Ashes

by P. M. Briede

  Praying she wouldn’t call my bluff, I shrugged like her answer made no difference to our plans. Wesley maintained a detached visage while we all waited for something, anything. Abigail sighed, closed her eyes, and nodded against Olivier’s hand. “Release her,” I ordered. When he removed his hand, the flood gates of facts came pouring out. The manipulation had only worked because of Wesley’s heightened emotions from my absence. So heightened emotions, check. She was terrified. There had been a trigger, something Abigail had to say every day to keep his mind from unraveling over time. So we needed a trigger. That shouldn’t be too hard. And Wesley couldn’t see or talk to me, ever, or everything would fall apart. Hopefully waking up beside him each morning would convince her mind the lie we were about to plant was fact but she could never see Wesley and me together. That should be doable.

  Unable to maintain the disguise of powerful, alpha dog any longer, my muscles gave out and Wesley quickly caught my sagging body. Abigail’s eyes bulged. “You’ve been bluffing this whole time,” she seethed. “Shit!”

  Olivier threw his hand over her mouth. “Wipe her clean, Olivier!” I barked out. “Leave her with nothing for all I care!” Though I was exhausted, my body quaked from the hate and violence I’d channeled but not completely acted on. I still wanted to dismember her for her role in what was done to Wesley.

  Olivier located her hose and stuffed them back into her mouth. As Abigail struggled against the restraints Olivier pulled Wesley and me away from her. “I need a trigger, Breaux. Something you can stomach saying to her every day to keep the lie active in her mind.”

  Wesley still had me locked in his arms. I allowed myself to grow numb. “Can it be anything or do you think it has to be some kind of endearment?” he asked.

  Olivier shrugged. “Can you remember at all the one thing you’ve heard every day for the last five months?”

  He must have taken a moment to think because Wesley didn’t answer right away. “Yeah, actually now that I think about it, I do,” he growled. “’You’re my bitch now.’ It doesn’t require any false sentiments.”

  When Olivier again requested a trigger it was my hollow voice that answered. “Lorem adolebit in inferno. That way she won’t know if it’s an endearment or not.” Olivier smiled approvingly as Wesley questioned what it meant. With all sincerity, I translated. “I hope you burn in hell.”

  “Yeah, that’ll definitely do,” Wesley agreed. Olivier and I made him say the words until he said it with consistent inflection each time.

  Olivier glanced over his shoulder at our prisoner. When he returned his gaze to us he speared Wesley with it. “Take her,” Olivier pointed at me, “into the bathroom and shut the door. I have a feeling this next part is going to get ugly.” Going to get ugly? I didn’t want to see that if we weren’t considering what had already taken place ugly. “If something seems to be happening to Charlotte get me immediately, otherwise stay there until I come and get you both. Abigail’s one crazy loon but I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I won’t be the first angel to mess with her mind and neither was Celinda.”

  That got my attention and I pulled away from Wesley. “What do you mean? How do you know that?”

  “I mean that when I looked into her eyes to show her my true self what I saw behind them was a mess,” he answered with a sigh. “There are so many webs of lies behind her eyes I don’t even think she herself knows what the truth is. Oh, and by the way we need to keep Celinda from being alone with Alexander and Regina as much as possible. Abigail isn’t their daughter.”

  Wesley and my jaws dropped. When we recovered enough to speak Olivier cut us off. “A discussion for later. It’s late and I need to get started so Charlotte and I aren’t here when Banks comes to collect you in a few hours.” He shuffled us to the bathroom and shut the door. We could hear the headboard bang against the wall as Abigail struggled against it once more.

  After sinking onto the floor I pulled my knees up to my chest. When Wesley took the space next to me and lifted his arm I curled into his side. We were quiet for a while but hearing the skirmish on the other side of the door sent my body into convulsions. I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears to hide from the truth of what was happening.

