Letters From Grace

by C. J. Carmichael

  “I’ll try to be back by then too. Have fun.”

  *

  Levi was at the far side of the lake when he spotted a male loon dead ahead about twenty yards. He immediately stopped paddling and reached for his binoculars. Common loons were among his very favorite birds. Despite their name, they weren’t always easy to find. The birds were shy of people and noise and they didn’t live in flocks like many other aquatic birds such as gulls and ducks.

  He focused in on the bird, so handsome with his sleek black head, black and white collar and checkerboard body. Spotting a loon was always a thrill, but even better was hearing them call out to one another with their hauntingly beautiful wail. Levi tucked his paddle inside the boat and sat back, prepared to wait and see if he would get lucky.

  There was plenty of nature to appreciate while he sat here. The sugar maples had lost their bright red leaves during last week’s rain, but there was still lots of gold and orange foliage compliments of the oaks and beeches. Mirror images of the trees and the blue sky were perfectly reflected in the calm lake.

  Levi reached for his sandwich, and munched away slowly. During moments like these, thoughts and worries from his regular life generally fell away, and he was filled with an inner peacefulness and wonder, that he should be so lucky to live in such a beautiful world.

  But today he could not stop thinking about Grace. He thought about her home in New York, the frisson of excitement he’d felt as he’d imagined living in such a place. He pictured her getting ready for her trip to Costa Rica, and all the amazing experiences she would have when she got there.

  The way he had felt when he kissed her.

  The deep sadness in her eyes when he pulled away…

  He’d told her their lives were on different trajectories, and that had been true. But a trajectory could be altered by a change in force.

  As a young adult he’d repressed the call to adventure which Grace had embodied. He’d said no to his love of art, and travel, and allowed his choices to be shaped by the expectations of his parents and his community.

  Grace had blamed his parents for that.

  But it had been what he wanted. He’d taken the safe route, and it had given him twenty good years. What about the next twenty, though? He had to give his daughter credit for recognizing that it would take something explosive to shake him out of his complacency.

  Not that he condoned what she’d done.

  But it had been effective.

  His daughter leaving for college wasn’t just about her life…it also signaled a new stage for him. It was up to him what he did with it. If he did nothing, from this point onward he would always wonder what if…

  What if he’d gone to Costa Rica?

  And, more importantly, what if he’d told Grace he still loved her?

  A haunting wail floated over the calm surface of the lake. Where are you? Where are you?

  The male loon raised his head and stretched out his long neck.

  The call came again. Where are you? Where are you?

  Suddenly the loon began flapping his wings furiously. As his heavy body rose out of the water, he began using his webbed feet to run along the water’s surface, using both wings and feet to propel him faster and faster until finally he was able to gain the speed for liftoff.

  Levi watched as the male flew out of sight, presumably toward his mate on the other side of the lake. For another minute he sat, contemplating what he’d seen.

  Then he picked up his paddle. It was time to go home.

  *

  Dinner at Levi’s parents always followed a leisurely rhythm. A game of cribbage with his father in the back sunroom, then carving the Sunday beef roast for his mother while she made gravy. Usually Jess set the table, but in her absence, Levi’s dad stepped in.

  “So Jess and Max are an item now?” Levi’s mother asked.

  “Looks that way,” Levi confirmed.

  “I’m happy for Jess. She’s liked Max a long time,” his mom said. “But it doesn’t feel like Sunday dinner without her.”

  Levi’s father grunted his agreement. “Wonder if his father has been impacted by the layoffs at Ameri Plastics?”

  Levi looked at his dad. “I never thought to ask.” This could explain the changes in Max lately. Levi felt ashamed that he’d been so preoccupied with his own life he hadn’t thought to take Max aside and ask if everything was okay.

  Once they were seated at the table, their plates full, his mother said, “It’s nice having life back to normal isn’t it? Seems like every year the crowds for the Foliage Festival get bigger and bigger. I understand it’s great for our economy. But I’m always relieved when it’s over.”

  “Are you going to co-chair the committee with Erin again next year?” Levi’s father asked. “She’s quite the woman our mayor.”

  “Yes she is, and no I’m not,” Levi said. “I’m planning to scale back my volunteer work for a while.”

  “But is that wise? With Jess going to college, you’ll have extra time,” his mother pointed out.

  “Yes.” Then, wanting to plant the seeds for the changes he hoped to make in his own life, he added, “I was thinking I’d like to travel.”

  “You still have the store,” his father reminded him.

  “I have a good staff and assistant manager. Plus, I happen to know the former owner.” Levi gave his dad a wink. “I know your diagnosis means you have to slow down. But how would you feel about checking in on the store now and then for me?”

  His dad chuckled. “I’d love it. If your mother lets me.”

  “Just how much are you planning to travel?” his mother asked, sounding suspicious.

  “That will depend on a few things. I’ll get back to you on that next week.”

  His parents exchanged looks. Levi could tell they wanted to ask questions. His mother even opened her mouth.

  “Will you—” she began. Then she glanced again at his father and started again. “Will you pass the potatoes please?”

