The Misadventures of Max Crumbly 3

by Rachel Renée Russell

  But when he tried to talk, his bullhorn emitted an earsplitting squeal. Everyone shuddered and covered their ears.

  It was almost as shrill as Megan’s screaming after she discovered I’d used up all her bubble bath! (Hey, I’d been stuck in that filthy Dumpster FOREVER! It wasn’t MY fault I needed to take a warm, relaxing bubble bath for FOUR consecutive nights before I FINALLY felt totally CLEAN!)

  The principal valiantly addressed his students and teachers as we anxiously clung to his every word! . . .

  MY PRINCIPAL, MAKING AN ANNOUNCEMENT

  “Good morning, South Ridge Middle School students and staff! Thank you for your patience. I’m happy to announce that our school will be OPEN today and classes will resume as scheduled!”

  Most everyone groaned. A few kids clapped excitedly.

  “I just have a few announcements before we enter our hallowed halls,” Principal Smith continued.

  It was getting hard to breathe. I dug through my backpack for my inhaler and took the last dose.

  JUST GREAT! I sent my mom a text letting her know I was out of medicine while the principal gave us details about the break-in over the weekend.

  He then explained that some classrooms would be off-limits during the police investigation, like the computer lab and the biology room, but that signs would be posted instructing us where to go instead.

  While he was talking, I FINALLY spotted Erin in the crowd, but she didn’t see me.

  I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief!

  At least her parents HADN’T shipped her off to a military school! YET, anyway!

  “One last thing!” Principal Smith continued. “I do not want any of you or your parents to worry about the safety of South Ridge Middle School. We have a state-of-the-art surveillance system, and I’ll be reviewing the footage with the investigation team after lunch today. But, most important, we’ll soon have a private security team in place to ensure YOUR safety during school hours. We WILL get to the bottom of this break-in and APPREHEND the individuals involved! You have MY word on that!”

  The crowd cheered!

  Then the principal removed the police tape blocking the main door and instructed us to report to our first-hour classes.

  Students and staff were slowly herded into the school.

  Erin finally saw me, and our eyes locked.

  Then we desperately pushed our way through the massive crowd to get to each other.

  It was kind of like one of those cheesy teen romance movies that my sister is obsessed with. Only, in the movie the perfect couple walks hand in hand to their lockers and then to a happily ever after!

  WHO was I kidding?!

  If the police reviewed the school’s surveillance footage and saw me on there, it was . . .

  GAME OVER!

  I’d get suspended and end up homeschooled by my grandma.

  After what seemed like forever, Erin and I were finally standing face-to-face. We were thinking the EXACT same thing! . . .

  We were BOTH FREAKING OUT! And the LAST thing we wanted was to end up in even WORSE trouble!

  17. THEFT, THREATS, AND THUG-GERY

  Erin and I barely had a chance to talk. Teachers were stationed in the halls to keep the students moving, and we were quickly herded into our first-hour classrooms.

  “Max! I’ll see you in science! We’ll talk then!” Erin shouted, and waved as she disappeared into a throng of students filing into honors English.

  I felt a lot better knowing she was okay.

  We’d be able to talk more freely in second-hour science and figure out what we should do.

  You know, to lessen the possibility of me getting either suspended or arrested by lunchtime.

  Just the thought of going to my first-hour class made me feel nauseated.

  I seriously thought about hanging out in the library or hiding in the boys’ bathroom.

  But that would mean yet another unexcused absence, and I was already in enough trouble.

  I trudged into my math class and shuddered at the sight of Thug.

  He just stared at me with this huge smirk.

  I wanted to KNOCK that smirk right off his face! With a CHAIR!! But I didn’t.

  I knew he was probably wondering how I’d finally escaped from my locker after he’d thrown me in there Friday after school.

  “Did you have a nice weekend, BARF?!” he laughed.

  Things quickly went from bad to worse! My teacher told me to take a seat in the back of the room to make up a POP QUIZ I’d missed last Wednesday.

  Thanks to Thug, I’d been trapped inside my locker during first hour on THAT day too! . . .

  ME, TRYING TO TAKE A QUIZ WHILE THUG ACTS LIKE A FOUR-YEAR-OLD!

