Once a Hero...

by Jillian Burns

  “Kristen, you don’t want to go down there.” Luke’s face was grim, hardened. “Please. Stay here.” Before she could say anymore, he’d scrambled over the edge and was climbing down the cliff’s side.

  “Luke!” She wanted to scream her frustration. No way was she waiting here. She might not be a doctor, but she could tie a tourniquet and knew the basics of CPR. Gathering her courage, she started down.

  As she hit the bottom and turned to make her way to the bus, the people’s screams grew louder. Luke stood a couple of feet away. But he wasn’t moving. She reached his side and touched his shoulder. He didn’t acknowledge her and his posture was stiff. She moved in front of him. His eyes were squeezed closed.

  She knew what was happening. He was having another flashback. “Luke.” She shook his shoulder. “Luke, help me. These people need you.”

  His eyes opened and he focused on her. “I can’t save them all, Kristen.”

  “No. But we have to do what we can. That’s all we can do.”

  He blinked. But he didn’t move into action.

  “Come on.” She dug the headlight out of the backpack, turned it on and shone it on the bus. “Let’s get them out.” She headed for the bus, stepping carefully over jagged rocks.

  Without checking to see if Luke followed, she climbed up onto the bus’s side, which was now the top, and started helping people out the windows. She could help leverage some, but she wasn’t strong enough to lift the more frail passengers. From behind her, a pair of strong arms reached in a window and lifted an older woman out and lowered her to the ground below.

  Luke.

  Between the two of them they pulled everyone who was mobile out within a few minutes. While he worked, Luke called orders to those he pulled out. “Tear a long strip off your shirt and use the rest as padding, then use the strip to tie around it and stop that bleeding,” he told one man. And to a young woman he ordered, “Lie down and keep your leg elevated.”

  There were a few still in the bus who were trapped by seats, and a couple who were either unconscious or…dead.

  While Kristen held the light, Luke lowered himself in through a window and checked all those not moving. He couldn’t lift them out, so he saw to everyone still alive, lifting a seat off one, disentangling limbs. At his request, Kristen lowered down a beach towel, which he made into a neck brace, and he pulled off his own shirt to use as a tourniquet for another.

  Assuring them that more help was on the way, Luke climbed back out of the bus and down to the ground. He caught Kristen as she slid down the side. With her holding the light, they made their way from one body to the next, helping those still alive. The bus driver had been thrown the farthest and was beyond help.

  Luke remained stoic, almost as if he were on autopilot. His expression was unreadable even with the sound of human suffering all around, whereas Kristen was crying even as she followed Luke’s instructions, bandaging wounds where she could.

  Finally they heard sirens and saw the flashing lights of several emergency vehicles. Even a medevac helicopter arrived. But Luke continued to help, offering reports on the ones he’d had to leave in the bus and staying until everyone was up the cliff and in the hands of another emergency medical professional.

  Exhausted and filthy, Kristen sat in the back of a police car. She looked around and realized she and Luke were the only ones left. The police officer was talking to Luke and writing on a notepad. She didn’t know how Luke was still standing, or even speaking coherently. All she wanted was a hot shower and to crawl into bed and never get out. At some point she’d stopped crying and gone numb.

  She must’ve dozed off because she jerked awake when the car door opened and Luke slid in next to her and pulled her into his arms. She thought she was numb, but she started crying again, and Luke held her and comforted her until she’d cried it all out. Then they wearily told the officers goodbye and returned to the Jeep.

  It seemed forever to get home, but she must’ve fallen asleep again, because when Luke gently shook her awake, they were back at the condo. He walked her to her place, made sure she got inside and then kissed her on the forehead and headed for the door.

  “You’re leaving?” She clung to his hand.

  “I’m done in.”

  “Come get in the shower with me.”

  He hesitated and she used his exhaustion to pull him into the bathroom, undress him and urge him into the shower. Caring for him seemed to give her a burst of energy and she massaged his shoulders and back while she soaped him up.

