Letters From Grace

by C. J. Carmichael

  “Even though you only lived in Woodland a short while, people here are proud of you. You’ve done good, Grace.”

  “Thank you.” The last thing she’d expected from Levi’s mother was a compliment. And it sounded genuine. Grace started to relax, but Mary wasn’t finished.

  “I always saw that possibility for greatness in you. Even when you were a teenager. It takes more than talent. A person has to have a hunger, a passion. You had that.”

  “Yes, I suppose I did.”

  “I knew you’d never come back to Woodland after college. And I worried about Levi. Now, after seeing the two of you dancing together, I can’t help worrying again.” Mary stopped. Shook her head. “I’m not sure my son is thinking straight. I don’t think he ever could where you were concerned.”

  “What, exactly, is your point, Mary?”

  “My boy lost his wife so young and he’s spent the past eighteen years raising his daughter. I want him to find happiness again…not get his heart broke one more time.”

  Grace lost her words, lost her very breath. She’d always suspected Mary didn’t like her. But this warning hammered home the point.

  Finally Grace drew a breath. “I’m sorry about Levi’s wife. But that loss had nothing to do with me. Why do you assume I’m going to break his heart?”

  “What else are you going to do? You were born to wander, Grace. And Levi—he’s as rooted to this place as a mighty oak tree.” She paused and then admitted, “Still, it’s not my place to interfere. Levi’s going to be good and mad at me. I guess he has that right. As do you. But sometimes a mother can’t stop herself.”

  Mary stepped forward then, to buy her drinks tickets. Completely discombobulated, Grace slipped out of the lineup and moved aimlessly through the crowd. Everyone around her continued to laugh and talk and mingle. Was it possible they hadn’t heard any of the exchange? Grace searched the crowd desperately for a friendly face and almost cried out when she spotted Alicia. Her friend had two tall paper cups in her hands and was walking toward her.

  “You okay? I saw you talking to Mary Shanahan and you got awfully pale.” Alicia passed her one of the cups. “Spiced apple cider. It’s very tasty.”

  “Thank you.” Grace hadn’t realized how dry her throat was. She took several gulps of the sweet, flavorful beverage. “Wait until you hear what Mary said to me.”

  “Tell me.”

  Alicia led her to a park bench away from the action. It was cooler here, but thanks to the rising full moon and clear skies, there was ample light. Grace felt her heart rate calm. “This is nice. Thanks. It helps to get away from the crowd for a bit.”

  “So what happened?”

  As she recounted her conversation with Mary, Grace expected Alicia to speak up with supportive indignation. But she remained quiet and finally Grace had to prod. “Tell me you agree that Mary went way over the line.”

  “She did,” Alicia said. “But I suppose she’s just worried what will happen to Levi once you return to Manhattan or go traveling on your next assignment.”

  Grace pulled back. “My heart is on the line here, too. Not just Levi’s.”

  “Exactly. Which is why I’m worried too. You deserve to be loved by someone who can give you everything you need. Is Levi that guy?”

  But I love him.

  Grace knew better than to say the words out loud. Love hadn’t been enough the first time. What made her think it would be the second? If Levi couldn’t even commit to a three-week trip to Costa Rica with her, how could they possibly have a future?

  “I don’t think logically when I’m around him,” she admitted. “I think it’s time I went back to Manhattan.”

  “That might be for the best.”

  Grace knew her friendship with Alicia would survive this moment. But right now she felt betrayed. She wanted Alicia to take her side against Mary, to tell her she should stay and fight for the man she loved. But maybe that was what real friends did. Made you face the truth, even when it was painful.

  “I’ll go back to your place to pack. Okay if I leave the key under the doormat?”

  “You’re going to leave right now? Tonight?”

  Grace nodded. Clean and fast breaks were always the easiest.

  “Let me grab the keys from Sean and I’ll drive you home and help you pack.”

  “No. I’d like to walk. By myself. I need to clear my head.”

