Mother’s Only Child

by Anne Bennett

  The slap took her by surprise and she put a hand to her face and looked at Barney in sudden fear. He’d been rough with her at times in the past, but had never hit her. Now the violence seemed to emanate from him, could almost be felt coursing through his whole body, and his fists were balled at his side.

  She knew if she said anything, anything at all, she could be at the receiving end of any further slap or punch. When he put his face close to hers, she would have recoiled if he hadn’t held on to her. ‘Now,’ he said, ‘I am going downstairs to have a wash and then I am going out to get very, very drunk. Oh,’ he added, ‘a word of warning. You mention one word of what has happened in this bedroom tonight and it will be the worse for you. Do I make myself clear?’

  Abundantly, Maria could have said, but she was still too nervous to speak so she just nodded.

  ‘Good girl,’ Barney said mockingly. ‘I knew you’d see sense.’

  Maria was so shocked she just sat on in that freezing bedroom until she heard the front door slam and knew that Barney had gone. She examined her face in the dressing table mirror and applied a little powder over it before going downstairs herself, her head still reeling with the things she had heard that evening and her husband’s reaction to them.

  The dinner was on the table and though Maria knew that Sean and Martha would be curious about the contents of the letter, she also knew that they wouldn’t appreciate her talking about in front of the children so it had to wait. In the end, Maria told Martha as she washed up in the kitchen.

  ‘Ten years,’ Martha repeated. ‘No wonder Barney was so upset. I’ve never seen him in such a tear. Where has he gone now?’

  ‘I’ll give you one guess,’ Maria said. ‘It’s the way many men deal with things.’

  ‘He’s going out to get drunk?’

  ‘You’ve got it in one.’

  ‘Look,’ Martha said tentatively, ‘you can tell me to mind my own business if you like, but has anything happened to your face?’

  Maria looked at Martha levelly and said, ‘For your own good and mine, mind your own business, Martha.’

  ‘But, Maria…‘

  Maria sighed. ‘At the moment Barney is wanting to lash out at anyone, or anything. He was shocked to the core at his brother’s sentence, and I got in the way of it tonight, that’s all,’ Maria said. ‘He has never laid a hand on me before. It will probably never happen again, and if it does, then I will deal with it.’

  ‘You are sure there is nothing that Sean or I can do for you?’

  ‘Nothing at all, honestly, but thank you for asking and for being concerned,’ Maria said. She just hoped the reassurances she had given Martha so glibly would be the way it was from now on, for she would become no willing punch bag for any man.

  Maria was awakened that night by Barney’s drunken stumbles around the room as he attempted to get ready for bed. She had no idea of the time, but she knew it was late, very late, and she made no sign that she was awake, but still lay curled in a ball, although she stiffened as he slid in beside her and she realised he was naked.

  And then his hands were upon her—big, brutal hands, pawing at her. Mindful of the sleeping baby at the foot of the bed, Maria hissed, ‘Leave me be, you drunken lout.’

  ‘Leave you be,’ Barney repeated in a thick, slurred voice. ‘You are my wife, woman.’

  ‘Aye, fool that I am,’ Maria spat out. ‘Did that slip your mind when you were in Dublin?’

  ‘Enough of this,’ Barney said impatiently. ‘You promised to obey me, so let’s have your legs open and,’ he added, ‘we’ll have this off.’ Taking hold of the neck of her nightdress, he ripped it right down the front.

  Maria gasped, and then he was on top of her, pinning her arms to her sides with his knees, pummelling her breasts so roughly and painfully she bit on her bottom lip to stop herself crying out.

  ‘Barney, for pity’s sake,’ she pleaded at last.

  ‘Shut up!’ Barney said. ‘Seamus always said you had it your own way for far too long and now I am going to teach you what happens if you ever refuse me.’

  He slid further down the bed as he spoke, forcing her legs wide open with his. His lips fastened on hers, and he pushed his thick tongue into her mouth till she felt she might choke. He twisted her hair painfully with one hand so that she was unable to move while the other powered a punch between her legs. The pain was excruciating, and when Barney punched her again she threshed so much in the bed, she was able to tear her lips from his. Oh, how she wanted to scream in pain at the outrage, the assault on her body, but all she would allow herself was a low moan.

