Mother’s Only Child

by Anne Bennett

  Maria felt Barney being lowered onto the bed some hours after she got into it, but she didn’t open her eyes. So the first time she saw him was the next morning. Sean had not tried undressing him, possibly because she was asleep, and Barney lay clothed on top of the bed, with just his suit jacket, tie and boots removed. His mouth lay open and he was snoring. Maria looked at him distastefully.

  She began to dress for Mass and went downstairs to see Sean already up.

  ‘Did I oversleep?’

  ‘No,’ Sean said, with a smile. ‘But if you did, it is allowed. Yesterday was your wedding day.’

  ‘Aye,’ Maria replied with feeling. ‘Don’t I know it?’

  Sean said nothing about that—there was little point—but what he did say was, ‘Do you want me to wait on with Sam until you come back, and go to a later Mass?’

  Maria looked across at her father. ‘No, Uncle Sean,’ she said. ‘He won’t wake for hours. Let’s go together.’

  She was congratulated warmly by most in the church, both before the Mass and after it, and she saw many thinking it odd that Barney wasn’t with her. As well they might, she thought.

  Barney didn’t emerge from the room till almost noon. He looked dreadful, as if he’d aged twenty years. His red-rimmed and bleary eyes were pain-glazed, the skin sagging and grey. Even his walk was the shambling gait of an old man, and his hair stood an end as if he had had a shock.

  Maria’s eyes raked him. ‘D’you want tea?’ she asked in a brusque tone.

  Barney looked sheepish. ‘Aye, tea. Thanks, Maria, a cup of tea would be grand, and have you a couple of aspirins?’

  Maria gave a brief nod and, after putting the kettle on the range, she went into the scullery where she kept all the medicines. As she turned with the bottle, she saw Barney had followed her in.

  ‘I’m sorry, Maria.’

  ‘What for?’ Maria demanded. ‘Just what bit of yesterday are you apologising for?’

  ‘Oh God! I don’t know,’ Barney said. ‘I remember the wedding and the meal afterwards, and having the first dance with you, but little else. I know I got stinking drunk, and I must have done more than that, for your eyes are full of disgust.’

  Maria didn’t want to throw up a list of grievances, but knew if she said nothing she would always feel resentful that he had spoilt the day. ‘Yesterday, you were awful,’ she said. ‘It was like you were a different person, not the man I agreed to marry at all. I’ve put up with Daddy drinking himself stupid and all it does most times with him is make him sleep. But you turned into some kind of horrible, nasty fiend. You hardly came near me all night and made fun of me when I asked you to come home. I came home with my father and my uncle on the day I married you and I slept alone in the bed. How do you think that makes me feel? You have no excuse like Daddy has for drinking so much.’

  ‘I don’t as a rule,’ Barney admitted. ‘But it was a wedding, Maria.’

  ‘Aye, yours and mine,’ Maria snapped back.

  ‘I know, I am sorry,’ Barney said, stepping close at her. He would have crushed her to him, but she was holding him at arm’s length. ‘Barney, you stink of stale beer, whiskey and cigarettes,’ she said. ‘Take your tea and aspirins and go upstairs and take off your best clothes. You have them almost ruined as it is. I’ll bring you a bowl to wash yourself.’

  Shamefaced, Barney did as Maria bade him. He emerged in his everyday clothes, clean and smelling much fresher, with the stubble removed from his face. He was still unable to eat, though, as his stomach continued to churn. He even refused the glass of whiskey Sam offered him.

  Instead, he talked to Sean, as Maria began making the dinner, beginning with an apology for the state he’d been in the night before. Sean admired the man for the apology, conceding it took a big man to do such a thing. The anxiety he had that Barney wouldn’t be the good and supportive husband Maria really needed receded a little.

  Sean and Maria went for a walk after dinner, although the day was raw, but it was nice to be in the air, even for a short time. It also gave Sean the opportunity to speak with Maria and for her to unburden herself, if necessary, without anyone else listening. It was the only chance she had, for he was leaving in the morning.