  “It’s too far to go in the dark.”

  “You and I walked that path in the night a hundred times when we were young. Besides—” Grace unzipped her camera case to display the contents. “I’m used to getting caught out in the wilderness after dark. I always travel with a headlamp. And Mace. I’ll be fine.”

  October 21, 1999

  New York University

  Dear Levi,

  I’ll never think your sketches are silly and childish. I can’t believe you even said that. And my new friends’ names are Matt and Ethan. As for last Saturday, I didn’t just have a good time. I saw a show that changed my life! Frans Lanting is a Dutch nature and wildlife photographer and the show we went to was called “Jungles” and the pictures he makes are like nothing I’ve ever seen or imagined was possible. And he doesn’t just make amazing pictures. He tells stories, just like you said I should do with mine.

  I began this year not sure if I wanted to be a studio photographer like my dad, or what. But after seeing Frans Lanting’s work, I know. I want to go where the wild creatures are. Not just here in America, but all over the world! I want to find my own unique perspective and tell my own stories about what I see. The possibilities feel endless to me right now and all I wish was that you were here…to hold my hand and dream with me.

  Chapter Ten

  Levi followed Oliver to the picnic table where Erin, Sam and Clara were enjoying a celebratory drink. Clara passed them each a plastic tumbler of wine.

  “Not a single glitch. Well done, team.” Erin high-fived every one of the committee members.

  Levi grinned. He was damn pleased with all of them, too. “I’ve been on this committee for over a decade and this was our smoothest year yet.”

  “We had great leadership.” Sam clinked his plastic wineglass against Levi’s and then Erin’s. “You two make a good team.”

  “I give a lot of that credit to Erin.” Levi gave her a mock bow. “Considering it was your first year on the committee you were amazing. You hit the ground running from the first day. And much as I complained about your social media accounts, they sure were effective at drawing a crowd.”

  “If I did well, it’s because I had great mentorship,” Erin demurred.

  Clara looked from Erin to Levi. “Like Sam said, you two make a good team. Maybe you all should find another project you could work on together.” She punctuated this with a heavy-handed wink.

  “Such as?” Levi suspected the older committee members were up to a little matchmaking and this conclusion was supported when they both got up from the picnic table pulling Oliver along with them.

  “We’ll leave you two alone so you can discuss the possibilities,” Sam said.

  Once they were gone Levi turned to Erin who responded by covering her face with her hands.

  “Ugh. The embarrassment. I feel like I’m in high school and someone just told a boy that I liked him.”

  Did Erin like him that way? Levi hoped not. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s the peril of being single. Everyone assumes you won’t be happy until they find someone to pair you up with. How long do you think Sam and Clara have been hatching this plan?”

  “Pretty much since Clara suggested you invite me to co-chair the committee.” Erin let out a long sigh, then topped up both their wineglasses. “I knew she was hoping something romantic would happen between the two of us. And to be honest, after my awful breakup, I was open to the idea.”

  Now it was Levi’s turn to be embarrassed. “I, um, do like you Erin, of course I do, but, um…”

  “Don’t worry.” Erin patted his hand.
“I saw you dancing with Grace. It’s pretty obvious how you feel about her.”

  Levi was relieved that he didn’t have to explain further. “So this matchmaking endeavor…how many folks were in on it?”

  “The idea originated with your mother’s coffee group. They were the ones who suggested Clara invite me to the committee. And your assistant manager at the store gave his thumbs-up as well.”

  “Roy too? Sounds like all this scheming happened right under my nose.”

  “Apparently the only one who didn’t seem excited about the idea was the woman who works behind your food counter…Connie Wilson.”

  “Connie and I—and Grace—went to school together.”

  “So you’re old friends. Was there ever more to it?”

  “Connie and me? Nope.” At least not on his part. Shortly after his breakup with Grace, it had seemed Connie was encouraging him. He’d made a point not to be alone with her once he guessed how she was feeling. Then, he’d met Maggie and the rest was history.

