Uncle John’s Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  ODD-O-MOBILES

  We were driven to write this page on unusual cars.

  PHILION ROAD CARRIAGE: One of the oldest American automobiles, patented in 1892 by showman Achille Philion. It had a 2-cylinder, 1 horsepower, steam-powered engine; had a movable steering wheel (it could go on the front or back of the car); and could reach 8 mph. The chauffeur sat in the back to maintain the steam boiler. Only one was built: It was a big hit at the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair. Want to see it? It appeared in the 1942 Orson Welles film, The Magnificent Ambersons, and now resides at the National Automobile Museum in Reno, Nevada.

  AWZ P70: This East German car looked like the typical boxy Euro-sedan from the 1950s, but the “P” in AWZ P70 stood for “plastic”—that’s what the body was made of (there was a steel embargo imposed on Soviet Bloc countries). Today it’s not unusual for cars to be made of plastic, but the P70 was one of the world’s first. (Another early plastic car: the 1953 Chevy Corvette.)

  S-CARGO: Escargot is French for “snail,” and that’s what this Nissan car/van looked like, with a tiny hood and a large, bubble-shaped body. (Nissan claimed S-Cargo stood for “small cargo.”) Available only in Japan, about 12,000 sold between 1989 and 1992.

  DYMAXION: The brainchild of R. Buckminster Fuller, Dymaxion stood for “dynamic, maximum, and tension.” This 3-wheeled, bullet-shaped car was 20 feet long, had a Ford V-8 engine driving the two front wheels, and was steered via the single rear wheel, which allowed it to turn on a dime. It had room for 11 passengers and could travel at a top speed of about 120 mph, getting an unheard-of 25 to 30 mpg. And it had a periscope…instead of a rear window. A test run of the prototype at the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair resulted in a rollover, killing the driver. The crash was blamed on the steering, but many say another vehicle caused it. In any case, financial backers pulled out, and only three cars were built in 1933 and 1934. Just one exists today.

  Estimated weight of Egypt’s Great Pyramid: 6,648,000 tons.

  BUREAUCRACY IN ACTION

  People of the world, rest easy: We’ve discovered proof that your tax dollars are being well spent.

  The Hindustan Times reported in 2005 that the city of New Delhi employs 97 paid rat-catchers. What’s odd about that? They haven’t caught a single rat since 1994. (And, according to the Times, there are a lot of rats in New Delhi.)

  • In October 2005, the Department of Homeland Security awarded a $36,300 grant to the state of Kentucky. Purpose of the grant: to prevent terrorists from using bingo halls to raise money.

  • Father Anthony Sutch had to call an electrician to change four lightbulbs on the 40-foot ceiling of St. Benet’s Church in Suffolk, England. In the past he used a local firm to do it and paid them £200 ($370), which he thought was pretty steep to change four bulbs. But government safety regulations now prohibit the workers from using a ladder—they have to erect scaffolding instead. Result: In 2005 the church spent £1,300 ($2,450) to change the bulbs.

  • In 2003 Congress agreed to subsidize the Alaska Fisheries Marketing Board, a salmon industry trade organization. The AFMB used the money to paint an Alaska Airlines 737 jet to look like a salmon (the jet’s nickname: “Salmon-Thirty-Salmon”). Cost: $500,000. The subsidy was proposed by Sen. Ted Stevens, whose son, Ben Stevens, happens to be the chairman of the AFMB.

  • The Youth Outreach Unit of Blue Springs, Missouri (population: 48,000) received $273,000 to combat teenage “goth” culture.

  • In 1981 the U.S. Army spent $6,000 in federal funds to create a 17-page manual for government agencies on how to properly select and purchase a bottle of Worcestershire sauce.

  • What did the U.S. government spend $24.5 billion on in 2003? Nobody knows. According to the General Accounting Office, that’s how much the federal government couldn’t account for that year.

  Why did the U.S. Treasury start printing paper money in 1862? There was a coin shortage.

