At First Blush

by Marianne Rice

  Ben chuckled. “No. It’s just you. My family is mad at me because they know I hurt you. They don’t know the details, unless Anna coaxed them out of you.” He tilted his head and those amazing eyes, as blue as the Napa Valley sky, turned to her, stirring up the pile of rubble in her chest. “She’s smart and pieced two and two together.”

  Alexis didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to say. Ben screwed up. He led her on and he knew it. What else could either of them do?

  Nothing. The trust was gone. The hurt took over. End of story.

  “I’ve been thinking of ways I can make this up to you.”

  “You can’t.” She set her cup on the wrought iron table and stood. “You…made your bed. Now you have to lie in it. Lay, lie, it’s a two-for-one deal with you.”

  Ben shot to his feet and stood between her and the door. “I never lied to you.”

  “It’s the same—”

  “Damn it! No, it’s not. We became friends, then lovers. I mentioned Felicia and…stuff I had to take care of at home. We never talked about pursuing a relationship. I purposely avoided that conversation because I knew I couldn’t commit to one.”

  Her eyes were too sore and dry to shed any more tears. Her body too numb to feel any more pain. So she stood there, expressionless. The dagger in her chest twisting until she grew numb from head to toe. He couldn’t have hurt her anymore if he tried.

  Admitting he had no plans to ever be in a committed relationship was the final nail in the coffin. Even if she had the energy, there was nothing left to fight for.

  “Well then, I guess my time here is done. There’s nothing else to say.” Shoulders slouched, she slipped past him and into the house, gently closing the door behind her. Ben didn’t follow her in and she didn’t wait to hear him leave.

  Collapsing on her bed, she finally crashed, falling asleep, not waking until the middle of the night when she escaped under the cover of darkness, not wanting to go through the painful process of saying goodbye to Adrianna and Sarah.

  To Napa Valley.

  To Martevino Vineyards.

  To Ben. Although he was already gone. She lost him two weeks ago, if not before. All she could do now was pick her head up and move on.

  Alone.

  The following months went by in a blur. The construction was complete, the function hall ready to open, and the leaves full and green on the vines shading the precious grapes growing underneath.

  Spring bottling kept her busy during the day, and she spent her nights reading, looking forward to Thursday night’s book club. June’s book was a dark thriller, which Alexis appreciated after the sappy romance last month. When she’d scoffed at the happily ever after at the end, ridiculing the couple’s cheesy reuniting and claiming true love didn’t exist, Hope had looked at her with knowing eyes and suggested the thriller for June.

  Alexis was one of the first ones to arrive, and was settled into an armchair when Hope came through the door.

  “Hey, Al. Heard you had a big group for a tasting? They came in to the restaurant after raving about the shop set up in the tasting room. And the wine, too, of course.” Hope tossed her oversized purse on the couch and set her cooler on the coffee table.

  “They were cute. Five retired couples working the Maine Wine Trail. I think they only have four left to visit.”

  “Aww. Let’s do that when we’re old and gray. Book club on Thursday and wine tours on the weekend.” Hope opened the cooler, taking out a bottle of blueberry vodka, lemonade, and fresh ginger.

  “If we’re retired we should go on Tuesdays. Less crowds that way,” Lily suggested.

  With her gorgeous face, long blonde hair, and tall, thin frame, Alexis’s first impression of Lily had been that of another spoiled Barbie. Only Lily turned out to be the sweetest and most caring of the group.

  Mia came around the corner from the stacks of books and eyed the mini bar Hope had set up. “Guess none for me tonight since it’s my turn as DD.”

  At first glance Mia appeared innocent and wholesome, her petite frame fooling them all.

  Yet she was the outspoken one, not afraid to say what was on her mind, and often insulting at times, although the women never seemed to take offense. And she rarely had her reading done. Alexis figured she came for the company and they clicked instantly. Funny how they never really crossed paths when they were in high school.

  Jenna came rushing through the door, a few minutes late and covered in paint splatters, as usual. “What would the town think if I started painting nudes? The ocean, flowers, and butterflies are sweet, but we have some fine looking men around town.”

