Intimate Fear

by D. C. Stone

  He stepped back and pinched his nose, blew out a breath and turned for the connecting door to his room. Each of them had shared a bathroom as a kid, something their mom had demanded they have. A space to call their own, one that held the responsibility of cleaning it, and being the baby of the bunch, he’d gotten out of that chore until he’d been the last to be stuck with it long after Jake had left for the city.

  Stepping into his room, he’d just crossed the threshold when he froze. His head snapped over to his bed. Sitting on the end, hands in her lap, gaze directly on him, was Hailey.

  “Fuck,” he breathed and she winced.

  He couldn’t move, his body stuck in the moment like some super speed drying cement. His legs refused to backtrack in the bathroom and hide like the pansy ass scaredy cat he really was.

  Hailey stood and her gaze ran over his chest, down lower, and he’d never felt more on display. He watched with dismay as her eyes warmed, heated, and her full lips parted on a sigh. Goddammit.

  That look, the one that said more than her actual words and communicated what was going on in her mind, spurred him into action. His legs came unstuck and he crossed the room, whipped a pair of jeans from the floor and shoved his legs inside with more force than necessary. He made sure to keep the towel around his waist, but fuck if it wasn’t going to be interesting to see how he’d be able to snap his jeans closed with the massive hard-on he now sported.

  “What are you doing in here?” he asked, his voice gruff.

  She crossed her arms over her chest, more of a protective measure rather than a body communicating it wanted to close itself off. She seemed to hunch her shoulders as to hold herself together and yeah, after all she’d been through, he got it.

  And didn’t that make him feel like an ass?

  Well, yeah, but better she stay far away from him. They couldn’t, wouldn’t, go anywhere near what her eyes said as they roamed in a heated caress over his body.

  “You’re leaving?” Her voice was soft, so soft he strained to hear her speak. This quiet girl wasn’t the same he remembered running around with, playing in deep mud pits and driving his older brother insane. She’d been traumatized. That’s what he kept telling himself. She needed to heal. She needed time. But he couldn’t help but feel a pang of loss at the rambunctious woman—no, girl—she used to be.

  He sighed and turned to her. Giving up on the impossible action of shift, press, and grunt his way into buttoning up his jeans, he kept the towel around his waist.

  “I have to go,” he said. “I have a job that needs to get done.” That’s it, that’s all he could give her. Hell, even he didn’t know more than that. Her scent, the sweet, crisp smell of apples, surrounded and threatened to suffocate him.

  She shifted, her gaze still glued to him. “Where are you going?”

  He tried not to let the impatience, the need clawing through him just to reach out and touch her, show. Instead he clenched his fists and crossed his arms, widened his stance, and gave her a hard stare.

  “Like I said, to work.”

  She took a step toward him. He ground his teeth together. “Stop,” he gritted out.

  Her gaze searched his. She looked so small, so vulnerable, yet so heartbreakingly beautiful it hurt to look at her.

  “I remember you,” she said and he sucked in a breath. Bad move, dude! She was all he could see, all he could smell, all he wanted to reach out to touch and see if she was as soft as she looked.

  He shook his head, not wanting to go down this path, any path, with her. Not now, not ever.

  “No,” she said, her voice stronger but no less vulnerable. “I remember you, Luke. In my mind where it’s dark and scary, I remember the feeling of you. Even not understanding who you were, I knew I was safe, finally safe, because you were there.”

  “Look—”

  “You’re my knight,” she said and took a step toward him. He took one back, needing to get away, wanting her in his arms anyway. Fuck, he was royally screwed. Like tendrils of velvet, her voice, presence, and scent ran over his sensitive skin. Instead of reaching out and giving in to the need to touch, he lashed out.

  “That’s a child’s fantasy, little girl. I’m no knight. I was just doing what needed to be done.”

  She froze, her eyes wide and brimming with unshed tears. “What’s wrong with you?” she snapped.

  Good. Anger. He could deal with anger any day. Anything to get her out of his room and away from him. Anything other than giving in to the sweet temptation.