  BELIEVE!

  Hungry for inspiration? Then tack one of these inspiring quotes to your refrigerator.

  “Believe it is possible to solve your problem. Tremendous things happen to the believer. Believe the answer will come. It will.”

  —Norman Vincent Peale

  “Within each of us is a hidden store of determination—determination to keep us in the race when all seems lost.”

  —Roger Dawson

  “Your diamonds are not in far distant mountains or in yonder seas; they are in your own back yard, if you but dig for them.”

  —Russell H. Conwell

  “We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”

  —Martin Luther King, Jr.

  “All adverse and depressing influences can be overcome, not by fighting, but by rising above them.”

  —Charles Caleb Colton

  “Never, never, never give up.”

  —Winston Churchill

  “To live long and achieve happiness, cultivate the art of radiating happiness.”

  —Malcolm Forbes

  “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

  —Helen Keller

  “It may be that those who do most, dream most.”

  —Stephen Butler Leacock

  “Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.”

  —Mark Twain

  “What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?”

  —Dr. Robert Schuller

  “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

  —Dr. Seuss

  “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.”

  —James Dean

  Hindu holy days begin at sunrise, Jewish holy days at sunset, and Christian holy days at midnight.

  RIDDLE ME THIS

  Some classic brain challenges. (Answers on page 519.)

  1. Without being called, they come at night. Without being stolen, they are lost in the day. What are they?

  2. Two legs have I, and this will confound: Only at rest do they touch the ground. Who am I?

  3. I went to the woods. That’s where I got it. I brought it home with me because I couldn’t find it. What is it?

  4. Although I am served, You do not want me. But once you have me, You don’t want to lose me. What am I?

  5. I lose a head in the morning, but get it back at night. What am I?

  6. Neither bus nor train, nor cab, nor plane, I transport you once and then never again. What am I?

  7. I have seven letters: The first two stand for a boy. The first three stand for a girl. The first four are a brave boy. The first six are addictive. But all of my letters together stand for a brave girl. What am I?

  8. Stand and I disappear. Sit and I reappear. What am I?

  9. I know what my job is, The point has been made. You say I have a big head? It’s true, I’m afraid. What I need most Is to be driven home. So put me in my place And then leave me alone. What am I?

  10. Try to keep me, because if you lose me, those around you will lose theirs as well. What am I?

  11. I do not breathe, yet I run. I do not eat, yet I sleep. I do not drink, yet I swim. I do not think, yet I grow. I cannot see you, but you see me every day. What am I?

  12. Large as mountains, small as peas, endlessly swimming in waterless seas. Who are they?

  Ready for Jurassic Park? In 2005, scientists found soft tissue—blood vessels—from a T. rex.

  DEATH DEFIERS?

  Is it a fact that some people live a lot longer than the rest of us? Sometimes it is…and sometimes it isn’t.

  THE 100+ CLUB

  Humans are living longer than ever—average life spans are greater now than at any other time in recorded history. In the United States alone, there are more than 50,000 people over 100 years of age. Centenarians are the fastest-growing age group in America, projected to top 800,000 by 2050. But there have always been t
ales of places around the world where people have commonly lived uncommonly long lives, unmarred by disease and full of vigor—even in eras when the average human life span was only 30 or 40 years. One of the most popular tales is that of the Hunza, who live in the snow-capped peaks of the Hindu Kush.

  THEY’RE PUTTING YOU HUNZA

  Living in a secluded region between towering peaks in the Karakorum Mountains, the people of the Hunza Valley of northern Pakistan have been left to themselves for centuries. In their isolation, they have farmed their terraced fields and enjoyed lives of enviable tranquillity. Throughout central Asia, the Hunzakut, as they call themselves, are legendary for their good health. Many Hunza elders claim to be well over 100 years of age, a feat they credit to the simple lives they lead: a diet of fresh vegetables, fruits (including plenty of apricots), nuts, and grains, with very little meat and almost no sugar; plenty of exercise climbing up and down the steep slopes of their valley; respect and veneration traditionally given to the elderly; and a good sense of humor.