  “Well, I’m glad we’ve cleared the air,” Erin said. “I hope we can still be friends?”

  “Of course.”

  “And you’ll co-chair the festival committee with me again?”

  “Not on your life.”

  She laughed. “Well, it was worth a try. I guess I’ll—”

  The rest of her comment was cut off when Oliver stepped forward resolutely from the crowd and walked up to her. “Would you like to dance?”

  Surprise was replaced with a pleased sort of speculation in Erin’s eyes. She accepted Oliver’s proffered hand.

  “Excuse us, Levi,” Oliver said politely.

  “Have fun.” Levi checked his watch. Damn. More than twenty minutes had passed since he’d left Grace at the drinks lineup. He’d never find her again with all these people. He got out his phone to send a text. Where are you?

  As he waited for her reply, he tried to make his way through the crowd, but people kept stopping him to congratulate him on the success of the festival. Finally he bumped into Alicia. She was in a group, but when he motioned, she excused herself and joined him.

  “What’s up, Levi?”

  “It’s Grace. I’ve lost her in the crowd. And she’s not answering my text messages.”

  Alicia hesitated, then said, “She decided to go home.”

  “Home as in your place?”

  “No. Manhattan.”

  “What—tonight?”

  Alicia nodded.

  “I don’t get it. She was looking forward to the barbecue. We were going to—” Levi stopped himself. The details of their plans didn’t matter now. “Did something happen to upset her?”

  Alicia’s gaze shifted to a picnic table about twenty feet away where his mother was sitting, watching them. His mom averted her face when he caught her eye. And then he knew.

  “My mother said something to Grace, didn’t she?”

  Alicia looked torn. “They did have a conversation, yes.”

  “About me?”

  “I—yes.”

  “I can’t believe this.” Levi couldn’t remember ever being so angry with his mother. “I’m a grown man for God’s sake.” He would have this out with his mother eventually. But he was losing time here.

  “Don’t be too upset with her.” Alicia touched his arm entreatingly. “All your mom wants is to protect you. Also…its partly my fault too. When Grace told me what happened…I kind of defended your mom.”

  “How did Grace leave? I drove her here. She doesn’t have her car.”

  “She’s walking back to my house.”

  Levi was incredulous. “In the dark? Alone?”

  “I didn’t like the idea either. But she insisted she knew the route and she had a headlamp and Mace with her…not that she’s likely to need either.”

  “How long ago did she leave?”

  Alicia consulted her watch. “About ten minutes or so.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” He strode through the crowd, this time brushing off anyone who wanted to talk with a curt, “Sorry.”

  Once out of the crush of people, Levi broke into a trot and soon he was beyond the reach of artificial light. With moonlight guiding him he joined the river path where he was finally able to break out into a run. It felt good to channel his anxiety into action. To know every stride was taking him closer. With her boots, Grace would only be able to walk. He’d catch her before long.

  And yet, it seemed he was running for a long time. His lungs began to burn. His legs felt ten pounds heavier than normal. He’d thought all his hiking was keeping him in shape but apparently he’d been kidding himself.

  His breathing was loud and heavy in his ears, but above that he could hear twigs and leaves snapping and crunching underfoot. The haunting call of a great horned owl made him pause for a second, but then he pushed on, even faster than before.

  And then he saw her. Just a figure up ahead at first. As he narrowed the gap he could see the swishing of her full skirt, the gleam of her blond hair in the moonlight.

  “Grace.” He was so out of breath he could hardly get her name out. But it was enough to make her stop. Turn around.

  “Is that you, Levi?”

  He was close enough now to see her eye makeup had smeared and the tip of her nose was red. She wasn’t crying now. But she had been.

  He walked up beside her and took her hand. “Why are you leaving? What’s wrong?”

  “I just realized I don’t belong here. I’m not sure I ever did.”

  “I’m confused. Just a few hours ago you told me how overwhelmed you were by the support you’d been given by our community.”