  His moans made it all worth it.

  She dropped into the bed beside him, her hair still wrapped in a towel, and fell immediately asleep.

  When she woke up, it was daylight, the dog was whining and Luke was gone.

  KRISTEN TEXTED AMY, asked her to come over. She needed to talk. Then she texted Luke.

  R U OK? Come over?

  Amy answered.

  Luke didn’t.

  By the time Kristen was dressed, had walked the dog and made coffee, Amy was there.

  And Luke still hadn’t answered.

  “But he could still be sleeping.” She spilled the whole story of the bus crash—and everything that happened before it—to Amy the minute her friend stepped through the door. “I’m exhausted and keyed up at the same time and I didn’t deal with half of what he dealt with.” She sipped her coffee and grabbed a blueberry muffin from the basket Amy had brought.

  “Geez, Kris. I can’t even imagine.” Amy shuddered. “But still. It’s almost two in the afternoon.”

  Kristen bit her lip. “True. You think I should call him again?”

  “No. He’ll come to you when he’s ready. At least, that’s how it worked for me.” Amy got a glint in her eye and a secretive smile slowly curved her lips.

  “What?”

  Her friend’s face glowed with happiness. “I don’t know if this is the right time to be telling you this, but we’ve told each other everything these past few months…”

  “Tell, tell!” Kristen could use some good news right now. She listened as Amy told her about Kekoa coming over and helping her clean up the mess when the tub overflowed, and how that led to wet clothes and getting out of them… And how Kekoa wanted a relationship with her.

  “Oh, Amy, I’m so happy for you.” She hugged her friend, meaning every word with all her heart, even if there was a teeny-tiny particle of envy lodged there.

  By the time Amy left, taking her new dog with her, Luke still hadn’t responded. And Kristen was really worried. Maybe she should wait until he was ready. But patience had never been her strong suit. To hell with waiting for him to come to her. He was two floors up.

  With a sense of déjà vu, she knocked on his door. This time he answered right away. And he looked military sharp. Except for the sunken eyes and the haunted look in their depths. That looked familiar.

  And he stood at the door, holding the knob, blocking her entry. “Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t called you back.” He glanced behind him, then back to her. “I’ve been really busy.”

  “Busy? Doing what?” She peered behind him at the large duffel bag sitting by the sofa, and a smaller one beside it.

  He drew in a deep breath. “Packing. Look—” he interrupted what she would’ve said “—I was going to call you later.”

  “Later?” There was a huge lump in her throat. “Like, from-the-plane later? Or from Texas?”

  “No.” He shook his head.

  “Can I at least come in?”

  He hesitated—hesitated!—and then stepped back and opened the door wider.

  “We need to talk about last night.”

  “No, we don’t.” He did an about-face and headed for the living room.

  “Luke, I’m alive right now because the minute I felt that lump in my breast, I made an appointment with a doctor. What if I’d denied its existence? There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help to get beyond what you’ve been through. Anyone who does what you do, and did last ni
ght, my God, anyone would need help processing that kind of trauma.”

  “I’ll handle it. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Really? Did you sleep last night?”

  His lips tightened. “I’ve got a plane to catch in Lahaina.” He glanced at his watch.

  What could she say to that? He’d thrown up a wall of indifference. Switched off his emotions. It was as if the man from yesterday never existed. But she had to try one last time to tell him how she felt. Otherwise, she’d regret it the rest of her life. “Luke. Over the past few weeks, I’ve—”

  “Don’t.”

  “Don’t?”

  “Kristen. I’ve had fun the past couple of weeks with you, but we knew going in, it was a vacation thing. You have your life to go back to. I have mine.”

  If only that were true. Then her heart wouldn’t be hurting right now. But she’d done something incredibly stupid. She’d fallen in love. If she hadn’t known it before yesterday, she knew it for sure last night as she watched him pull himself from the brink and do what had to be done. “Luke, I’m trying to tell you I lo—”

  “Kristen, you’re making this a lot harder on both of us than it has to be.” He strode to the door and held it open for her. “I wish you all the best.”