  The Hunza also lack something that is missing in many under-developed regions of the world that claim to have large numbers of people living to age 120 and beyond: no pesky birth certificates to contradict wildly exaggerated claims of longevity. The “myth of the Hunza”—and it is only a myth—was helped along in the 1940s and again in the 1970s when westerners visited the region and passed along tales of locals claiming to be well over 100 years of age without having any way of verifying whether they were true. Subsequent scientific research has demonstrated the claims were false—thanks to poor diet and even poorer access to medical care, the life expectancy of the Hunza people is actually lower than that of the United States. The same has been true with other regions that claim extraordinary longevity, including Vilcabamba, in southern Ecuador, and the people of the Caucasus mountains of Georgia, a former republic of the Soviet Union.

  It runs hot and cold: Iceland is home to 120 glaciers…and over 100 volcanoes.

  RESPECT YOUR ELDERS

  What motivates people in some traditional societies to exaggerate their ages so dramatically? Illiteracy and underdevelopment are often factors—accurate birth and death records are not kept, leaving people with little education to guess at their true ages. And in societies where the elderly are held in great esteem and the oldest person in the village occupies a position of especially high status, the temptation to exaggerate one’s age can be overwhelming. It’s also not unheard of for people in traditional societies, the Hunza included, to award themselves what are in effect “extra credit” years for life experience. A 57-year-old Hunza farmer who thinks he’s seen a lot in life, for example, might tack on as many as 70 extra years for accumulated wisdom and claim an age of 127.

  In the case of the people of the Caucasus mountains of Georgia, it was common for World War I deserters from the Russian military to assume the identities of deceased elders to avoid detection. Once these Georgians assumed new identities—and once Georgia became part of the Soviet Union—they had little choice but to stick with their new identities from then on.

  NO KIDDING

  So what area of the world really can claim to have the world’s greatest life expectancy? The islands of Okinawa in southern Japan. On these islands, the average life expectancy is 81.2 years, compared to 79.9 for all of Japan and 76.8 for the United States. The islands have maintained a family registry system since 1879, so the ages of all its citizens can be verified.

  Okinawa also boasts a larger percentage of centenarians than just about any place on earth—34 per 100,000. The U.S., by contrast, has just over 10 per 100,000. Elderly Okinawans also have lower rates of cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer’s, and other chronic illnesses related to aging. And unlike centenarians in other parts of the world, Okinawa’s centenarians tend to remain healthy late in life and only experience a rapid decline in health shortly before death. To what do researchers attribute their long lives? Good genes, a healthy lifestyle and diet, a cultural emphasis on preventative medicine, and access to good healthcare. (Proof that good genes aren’t enough by themselves: Younger Okinawans, who have abandoned the traditional Okinawa lifestyle, have a higher mortality rate than their counterparts in the rest of Japan.)

  What did U.S. presidents Tyler, Fillmore, and Arthur have in common? No vice president.

  LONGEVITY RULES

  So you want to live to 100 without moving to Okinawa? Here are some tips, including a few that may surprise you:

  1. Don’t get fat. Obesity is the #1 factor in reducing life span. Follow a diet low in fat and meat, with lots of fruits and veggies.

  2. Don’t smoke. Du-u-u-uh.

  3. Keep calm. If you can’t avoid stressful situations, find a way to “go with the flow” when you’re in them.

  4. Keep moving. Exercise keeps you flexible and strong.

  5. Have sex. A study in the British Medical Journal showed that men ages 45–59 who had sex once a month or less were twice as likely to die as men who had sex twice a week or more. (Sorry, no data available on the benefits for women.)

  6. Stay together. Long-term relationships are more important for men than women, who seem to survive without their spouses just fine. But according to research, single men are twice as likely to die early than married men.

  7. Have children, but have them later. This just in: Many female centenarians didn’t have kids until after the age of 35. In fact, women over 100 are four times more likely than the average population to have had their first child after 40.