  “Only if we can watch.” Mia chuckled, reaching for the cup of lemonade Hope offered.

  “Oh, to be young again,” sighed Celeste as she bustled about the store, straightening books on the shelves. It was no secret the mother hen adored the reading club and the life they brought into her bookstore.

  They rotated duties each week: facilitator, bearer of drinks, bringer of snacks, and recently added timekeeper and designated driver.

  When Celeste found them all still in the reading area of her store at midnight, way too tipsy to drive home, she set a time and drink limit, unless they established a designated driver ahead of time.

  “Can you imagine? I bet Priscilla would be the first to buy one. And picture the art show at Alexis’s function hall. Walls and walls of naked men.” Hope handed out the rest of the drinks and sunk into the leather couch next to Alexis.

  “It could be a live show as well,” Mia offered. “Jenna’s models wearing nothing but grape leaves over their junk, offering samples of…wine to guests.” The room grew loud with agreements and sighs. “How about that sexy dark hair blue eyed guy that was poking around this winter? What’s his name?”

  Lily opened up the lid to the cookies she brought and set the container in the middle of the table. “Ben. He was really nice and offered me some suggestions on how to draw in more clients at the spa.”

  Something inside Alexis tickled with awareness. Ben had been kind to all the townspeople, offering free advice without being pushy, not making a dime for his trips to Maine. A tinge of jealousy crept up her spine when Mia went on and on about the hot looking dude.

  “I bet he’s selfish in bed though. Anyone that hot has to be somewhat vain. He stood out like a…sexy dude in a small Maine town,” she joked.

  Hope squeezed Alexis’s free hand quickly and discreetly and gave her a knowing glance. They’d become friends, not the kind to stay up late in their pajamas and talk about boys and sex, but close enough where Hope had figured out something had happened with Ben without Alexis having to say the words.

  Ben was anything but selfish, in bed and out of it. He treated her like a woman, respected and cared for her. No one had ever been so thoughtful, so kind, so understanding. Four months ago being with a man was nowhere on her radar, and now she couldn’t not think about it.

  Not any man. Ben. The sparkle in his eyes when he laughed with her, and even at her. Not in a condescending way, but in a way that made her pulse race, her knees weak. She felt safe and whole when she was with him.

  Which is why it hurt so much to discover he had a secret life in California. Not that she didn’t expect him to have a past, to have a life she knew nothing about, wasn’t even a part of. Only she’d shared so much of herself, her insecurities stemming from high school, her disdain for the popular, and the appeal of tradition.

  In those short months, weeks really, when she was with Ben she thought she knew him as well. He’d shared stories from his childhood, his visits to Italy. He’d described his family vineyard in such detail when Alexis drove up to it she felt like she’d seen it before.

  Granted, that could be from the countless times she’d spent on the family’s website. Still.

  “There are a lot of nice looking men in Crystal Cove,” Hope said. “We’re so used to seeing them every day they don’t stand out anymore.”

  “And in Woodbine
.” All heads turned Lily’s way in shock. “And Eastcliff, Camden, and Rockland. In Maine. We have nice men here,” she stammered.

  Alexis recognized that face. A combination of fear and excitement, insecurity and longing. There was a story in Lily Novak waiting to be told. The newly formed friendship with the women wasn’t at the level of revealing deep, dark secrets, otherwise Alexis never would have made it past the first meeting.

  “That’s it. We need to plan a girl’s weekend away. Or at least hook up more.” Mia swiped a sugar cookie and dipped it into her virgin lemonade.

  “That’s gross.” Hope shook her head and guzzled her drink.

  “If I can’t have vodka in it, I gotta add a little something-something.”

  “You’ll not be turning my bookstore into a brothel.” Celeste stood, hands on her hips, and shook her head at the four women. “I expected to have to say those words to Priscilla, but not to you ladies.”