  I was having a hard enough time with the quiz! And now I had to deal with Thug’s slimy SPITBALLS?!!

  It seemed like the guy HATED me!

  Or maybe he was jealous that Erin and I were friends.

  I had to admit, it was VERY obvious he was CRUSHING on her!

  This is what happened last week. . . .

  YES! This REALLY happened! I am NOT lying.

  Thug has the IQ of a dirty gym sock!

  After I failed finished my quiz, I handed it in to my teacher. Then I sat at my regular desk, which was directly behind Thug.

  He was busy doodling zombies in his math book. He’s been totally obsessed with them lately.

  Thug says a zombie apocalypse could actually happen and DESTROY mankind! But zombies eat BRAINS. So Thug was SAFE.

  I pulled my math textbook out of my backpack. And when I opened my book, something fell out and slid into the aisle several feet in front of me.

  YIKES! IT WAS MY DAD’S SUPER-VALUABLE, RARE COMIC BOOK!!

  I’d totally forgotten I had shoved it inside my math book on Saturday morning to HIDE it from my dad!!

  I reached into the aisle and quickly grabbed it!

  WHEW!! CLOSE CALL! I’d almost DIED trying to get that thing back from those burglars!

  I was about to put it away when . . . SNATCH!!

  The comic literally DISAPPEARED right before my eyes! I stared at my empty hand in SHOCK!!

  Then I gasped in horror! THUG had my comic book! . . .

  THUG, SNATCHING MY COMIC BOOK!!

  I finally grabbed on to my comic book. But HE wouldn’t let go.

  “THUG!! WHAT are you doing?” I hissed.

  “WHAT does it look like?” he snarled. “I want it!”

  I pulled the book hard. He pulled back even harder!

  We were having a TUG-OF-WAR THUG-OF-WAR with my DAD’S comic book!

  And NO! I DIDN’T have PERMISSION to bring it to school the FIRST time or the SECOND time!

  “Give it back! It’s MINE!” I said under my breath.

  “Not anymore!” Thug said. “It’s MINT condition!”

  But it wouldn’t be for long with us fighting over it! I broke into a cold sweat.

  OH, CRUD! THUG WAS GOING TO RIP MY DAD’S COMIC BOOK IN HALF!!

  So I let go of it before he damaged it.

  “Thanks! YOU LOSER!” Thug smirked as the bell rang, signaling the end of class.

  Calling me a LOSER was an understatement! I was hopelessly TRAPPED in a LOSE-LOSE scenario.

  If I hadn’t let go of the book, Thug would have ripped it to shreds trying to take it from me. And if I reported Thug for STEALING IT, the school was going to contact my parents. The LAST thing I needed right then was more DRAMA at school!

  Thug shoved the comic book into his backpack, grinned at me, and walked out of the classroom.

  I was SO upset, my panic attack was having a panic attack!

  I HATE the way Thug makes me hate MYSELF! He is a huge POOP STAIN on the UNDERWEAR of HUMANITY! For REAL!

  18. SPILLING MY GUTS CAN BE MESSY!

  I was a NERVOUS WRECK by the time I got to my physical science class.

  Principal Smith was going to view the school’s surveillance video today after lunch. And if he saw ME, my life was pretty much OV
ER!

  My parents were going to snatch me out of this school so fast, it would make my head spin.

  Then I’d be stuck getting HOMESCHOOLED by my grandma FOREVER! Well, at least until I graduated from high school COLLEGE!

  To make matters worse, Thug had just STOLEN my DAD’S comic book!

  That meant I’d ALSO be GROUNDED until I graduated from high school COLLEGE!

  My life STANK worse than the two-week-old mystery meat rotting in the Dumpster behind the school!

  I couldn’t help but overhear two students sitting nearby talking about the classroom that was blocked off by crime-scene tape.

  They said one of the class pets—a giant python named Tinkerbell—had escaped from a bio classroom in the chaos over the weekend and was missing!

  But a janitor had found her asleep on a shelf in the library thirty minutes ago. Thank goodness!

  Tinkerbell had helped me take down Ralph, the ringleader of the thieves! In my eyes, she was a ten-foot-long slithering SUPERHERO! . . .

  TINKERBELL, THE S-S-SUPERHERO!