  8. Hit the sack. The American Cancer Society reports that people who sleep seven hours per night have the lowest mortality rate. But don’t overdo it: Nine hours is as bad for you as four.

  * * *

  “Age is an issue of mind over matter.

  If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” —Mark Twain

  On a diet? King penguin chicks may go as long as five months between meals.

  MYTH-CONCEPTIONS

  “Common knowledge” is frequently wrong. Here are some examples.

  MYTH: There is a “dark side” of the moon.

  FACT: Pink Floyd was wrong—there is no dark side. There’s a near side, which always faces Earth, and a far side, which always faces away. When the moon is between the sun and the Earth, the far side is sunny and bright—we just can’t see it.

  MYTH: The main cause of hearing loss is aging.

  FACT: Many people’s hearing does start to go as they get older, but it is not a natural aging process. The primary cause of hearing loss is cumulative exposure to loud noises.

  MYTH: Raindrops are tear-shaped.

  FACT: Small raindrops are spherical. Larger raindrops are oval, flattening out in the middle. Really big ones resemble parachutes.

  MYTH: Spicy foods can cause ulcers.

  FACT: An ulcer is caused by a bacterial infection. Spicy foods may aggravate an existing ulcer, but they won’t give you one.

  MYTH: Show business is the largest employer in Los Angeles.

  FACT: Hollywood may be the entertainment capital of the world, and everyone in L.A. may want to be in show business, but the largest industry in Los Angeles County is manufacturing.

  MYTH: Adding salt to water will make it boil faster.

  FACT: Actually, adding salt makes the water take longer to boil. But that’s a good thing—it boils at a higher temperature, which makes the pasta (or whatever’s in the pot) cook faster.

  MYTH: Red-headed people have bad tempers.

  FACT: Many cultures have myths about redheads (the ancient Greeks said redheads became vampires after death). Hair color has nothing to do with emotion…although a 2002 study did find that redheads require 20% more anesthesia than blondes or brunettes.

  Skiers beware: There are about 250,000 avalanches every year in the Alps.

  THE NUTMEG WARS

  In the 17th century, all Europe was mad to have the little brown nut from Indonesia—nutmeg. Especially the Dutch, who monopolized its cultivation and, in doing so, buil
t their tiny nation into one of the wealthiest trading powers on the planet.

  BACKGROUND

  Spices have been used by human beings for millennia for food preparation and preservation, medicine, and even embalming. But until modern times they were largely an Asian commodity, and controlling their flow to the spice-obsessed West meant power and fortune for the middlemen. Over the centuries these hugely successful merchants were Phoenicians, Persians, Arabs, and later, Venetians.

  Many of the great European explorations of the 15th century were driven by the need to bypass the Arab and Venetian monopoly. Crying, “For Christ and spices,” the Portuguese explorer Vasco da Gama shocked the Arab world when he sailed around Africa’s Cape of Good Hope in 1498 and showed up in the spice markets of India. It marked the beginning of the decline of Arab dominance and the rise of European power. For the next 100 years, as Spain and Portugal fought for control of the spice trade, the tiny countries of England and the Netherlands looked on in envy, waiting for their chance to get a piece of the action. It came first for the Dutch.

  THE DUTCH EAST INDIA COMPANY

  Always in danger of being overwhelmed by their much larger neighbor, Spain, the Portuguese began subcontracting their spice distribution to Dutch traders. Profits began to flow into Amsterdam, and the Dutch commercial fleet swiftly grew into one of the largest in the world. The Dutch quietly gained control of most of the shipping and trading of spices in Northern Europe. Then, in 1580, Portugal fell under Spanish rule and the sweet deal for Dutch traders was over. As prices for pepper, nutmeg, and other spices soared across Europe, the Dutch found themselves locked out of the market. They decided to fight back.

  Boing! Boing! The rubber used to make SuperBalls is called Zectron.