by Cary Hart
This was for me and only me. What we have isn’t just a rebound. It is something, but how much of something is it? Am I only around because he can’t have who he really desires? I need to know.
“Will you explain to me what happened back there? Cause honestly, I’m hoping I’m making it out to be so much more than what it really is.”
His brother, his ex-wife and a child that I’m beginning to think could be his. A family he has always wanted. Stolen from him.
“Whatever you are thinking, it’s probably right.” He briefly looks over at me, then back to the road.
“Kyle, I have a past too.” I contemplate telling him the whole story so maybe he will open up. “And I promise we will talk about it, but tonight, after this, I need to know yours.”
I wait for him to pull over, but he just keeps driving.
“Tristan was my best friend growing up. She was literally the girl next door. We never dated until high school, but man, I had the biggest crush on her. Once I started to notice girls, she was front and center.” A small smile creeps across his face at the memory.
I want to be jealous, hating the woman who stole his heart so young, but I can’t.
“Then when my mom married Jack’s dad, he became the brother I never had. We were inseparable, making our duo a trio. He was a year older and left us behind most of the time though, forcing us together.”
I don’t speak, just listen, hating that this line divides his once perfect family.
“There was a time in high school, Tris and I were sophomores and Jack was a junior, when I thought maybe Jack had a crush on her, but when I brought it up, he pushed it back onto me.” He shakes his head. “Said I needed to get a clue before I lost her.”
“He was talking about himself,” I finally say something.
“Apparently so.” He nods.
“So how did you end up married?”
“Jack went away to school and we stayed local. We were easy, we connected on every level, the next step seemed like forever…”
“Do you think they were involved before you were married?” I ask the question I know will be the hardest to answer, but it’s the only reason that makes sense as to why he acted the way he did back there.
“Yes.” His hand grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white. “Shortly after we were married, he came to town for a family get-together. I got called to the lumber yard for something and he told me he would take her home.”
“Kyle, I’m so sorry.” I squeeze his hand.
“Trinity isn’t mine, if that is what you are wondering, but I thought she was,” he says as he pulls into Niki’s driveway.
“Wh-what are we doing here?” I begin to panic. This happened, but it doesn’t mean we can’t still be together. He needs me more than ever.
“I need a minute and with you not having a vehicle, I wasn’t about to leave you stranded at your place.” He starts to open the door, but I grab his elbow, pulling him back.
“Please, let’s just go to my place. We can talk or not talk at all. I just need to be with you, know that you are going to be okay.”
Shaking me off, he’s out the door and around to mine and opening it. “This is for the best. Just tonight.” He leans in, giving me a soft kiss on the forehead.
“Kyle, this is not us.” I hop down and pull him into my arms. “You just need a hug.” But he just stands there. Arms to the side.
“Nina, I—”
“No! You hug me dammit!” I reach down and wrap his arms around me, one at a time. “Please, Kyle.”
“I don’t want to hug you when I’m thinking about her.”
I stumble back. One simple word shatters every promise. “Her?”
“Nina, wait! It’s not—” Kyle throws his hands up in the air, then pulls at his hair.
“No!” I interrupt. “I’ve been you Kyle. I’ve been the one who wanted something that wasn’t there. Give. The. Fuck. Up.” I turn and walk away, holding back the sobs that are lurking beneath the surface.
“Trinity!” He calls out the name of the little girl so innocent and unware of the turmoil she was born into. “I think about her all the time.”
“What?” I spin around, wondering if I heard him right.
“I wanted her. I wanted a family more than I wanted life and I had it.” He stalks toward me and pulls me against his chest. “She was mine then Jack stole her. I mourned her like she died, Nina. I said my goodbyes, but every time they come around it’s like someone has risen from the dead.”
“Kyle,” I breathe.
“I just need some time to think. I need tonight.”
Prying myself from his arms, I take a step back and whisper, “I wanted you to need me.”
Kyle
After pulling into my drive, I sit and face the house that was meant for a family who never got to live there. Built from plans made by a man who loved with everything he was, only to leave those that he cared about behind. The rocking chairs, the house, the land…promises made to a family that were broken.
I wanted to fix it. I thought if I completed it, it would complete me.
I wanted to have a family and do all the things my dad promised, but never got to do.
I wanted to teach my son the art of craftsmanship; my daughter the way a man should treat her.
I wanted to worship a wife who adored me in return.
“Goddammit!” I scream and pound the shit out of my steering wheel, hating the person I wanted to be.
I hate the hold they still have on my life.
I hate how I react whenever they are around.
But what I hate most of all is walking away from the only woman who has made me feel alive since it all went down.
All for what? Some dream I had as a kid. Some fucking dream I thought I could have.
Getting out, I slam the door and head to the house, but something catches my eye and stops me.
Tire swing.
“Fuck you!” I throw my head back and yell at the top of my lungs. “Fuck you for making me believe! Fuck you!”
Running up to the house, I swing open the door and head straight to the kitchen. I fling open drawers until I find what I’m looking for.