  “I think they do support me as an artist. But not—” She stopped and redirected. “Let’s just say that arriving at the barbecue with you was not a smart move.”

  “I thought it was an excellent move.” He tugged her closer. “I hope this isn’t about something my mother said to you. I love my mom, but she has no business interfering in my life or our relationship.”

  “She was only saying what everyone else in town—even my best friend—thinks. That a relationship between you and me is doomed to fail.” Grace pulled her hands from his. “It’s no good, Levi. I should just go home. Back to Manhattan. That’s where I belong now. Not here.”

  Blood pounded in Levi’s head. He didn’t want her to go. Definitely not like this. “It’s only seven thirty. Come back to my house. We’ll have a cup of coffee and talk this through.”

  She tilted her head, as she considered the idea.

  “It’s a three-hour drive back to Manhattan. Doesn’t it make sense to have a coffee and a chance to calm down before you get behind the wheel?”

  “I suppose. But I’ll tell you right now, you won’t change my mind about leaving.”

  Maybe not. But he had to try.

  *

  Grace paused on the front porch of Levi’s house. The cushioned wicker chairs, pumpkins and potted flowers made for a welcoming entrance. You’d never guess a single dad was running this household. But Levi was not your average single dad.

  Turn and run home, her inner voice beseeched her. Leaving Woodland and Levi was only going to get harder if she stepped inside this house. But after he unlocked the door and motioned her inside, she went.

  “Jess, you home?” Levi called out. When there was no answer, he turned to Grace. “Maybe she’s still at my dad’s. Make yourself comfortable. The kitchen is that way.” He gestured to the right. “I’m going upstairs to check if Jess is in her room.”

  After removing her boots, Grace hung back in the hallway. As she’d feared this place was pulling on her. From the braided rug on the floor, to the warm caramel color on the walls, to the art, the ambience was of home and hearth, of comfort and acceptance.

  None of these adjectives could be applied to her flat in Manhattan, which was more about light and air and space. Things she loved, Grace reminded herself. Not everyone belonged in small-town America. Hadn’t that been made abundantly clear this evening
?

  She stepped forward to study the art. Four framed watercolors of birds had been grouped together on the wall next to the closet. Up close the details were exquisite. In the bottom left corners, she could make out a faint “L.S.” from the artist. She stepped back as she heard Levi running back down the stairs.

  “No luck,” he said. “I just sent her a text and apparently she’s sleeping over at my parents’ place. Now let me make you that coffee.”

  Grace resisted his effort to corral her into the kitchen. “These paintings. Did you make them?”

  “Yeah. Amateur efforts, but Maggie liked them. She had them framed and put them up. Been there so long I don’t even notice them anymore.”

  “I knew you sketched birds. When did you take up watercolors?”

  He folded his arms over his chest. “Shortly after Jess was born.”

  He seemed embarrassed by her interest, but Grace couldn’t stop from gushing. “These are hardly amateur. The colors, the textures, the details…everything is so incredibly accurate. And beautiful. I swear I can almost feel the fluffy down on the bluebird’s plump little belly. And that sweet upper mandible. It gives him such a friendly appearance.”

  “If you like it so much, you’re welcome to have it.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t break up the collection.” Besides the bluebird, Levi had painted a goldfinch, a golden-crowned kinglet and a red-eyed vireo, all in a similar style.

  “Don’t worry about it. I have a box of these in storage.” He removed the bluebird and propped it next to her boots so she wouldn’t forget it.

  “Thank you. I have a special love for the little bluebird.”

  “I remember.”

  As she gazed into his eyes Grace felt the years fall away again. This man had been her first lover, her partner in so many wonderful adventures. Alicia was her best girlfriend, but the things she’d shared with Levi had been the most intimate and personal she’d ever shared with anyone.

  And when he said that he remembered, she knew he was referring to all of it. Her favorite bird was the least of it. Levi knew where she liked to be kissed and touched, what made her cry, how to make her laugh.