  She stood there, blinking back tears. But she wasn’t going to throw herself at his feet. She had some pride. Chin up, she met him at the door and looked into his eyes one last time. “Goodbye, Luke.”

  Her vision blurred, she stumbled a little down the hallway to the elevator. She’d take what was left of her shredded heart and go home. She couldn’t dive until after the contest deadline. That was why she’d moved to Maui in the first place. And right now, she wanted her mom and dad. She wanted to curl up in her bedroom at home and be a little girl again with all her life ahead of her just waiting to happen exactly like she wanted it to.

  But she’d survived worse than the crushing pain she felt right now. And she’d survive again. During the flight back to San Diego, she studied her photos on her laptop and set aside the best ones she thought might have even the slightest chance of winning the Nature category. Then she found herself opening the personal photos folder and committing masochism by looking at the pictures from Alelele Falls.

  How could a man she’d known only a few weeks come to mean so much to her? She wanted to throttle him with her bare hands. And she wanted to kiss him until he knew how much she loved him. She wanted to tell him he was a hero for what he did for the bus crash victims. And she wanted to tell him heroes had limitations just like lesser mortals.

  When the older gentleman beside her handed her his handkerchief, she realized she was crying and shut her laptop. Enough.

  She’d be thankful to Luke for giving her a wonderful gift. For making her feel beautiful and sexy and giving her memories to look back on for the rest of her life.

  That decided, she slept until the plane landed. But when she saw her mom and dad waiting for her at the airport she burst into tears again.

  Partly tears of gladness. But mostly sorrow.

  Okay, so, she’d need some time to work on that whole grateful idea.

  14

  Three months later

  LUKE PARKED THE RENTAL at San Onofre State Beach, San Diego, and picked up the May issue of Geographic Universe from the passenger seat. He’d only bought the copy a week ago and already it looked ragged and thumbed through. Mainly one particular page.

  She’d won.

  All her dreams were coming true. If anyone deserved some happiness, it was her.

  Three months since he’d seen her. And he’d never been able to get her out of his mind. He could still see the tears pooled in her eyes that last day on Maui. He’d thought then that he was too messed up for anything to ever work out between them. He’d have only dragged her down with him.

  But now… Three months of outpatient therapy with the Warrior Transition Unit at Brooke Army Medical Center. He’d made so much progress, at his psych evaluation two weeks ago he’d been declared stabilized. The WTU had also helped him transition to a new specialty, and he’d been reassigned to Fort Carson, Colorado, working at Evans Army Community Hospital. With the drawdown of troops in Afghanistan underway, Luke had been denied his request to be reintegrated to his unit in Kabul.

  He wanted to serve honorably. But he couldn’t say he was terribly disappointed not to be back in the combat theater. And the main reason was Kristen. Everything he’d done would be worth it if he could convince her to give him another chance.

  It was early Saturday morning. The sun was just edging its way above the mountains to the east. But he remembered that she’d said she came here every Saturday morning with her dad. And he’d hoped maybe meeting on a beach might tip things in his favor. He only had a week before he had to report to Fort Carson.

  On impulse, Luke got out of the car, pulled off his shoes and socks and headed down to the edge of the surf.

  Unlike Hawaii, the water was icy cold, even at the end of May. But his feet soon grew accustomed to the temperature and he wandered down the coastline, enjoying the sand between his toes, the white triangles of sailboats in the harbor and the purple-orange sunrise hitting the water.

  He checked his watch and it was already seven. Damn. He didn’t want to miss her. He turned and headed back up the coastline at a quick jog, back to the section of beach in front of the parking lot. The water splashed up to his T-shirt as he jogged, but he didn’t care.

  He looked ahead and saw a couple in black wet suits kneeling in the sand fiddling with black vests. An older man, still trim and fit, and a petite blonde.

  His heart jumped and his throat swelled.