I stalk back down the path toward the swing, “How do you like me now?” I hold up the knife that has the power to knock it down with one swipe.
“You took my dreams.” I reach out and push it with my foot. “You gave me hope and then you crushed it.” I reach out, kicking it again.
“Why?” I fling my arms back and scream at the top of my lungs. “Why did you have to go?”
Out of breath, I reach for the rope, holding it in one hand. “Why couldn’t you have stayed?
My face is soaked with tears I didn’t know were falling.
I drop the knife to my side.
“Dad, I needed you. I still do.”
“If you want someone to need you, I will,” a soft, trembling voice says behind me.
Nina.
Looking up to the sky, I say a silent prayer.
I spin around and pick her up. She has no choice but to wrap her legs around me. Walking in circles. I cradle the back of her head in my hands, kissing her like I’m going to lose her, our mouths fused as one.
“Kyle,” she breathes, pumping life back into my soul.
Slowly lowering us to the grass, I rest my forehead on hers and speak the only words I now know to be true.
“I need you.” My confession is my therapy.
“I can’t change the past, but I can help you live for the future.” Nina’s healing words pull me through.
I cover her with kisses. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For not letting me push you away.”
Tonight, I realized that I was searching for the family I lost a long time ago. I didn’t need her, but I did need him.
Nina
“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.” Niki runs around the front room like she’s lost her ever-loving mind.
>
“You okay?” I plop down on a bar stool in the kitchen.
“I can’t find my keys.” She’s lifting up papers, looking under canisters.
“Niki.” I try to get her attention.
“They gotta be here somewhere.” She takes her purse and is about to empty the contents.
“I have them,” I say loudly.
“What?”
“I’ve had your car since last weekend. Remember?” I hold out the keys for her.
“Dammit!” She yanks them from my hand. “I’m fucking losing it, Nina.”
“What can I do?” I get up and go around the kitchen island.
Coffee always helps.
Reaching into the cabinet, I grab one of her mugs.
“Get your greedy paws off my mug.” Niki comes over to smack my hands.
I jerk away, protecting myself and the mug. “It’s for you, you coffee whore.” I hold up the mug and point to the saying on the front and grin like a Cheshire cat.
“Well in that case, carry on.” She runs to the back to do God knows what.
Leaning against the counter, I break out my phone to text Kyle.
Me: I miss you already.
Kyle: Me too. Have you guys left yet?
Me: Getting ready to.
Me: You miss you already?
Kyle: Funny. I do miss the me I am when I’m with you.
Me: Good answer.
Kyle: I thought so.
Me: Well, have a great day.
Kyle: See you in a few hours.
Me: xoxo
It’s been almost a week since I found out the whole truth about his family. As hard as it was for me to hear, it was harder for him to tell it.
I made a promise to him, that I would be there, that I would stand by him and help him move forward, and I meant it.
If I thought he was truly in love with Tristan I would have backed out of going, but after following him to his cabin I realized it wasn’t about Tristan, or even Trinity. It was the sudden loss of his dad all those years ago.
“I hope you’re ready because if we don’t leave now, we are going to be late.”
“Me. Sitting. Ready.” I hold out her coffee for her. She grabs it and downs half of it. “You’re welcome?”
“I swear there’s drugs in this shit.” Niki walks over to the Keurig to make a cup to go.
“It’s called caffeine.”
“It’s called get in my belly now.” She adds a little creamer to the cup while it’s brewing. Always in a hurry. “Oh hey! I totally forgot.”
She reaches across the island and grabs her purse. “I tried to get this fixed…” She rifles through her purse. “Here it is!”
She pulls out a cell phone with a cracked screen.
Please. Don’t let it be.
“Where did you get this?” I grab the phone and try to power it up.
Dead.
“It was on your bed.”
Shit!
I forgot I dumped out my bag when I was gathering up things to take to the new house.
“Did you turn it on?” I ask. Closing my eyes, I chant a little prayer.
Please be dead.
Please be dead.
Please be dead.
“Oh my God, Nina.” She sighs with exasperation as she puts the final touches in her coffee. “It was on your bed. I couldn’t find mine. I thought that,” she points to my phone then waves her phone in my face, “was this. I wasn’t snooping.”
“Niki,” I say very calmly. “I didn’t say you were, but I need to know, did you turn it on?”
“Of course I did. I thought it was mine.” She bends over to slip on one heel and then the other. “We have to get going.”
“How long was it on? Did you see—”
“Okay so maybe I read some of the messages, but only from the notifications.”
“Fuck the text messages.” I’m really starting to freak out. “How long was it on?”
“Nina, it’s okay. Gavin didn’t see them either. I saw it. Thought it was mine. It wasn’t and eventually it died.” She holds the door open for me to leave. “End of…”
I can’t breathe. My vision is blurred. What if?
“Nina?” Niki is by my side. “You’re white as a ghost.” She’s rubbing my back and saying something, but I can’t make it out.
Brandon.