  *

  When Levi got home after dinner with his folks, Jess was waiting for him and in the mood to chat. It was great to see her happy again, and when he mentioned the layoffs at Ameri Plastics, she admitted Max’s father had been let go.

  “But they aren’t telling anyone, at least not yet.”

  “I won’t spread the news,” Levi promised her. “How is Max feeling about all this?”

  “It’s hard. Money is a problem. Max may not be able to afford to go to college this fall.”

  “That’s rough, I’m sorry. Tell Max, if he needs a part-time job now or a full-time one in the summer, to come see me after school tomorrow.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I was hoping you’d say that.”

  They chatted for a few more minutes, then after Jess went to her room, Levi took a cup of coffee out to the porch. He loved the air on these late autumn nights, the musty-sweet scent from the decaying leaves, tinged with woodsmoke from neighboring fireplaces and bonfires.

  He wanted to talk to Grace. To tell her he regretted the things he’d said to her on Saturday. And to share the epiphany he’d had out on the lake on Sunday.

  But it didn’t seem like the sort of conversation that could be held over the phone. He’d have to take another day off work this week and drive up to see her.

  The next morning he called her from the breakfast table, hoping to make a plan.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of self-examination. I need to talk to you. Could I come to the city and take you to lunch tomorrow?”

  “That wouldn’t be a good idea.”

  He was silenced by an overwhelming sense of loss. He slumped back into his chair and wondered what to say. A few awkward seconds went by.

  Finally she spoke. “You don’t need to go to the city because I’m on my way to Woodland.”

  Could it be? He straightened his spine and looked out the kitchen window, as if her Audi might drive into view any second. “That’s great. How far away are you?”

  “Over
an hour. I’ll come to the store when I get there.”

  *

  The gorgeous red, yellow and orange foliage had dulled since Grace’s last visit, but as she drove past the Welcome to Woodland sign, she had to admit the town still looked pretty. She found a parking space across from the general store and took a moment to collect her thoughts.

  Then she grabbed the small cedar box from the passenger seat next to her and got out of her car.

  Warm scents of apple cider, pumpkin pie and coffee greeted her as she went through the store’s open front door. At least a dozen customers were milling around the place and several were lined up at the till.

  Grace was surprised to see Levi at the register. He was so focused on his customer he didn’t notice her, but she took a moment to enjoy watching him. She loved the way he focused on other people when he was talking to them. Levi truly cared; it wasn’t an act.

  She shot a brief glance to the back of the store where the lunch counter was. Most of the stools were occupied, blocking any potential views of Connie. Just as well.

  She joined the queue at the checkout. Soon there were just two people ahead of her. Then one.

  And finally Levi saw her. She watched as a smile appeared on his face and grew and grew. She moved up to him and set the cedar box on the conveyer belt.

  “Can I help you, miss?” A teasing light glinted in his gray eyes as he stared at her.

  She basked in the warmth of his full attention. Something fundamental had changed in him. He’d lowered his barriers. She could feel the energy building and snapping between them.

  “Your daughter told me you saved my letters. I wanted you to know, I saved all my letters from you, too.” She opened the box then and revealed her stash. The letters she’d read and reread so very often in that first year of college. Eventually she’d weaned herself off the letters, but not to the point she could throw them away.

  But the other night, after Harvey’s comment, she’d read them again. And recognizing the pure love that Levi had poured into them she wondered why she’d believed in Connie’s lie so easily? Maybe she’d been too young at eighteen to commit fully to one man, even a man as wonderful as Levi.

  She wasn’t sure that was true. After so many years she could only guess.

  But she did know how she felt now. And she needed to make sure Levi understood before they walked away from each other for a second time.

  Levi looked down at the letters, then back into her eyes. “So I wasn’t the only sentimental one.”

  “No.”

  He covered her hands with his for a moment, then turned to the customer behind her.

  “I’m sorry, sir, I have to go now but someone else will help you.” He waved to a young man stocking the candy shelves. “Justin, please take over for me.”

  Then he hurried out from behind the counter and took Grace’s hand. He led her to the back of the store, to the chess table in the private corner behind the potbelly stove.

  “There’s so much I need to say to you. I’m not sure where to start.”

  “Is this about our different paths?” she asked warily.

  “Not at all. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching since I saw you in New York. I finally realized that when I say I can’t go to Costa Rica with you because of my obligations, I’m just using them as an excuse. I’m in a rut because it makes me feel safe and comfortable. I lost my wife just a few years after losing you and I guess I created a nice, safe world for myself trying to protect myself from another loss.”

  “Maggie was so young when she died. I can see how traumatic that must have been.”

  “It was. But it was also twenty years ago. And when I think of the future and all its possibilities, I feel like I’m ready to soar again. If you’ll still have me, I’d love to go to Costa Rica with you.”

  “I’ll still have you.” Grace could feel the tears forming in her eyes.

  “Good,” Levi said. “Because the moment I saw you in the pet food aisle of this store, I knew you still held a piece of my heart, that you always had, and you always would.”