  Kristen.

  FROM THE CORNER OF HER EYE, Kristen saw she and her dad weren’t alone on the beach anymore. Great. A jogger. Didn’t they have special paths around here? And this guy was knee-deep in the surf, splashing around like a crazy person. What kind of jogger ran in the water?

  She glanced up.

  And glanced again. This time her whole body tensed, and the pain she’d worked so hard to let go of came surging back like a tidal wave, destroying months of progress in its path.

  Luke.

  He’d come to a halt in the water, meeting her gaze. His face and arms were tanned and his hair was shorter. The gauntness was gone from his face. He looked fit and healthy.

  He strode out of the surf and headed toward her, stopping only when he was a foot away. He was barefoot, with his jeans rolled up. He looked so relaxed and at peace. His clean scent came to her on the ocean’s breeze. He extended his hand to her dad. “Sir? I’m Captain Luke Andrews. Kristen and I met in Hawaii.”

  Her dad stood, assessing him up and down with narrowed eyes while he did so. Of course, she’d told her dad everything. Dad thought Luke was a hero for what he did that night of the crash. But he also didn’t like seeing his baby girl hurting.

  Finally he took Luke’s hand and pumped it once. “Tom Turner.”

  “Mr. Turner, may I speak with your daughter in private?” Luke asked.

  Her dad looked down at her, a question in his eyes.

  Kristen nodded, and he cleared his throat. “I’ll go get the rest of the equipment out of the car.” He gave Kristen the raised-eyebrows look and then headed up to the parking lot.

  The farther her dad got, the more panic settled in. Whatever Luke had to say was not going to be pleasant—was going to dredge up feelings she’d so desperately been trying to forget. She changed her mind. Wanted to call her dad back.

  Luke hunkered down in front of her, his forearms on his knees. “Before you send me away, just please hear me out.”

  Kristen blinked back tears. She’d almost forgotten the softness and the deep timbre of his voice. She shook her head out of sheer self-preservation.

  “No?” Luke asked. “Is this the same woman who had the guts to ask a complete stranger out to dinner? And the guts to climb down a cliff to help a busload of injured people? Or how about the courage it
took her to enter a profoundly personal photograph of herself in a contest?”

  He knew about that? He’d seen? She sniffed and shook her head. She didn’t feel like that brave woman.

  “I think that’s what I love about you the most. Your brave spirit.”

  “It is?” Wait. Did he just say love?

  “I think I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you dancing in the ocean.” He finally dropped his gaze. “But I was a mess, Kristen. That night of the crash. If you hadn’t been there…” He shook his head. “I just froze.”

  Kristen wanted to tell him that was nothing to be ashamed of. But she wanted to hear what he said first.

  “I did the same thing in Kabul before I went on leave,” he continued. “I had to decide. Which ones can I save? Which ones are too far gone? Which ones do I let die? Who am I to decide life and death? I’m not some goddamn superhero.” His voice choked on the last word.

  “You’re right.” She couldn’t stay silent anymore. “You’re just a man. No one should have to make those kinds of decisions.”

  “I came to Maui thinking I just needed some time away. Get some sleep. Be around normal people…” He lifted his gaze back up to her. “When that didn’t help, I thought I needed to let you go, for your own good. But I couldn’t forget you. I knew I had to get my act together before I could be the kind of man you could love.”

  The sun was up now, and a couple of other early risers were making their way down to the beach. Kristen watched them for a moment. So he had mutilated her heart for her own good? Fury bubbled up and threatened to choke her.

  “Should I go and let you dive?”

  Yes. No. She wanted to scream at him.

  She rose up on her knees and shoved him in the chest.

  Eyes wide, he tumbled backward onto the sand.

  “Don’t you think I deserved a chance to decide for myself whether I wanted to stand by you while you became that man?” she yelled. “Did it even occur to you that I already loved you, and it was my decision?” She got to her feet and stomped down to the water, to soothe her temper and her hurt.