to the bedroom and wait outside the door to see if he’s awake.
When he doesn’t ask me what I’m doing after several minutes, I walk back to the bathroom and pull on my jeans. I grab his new phone, his keys and the keys to the Camry, my coat, and my shoes, and leave the apartment as quietly as I can.
The steps are metal, something I noticed when we came, so my bare feet don’t make much sound as I descend. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, he’ll know where to look for me, I’m sure.
When I get to the bottom of the steps, I put my shoes on real fast, and then I get in the car and wake up the sleeping phone.
I check the call history to see if the text he sent earlier was to JD, but it wasn’t. It is, however, an area code I recognize. And that makes me stop for a second.
Why the hell would he be calling DC?
What if he called my father?
No. No, he wouldn’t do that without telling me. It’s got to be something else. It’s got to be part of his secret and since this is the only real clue I have, I send a text to try to coax one back.
Did you get my message?
I get in the car and wait. Both texts have the little Delivered message below the balloon bubbles. So I know it went through.
But I didn’t come down here to snoop on his phone. I came down to call JD.
I press in JD’s number and count the rings, but it goes to voicemail. “JD,” I say in a low whisper. “It’s Blue. Please call me back on this phone. I need to talk to you.”
I hang up and slump down in the driver’s seat of the dead girl’s Camry. Who was she? I have no idea. But it’s not good when your boyfriend takes you to a girl’s house and you can smell her decaying body from the back door.
The buzz of the phone in my hand scares the crap out of me, and my heart skips a beat before I realize it’s JD calling me back.
“Hello?”
“Blue,” he says. He sounds sad. “Where are you?”
I look around the building. “I don’t know. Ark took me somewhere for the night. I’m in a big building.” I leave out the rest of the info about this place. The servers. The fact that Ark has been spending a lot of time here. The lies. I just want us to make up, so that stuff will have to wait. “He said you sold my pictures. Is that true? Did you sell the videos we made?”
“I never said that shit, Blue.” It comes out fast and angry. It comes out believable. “I have no idea why Ark’s trippin’, but this is bullshit. He thinks he owns you, Blue. He’s the one who’s been lying. And he’s pissed off that I found out about it.”
That’s true. Ark admitted a bunch of lies to me and I have a feeling that’s just the beginning. “I want to come home. I want Ark to bring me home. But he won’t until tomorrow. Do you think I should leave?”
“Can you leave?”
“I’m in a car. But I don’t know where I’m at. And I don’t know how to get home.”
“Does it have GPS, baby? You could program in our address and it will tell you how to get here. Do you think you can do that?”
“It does. It has a GPS. But, if I come, do you promise that we can all talk this through tomorrow? I know he’s hiding things too. I can feel it. And he’s admitted to some of them. They don’t add up, so I’m not sure what any of them mean. But JD, I need us to make up.”
“We can sort it out, Blue. I swear. And I think it’s pretty fucked up that he accused me of taking advantage of you thinking you’re a prisoner and then he practically abducts you.”
“Yeah.” JD has a point. “I know. I don’t want to stay here, JD. I want to come home. Ark’s scaring me. He says he’s gonna call my father and make me go back to them. I can’t do that, JD. I can’t tell the world what I did, and the world will certainly want to know where I’ve been for the past year and a half.”
“You’re in the car right now?”
“Yeah.”
“OK. Then start it up and program our address into the GPS.”
I start the car and the GPS comes to life. I had one a long time ago. It feels like a different lifetime, but these steps are familiar to me. I accept the agreement that I won’t mess with it while I drive, and then I punch in the address as JD reads it off to me.
“Just park in the garage and I’ll be there waiting for you, OK?”
“OK,” I say, pressing the button on Ark’s keychain that he used to open the roll-up garage door. “I’m on my way. Will you stay on the line with me?”
“Of course, baby. Of course. Don’t panic or anything. Just follow the directions.” As soon as JD says that, the voice begins to narrate the route home. “And take your time.”
JD talks soothingly to me as I drive. We are far away. Past Boulder, which is miles away from downtown, where I need to be. But there’s no traffic since it’s late. And when I start to get nervous, JD is the
re in my ear calming me down.
Finally, after more than a half hour of driving. I recognize the buildings around our street. I’m starting to feel better when my phone buzzes an incoming text. I glance at it as I wait for a light to turn green.