  Their gazes darted around at each other, and then one by one they all burst out in laughter. This. This is what Alexis had been missing. Even with her heart shattered in a million pieces, she could pick it up bit-by-bit with the laughter and friendship from those around her.

  Friends had never been high on her list either.

  Until she had one.

  Or four.

  “If you ladies aren’t going to discuss books, I’m going to go home to my husband and actually get some reading in.” Celeste reached for her purse behind the counter and gave the group a stern warning. “Mia, you keep dipping those cookies in that lemonade of yours and stay away from the vodka. And make sure you drive anyone home who has more than one of those poisonous drinks Hope made.”

  “Yes, Mother.”

  “Say hello to Wade for us,” Lily said, sweet on the manners as always.

  When Celeste left, Mia grinned. “Normally I don’t think about my brother’s sex life, but he’d be a good hook up for you, Lily.”

  “Oh. I don’t think so.” Lily hid behind her drink.

  “He’d be the perfect model if I ever switched gears and painted men.” Jenna fanned herself with her hand.

  They all knew the story. Sort of. Ty served eight years overseas and came back with scars. They all had scars, some more than others. Some more mental than physical.

  “Didn’t you date him in high school, Hope?”

  “That was ages ago.” Hope waved off Jenna’s question.

  “He’s not Delaney’s…” Jenna inched to the edge of her seat.

  “Delaney’s father is…not in the picture. I dated Ty the year before I got pregnant. We’re close. More like brother and sister.”

  “I can second that,” Mia said. “I still think if Hope ever gives the word, my brother would put a ring on her finger in a heartbeat. Maybe he’s your type?” Mia pointed her cookie at Lily.

  “Me? Mine? Oh, no. I’m not…interested.”

  Not wanting to have the question come her way, Alexis steered the direction of the conversation. “Are we going to discuss the book? If not, I have an early start and am going to head home.”

  “There’s one in every group,” Hope mumbled into her cup, the laughter in her eyes revealing she didn’t mind the change of focus.

  An hour later, after much debate whether the heroine had any redeemable qualities, a knock on the front door startled them from their heated discussion.

  “Anyone expecting company?” Hope rose and headed toward the front of the store. The sky had darkened and the dim lights from the closed storefronts cast a shadow on the visitor in the doorway.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Hope. I’m not intruding on your book club, am I?” The deep baritone caused Alexis’s heart to palpitate and her mouth turned dry as the desert sun.

  Ben rounded the corner, his pale blue polo shirt bringing out his tanned skin and the brightness in his eyes. He wore his hair in a shorter fashion, his face still beautiful and angled, covered in a dusting of whiskers.

  “Ladies, you’re all looking wonderful as always.” He nodded to Jenna. “Congratulations. I hear you have an art show coming up.”

  It was the first event in the function hall, and had already garnered more interest than Alexis and Jenna could have anticipated. Seven other local artists would be showcasing their work as well, bringing in their clients and contacts.

  Mia snorted. “We were talking about that earlier. She may be expanding her…horizons.”

  “Stop it. I was fooling.” Jenna blushed. “Ignore Mia.”

  “Expanding horizons sounds like a good idea. I’m considering doing the same.” He turned his piercing gaze her way, a seductive yet humble tug at his lips. Ben hooked his thumbs in the belt loops in his jeans and rocked back on his heels, looking confident and comfortable in the room full of woman.

  Of course he was. He was a ladies man. Probably had another woman knocked up, or begging to have his babies. He sent Alexis a message with his eyes but she couldn’t decipher it. Something between I’m annoyed as hell and I want you naked. Now.

  Ben licked his lips. He finally blinked, those gorgeous baby blues hiding behind his lids for a fraction of a second, and turned toward Lily. “Lily, you must be busy with summer traffic?”

  She nodded. “Mia’s grouchy now that she’s working long hours at the spa and then waitressing at night for Hope.”

  “Which is why I haven’t had a date in two months.” Mia snagged another cookie, swishing her dark hair over her shoulder.

  Ben’s gaze traveled quickly back to Alexis, his eyes locking on hers, sending a delicious shiver down her spine. She crossed her legs, clenching her thighs to block the shiver from traveling further south, hating her traitorous body.