  “Shhh. I know it’s hard but it’s necessary. I don’t like it either and I can tell neither does he. No one is relishing what we’ve been forced to do. That’s what makes us different from them. They did.” Wesley rocked me as he continued his attempt to distract me with conversation. “I’m sorry you had to hear me seduce her but Cheval and I thought it would be best if I could get her to willingly let me restrain her.”

  “When did the two of you have time to work all that out?” I delved, accepting distraction over wallowing. I was desperately thirsty and it sounded in my speech.

  He shifted me away from him, grabbed a bottle of water from beside the sink, and handed it to me before taking me back in his arms. “When Paige and you were in the bathroom cleaning yourselves up to go back down to the convention. We had a whole plan worked out. When you unexpectedly took over Cheval whispered in my ear to let it play out. What made the two of you decide to have you act as architect?”

  I pushed my palms into my eyes. “There was no ‘we.’ I acted on impulse and I hate her. In the moment, I just thought it would be the best way to silence her. I had no interest in hearing her abhorrent obscenities. But when she acted as though we were fools and on the wrong side, I don’t know, something snapped. Rather than fight it, I ran with it. In the end I guess it worked out as we were able to get the information we needed to hopefully alter her mind. Yet, I’m still not sure if the ends truly justified the means.”

  I felt Wesley nod as he accepted my explanation. “If Cheval hadn’t pierced me in his gaze after she admitted to orchestrating your attack, I’d have killed her. So in this case the means are justified. At least this way Abigail gets to live. If she didn’t serve some purpose I know we both would have fought for the right to choke the life out of her.”

  “But that’s why we are no better than they are. Olivier is constantly saying it’s your value that has kept us alive all this time. She’s a person not a tool. We all are. I realize we didn’t make her the way she is but it seems she didn’t either. I can’t imagine what life as a constant puppet would be like. Given the life she’s leading, you don’t think death might be preferable?” I paused and swallowed hard. “I’m not suggesting we kill her. That’s not our call to make. But manipulating her shouldn’t be either. Yet, even knowing it’s wrong, I couldn’t risk your life by not doing it.” The riptide of emotions that swept through me in the main room washed over me again and the tears finally fell. I’d make the same choice in a heartbeat if I ever had to again. But I refused to like it.

  Wesley held me while I cried not saying anything until I was finished. “How did you know the attack hadn’t been random? How did you know it was an order?” he quietly asked.

  “Lucky guess,” I admitted. “I grew suspicious when you showed me the engagement announcement on your phone. The picture was from our bedroom and it was the only copy. It had to have been stolen and I knew you hadn’t done so because it was in the house when you left for the campaign trail. The only uninvited guests were those bastards, the contractors, and CSU. I suppose it could have been any of them but when she spat that she’d instigated the whole thing, it just confirmed what I’d already suspected.”

  When I started shifting uncomfortably Wesley pulled me into the comfort of his lap. I laid my head on his shoulder but my fidgeting didn’t cease. “Charlotte, is this something I need to notify Cheval about? Are you okay?” I was growing hot but it felt more stress related than ignes iudicii. I looked into Wesley’s eyes and quickly assured him I was fine, no impending death pains or anything.

  Trapped in his eyes, I knew what was about to happen as his nose slid along my own. My mind screamed it was wrong to let it occur. That it wasn’t fair to any of us for me to succumb to the temptation both men
presented. However, my body overruled me and told my mind to shut the hell up! His lips were close enough but they stopped just out of reach. “Charlotte,” Wesley’s beseeching voice caressed my name. “Please tell me you can look past the sins I’ve committed these last five months and see the man you loved. Tell me there’s still a chance for us.”

  A tightening in my chest coupled with a burning in my loins sent my pulse racing and my heart fluttered erratically. I searched his eyes; memorized the lines of his beautiful face – his deep brown eyes, his round face, his blond hair – then ran my fingers along his brow to his jaw line until I cupped his cheek. “Since learning the truth, Wesley, I’ve only seen you as the man I’ve always known you to be.”

