He looked at her with confusion. “Why?”
Rachel sighed in frustration. “It would be nice if we could share a conversation at some point, to get to know each other better.”
Cole seemed to consider this, but Rachel was never quite sure precisely what he was thinking. The only thing she was left with was her assumptions and the hope that perhaps they were right.
“If you like,” he said unexpectedly.
Rachel paused for a moment, losing her train of thought. “If I like what?” she asked.
“If you like, we could have a conversation,” Cole said. “We’re here now.”
“Oh,” Rachel said taken back. “Oh.”
Cole raised his eyebrows at her.
Rachel smiled. “I’m sorry, that took me off guard a little bit. I do have things I’d like to talk about.”
“Alright,” Cole said.
“Have you always lived on this ranch?” Rachel asked tentatively.
“My whole life,” Cole replied. “I was born in the back room. Jane was born in yours.”
“So your father was a rancher?”
“As far as I know my whole family were ranchers.”
“And do you like it?” Rachel asked, hoping that didn’t sound like a stupid question.
Cole paused for a moment before he answered. It was obvious that he had never thought about it before. “It’s my life. I don’t like or dislike it. It’s just what I do.”
“And Jane?” Rachel asked. “Will she take it over one day?”
“I hope so,” Cole answered.
“Really?” Rachel said before she could stop herself.
“You sound surprised by that,” Cole said.
“I just- it’s a harsh life for a woman.”
“It’s a harsh life for anyone, man or woman,” Cole said. “At least this will be hers and she won’t have to depend on nobody.”
Rachel nodded as she moved opposite Cole, until Callie’s long nose was between them. She reached up and stroked the horse right between the eyes like she had seen Jane do. “You know I was a little shocked when I first came here,” she admitted.
“About?”
“Just the harshness of life,” Rachel explained softly. “I was so caught up in the difficulties of it that I failed to see the beauty. There’s something lovely about life here. It is difficult, and it’s wild, and harsh, but there’s nothing insincere about it.” Rachel broke off her strange explanation and shook her head. “I’m sorry, I don’t think that made very much sense.”
“No,” Cole said looking her straight in the eye. “It made sense to me.”
Rachel smiled. In that moment, she thought she saw Cole’s eyes soften, as though he were warming towards her. It was the closest thing to a smile she could hope for and that filled her with some measure of hope.
Caught up in that fleeting moment of connection, Rachel’s hand dropped from Callie’s nose and the horse butted her head against Rachel in reminder. Smiling, Rachel resumed her stroking.
“She likes you,” Cole said.
“She might be the only one,” Rachel sighed. “The other horses are weary of me at best.”
“That’s because they sense you’re uncomfortable around them,” Cole told her.
“Well it’s hard not to be,” Rachel said. “They’re gigantic.”
“They’re gentle giants if you know how to treat ‘em,” Cole said. “They just need to get to know you.”
“All the same, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to ride without a saddle like you and Jane do.”
“That’s what my wife told me when she first came to this ranch,” Cole said. “And within six months she had proved herself wrong.”
“What was she like, your wife?” Rachel asked.
Immediately, she regretted asking the question. She saw a hood fall over Cole’s eyes and the rigidity slipped back into his posture. “She was fearless,” he said shortly. Then he put down the brush, stroked the horse gently and walked away. Rachel thought he would leave without another word, but he stopped abruptly at the stable doors and turned around.
“Goodnight Rachel,” he said with a tip of head.
“Goodnight Cole,” Rachel whispered back.
Chapter Six
“Please, Canter,” Rachel begged as she tried to cajole the horse into moving.
The sun was hot against her back, and sweat had matted the hair to her forehead. She was hungry, tired, and angry all at the same time. She had burned breakfast that morning, and while walking up from the river she had come across a rattlesnake. She had been so terrified that she had stumbled backwards and the bucket of water she had been carrying tipped backwards onto her.
Getting back to the ranch late had pushed back all her work for the day which meant when she finally got to the field with Canter, the sun was at its worst. The horse seemed as tired as she was and he had walked on half-heartedly before finally stopping in his tracks and refusing to budge.
“Canter!” Rachel all but yelled. “You have to move.”
She gave the horse a nudge but she might as well not have touched him at all for all the good it did. Frustrated and exhausted, Rachel sunk onto the muddy ground without worrying about her clothes and rested her head on her knees.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Cole’s voice was sharp as he entered the field on foot “You’re supposed to be working that animal.”
“That is what I am trying to do,” Rachel bit back. “He refuses to move.”
“Course he does,” Cole said. “It’s hot and he’s lazy. Your job is to keep him moving.”
“Funny,” Rachel snapped. “You didn’t mention the specifics of my job when you put an ad in the paper asking for a wife.”
Cole stared at her for a moment. “I’m a rancher, and everyone knows what is expected of a rancher’s wife. If you expected to be sitting pretty up in that house with maids and houseboys at your beck and call then you made a big mistake in coming here. But that ain’t on me; that was your choice. If you’re too weak to handle this kind of life then-
“Weak?” Rachel interrupted fiercely as she rose from the ground, mud and muck staining her trousers. “Weak? I have been here every single day working just as hard as you have, trying to contribute as much as I can with the experience I have, with no help and no kind word to be had from you.”