  “Nothing’s wrong,” he said. “Yet everything is. Don’t you get where you are? Again, you need to think before you do something. You’re standing here in a man’s room, with a man who is half-dressed. What if I would have come out of the bathroom naked? Would you have wanted to be put into a situation that got you in trouble a few weeks ago?”

  He hadn’t meant for it to come tumbling out the way it did, but damn if he could control himself around her. Her tears spilled over the lids and tracked down her face. She sniffed, her mouth agape, and swung away from him. He felt like all kinds of an ass for hurting her. But she had him on edge, and she had no clue what he wanted. Hell, he didn’t even want it.

  But he so did.

  When she reached the door, he heard her choke on a cry. He closed his eyes, regret brimming over anything else he felt. “Wait,” he called, keeping his eyes closed. He pinched his nose again and heaved out a heavy breath. The door didn’t open and he didn’t need to look to know she was still in the room. He could feel her still present.

  “I’m sorry,” he started, “I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m just worried about you and the situations you’ve been put in. What you’ve seen, what you’ve had to do…no one should have to experience that. I wish we could have gotten there sooner. I wish there was something else I could do or say to make things easier for you. I don’t have anything, though. I can only tell you to watch where you go, don’t go somewhere alone, and please, just stay safe. For your mom, for Dwayne, for all of us.”

  Something brushed his chest and he snapped his eyes open and jumped back, slammed against the wall. “Christ!”

  Hailey stood there, silvery tracks from her tears still wet on her cheeks, looking up at him with so much affection and hope he damn near fell to his knees. “Hailey,” he said and she closed her eyes as a soft smile curved her lips.

  “Say it again,” she demanded softly.

  He frowned, then shook his head, uncomprehending. “What?”

  “My name?”

  “Hailey.”

  “You’ve never said it before.”

  Surely he had. His brows drew together as he thought back. Taking his attention away from where he was trapped, and how Hailey had advanced on him, was the wrong move. Her hand reached out and he braced with a lock down of every muscle in his body. “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “These,” she said with almost an awe in her voice, touching his neck, right where he knew his tats were. The contact zinged across his skin, drove into his bones, and pulsed with the steady beat of lust. Fuck. “The blackbirds. I’ve seen them on your neck but didn’t know how far they went down. What do they stand for?”

  The blackbirds she talked about started on his left pectoral, rose into flight up over his shoulder and across his neck, with the last one tucked behind his ear. He had his reasons for getting it—ones he wasn’t ready to tell her about.

  “It’s just a bird,” he said instead.

  “They’re beautiful, like the man.”

  “Hailey—”

  “No, don’t. I know you think I’m a child. But I can tell you I’ve grown up fast in the past few weeks. I know exactly what I was doing when I came in here. I’m not looking to jump on you if that’s what you’re thinking. I only wanted to say thank you…and I want to ask for you to keep in touch, wherever you may go.”

  She was killing him. God, he wanted to give her that little request, but he didn’t know where he’d be next week, muc
h less if he’d have access to e-mail. He didn’t want to get her hopes up, either. “I’ll try, but I really don’t know how long I’ll be out of touch. If you need me, though, D knows how to get ahold of me.”

  She nodded, her attention still on the birds at his neck. “Can I have a goodbye hug, then?”

  He dropped his head to the wall behind him and looked to the ceiling. Denying her would be smart, but if he was honest, he couldn’t hold out any longer. He blew out a breath, lowered his face, and nodded. “Sure.”

  She smiled and like a light, it lit up the entire room. Carefully, he allowed her to step inside his arms as he wrapped them around her and tucked her head to his chest. She made a noise in the back of her throat and the sound pinged right down to his groin. Her sweater brushed against his bare nipples, causing them to tighten. Her hands crept behind his neck with surprising familiarity. He held her for a few moments and went to move away. Immediately he knew he’d made mistake number three thousand, two hundred and eighty-six since she’d walked into his room. He’d let his guard down.