  His lips claimed mine and his arms crushed me to him. My arms wrapped around his neck as they tried to pull him closer. His heart hammered against mine as a disbelieving moan resounded deep within him. My tongue sought his out and when they mated a pleasurable tremor swept down my spine and I felt him tremble against me. His arousal grew against my thigh since I was perched in his lap.

  His hand freed itself of my waist and made its way to the neckline of my dress, allowing his fingers to caress my skin. When I threw my head back, his tongue and lips quickly found the hollow at the base of my neck. His name slipped softly through my lips as my lust erased the details of our location. All I could focus on was how it felt to have my Wesley in my arms again. The sound of a zipper brought me back to the reality of our situation and inappropriateness of our conduct, and my eyes popped open.

  One of my arms darted around my back to stop his progress while the other brought my hand to his face to pull it away from my chest. His eyes were open but clouded by a lustful haze so he wasn’t taking in that for me the moment was over. “That was how I should have kissed you out there. God, I love you,” Wesley huskily declared.

  “Wesley, you need to get back control of yourself. This was a mistake. We shouldn’t have done that.” The mist in his eyes vanished at my hissed reprimand and remorse consumed me. I hadn’t meant kissing him had been a mistake, just the timing and location were. “Please zip me back up.” His hand deftly re-secured my dress. “This just isn’t the right time.”

  He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “I feel as though I spend an eternity apologizing to you. You’re with Cheval, I shouldn’t have ki…” My lips on his silenced him as he attempted to take on all the blame. It was a chaste kiss, enough to let him know he still sparked desire within me. When I pulled away, I ran my thumb over his lips and bit mine to keep from kissing him again.

  “I don’t want your apology,” I offered in explanation. “Olivier and I were a couple until the truth of your situation came to light. He knows I love you both and you need to know the same. I love him, just as I do you. I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do. This isn’t fair to either of you. But I refuse to string either of you along. I need time to figure out what is now best for me. None of us are to blame for what has taken place over the last five months but it has changed us all. Olivier got me through my attack and Wesley that was something you wouldn’t have been able to do.”

  Wesley opened his mouth to protest, but I didn’t pause. “You wouldn’t. Olivier was what I needed then and he may still be what I need. I’m not asking you to wait for me, but given your proclivity to do so, I have to make you aware of the truth of the situation. I may not choose you. Your dream may not come true.” Wesley jolted at my words as he had when I’d slapped his face at the Ritz. It pained me to know I may one day disappoint and crush him.

  I’d expected him to push me away. Most men would. Who wanted to be told the person they wanted most, who they’d waited a lifetime for and had at one point possessed, may no longer view them as the best option? “But you still may choose me? That’s equally just as plausible, correct?” My eternal optimist, I couldn’t help but give him an encouraging smile. His smile beamed in return. “It’s more than I deserve. You’ll give me the opportunity to re-win your heart? Equal opportunity even though you’ll be living with him? Cheval has the upper hand, but we have history, a long standing and passionate history. If anyone has experience wearing you down and making you see them as the safest place to put your heart, it’s me. And you are worth the effort, love.” Wesley’s forehead found mine and we sat there for a few minutes in silence.

  He cleared his throat. “If I’m back to being a competing suitor for your heart, can I make a request?” I nodded. “Please stop addressing me only by my name. You still call him charo or churmus or whatever it is you call him. Please call me darling, again.”

  Shocked he would want that to remain his pet name, I almost questioned his wish. However, he’d obstinately persisted in calling me love. And even knowing Wesley had used it with Abigail, it still made my heart skip a beat. It wasn’t about the word; it was the sentiment he wanted back. I looked into his eyes, placed my hand on his heart, and drawled “Darling.” The thundering of his heart was my reward.