“I wasn’t aware you were looking for praise,” Cole said mockingly.
“Not praise,” Rachel said indignantly. “I was looking for some sort of encouragement, some small sign that I was doing alright, that I was of some help, no matter how small. I just wanted to be of use, I wanted to live a life of use, that’s why I came here in the first place.”
“I don’t have time to hold your hand and pat you on the back every step of the way,” Cole said tonelessly.
“Then you have completely missed the point of marriage,” Rachel snapped as she stormed of the field. She kept walking without direction until she realized she didn’t know where she was going. She stopped short and took a moment to calm down before she headed toward the house.
Sick of always being mired in mud and dirt, Rachel changed her clothes and lay flat on her bed as she stared up at the roof. After two minutes had passed her by, she came to the realization that she had lost the ability to sit still. Sighing, she remembered that the clothes were on the line to dry so she decided to go and check on them. She had almost reached the back of the house when a sound caught her attention and she stood in place trying to catch it.
She took a few steps closer and realized that it was Jane’s voice and she seemed to be talking to someone. Rachel edged closer and she saw that Jane was sitting on the steps of the back porch with her back to Rachel. She tried to look for whomever Jane seemed to be talking to but no one seemed to be around. It was only after a moment that Rachel realized that Jane was talking to someone who wasn’t there.
“I rode Silver again today,” Jane said to the wind. “I know why you loved her so muc
h. She’s such a good horse; I don’t even have to give her commands. It’s like she knows where I want to go. Sometimes I ride her through the footpaths between the hills and when we reach the other side, she runs and I feel as though I’m flying.”
“Dad’s told me not to do that but I can’t help it. When I grow up I’m gonna buy a whole load of horses. I’m gonna buy twenty, even thirty horses, and I’m gonna let them have the run of the place. I’ve picked out names for some of them. I like Eagle for a boy and Storm for a girl. I think I might name one of them after you… but it’ll have to be a really beautiful one. I think –
Jane’s words stopped short as Rachel’s foot found a creaky floorboard. She flipped around and caught Rachel only a few feet away as her eyes narrowed immediately. “How long were you there?” she asked accusingly.
“I’m sorry Jane,” Rachel said quickly. “I didn’t mean –
“Liar,” Jane yelled as she jumped to her feet. “I don’t know why you’re here. I wish you’d just go back to where you came from.”
Jane turned back around, jumped over the steps in front of her and raced off in the direction of the mountains. Rachel rushed to the door and stared off after her, wondering if she should stay where she was or follow after her. After a second’s hesitation, she rushed down the three rickety stairs and ran after Jane.
For a moment she thought she had lost the child but then she found Jane sitting in a corner, surrounded by rock and rough-looking plants that had no beauty to them. She waited until her breathing had slowed, and then she approached Jane slowly, hoping she wouldn’t bolt.
“Jane,” Rachel started slowly.
“Leave me alone,” Jane replied harshly.
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” Rachel said imploringly. “I just am having a really bad day and I came back to the house to be alone.”
Jane just sat there, staring into the distance with her blue eyes that perfectly resembled her father’s, and said nothing. Rachel moved closer tentatively and lowered herself into a sitting position beside Jane. Much to her relief, the girl stayed seated and did not move away.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Rachel asked.
She saw a flicker of curiosity pass across Jane’s face but Rachel knew she would never admit to it. Encouraged, Rachel continued. “I used to have a sister.”
Jane’s face snapped up to meet her own. “You did?” she asked breaking her self-imposed silence.
“Yes,” Rachel nodded. “She was a little older than me, and she died when I was about your age.”
Jane’s eyes softened. “How?”
“She got very sick,” Rachel explained. “And there was nothing the doctors could do about it.”
“Oh,” Jane said, sounding genuinely sad for her.
“We were very close and when she died, I was inconsolable. You see we were never very close with our parents. They looked like us and talked like us, but they were different. So we clung to each other for love and comfort and support. And when Alice died, I felt as though I had lost my family. I felt completely and utterly alone. But you know the one thing that helped me? Even after she was gone, I still kept talking to her as though she were still with me,” Rachel confided.
Jane looked at her sharply, and slowly realization dawned. “Did that help you?” she asked in a low voice.
“It did at the time,” Rachel nodded. “Very much.”
“Do you still talk to your sister?”
“Not anymore,” Rachel admitted. “My mother caught me one day and it upset her very much. So I stopped, but I never stopped being lonely.”
“Is that why you came here?” Jane asked suddenly.
Rachel smiled sadly. “I suppose it is.”
Jane nodded and for the first time since Rachel had met her, she looked like a little girl, a little girl who had the weight of the world on her shoulders.
“You were talking to your mother, weren’t you?” Rachel asked gently.
“Yes,” Jane admitted.
“Well there’s nothing wrong with talking to people who aren’t there,” Rachel told her. “You should be able to talk to your mother whenever you want. But just know that, if you ever want to, you can talk to me as well.”