If you went home, just let me know. Don’t leave me like this. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for us.
It’s from Ark. I punch out my return message. I’m here at home. I need JD too, Ark. I need him tonight. And not the way you think. You’re lying to me.
The light turns green and I make a left and then a right when I get to the garage. JD is waiting for me. Casually leaning up against a truck, smoking a cigarette. I drive towards him when the return text buzzes. I pull into the parking spot where Ark’s Jeep was a few hours ago, and then glance down at the phone before I put the car in park.
So is JD. Be very careful. I’ll be there soon.
I let out a long breath. If they’re both lying, who do I trust?
JD? He is walking towards me, smiling big, the charm I love about him practically dripping off him.
Or Ark? The serious one. The one who refuses to accept that JD and I have our own special relationship. The one who refuses to even fuck me unless he has JD as a buffer between us.
I stick the phone in my pocket and open the car door. JD pulls me out and hugs me hard. “I’m so glad you came back.” He kisses me on the head, and then he takes my hand and leads me to the door I came out of with Ark.
We go back upstairs in silence. I’m afraid JD’s going to start asking questions, but he doesn’t. And it makes me nervous. “Do you still love Ark?” I ask. “Can you guys work this out?” The elevator doors open and we walk to the loft door together.
“Of course, baby,” JD reassures me as he open the door and waves me in.
I go first, so damn happy to be back here I breathe a sigh of relief. “I was only gone a few hours, but—”
I stop short as I see the man sitting on the couch in our living room.
“You were gone a lot longer than that, Star.” The man tsks his tongue in that way he used to do, just before he’d beat me with a cane or cut me with a knife.
“What the fuck—”
JD grabs a fistful of hair and yanks me down to the ground, forcing me to my knees. He slaps my face. Hard. Not harder than he usually does during our ravishment sex, but this time, there is nothing sexual about his blow.
Gabriel, all dressed up in his fake priest outfit, gets up and walks towards me.
I look up at JD. “Why? Why did you do this?”
“It’s you or her, Blue. And look, this is nothing personal. But my daughter is the only thing I have left of Marie.”
“Marie would hate you for this!” I scream.
But JD just slaps me again. “Shut up,” he growls.
“He did it, Blue”—Gabriel snarls my new name—“because I offered him something so much better than you. You’re nothing,” he hisses as he walks up to me. He presses his face close to mine. “You’re nothing but a sick little slut who wants to be raped.” And then he laughs. The stench of his breath making me want to vomit. “He told me, Star. He told me what you asked him to do.” And then he pulls out a set of handcuffs and JD forces me to the ground, face first. They cuff me and then yank me to my feet. “Thank you,” Gabriel says to JD.
“I want their names,” JD says, yanking me away from my old master and pulling out a gun. “Now. Or you don’t get her. And then we’re going to take a drive and you’re going to walk into their house and bring my daughter out. That was the deal. That’s the trade.”
“JD,” Gabriel laughs. “Please. We’re not going to steal your daughter back tonight, son.”
JD shoots him in the leg. No hesitation. The gun goes off right next to my ear and I scream and fall to my knees at the same time that Gabriel crumples to the ground in agony.
“I’m not fucking around with you,” JD says, walking forward. I’m still on the floor, so he drags me with him as he goes. And when the bodyguards appear from the hallway where Ark’s bedroom is, JD shoots one in the chest, blowing him backwards into the wall. The man didn’t even have a chance. His body leaves a thick streak of blood on the wall behind him as he slides down until he’s just a heap on the floor.
Another gunshot blasts from that same direction, and this one grazes past my shoulder, so close I feel the sting and the gush of blood.
JD pulls me again, and then grabs my arm, yanking me to my feet. He tosses me aside as he takes another shot at the hallway, and the other guard has a giant hole in his chest. I fall forward, knocking my head into the granite countertop. The sharp blow to my temple shakes my world and my vision blurs.
“You piece of shit,” Gabriel says from the floor a few yards away. He’s got a gun out too, and he points it at me and fires. The stone above me shatters down, shards like shrapnel. “You’ll never get her back now.”
“You’re going down, Gabriel. I find her and she and I will be together again. But you—you will never sell another baby again.”
“That’s funny coming from you.”
“Shut up!” JD yells.
“I don’t suppose he ever told you the truth about Marie, did he, Star?”