  “Hi, Max!” Erin smiled as she took the lab stool next to me. “Finally we can talk. So, I guess you made it home safely!”

  “Yeah, I did! What about you?”

  “Same here! My parents didn’t even know I’d snuck out!” she whispered. “And they even said that I’ll get my computer back on Friday!”

  “That’s good news!” I said, relieved. At least we’d be able to communicate with each other again after school hours.

  Then I told her the bad news about my comic book getting stolen AGAIN! This time by THUG!

  Suddenly I felt HOPELESS and completely overwhelmed by a sense of impending DOOM!

  It was my very cruddy DESTINY!

  By the end of the day I was going to be FRONT-PAGE NEWS! . . .

  MY MUG SHOT MAKES THE FRONT PAGE!

  “Listen, Erin, I’m seriously thinking about confessing to Principal Smith! I really want to get this over with. The suspense of not knowing what’s going to happen is driving me CRAZY!”

  “Just try not to panic. It’s going to be okay, Max!”

  “No, it’s NOT! When Smith sees me TRASHING the school in that surveillance video, I’m DEAD MEAT! I’ll get suspended for sure!”

  “The school got trashed because you were trying to STOP those THIEVES! And if YOU get suspended, I’LL get suspended too!” Erin said stubbornly. “We’re in this TOGETHER!”

  “I was afraid that you’d go down with me too, Erin. But YOU won’t be on that video! And I’ll NEVER tell anyone you helped me! I PROMISE!”

  Erin is the smartest kid at our school! She loves science so much, she is ALSO taking honors bio! If she got into trouble, it could end up on her permanent record and impact her ability to attend college.

  Erin has a bright future and is probably going to do AMAZING things! Like be president AND cure cancer AND figure out why banana-flavored candies never taste anything like bananas! . . .

  ERIN’S CUTTING-EDGE RESEARCH ON BANANA-FLAVORED CANDIES!

  The only thing WORSE than spending the rest of my life being homeschooled by my grandma would be knowing I had totally RUINED Erin’s FUTURE!!

  Suddenly my final decision was crystal clear! I knew exactly what I had to do. After class was over, I was going straight to Principal Smith and SPILLING MY GUTS!

  About EVERYTHING!

  Thug, my locker, the comic book, the burglars, sneaking into my house, the stuff I’d left on Mr. Howell’s lawn, and the two cops.

  Well, everything . . . except ERIN!

  Then I’d clean out my locker and call my parents to come pick me up. Today was officially my LAST DAY at South Ridge Middle School!

  Why did I ever think a TOTAL LOSER like ME would fit in at this place?!

  Right then I was feeling just . . . AWFUL!

  It was GAME OVER!

  This time for REAL.

  19. IT’S A HORRIBLE IDEA! So LET’S DO IT!

  I was really lucky to have Erin as a friend.

  It was too bad I wasn’t going to be around to get to know her better.

  Of course, she tried to talk me out of my decision to confess to Principal Smith and leave South Ridge.

  But I wouldn’t listen. My mind was made up. It was time for me to accept responsibility for my actions!

  And, most important, it was the only way I could avoid dragging Erin into this MESS.

  “I just wish I knew what was on that video!” I muttered aloud. “Otherwise, staying at this school is way TOO risky!”

  Erin just stared at me. Then, slowly, an evil grin spread across her face. . . .

  I’M CONVINCED ERIN’S LOST HER MIND!

  “And just remember! This was YOUR idea! Not MINE!” She smirked.

  MY IDEA?! NO! This was NOT MY IDEA!

  As much as I liked Erin, I was not going to let her throw ME under the BUS! . . .

  ME, TELLING ERIN WHAT I THINK OF HER STUPID IDEA RIGHT TO HER FACE!

  “I KNOW this will WORK, Max! So here’s the plan. I’ll hack into the surveillance video and take a quick look. If you’re on there, you can confess as planned. But if you’re NOT, you have nothing to worry about. Just CHILLAX! Either way, you’ll come out ahead because you’ll have the facts!”

  Erin’s plan was BRILLIANT! If I wasn’t on the video, I’d just keep my big mouth shut!

  PROBLEM SOLVED!! Then I’d get to stay at South Ridge and hang out with Erin the rest of the school year! SWEET!