  She pulled back slightly and tugged on his neck, rose on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his for a kiss. There were no tongues involved, just a meeting of lips, but it was one of the most spectacular kisses he’d ever had. Her lips were moist and full under his. She parted her mouth, and her breath shook, betraying her shy confidence. He gripped his thighs, fighting not to react and dive into the deep recess of her mouth, not to plunge his tongue inside and conquer her.

  She cupped his face, tenderly, surely, and rubbed her lips back and forth over his. Each caress had his gut curling in pleasure. He was one second from the snap of his control.

  Reaching up, he gripped her wrists gently but firmly and pulled his head back with a murmured, “Hailey.”

  She smiled at him, not looking at all disappointed. In fact, her face flushed with the first hint of color. Her skin was dewy and radiant. She glowed with a sensual promise.

  He needed to get the hell away.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  He nodded and held her gaze. “That can’t happen again, Hailey.”

  She didn’t say anything, just kept smiling before extracting herself from his grip and heading to the door. He watched her go and tried to ignore the pang in his gut at seeing her walk away. At the door, she turned to him and met his gaze from across the room. Their connection, as always, was instant.

  “One more question?”

  As if he could deny her anything. “Sure, what’s up?”

  “How do you know if your life is the one you’re supposed to live? Or if it’s just…this is it?”

  His brows drew together, her words causing a mix of emotions in his chest—fear, concern, empathy. He shrugged, unprepared for and a little surprised by the depth of that question. “I’m not really sure I can answer that.”

  Her lips curved slightly, not a full smile, just a hint of one. She yanked on the door and stopped as Dwayne stood there, his facial expression first shocked and, with a glance at Luke, pissed.

  Fuck.

  * * * *

  “Get downstairs,” Dwayne snapped at Hailey.

  She bit her lip and looked back at Luke. Fucking hell, he’d gone looking for Luke, to say goodbye to his baby brother, only to find him half-naked with Hailey. His vision turned red and his blood pressure shot through the roof.

  “Hailey,” he warned.

  She sighed softly and slid around him. He didn’t watch her go but listened for her steps down the stairs. His gaze stayed on Luke’s, and his brother glared right back, shaking his head slightly.

  Only after he was sure Hailey was out of hearing range did he explode. He stomped into the room, slammed the door behind him, and snapped a finger toward Luke. “What the fuck, dude? She’s eighteen!”

  “I know,” Luke said, his mouth a thin, tight line.

  “What the hell was she doing in your room?”

  Luke laughed, a harsh short bark of a sound. “Are you kidding me right now?”

  Dwayne stared at him.

  Luke stared right back.

  The tension in the room diminished the early regret for not spending enough time with his brother. Now, after seeing Hailey walk out, he just wanted him gone. But first, he’d tell him exactly what would happen.

  “She’s a child,” he said.

  “I know she’s a child, goddammit!” Luke snapped. “I know she’s eighteen damn years old.”

  “She’s been through hell,” Dwayne said, refusing to back down.

  “Fuck!” Luke exploded, his hands coming up to grab his head. “I know, dude, I fucking know. I was there. I saw exactly what she was stuck in. I know.”

  Dwayne winced at the helplessness that crossed over Luke’s face. Dammit, when had this happened?

  He sighed, fought to rein in his temper. “She’s a child,” Dwayne repeated.

  “For Christ’s sake, D, why don’t you put on your running shoes and get to the fucking point?”

  “What I walked in on here, whatever happened, it can’t go any further. It can’t happen. Do you understand? Hailey’s off limits.”

  Luke clenched his fists in the air and tossed back his head with a growl. If Dwayne wasn’t so angry, if he wasn’t so concerned about what had been going on between Luke and Hailey, he would have laughed. As it was, Luke reached under his towel and the action brought the cloth up so he could see that his brother’s pants were not only unbuttoned, but he was commando.

  “For fuck’s sake, Luke!” he thundered, gesturing toward his pants.