  With the intense conversation over I put my head back on Wesley’s shoulder. He kissed my forehead and enveloped me in his arms. The rest of the time we spent in the bathroom was done in silence as we waited for Olivier to retrieve us. I was made aware he finally had when I heard them quietly arguing. “I realize you have superhuman strength, Cheval, but I can get up and keep her safe.” The voice sounded far away. I must have dozed off.

  Too tired to fully wake up I refocused on the backs of my eyelids to drift back off to dreamland. However, their disagreement kept penetrating my dreams. “Breaux, you’ve had her all to yourself for hours tonight. I will honor our gentlemen’s agreement to not make this harder on Charlotte than it has to be but I will not just stand idly by and let you take her from me.” I suddenly became weightless. It wasn’t until I was jostled that I realized I was cradled in the arms of one of them.

  Wesley’s fuming voice floated from behind me. I must be in Olivier’s arms. “Fighting over her does nothing for either of us and I agree we shouldn’t do so in her presence. But she knows I intend to fight for her. She’s my soul mate, the love of my life. I’ve waited more than twenty years for her. If it wasn’t for the interference of your kind, we might be married now.”

  When Olivier turned to Wesley, I slid somewhat out of his hold. Instinctively, I threw my arms around his neck and snuggled into his chest to secure myself. Olivier stopped his retort mid-word to tenderly comfort me first. “Carissime, I have you. Shhh, dream away.” His tone was lower when he stabbed at Wesley again. “You’ve waited more than twenty years for her, Breaux? I’ve waited a millennia for a woman like her. Your soul mate, the love of your life? She saved mine! Everything I do, every act she calls a rescue, is just a small payment in return for everything she’s given back to me: the will to live, the desire to love, the urge to protect.”

  “But that’s the difference,” Wesley charged. “You just needed someone like Charlotte. I’m sure there’s a woman out there somewhere who could offer the same. I’ve been waiting for her.” Wesley must have stepped up to Olivier because he sounded equidistant from me.

  “Don’t twist my words, whelp!” Olivier shot back. “We both know she can hear us. I’ve been around a lot longer than you but we both know there isn’t a woman in this world who compares to Charlotte. Now, before Banks saunters in, let’s get the trigger set in Abigail’s mind. My priority is to protect Charlotte and with the sun coming up that’s becoming a more dangerous proposition since you tend to rise with it.”

  “Fine, what do I need to do?”

  “Since this is supposed to be a trigger for sex, and remember I have absolutely no experience with manipulating a mind, short of having you sleep with her and say the words…”

  “You must be absolutely savoring the idea that I have to sleep with this vile creature again. I wish I had listened to Charlotte when she tried to warn me about Abigail!”

  “Shut up!” Olivier exclaimed. “It would kill Charlotte to have
you bed Abigail again. If you would let me finish, I was going to suggest you speak the act to her. Her mind just needs to think she’s sleeping with you. I should have her malleable now. A couple of times through your monologue slip in the phrase. You remember it don’t you?”

  “Lorem adolebit in inferno,” they recited together.

  “Good. Hopefully this works. Make it convincing, pretend it’s Charlotte you’re talking about. That shell of a person won’t know the difference as long as you don’t use her name.”

  “Hopefully?” Wesley questioned. “That’s a pretty big risk I’m taking with my life!”

  “I’m aware and I’ll protect you as best I can, for Charlotte’s sake. Abigail said she had to say the phrase to you daily. I’d recommend saying yours each evening when she’s coming on to you as her mind will already have a sexual inclination. Try to be subtle about it.”

  One of them sighed. “Cheval, thank you. Thank you for keeping her safe when I couldn’t, all the times you kept her safe. Thank you for doing this. I would have slept with Abigail to protect Charlotte, but it would have meant walking away from Charlotte for good. You could have easily taken advantage.”

  “When it comes to Charlotte,” Olivier responded, “I don’t fight dirty. I want to win her on my own merits. I want to be the better man, a man worthy of her attentive affection. I’d shake your hand but my arms are full, so may the better man win.”

  “Oh, don’t worry,” Wesley answered. “I intend to.”