  “What brings you back to Maine?” Hope asked, stepping in front of Ben and blocking his view of Alexis.

  He slid his hands into his pockets and eyed Alexis over Hope’s shoulder. “I’m…attracted to this town, to the people in it.”

  More tingles and shivers. Sure, like a vacation home when he wanted to get away from the responsibilities at home, like a job, a child, and her mother.

  “Is there a reason why you stopped by Books By the Ocean tonight? The sign does say it’s closed.” Hope continued to block the view, and Alexis was forever grateful for the extra minutes to regain her composure. She hadn’t seen or talked to him since he snapped at her about not wanting a relationship when she’d been in Napa.

  “Actually, I came to see Alexis.” He peered around Hope’s shoulder, casting his million dollar smile Alexis’s way. “If she’ll talk to me.”

  Four heads swiveled her way while Ben remained on the outside of the circle of couches, hands still resting comfortably and casually in his pockets.

  “Alexis?” Hope asked.

  “Dude. You should totally jump his bones,” Mia whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

  Ben smirked and Lily covered her mouth with her hand, while Jenna quietly studied them with her artist eye. Sizing him up for her nude paintings, or trying to figure out if something was going on between them, Alexis wasn’t sure.

  Only Hope knew—or had figured out—the tension between them was from something that had gone sour in the past months.

  Her belly betrayed her by fluttering instead of churning, her heart leaping for joy instead of shutting down. She tried to tell herself Ben was the devil. The spawn of Satan. A cheater and terrible man, she wasn’t supposed to notice the way his shirt pulled across his chest, or how his dimple fought to poke through his whiskers.

  Lily must have sensed the tension in the air, and gathered her book and notebook. “I’m going to head home. I’m okay to drive, Mia.”

  “I’m not,” Hope said. “And I don’t think Jenna is. Mia, can you take us home now? It’s getting late.” Hope tossed the half-empty vodka bottle in her cooler and squeezed Alexis’s hands. “Good luck.”

  Alexis clenched her teeth, her eyes begging Hope to stay.

  “Is there something going on that I don’t know about?�
� Mia asked.

  “Shut it, Parker. Let’s go.” Hope looped her arm through Mia’s and pulled her through the door, Jenna and Lily at their heels.

  When Ben and Alexis were all alone, he settled in the chair across from her and stretched his long legs.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  Not the words she expected to hear from him. Alexis chugged the rest of her drink and pretended to have more confidence then she had. Once the last shot of vodka she just swilled kicked in she wouldn’t be able to drive home.

  “What are you doing, Ben?”

  “Talking with you. The woman I—”

  “Please.” She held out her hand stopping him from saying words he didn’t mean that would embarrass both of them later. “Don’t bullshit me.”

  He studied her again in that way that made her feel like he had microscope and x-ray machine eyes, seeing through her and learning more about what made her body tick than she knew. His blue gaze assessing her eyes, her nose, locking on her lips and licking his own.

  Bounding out of her seat, Alexis searched for her keys in her drawstring sack, finding only her book, notebook, and a handful of post-it notes.

  “Hope,” she cursed under her breath. Hope must have taken her keys, like they’re supposed to do to each other when too much alcohol was consumed. Only it was Mia’s turn to be DD, but Mia wouldn’t have thought to take them.

  “Alexis.” Ben’s voice sent tendrils of lust through her body, circling her girly parts. “Can we talk?”

  “We tried that a few months ago in California.” She fired off a text to Hope pleading for her keys or a ride.

  He placed his hand over her phone and said, “You didn’t listen.”

  “You didn’t have anything worth listening to.” Alexis slid her hands away and paced the bookstore, keeping a low table of books between her and Ben.

  “I know I hurt you. I shouldn’t have kept Sophie…or rather Sophie’s existence a secret.”

  “You think?”

  “I was afraid if you knew I had a baby coming, that I’d gotten another woman pregnant, that you wouldn’t have gone out with me.”