  SORRY about that, GRANDMA!!

  All we needed was a COMPUTER. It had to be:

  1. hooked into the school’s security system

  2. available for us to use

  3. in a location where we wouldn’t be seen by teachers, staff, students, or the authorities.

  It seemed IMPOSSIBLE!

  But after fifteen minutes of intense brainstorming, we came up with only ONE computer in the ENTIRE building that might possibly work!

  I broke into a cold sweat just thinking about it.

  Erin and I skipped lunch. Instead, we snuck up to the third floor.

  Then we tiptoed down the hall until we saw the door of the classroom.

  Yes! That dreaded BIO classroom!

  The place where Tinkerbell and I had taken out RALPH!

  Only now all the animals had been temporarily moved to a chemistry classroom on the first floor.

  There was a janitor’s cart outside it, but no janitor. Or anyone else, for that matter. . . .

  ERIN AND ME, CASING THE BIO ROOM

  The crime-scene tape had been removed from the door and lay nearby in a huge pile.

  It was eerily quiet. My heart was pounding as I held my breath and turned the door handle.

  20. MASTERS OF MISCHIEF!

  To my surprise, the classroom door clicked open. Erin and I cautiously walked inside.

  The room was a bigger mess than I’d remembered, and Erin’s mouth dropped open in shock.

  “Yeah, it got kind of crazy in here!” I muttered.

  Textbooks and papers were scattered all over, and the “Beware” sign from Tinkerbell’s aquarium was still lying on the floor. Chairs were toppled over, glass from broken beakers and test tubes littered the room, and a miniature rocket was stuck in the rib cage of a life-size plastic skeleton (don’t ask, it’s a long story)!

  “Come on, let’s do this so we can get out of here!” Erin said as she sat down at the teacher’s desk.

  I watched over her shoulder as she furiously typed on the keyboard. . . .

  ERIN, HACKING INTO THE SECURITY SYSTEM!

  “YAY ME!” she finally whispered.

  “Did you get in?” I asked.

  “YES! I’M IN!” she said. “And since I’m probably breaking twenty-seven school rules and eleven laws, could you keep watch at the door and warn me if you see anyone?”

  “SURE, ERIN! I’M ON IT!!”

  I opened the door and peeked out into the empty hall. “It’s all good! Most everyone is still a
t lunch.”

  I couldn’t help but notice that Erin looked like a totally normal middle school student. She could have been checking her e-mail, posting on social media, watching YouTube, or doing her homework.

  But my friend was actually hacking into the school’s security system to view surveillance files, even before the authorities had seen them. And she was doing it all to help ME!

  “DONE!” Erin said after about five minutes.

  “So . . . um, WHAT did you see?” I asked hesitantly.

  She sighed and stared at the floor. Then she bit her lip and blinked back tears.

  I could tell it was really BAD news before she even answered.

  “I’m really SORRY, Max! But based on what I just saw, it unfortunately looks like . . . WE’RE BOTH GOING TO BE STUCK HERE AT SOUTH RIDGE MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!” she exclaimed happily.

  It took a minute for everything to finally soak into my brain. “So you’re saying I’m NOT in any of the surveillance footage?!” I asked excitedly.

  “NOPE!! Most of it was those three CROOKS moving computers out of the lab into a hall near the exit door. They were yelling at each other and acting so goofy, it was like watching a reality TV show or something. But the weirdest part was when that pizza delivery guy showed up! Did those CLOWNS actually order a PIZZA while they were burglarizing our school?! Like, WHO does that?!”

  I was so happy and relieved, I did my VICTORY DANCE inside my head! GO, MAX! GO, MAX!

  “Erin, you had me totally FOOLED with the tears and all! You’re REALLY a good actress!” I gushed.

  “I’m even BETTER onstage! Dude, my Ice Princess will give you CHILLS!” she joked.

  NO DOUBT! Erin is good at EVERYTHING! And her computer SKILLZ are SICK!!

  “I need to put a copy of this on a thumb drive for safekeeping!” she said, digging around in her backpack. “What did I do with that thing?!”

  I reached into my pocket and handed her my Masked Eagle of Doom superhero thumb drive.