Jane looked up at her with those bright blue eyes and then slowly, like some sort of miracle, a smile appeared on her face, transforming it completely. It was a small smile but it was a smile nonetheless. They sat there a while longer, silently testing the boundaries of a newfound peace between them.
Chapter Seven
Rachel did not see Cole for the rest of the day. She stayed in the house and when night fell, she retired to her room earlier than necessary. Yet, when morning came, she resumed the usual routine. She put on her borrowed clothes, tied her golden hair up, grabbed her hat and set off down the path toward the stables.
She moved toward Canter’s stall and stroked the horse gently as she offered him some hay. “We got off to a bad start yesterday,” Rachel said soothingly. “We’ll have to do better today yes?”
The horse bobbed his large head almost as though he was replying to her and Rachel felt a little spasm of optimism that she had not felt before. She led the horse outside and after brushing him down, seeing to his feed and harnessing him, she led him to the large fields that they had been working on the previous day. She stood close to the horse, with an arm draped under his neck, whispering softly into his ear.
“We’ll do it together,” she said without realizing what she was saying.
Filled with newfound optimism, Rachel began the day’s work and when, two hours later, she raised her head and cast a critical eye over their progress, she was proud to discover that they had covered more ground than she had expected. She stroked the horse gently and allowed him a few moments rest. They covered a little more ground before she brought Canter in for lunch.
She removed his saddle and bridle, and let him loose in one of the enclosures where Silver was already grazing. She watched the horse trot about happily for a few moments before she walked down to the river for fresh water to boil for midday meal. The water was boiling and her vegetable stew was almost done, when Cole and Jane walked into the kitchen together. Their faces were covered with dirt and sweat, and she could tell that they had had a hard morning.
“Why don’t you both go and wash your faces before lunch?” Rachel suggested.
She expected Cole to ignore her, but he went outside with Jane and when they reappeared, their faces were fresh and clean. They sat down together and Rachel ladled out generous portions of the stew. They ate mainly in silence, with Rachel and Cole avoiding each other’s gaze at every turn. Halfway through the meal Jane seemed to realize this.
“Did you all have a row?” she asked bluntly, like only a nine year old could, looking between the two of them with interest.
“No,” Cole replied at the same time that Rachel said ‘yes’.
Jane smiled. “Which is it?”
Rachel took a deep breath. “Just eat your food.”
The rest of the day followed the same pattern but Rachel no longer felt as consumed by it as she previously had. She realized slowly that her body wasn’t in nearly so much pain as it had been the first week she had spent on the ranch. Her horse riding skills were improving steadily and so was her cooking. Cole was right about one thing, there was nothing to like or dislike about the life. It was just hard work and the need to survive.
Still, Rachel’s progress on the ranch had not distracted her from the fact that she was still unmarried. She wondered now if she ever would be, or if she would just go on being an unpaid ranch hand. It was clear that she and Cole were two completely different people. He was silent and reserved; she was more open and affectionate. For Rachel, marriage was about sharing your hopes, dreams, and fears with someone. It was about having someone by you for guidance and support.
But she was not sure that Cole had the same view of marriage. He had told her as much himself. He needed help around the ranch, he needed so
meone to cook, clean, do the laundry, and boil the water. He didn’t require a wife for company, he required a wife for practicality’s sake. There was no emotion or romance involved in the decision. Rachel wondered if she was the type of woman who could live her life in a loveless marriage. She had never thought so, but now she was forced to consider the possibility that she had no choice but to adapt.
Cole was a handsome man and he was a good father, and Rachel imagined that she might, under the best of circumstances come to love him one day, but she would never be able to achieve that if he remained distant and indifferent. She was thinking these things as she retired back to the house at the close of the say. The sun had long since set and her stomach was growling with hunger. She moved to the kitchen and found some stale bread in the larder.
She had just sat down at the table to eat it when Cole walked into the kitchen from the opposite side. He seemed to have come in a while ago. He regarded her with a questioning look as he moved further into the room.
“Did you just come in?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“What were you doing?” Cole asked as he sat down opposite her.
“Tending the horses,” Rachel replied.
“For so long?” he regarded her with surprise.
“I never understood why people spent so much time in stables with their horses,” Rachel said. “It seemed to me you’d want to get out of there as soon as possible and avoid the smell. But I understand it now. There’s a comfort in being there, brushing them down, talking to them.”
Cole was looking at her in a strange way. His blue eyes were brighter than she had ever seen them but they looked conflicted.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he said dismissively. “I just never expected to hear you say something like that.”
“Why?” Rachel asked defensively. “Because you thought me to be an empty- headed young girl from the city?”
“I never said that,” Cole answered.
“But you imply it,” Rachel said. “Every time you look at me.”
“I thought you were spoiled,” Cole said evenly. “I thought you were pampered. But I never thought you were empty-headed. That’s an assumption you imposed on yourself.”
Regency Romance: Fallen Duchess (A Historical Victorian Murder Mystery Love Regency Romance) Page 38