  “For Christ’s sake, for fuck’s sake, what a vocabulary we have,” Luke said with no small amount of sarcasm. He finished buttoning up his pants, reached for a light blue Henley, and tugged it over his head. “Nothing happened, D, not that you’re going to believe it. She just wanted to say thank you.”

  “And you just so happened to be half-naked?” he asked with matching sarcasm.

  Luke shook his head and reached over to zip his luggage. Dwayne’s heart pounded against his ribs at the reminder that this was it. Luke was leaving, to return only God knew when. He didn’t know what was going on with him and Hailey, but with him leaving, obviously nothing would happen. Not only that, but with Chris coming home with an injury, with everything they’d all been through, his temper went from boiling to a slow simmer.

  “Look,” Dwayne started, “I lose my head when it comes to those two women. I’m just worried.”

  Luke finished zippering his luggage, set it next to the bed, and grabbed his big, black monstrosity of biker boots. “Nothing happened. Nothing is going to happen, D.” He sat on the bed, bent over and laced up his shoes. Only when he stood again did he continue. “But really, do you think I’d be such a bad choice.”

  Dwayne sucked in a sharp breath and held in the initial thing he’d wanted to say, which was, “Hell yes.” His brother had darker cravings, and while he didn’t know much about it, he knew Hailey couldn’t be a part of that world. Not after everything she’d been through.

  Apparently taking his silence as an answer, Luke shook his head and let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “Yeah, whatever, stupid question. I gotta go.”

  Dwayne watched as Luke set a heavy duffel bag on his shoulder and picked up his luggage. They couldn’t part like this. Not knowing what was coming. There was no way. Just as he went to pass, Dwayne set a hand on his shoulder. Luke turned his head and stared at him.

  “No matter what, Lucas, I’m here for you. We’re family, yeah?”

  Luke closed his eyes, dropped his head to Dwayne’s shoulder and nodded. “I love you, too, bro.”

  A few silent moments passed. Then his little brother walked out the door.

  Dwayne stood there for a moment, taking everything in, which if he really stopped to think about it, was a hell of a lot.

  He puffed his cheeks and blew the air out, then headed out of the room. Halfway down the stairs, his cell rang. Pulling it out of his pocket, he sucked in another bre
ath. Just when he thought things would be settling. Well, he was about to make it settle even more. He was done with his old life.

  “Yeah,” he answered.

  “Detective Gonzalez,” the dark voice purred as he hit the bottom of the steps. He stared at the front door and tried to feel an ounce of anything other than finality. Nothing came. Not the exciting prospect of a sexy night, not lust at what a sultry voice could do, nothing other than wanting to go back to Brooke’s side and spend time with her and Hailey.

  He sighed and shuffled his feet, wondering where to start.

  “I’m thinking,” she said, still with the same erotic promise in her voice, “we should get together tonight.”

  “I’m sorry,” he answered. “I don’t think so.”

  “Oh,” she said, sounding disappointed yet still hopeful. He crossed his eyes. “Maybe tomorrow night, then?”

  “Listen,” he started, “Renea, tomorrow won’t work either. The night after that, too. I’ve met someone and I’m happy, settled, with just her.”

  A few beats of silence passed before, “You’re settled?” He winced at the complexity of the question, the confusion in her voice.

  “I am. And I’m going to marry her. I’m sorry. If you need anything, anything involving detective related duties,” he rushed on to clarify, “you know how to reach me.”

  “Uhhh, okaaaay.”

  He chuckled. “Goodnight.”

  Pushing the disconnect button, he turned to find Brooke with a grin on her face and laughter dancing in her expression. He groaned. “How much?”

  “All of it,” she said and giggled, practically dancing on her feet.

  He groaned again and had to brace himself as she crossed the remaining feet between them and flung her arms around his neck. “So, you’re going to marry this girl?”

  He smiled down at her and held her gaze unwaveringly.

  “I am. What do you say to that?”

  “Yes,” she said with a kiss.