  However, Maria did none of that. She had long decided that if she and Barney had problems, then they were theirs alone. She had laid it on the line for her husband and now she’d see. For too long Sean had been held back from going to England, which he’d hankered after, and she wasn’t going to hold him back any longer. He must have his chance before it was too late, for he was already forty-one years old, four years older than her mother. Though she’d miss him, Maria loved him too much to try to bind him to her.

  So they walked together quickly, arm in arm, and talked of all manner of things. Sean felt himself relaxing. Surely, he reasoned, if Maria was worried, she’d have said so.

  It wasn’t until they were nearly at the house again that Maria said, ‘You’re free now, Uncle Sean. Will you sell up?’

  ‘I don’t like to leave you, Maria.’

  ‘I’m grand now,’ Maria said, forcing brightness into her voice. ‘Haven’t I Barney beside me?’ She felt her uncle stiffen and said, ‘Don’t give a thought to how he was yesterday. He’s ashamed of himself and he has apologised. To be honest, his brother is a desperate influence on him, and I’d like Barney to have as little to do with him as possible after that performance, though that is hopeless because they work together.

  Obviously, Maria didn’t see Barney’s behaviour as a major problem, Sean thought. He said, ‘I might see what the market is like, see what I’d get for the farm. It might look better in the spring and, who knows, by then you might be expecting a wee baby.’

  ‘Aye, I could well be,’ Maria said with a smile.

  ‘There will be money when the farm is sold,’ Sean told her.

  ‘No, Uncle Sean. The farm is yours,’ Maria said. ‘We have enough, and you will need money if you go to England.’

  ‘Maria, you must have your share,’ Sean said. ‘By rights I suppose it should go to Sam, but we both know what would happen to it then. Don’t worry about me. I hear jobs are ten a penny in England now.’

  ‘You won’t be worried about bombs?’

  ‘I think most of the raids are over and I don’t want to leave it until after the war and fight with the returning servicemen for every job going.’

  ‘And is there somewhere in mind in England that you’ll be making for?’

  ‘Well,’ Sam said, ‘I had a neighbour moved to Birmingham before the war began, and he said Dunlop’s is a great place—you know, where they make tyres?’ At Maria’s nod, he went on, ‘He says there are tons of Irishmen there already.’

  ‘So, that’s where you will make for?’

  ‘Aye,’ Sean said. ‘To start with, at least. This man will put me up for a while, help me get digs and likely put in a word for me at the Dunlop factory. A helping hand like that is invaluable. But,’ he added, ‘all this can be put on hold, Maria, if you want me to stay on.’

  And she did, so much, but she kissed her uncle’s cheek and said, ‘No, though I’ll miss you. You need have no worries about me now. Let’s go in before we freeze altogether. We’ll both need a drink to thaw us out.’

  ‘Where are you going to at this time of night?’ Maria said to Barney, seeing him getting changed in the bedroom at almost ten o’clock the following night. With a sigh, she added, ‘To the pub, I suppose?’

  ‘No, not the pub. I have to see Seamus.’

  ‘Seamus!’

  ‘Don’t look like that, Maria. We work together.’

  ‘Aye, but it’s not work now, is it? You won’t be delivering anything at this time of night.’

  Suddenly, at the look in Barney’s eyes, Maria was filled with alarm. ‘Barney,’ she hissed urgently, ‘what manner of work is it that you do?’

  ‘Best you don’t know.’

  ‘Barney, I am your wife.’

  ‘Aye,’ Barney said. �
��And you’re just that, remember, not my bloody keeper.’ Then he kissed her lightly on the cheek and added, ‘Don’t wait up. I’ll likely be late.’

  He was gone. And what can I do about it? Maria thought. Angry and hurt, she promised herself that she wouldn’t rest until she had found out what Barney was up to.

  Marie didn’t hear Barney come in, but found him sleeping peacefully beside her next morning. She dressed, went downstairs and greeted her father before putting the kettle on.

  After breakfast, Maria, who was taking a fortnight’s holiday from work, went for a turn around the village, then as far as Greencastle to look in on Colm Brannigan. Working full time, Maria seldom had the opportunity to visit the boatyard. Although Barney called in every week, she knew the responsibility for it rested on the young boy’s shoulders, though she had to admit he didn’t seem at all bothered by it.