Bile rises in my throat from that name. But then JD pulls me to my feet once more. He shoves the barrel of the gun against my temple and I let out a sob. “You want her back pretty bad, don’t you?” he asks Gabriel. “You told me earlier that my daughter is my Achilles’ heel. Well, Blue is yours. And I’ll take her away from you, just like you took my daughter away.”
“JD! Please!” I scream. He elbows me in the side, making me gasp for air.
“Tell her then,” Gabriel says. “Tell her you—”
JD shoots him again, only this time the bullet rips his shoulder apart and he is silenced.
“JD.”
Ark is standing in the open doorway, a gun in his hand, but he’s not pointing it at anyone. It’s up in the air. “Just be calm now. OK? Think about what you’re doing here. This isn’t how you want it to end, brother.”
“Brother?” JD spits. “You’re not my brother. You’re just like all the rest of them. You take. You use. You used me.” He pokes the side of my head with the barrel of the gun again. It’s throbbing from my fall, and my vision blurs once more.
“No,” Ark says. “I’ve been trying to help you. All these years.”
“He told you he had her. My daughter. The one you promised to help me find. And you walked away from those answers.”
“He wanted me to fuck his wives, JD. He wanted me to give him my children too. What world do you live in where that is an acceptable trade?”
“It was a promise.” JD pushes the gun into my head even harder and Ark takes a step forward.
“JD,” Ark says in a calm voice that says he’s the one in control. “None of this is my fault. You know that. You know the real truth. You’ve been hiding from it for a long time. But you know what happened to Marie and the baby.”
“Oh my God,” I say, the pieces starting to come together. “Oh, my God. Please tell me. Please—”
“Shut up!” JD smacks me in the mouth. “Just shut the fuck up!”
“You sold your baby, didn’t you?” My disgust overshadows my fear and I wriggle in his grasp.
“Quiet, Blue!” Ark yells. “JD, just put the gun down.”
But he only presses it into my head harder. “I’ll kill her, Ark. Take one more step, and I’ll kill her.”
“You won’t kill her. You love her, JD. You love her like you loved Marie.”
The pressure of the barrel against my head eases a little.
“That’s it,” Ark says. “Just put the gun—”
“Hands in the air!”
And then all hell breaks loose. Windows crash as bodies fly through them. Red lasers are all over the place, the dots flying, one on me, then JD. I look at Ark and there’s several dots dancing on his chest.
“No,” JD says. “I’m not going
down this way!”
Denver Federal Center
Lakewood, Colorado
Present day
“And?” Matheson asks, when I say nothing. “You saw her first. What’s that got to do with anything?”
I close my eyes, the scene still fresh in my mind. Gunshots. That’s all I hear in my head. Nothing but gunshots. I rub my eyes, making those little pinpricks of light appear behind my eyelids. “I can’t tell this story,” I finally say. “It’s not mine to tell.”
“You bet your ass you’re gonna tell this story,” Jerry growls. “We’ve got dead bodies, asshole. Your loft was the site of several murders tonight. So we’re gonna fucking sit here until you tell us—”
A knock on the door interrupts Jerry’s rant. We all turn at the same time to look at the man who opens the door.
“What?” Jerry snaps. “We’re in the middle of—”
“Sorry.” The new guy looks at me and shakes his head. “Someone called from DC and said they’re shutting this down.”
“Shutting what down?” Matheson asks. “We’re in the middle of a case here—”
“Agent Matheson,” the new guy says. “I realize that. But we just got orders. From DC. For me to come in here and shut you up. So get out.”
There’s a long moment of silence while the two assholes in front of me have a staring contest, and then Jerry starts gathering the photos, but when he tries to take the one of Blue, I hold onto it. “Fuck you!” I snap at him, taking him by surprise and making him recoil back. “I’m keeping this.”
He starts to snatch it away, but the new guy interferes again. “Let him keep it, Jerry. He’s gonna need it.”
And then they exit the room and leave me to wonder what the fuck that means.
I stare at that picture for what seems like hours. It’s one of mine. One they lifted off my computer at home.
Not my home. I need to come to terms with that. It’s not my home.
I close my eyes and picture the scene when I took that photo.
Blue and JD were relaxing on the couch while I worked in my office. And they started playing around. He was making her giggle like a girl. And Blue was making JD laugh.