  Barney, however, seemed well satisfied. ‘I’ll bet you’ll never try refusing me again,’ he said. ‘For if you do, you’ll get more of the same.’

  She moaned again when Barney entered her. There didn’t seem one bit of her body that didn’t ache or throb and she just waited for him to be finished with her. When he eventually did, and rolled off, almost immediately falling into a semi-stupor, relief made Maria cry. She cried not only for the pain she was in, she also cried for the man she had married. He’d always been self-centred, work-shy and not totally honest, but the man who lay beside her in the bed was like a raging beast and she was frightened of him.

  She was frightened of staying with him and yet frightened of leaving him, with nowhere to go if she did. She knew if she tried to do that Barney would likely take revenge on the wife who dared to shame him in such a way. Not even Uncle Sean could protect her totally day in and day out.

  Anyway, how could she tell her uncle? How could she tell anyone, least of all a man, what Barney had done to her? She’d die of embarrassment. She knew too for a Catholic wife actually to leave her husband was a dreadful thing, a disgrace. The shame of it would impinge on Sean and Martha too, and the priests would take a very dim view of it altogether.

  She had thought fiercely that she wouldn’t stay around to be anyone’s punch bag, but she was beginning to realise that there were few alternatives open to her.

  Next morning Barney couldn’t be roused. In the end Sean came into the room and threw cold water over him. He gave a yell that wakened Sally and she started to cry.

  ‘Come on, you!’ Sean shouted at Barney. ‘Out of that bed! I spoke for you to get you this job and you are not making a monkey out of me by not turning in because you had a skinful last night.’

  Barney looked dreadful. He got to his feet, but stood swaying, holding on to the bedpost. ‘I don’t think I can.’

  Sean wasn’t a big man, but he seemed to grow in stature as he said fiercely, ‘You’ll go, my lad, if you have the toe of my boot up your arse every step of the way.’

  ‘I’m going to be sick.’

  ‘Then be sick and be quick about it.’

  As Barney rushed past them, Sean looked at Maria, who was now sitting nursing the child, and asked, ‘Are you all right?’

  She wanted to cry that she wasn’t. She felt as if her hair had been pulled out by the roots and she knew that one of her lips was split for she’d felt it with her tongue and tasted the blood in her mouth. As for her breasts, they ached so much she wanted to fold her arms around them but she couldn’t do that for her arms were bruised all down the length of them. She’d had to bite her lip against the pain in her arms as she lifted Sally, but the real throbbing, unrelenting pain was between her legs. She could barely walk and every step was agonising. She really didn’t know how she was to get through the day.

  And yet she was able to smile at her uncle and say, ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘You look white, strained.’

  ‘I’m grand,’ she assured him. ‘It’s the light. We only use the table lamp when Barney gets up, to avoid waking the baby.’

  And how glad she was they devised that system. If Sean had seen the state of her clearly, he would demand answers to questions that would surely backfire on her with dire consequences. When her husband and uncle were gone, she would dress, thanking God that it was winter and her clothes long-s
leeved, and she would try to repair the damage to her face before facing Martha.

  She stayed in the bedroom till she heard the children leave for school, for she knew they would notice and comment. Martha wondered about her absence, for she was always up early, but she understood when she caught sight of her.

  ‘God Almighty, I don’t have to ask what happened to you.’

  ‘Then don’t.’

  ‘Maria, you can’t go on like this. Men can’t get away with things these days. Sean will—’

  ‘Sean mustn’t know a thing about it.’

  ‘Don’t be silly!’

  ‘I’m not being silly,’ Maria cried. ‘Do you think I like my husband behaving like a bullying brute, displaying the results of his handiwork for all to see. You haven’t see the half of what he did to me in that room last night and, yes, I am bloody terrified of him now but I would be more scared of what he would do to me if Sean was to go for him. Would Sean be able to stand guard in my bedroom all night?’

  ‘We can’t just stand by and see it happen and do nothing.’