  She remembered that Willie had taken him there since he’d been a little boy and her father would always worry that he might fall in the water and be dragged away, but Willie had always maintained that Colm had more sense than that. Like his grandfather, Colm was more at home on, in and around boats than away from them. He kept the whole place spick and span and was more than pleased to see Maria, offering her his congratulations.

  Barney was up when Maria returned and in good humour. He apologised for his manner of the night before when he had snapped at her, and suggested a day in Derry.

  ‘Dora has already said she will look in on Sam,’ he said. ‘I want every man there to be envious of the lovely wife I have.’ He put his arm around Maria and gave her a squeeze. ‘What do you say?’

  Maria hesitated. Really, she wanted to have things out with Barney, and yet a day in Derry would be grand. It wasn’t as if they were having any sort of honeymoon. She sensed also that any confrontation she would have with Barney wouldn’t be a pleasant one. Maybe a day’s delay for her to gather her thoughts was just what she needed. So she agreed, kissed Barney on the cheek and thanked him for thinking of it.

  The Derry streets were packed with people, despite the slight icy drizzle that had begun. Maria and Barney wandered about arm in arm, feeling the buzz of the place, noticing the many men that spoke with an American drawl.

  Later, they roared with laughter at Chaplin’s antics in The Great Dictator, and then tucked into fish and chips. Maria had had a lovely day and, on the bus going home, she told Barney so and kissed him.

  ‘I want more than that, Mrs McPhearson,’ Barney whispered. Though Maria coloured a little with embarrassment, she whispered back, ‘You can have anything you like, Mr McPhearson.’

  Barney put his arm around Maria and she leant against him and sighed in contentment.

  Later that night, when Barney took her in his arms and kissed her, Maria felt her insides turning to jelly. ‘Oh, Barney, I’ve longed for you to make love to me,’ she said, for since the wedding he hadn’t touched her.

  ‘Aye,’ Barney said. ‘I couldn’t perform with Sean just the other side of the wall, and last night, of course, I had that job of work with my brother.’

  Maria felt she should ask what job of work, but she didn’t want to spoil the moment. Anyway, what Barney was doing to her made her not want to do anything but respond.

  ‘I thought you’d gone off me,’ she said dreamily.

  ‘Never!’ Barney declared. ‘But you’ve had enough shitty few nights one way and another. Take off that nightdress and let’s make up for lost time.’

  Barney took Maria to the very pinnacle of desire, until she begged, pleaded for satisfaction, before he entered her. She climaxed so suddenly, and with such power that it completely overwhelmed her. However, Barney wasn’t finished and brought her to such heights again and again. She cried out over and over, engulfed by the sheer joy of it all, and tried to stifle the sounds with a hand across her mouth.

  She slept eventually, happier than she could remember feeling for a while. She cuddled against her husband contentedly and drifted off into a dreamless and wonderfully deep sleep.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The next day, loath as Maria was to rock the marital boat, which now seemed to be floating in calmer waters, she knew the things she had to discuss with Barney couldn’t be put off any longer. She had to know what line of business he was in with Seamus. Carried out in the dead of night, it didn’t smack to her of anything legal.

  As soon as breakfast was over, she told Barney she wanted to talk to him, but not with Sam in the same room. He was lying quiet and still, with his eyes closed, but Maria had known him do that before and then be able to recount a conversation she had had with somebody. Most things it didn’t hurt for him to know, but she wasn’t sure the answers she might demand of Barney were for his ears yet. She put her finger to her lips, pointed to her father and then whispered, ‘We’ll go into the bedroom.’

  At the speculative light that suddenly burnt behind Barney’s eyes, she said firmly, ‘To talk, just.’

  ‘The bedroom is no place to linger,’ Barney said, ‘unless we do something first to generate heat.’

  ‘Barney, stop it,’ Maria said. ‘Be serious a minute, because I am not joking.’

  Barney’s eyes narrowed slightly, because he could guess what was coming and hadn’t any idea what to say. Seamus would tell him to say nothing, but while Seamus could wine, dine and bed women, he hadn’t a clue how their minds worked or how they might react to things. He was under the impression all you had to do was woo a girl until you married her and then she would do as she was told. Barney knew Maria wasn’t that sort a wife at all. In fact, he doubted if many wives were.