  Grace was overwhelmed. She’d come here today with hopes, but she’d also been afraid to hope for too much. She brushed away her tears with the back of her hand, then mustered a smile. “Just a piece?”

  “As it happens, my entire heart is currently available.”

  Grace leaned forward until the tip of her nose touched his. “So is mine,” she whispered. “And now you have to let me say my piece. When I look at the life you’ve created for you and your daughter here in Woodland, I see something beautiful and rich and true. You give so much to other people. Not just to your family, but to the entire community. I don’t want to be the person who changes your world. I just want to expand it a little. Enough to include me.”

  “Does that mean you would not be averse to spending more time in Woodland? Maybe make it your home base between travels?”

  “You are my home base, Levi. If you’re in Woodland, then I want to be in Woodland.”

  Gently Levi touched his lips to hers and pulled her closer. Grace forgot entirely where they were; she lost track of how much time had passed. Not until Levi stopped kissing her and gave her a smile, did she notice that a bunch of people—both staff and customers—had gathered around the potbelly stove. They were smiling and clapping and—would you look at that—Connie was at the very forefront of the group.

  Postcard from Los Cusingos Bird Sanctuary

  November 14, 2019

  Dear Jessica,

  Grace and I are having a terrific time. I can’t wait to show you all the photos when we get home. Hope things are going well at school and the store and with Max. Look forward to seeing you soon, kid.

  Love, Dad

  Epilogue

  Thanksgiving, 2019

  As Levi pulled his truck in front of his parents’ house, Grace’s stomach tightened with apprehension. What kind of welcome was she going to get after taking their son thousands of miles away for three weeks…especially after they broke the news that after Christmas they were going back for another three weeks?

  “Costa Rica blew my mind,” Levi said. “But I sure am excited to see everyone. I hope Jess and Max are here already.”

  Grace smiled at him. He looked so handsome and healthy with his tanned skin and gold-streaked hair. They’d landed at La Guardia last night, slept a solid, if short six hours at her place in Manhattan, then hopped into his truck first thing in the morning. She understood his excitement to see his family again. But she sure had loved having him to herself for three weeks.

  Levi reached over to squeeze her hand. “I can’t wait to tell them our news.”

  “Me too.” She just wished she could be as sure as he was that their news would be greeted with happiness.

  As she stepped out of the truck, her boot sank into six inches of snow, compliments of a low-pressure system that had moved into Upper New York state last night. Grace marveled how a town that had been vibrant with greens and reds and golds just one month ago was now a crisp and clean winter wonderland.

  Levi grabbed the bag of gifts they’d brought from Costa Rica, then took her arm. “Careful not to slip.” He pointed out two sets of footprints already leading up the path to the front door.

  “This must mean Jess and Max are already here,” he said.

  And at that moment the front door opened, and Max and Jess appeared, both with shovels in their hands.

  “Dad!” Jess dropped her shovel and ran to her father. As they embraced in a tight hug, Grace smiled at Max. “Happy Thanksgiving, Max.”

  “Same to you. We were hoping to get this path cleared before you arrived.”

  “It sure came down, didn’t it?” As Grace started plowing her way toward the house, Jess came up and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. And then there were three of them, Grace, Jess and Levi, linked into a chain.

  “Did you have a good trip?” Jess asked. “We can’t wait to see your pictures.”

  �
��And I can’t wait to hear your news,” Levi said. “I want updates on school, the store, everything.”

  They’d tried to stay in touch on their trip, but their remote destinations hadn’t made it possible.

  “Everything is fine, Dad. You’re not as indispensable as you thought,” Jess teased. She gave him another hug. “But it sure is nice to see you.”

  In the front foyer everyone removed boots and coats. Delicious aromas of home-baked bread, roasting turkey and pumpkin pie lured them into the kitchen where Pat was peeling potatoes and Mary was stirring cranberry sauce on the stove.

  “Did you finish shoveling already?” Pat looked up and then broke into a grin. “Mary, they’re here!” He dropped his peeler and went to hug his son. Grace was surprised and pleased when he hugged her next.

  “Hey, Dad, Mom. Happy Thanksgiving.” Levi wrapped his arms around his mother and lifted her right up from the floor.

  Mary laughed, then patted his check and turned to Grace. “So you brought him back.”

  “Always,” Grace replied.

  A slow smile warmed Mary’s face. She patted Grace’s shoulder. “I can’t remember when I saw my son looking this happy.”

  Later Grace realized it was in that moment that she felt fully accepted by Levi’s family. Acceptance was cemented when she was asked to help set the table and then later, allowed to help wash the dishes. She wasn’t being treated as a guest but as a member of the family.

  During dinner Jess told everyone that Max had good news to share. With help from the school guidance counselor, he’d applied for a bunch of bursaries and scholarships and had ended up being successful in covering the cost of tuition for next year. That money, plus his earnings at the general store, meant he would be able to attend college in the fall.

  “Not the University of Colorado, as I’d planned,” Max allowed. “But I hear University of Vermont has some good things going for it, too.”