  ‘That’s exactly what you can and must do, because I am the victim in this,’ Maria declared. ‘And this is what I want because in the long run I think it would be the wisest course of action.’

  ‘Isn’t there anything I can do?’

  ‘Just let me get on with the dress for Patsy,’ Maria said. ‘To tell you the truth, all movement is painful, but sewing always soothes me.’

  ‘I have no problem with that,’ Martha said. ‘And before the children come home I will try and do something more with your face, but you’d better be ready with some reason why you look like you have done ten rounds in the boxing ring. Oh, that’s better,’ she said, seeing the ghost of a smile on Maria’s battered face.

  ‘Bless you, Martha,’ Maria said.

  She was incredibly nervous of seeing Barney that evening. She still could scarcely believe the way he had violated her and how cruel he had been, and she didn’t know how she was going to be even civil to the man.

  But when Barney arrived home from work that evening, he was so exhausted he hadn’t more than a grunt for anyone and took himself to bed straight after he’d eaten. Maria was nervous when she joined him, but Barney was not even the slightest bit disturbed by her getting in beside him and lay so deeply asleep that, except for the rising and falling of his chest, he might have been dead.

  Martha lay in her bed, wide awake, long after Sean had fallen asleep, and worried about Maria. Through the day, she’d noticed the stiff, slow way she moved and the odd grimace or wince when she thought no one was looking. At least Sean had noticed nothing amiss.

  Over the next few days, as Maria’s injuries got easier to bear, it became obvious to her that Barney was going to make no reference at all to that night. She began to wonder if he had any recollection of it at all. In the end, she decided to put the attack out of her mind. He had had distressing news that day, had got extremely drunk and really wasn’t himself at all. That was that.

  Patsy had her new dress, her first grown-up dress, and it fitted her like a glove. She tried it on in front of the mirror, admiring the way it fell over her budding bust. It had a dropped waistline and the skirt fell in soft folds. The material felt lovely against her skin.

  She was so pleased with the dress that she examined her relationship with Barney and for a moment felt guilty. But then she thought, how is it hurting Maria, being friends with her husband? And decided it wasn’t at all.

  However, to make up somewhat as the Christmas holidays had begun, she offered to mind Sally as often as Maria wanted so that she could get on with making things for the others, knowing Maria wanted them all to have something new for Christmas.

  Maria was grateful for the help and pleased the Patsy didn’t seem to hate her so much. She set to with a will, going back to the Bull Ring one morning on her own to get more material, together with buttons, zips and hook-and-eye fastenings. She’d already made everyday things for the boys and a dress for Martha in Wedgwood blue trimmed with white. Martha was so overcome when she tried the dress on that she cried and declared it to be the prettiest dress she had ever had.

  Sean wasn’t surprised at what his niece could do, for he had seen evidence of her work before, but he was pleased she’d thought to make new clothes for everyone.

  ‘I could book us all for the pantomime on Boxing Day,’ Sean confided to Martha. ‘The Hippodrome is showing Aladdin and it would be a way of saying thank you to Maria, but someone would have to baby-sit.’

  ‘I bet Patsy wouldn’t mind,’ Martha said. ‘She probably feels she’s too old for pantomimes.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ Sean said. ‘You are never too old for pantomimes.’

  ‘When you are nearly fifteen, you have all sorts of mad notions.’ Martha said.

  He laughed. ‘When I was fifteen, I was working my fingers to the bone on the farm. I had neither time nor energy to have notions of any kind—mad or otherwise. But you are right: Patsy might not care for it at all. I’ll ask her and see what she says. I can bet Barney won’t come either. Not that he would be any good at looking after the babies, even if he was willing.’

  ‘I’d hesitate to leave them with him if he was,’ Martha said. ‘On Boxing Day he will likely be in no fit state anyway.’

  ‘You could be right there,’ Sean said. ‘God Almighty, the man can knock it back, all right, and the gambling fair takes my breath away. The money that is put on the table is often more that I earn in a week.’

  ‘How does Barney afford it?’