“Niki.” Eyes wide, I turn to face her. “He’s going to find me.”
“Who?”
“He used to track me all the time.” I fight back the memories. I can’t fall backwards. I won’t.
“Oh shit!” She takes the phone from my hands. “Okay. Okay. Let’s think about this.” She begins pacing. “I turned it on last Thursday, you know, the day you took overnight clothes to the new house. When it turned on it pinged like a million times with messages from Brandon, but they were all apologies. It died Saturday, or at least that is when I noticed it.”
“Niki—”
“I don’t think he’s coming for you. In one of the texts he wished you well at school.”
“Do you really think that? Because—”
“I do. He knows what town I live in. He knows you have no one else. We would be the first place he looked and he hasn’t.”
I want to believe her, I really do. Everything she is saying is fact, but I still can’t help the uneasiness that is setting in.
“Listen, if you have the slightest doubt, we are heading up to the police station right now. Fuck court.”
“Oh shit! Court!”
I grab my purse and phone and head toward the door.
“Nina?” Niki stops me. “I love you and seeing you like this is killing me. After court, we are going to the police station and filing a report. Just to be on the safe side. For peace of mind.”
“Okay.”
“Now that we closed this door, let’s go slam mine shut.”
She’s right. In order to open one door, you have to shut the other. I think it’s about time I said my goodbyes.
As soon as we park, we take off running for the door. “Come on, we can’t be late!” Niki hollers back at me.
“Hello?” I point to the bottom of my sundress. It may be smack dab in the middle of summer, but running across the parking lot is causing a bit of wardrobe malfunction.
“What?” She turns, running backward. “Oh!” She nods and pivots back around.
I swear that woman is lying about the amount of cardio she does. There is no way someone can book it as fast as she can, wearing those things she has on her feet. No. Freakin’. Way.
“Almost there!” she shouts, taking two steps at a time.
“Hell no!” I stop dead in my tracks and take the stairs like a normal human being.
“Hurry.” She waves me on.
“I’ll be right behind you.”
Hands on knees, I take a quick break before I take the stairs one at a time. I catch up to Niki in the security line.
“Purse, cell phones and all metal objects over here.” The deputy doesn’t even look up as he directs traffic.
Niki steps through first and causes the alarm to go off.
“It’s probably these.” Niki points to diamond studs that adorn each ear.
“Please step through and to your right.” The deputy directs her to the person who is working the wand so she can be scanned from head to toe.
I step through without a problem, but when I head toward Niki, I see the deputy scanning her nether regions and Niki with her hands on her hips, looking bored.
“I’m telling you, it’s a piercing.” She seems irritated. “Google it.”
“Miss, I’m going to have to call this in.” He tilts his head to the side and radios someone.
“Niki!” I whisper loudly. “You have a piercing?”
“Yes!” she whispers back. “Why are we whispering about it?”
“Because it’s down there.” I point my finger toward her hoo-ha.
“Nina, I really have failed you as a sister. Like serio
usly.”
“Miss,” the deputy interrupts. “You’ve been cleared.”
“Why, thank you, Deputy,” Niki replies as she begins to take off toward the stairs.
“Are we going to talk about this?” I chase after her.
“What’s there to talk about?”
“What made you do it? Is Gavin—”
“Oh, hell no! Gavin is a fucking beast in the sack.” Niki turns around to scold me for even suggesting otherwise.
“Miss Niki! Miss Niki!” A little boy comes running up. “I thought it was you.”
Niki swings around. “Tucker!” She beams at the sight of him. “How have you been, buddy? Enjoying your summer?”
“Miss Niki! I’ve spent the summer with my dad! Can you believe that?”
At the mention of Tucker’s dad, Niki goes pale.
“Tucker, buddy, I need you to stay with me.” A man with the most gorgeous steely blue eyes comes running down the stairs. “Niki.”
“Aiden.” Niki straightens her back. “I heard you have been having an eventful summer.”
“It’s been an adjustment.” He nods. “Listen,” he looks between the two of us. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”
“Niki?” I reach out to touch her.
I don’t know much about last summer, but what I do know isn’t good. I tried to do some digging, but apparently Aiden Alexander has enough money to keep things out of the press.
“I’m fine.” She pats my hand. “Aiden, whatever you need to say to me, you can say in front of my sister.”
“Okay, just give me a second,” he says, reaching into a backpack and pulling out a coloring book and crayons.
“Niki, are you sure you want to talk to him? I can faint on demand. Call security. Pretend I’m going into labor.” I puff out my stomach, rubbing it for effect. “Things would be so much easier if Gavin was here.”
“Okay, don’t do that again. No kids until after marriage.” She squints at me. “How about no sex until after marriage, too. As for Gavin? He’s just running a little late. There is no way he would miss this.”
“Alright. I think that should keep him busy for a couple minutes.” Aiden has returned.
“What’s up?” Niki takes a step back, noticeably distancing herself.
“I wanted to apologize. For everything.” He looks between us again. “For not telling you that I was married. For slapping you. For what Carmen did.”