  So when Maria demanded, ‘I want to know all about this so-called delivery business you run with Seamus,’ he hadn’t any sort of answer ready.

  ‘Look, Maria,’ he said, trying to assume a conciliatory tone, ‘it’s probably better if you know nothing about it.’

  Maria gave a howl of outrage. ‘Barney, listen to me,’ she said. ‘A few days ago, we stood before the priest, and nearly the whole community and became man and wife. From that moment, anything you do will affect me and vice versa because we became a unit. So, what the hell are you up to that you have dragged me into?’

  Barney gave up trying to side-step the issue. ‘We do deliveries to the north,’ he said. ‘That much is true.’

  ‘In the dead of night?’

  ‘Aye, why not?’ Barney said. ‘Less traffic on the roads then.’

  ‘Don’t treat me like a fool, Barney,’ Maria said. ‘Answer me straight. Are you smuggling?’

  There was no point in denying it. Barney just nodded.

  ‘Jesus, Barney, are you mad?’ Maria burst out. ‘There were two men gaoled for that near Strabane only last week. It was in the papers. So the guards will be on the look out, surely, checking there aren’t more people at it.’

  ‘Maybe we’re too clever for them.’

  ‘And maybe you’re not,’ Maria said. ‘Have you considered that?’

  ‘Look, Maria, I know what I’m doing.’

  ‘So do I. I also know it’s against the law and morally wrong. It’s sort of stealing.’

  ‘It isn’t,’ Barney contradicted. ‘We pay for what we smuggle and we bring things back here to the south. It’s sort of like doing a public service.’

  ‘Don’t kid yourself, Barney,’ Maria said. ‘You’re lining your own pockets.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with that.’

  ‘There’s everything wrong with it when it’s against the law,’ Maria snapped back. ‘Is there any other moneymaking scheme I should know about?’

  Barney hesitated to tell her about the card schools, but if he didn’t she’d go for him big style if it ever did come out. He shrugged. ‘We run card schools for the sailors,’ he said, ‘after the drops. Sometimes it can go on for hours. Poker, you know?’

  That tugged a memory in Maria’s brain. ‘The day that Mammy was taken to hospital,’ Maria said to Barney. ‘You said you had been working all night.’


  ‘Aye, we were at a poker game that night,’ Barney admitted. ‘Didn’t finish until six and then we had to unload this side.’

  ‘Who is this “we”?’

  ‘Seamus and me, that’s all.’

  ‘What do the others do then?’ Maria asked. ‘The ones who came to the reception and said they were friends of Seamus’s?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Barney said. ‘And that’s God’s honest truth. I mean, I think they’re involved with the smuggling, but I don’t know where Seamus gets the stuff from that we deliver, or what happens to the things we bring back. It’s really better not to know too much and these fellows don’t like people asking questions.’

  ‘Right,’ Maria said. ‘We’ve established the fact that you are smuggling goods back and forth over the border and that you run poker schools to fleece the sailors of their pay.’

  ‘We don’t force anyone to play cards, Maria. They come of their own free will.’

  ‘All right,’ Maria said. ‘I know some men haven’t got the sense they were born with and I suppose they have as much chance of winning as you do.’

  Barney gave a smirk. ‘They do,’ he said, ‘if they play with their own cards and don’t use Seamus’s.’

  ‘You mean, Seamus even cheats at these poker schools?’

  Barney shrugged. ‘Let’s just say we win plenty and often,’ he said.

  ‘OK,’ Maria said. ‘Let’s leave the smuggling and a poker schools. Now, is there anything else?’

  Barney wasn’t going to admit to the raids. He wasn’t altogether stupid. So when Maria suddenly turned the ring on her finger and said, ‘This was bought with cash from those ventures, I suppose?’ Barney nodded again.

  ‘Is it a real emerald in my engagement ring? she asked suddenly.

  ‘Aye.’

  ‘God! Barney, how much are you making?’

  ‘Enough,’ Barney said. ‘Enough to take you out nice places, buy you beautiful presents. Didn’t hear you complaining then.’

  ‘I didn’t know how you earned your money then.’

  ‘And didn’t enquire too closely either.’