  Sean shrugged. ‘I asked him that and he said he wins some and he loses some.’ He looked at Martha and went on, ‘It’s Maria I feel for. I have met gamblers who would sell their own grandmother to get a stake. I know one man who lost the roof over his head, and that of his wife and family too, at the turn of the cards. Has Maria confided in you at all?’

  Martha nearly told Sean then about the beating that Barney had given Maria. She wasn’t used to keeping things from him, but she remembered Maria’s frightened face and she had made a promise to her, so she said, ‘No, she’s not said a word to me.’

  Patsy said it was no bother to baby-sit and she thought the pantomime rather babyish. Sean hid a smile and thought that Martha had read her daughter well. Barney had gone out for a drink before the family left, but Patsy knew he wouldn’t stay there all night. By the time he returned, she had put both babies to bed, changed into her Christmas dress and dabbed the Californian Poppy perfume that Maria had given her for Christmas behind her ears and daringly between her breasts. Her friend Chloe said it was THE place to put it.

  Barney was certainly appreciative and he pulled her into his arm as she opened the door. ‘God, you smell delicious.’ He kissed her gently on the mouth. ‘Have I got a surprise for you,’ he said, and he drew a bottle of port from his pocket. ‘You mix it with lemonade, and most ladies prefer it to beer.’

  Patsy found she too loved the taste of port and lemon, and downed the first two Barney gave her like pop. Barney told her to slow down. She didn’t know there could be so much pleasure to be had from the feel of someone’s arms tight around you, or snuggling together smoking and sipping away at a drink while listening to music on the wireless or talking together. It was such a grown-up thing to do, and the time seemed to slip by. She drank more and more of the port, having taken a real liking to it.

  ‘It’s a pity we can’t go out in the evening properly,’ Barney said eventually, his arm around Patsy.

  ‘We can,’ she said, wondering why the words seemed so hard to say. Her tongue seemed to have swollen to twice its size and her whole mouth seemed sort of wobbly, but she persevered. ‘I’m allowed to go to the youth club after Christmas and I don’t…don’t have…don’t…’

  ‘Barney laughed. ‘You, my dear girl, are drunk, very drunk. I told you not to knock back those drinks so fast. I know what you are trying to say, but just now you have to get to bed, and quick, before the
y come back and see you in this state.’

  Barney pulled her to her feet, where she swayed and would have fallen if he hadn’t held her. He very much wanted to carry her up the stairs and make love to her and he knew she would be in no fit state to stop him, but he hadn’t any contraceptives and what would happen if she became pregnant and named him? Sean would kill him without thinking about it, he knew. So instead he sat Patsy down on a dining chair, brought her a big glass of water and forced her to drink it. It made her feel only moderately better but she was able to stagger and stumble her way up the stairs.

  Barney washed and put away Patsy’s glass, emptied the ashtray and hid the bottle of port in his wardrobe. He was only just in time. He heard them coming in the door as he was pouring himself a beer.

  ‘Where’s Patsy?’ Martha asked.

  ‘She’s gone to bed,’ Barney said. ‘I told her to. She was yawning her head off and I was in early tonight and I said I’d wait until you came in.’

  ‘That’s not like her at all,’ Martha said with a frown. ‘I hope she’s not sickening for something. I best look in. Would you put the kettle on, Sean, and I’ll make a bit of supper for these tired boys?’

  ‘I ain’t tired,’ complained Tony. ‘It was Paul went to sleep on the bus.’

  ‘I never.’

  ‘Yes, you did.’

  ‘No, I never.’

  ‘You did so.’

  ‘That will do, you two,’ Sean said firmly. ‘I don’t care if you’re tired or not. I am tired and that means you have to go to bed, because you both wear me out.’

  ‘It ain’t fair we have to go to bed because you are tired,’ Tony declared.

  ‘Tony, it’s way past your bedtime anyway.’

  ‘But I ain’t sleepy yet.’

  Martha came into the room then and said, ‘You’re overtired, that’s what’s the matter with you. Patsy has more sense. She is dead to the world up there, whereas you two are like a couple of weasels, so don’t spoil a nice night. I am going to do you a slice of dripping toast each and a cup of cocoa and then you are going to go to bed with no argument.’