Crush

by Lovely, Lutishia; Grant, Michele; Rax, Cydney

  “You better had called me back. Now, I’m not playing wit you, Lo. Don’t let me have to come to H-town and kick a nigga’s ass. I will do dat.”

  “I know you will,” she purred and placed the call on speakerphone. She fastened her seat belt snugly around her waist. She reached inside her purse, unzipped a compartment, and located a tube of lip gloss. She flipped open the vanity mirror and made her lips glisten with two quick swipes. Posse was quiet, like he was listening for hints of background noise.

  Yep, he still loves me.

  “What are you doing, lady?”

  “I’m about to go out to dinner.”

  “To pick up something from a drive-through window, right?”

  “No, Posse. Not everyone thinks that the Burger King drive-through constitutes a date.”

  “Constitutes? What’s with the big words?”

  “Look it up in the dictionary.”

  “If I knew how to spell it I would, but I can spell date, though; don’t try and change the subject.”

  “So what, I’m going out. What about it?”

  “Where exactly the fuck you going, then? And with who?”

  “Where? I don’t know yet. Who? A wonderful, cute guy I met—”

  “Oh no, hell no. What’s the number to Southwest Airlines?”

  She laughed at Posse and quickly waved at Wendell, who pulled his vehicle into an empty parking space next to her car. He motioned at her to roll down the window. She hesitated, put Posse on mute, then pressed the button and lowered her window.

  “Let’s head out to I-59 toward downtown.”

  She nodded and smiled, then quickly rolled up her window. She touched the MUTE button and instantly heard yelling and screaming.

  “Hello? Hello? Lo, you hear me fucking talking to you?”

  “No, Posse, actually I’m not hearing you right now.” She expertly slid her fingers across her iPhone and silenced Posse’s voice.

  Seconds later her phone rang. She laughed and rejected the call. The next five times her phone buzzed, she sent her ex straight to voice mail where men like him belonged. She thought of the many times when she’d called Posse in the past, but he was too busy hanging with his boys to chat. He’d promise to call her back when he was alone, but a ghetto man is never by himself. His low-life friends, needy family members, or sorry stragglers are always hanging around. He and his unemployed associates were constantly scheming, plotting, trying to hustle up the next ten or twenty dollars. A whole lot of time and energy was wasted over chump change. As much as she loved him in spite of his ways, whenever Posse would shut her out, she felt unimportant, like she was in the way, as disposable as garbage. Time after time, he chose his friends and lifestyle over her; she knew he would eventually feel guilty and make it up to her, but the vicious cycle was destined to repeat itself.

  Tonight, when she hung up on him, she sensed her female power return to her. Since it was apparent that Posse was chasing her, she relished having the upper hand. But Lorraine knew part of that power was due to the two-hundred-forty-plus miles that existed between her and her ex. He was too far away to be considered a serious threat. Besides, now that Wendell was kind-of, sort-of in the picture, she figured she would be safe, and Posse wouldn’t stand a chance, no matter how much of a thug he claimed to be.

  Half an hour later, she and Wendell sat across from one another, relaxing in a corner booth at Sambuca restaurant. They nibbled on veggie lasagna and listened to live music performed by an acoustic rock band. Sitting in that restaurant, she realized she had willingly and gloriously been taken to a whole new world by a man who possessed class and style, and seemed considerate of her feelings.

  “Ahh, you’re shivering.” Wendell placed his fork next to his glass of wine and quietly observed her.

  “Yeah, unfortunately I got a little overheated in my car on the way over here and was trying to get in the restaurant so fast that I left my jacket on the front seat of my car.”

  “You’re welcome to wear mine.”

  “You sure?”

  “Positive,” he said and removed his jacket. He stood up and placed the tweed coat squarely on her shoulders. You’re positively wonderful, are the words that came to her mind as she adjusted his jacket and pulled it closer to her neck.

  Wendell was well over six feet tall and had a little bit of meat on his bones, unlike Posse, who was as thin as a goat. Wendell’s jacket was so big on Lorraine it swallowed her up, but the warmth it brought made up for the uncomfortable feeling she had from it being oversized. She felt protected and that comforted her. Five minutes later she started sneezing uncontrollably.

  “Someone must be wearing some strong perfume,” she complained and sneezed again.

  “God bless you,” he said with an amused look on his face.

  “What’s so funny?” she pouted.

  “I’m sorry, but your nose wrinkles when you sneeze. It’s cute. You’re cute, too.”

  When their evening had ended, Lorraine wasn’t thinking about Posse. She thought about the complexities of love and loneliness, lust and life. She wanted so much out of life and one of those things was true love. She felt that good love was filled with possibilities.

  She wanted to know how it felt to date a man with integrity, who kept his promises 75 percent of the time, who paid for dates 90 percent of the time, who respected her 100 percent of the time. And most important she wanted to know what it was like to be in the life of a man who never, ever referred to his mother as the b-word.

  As soon as Lorraine shut the door of her vehicle, she phoned her sister.

  “What’s up, Joanna?”

  “You sound happy and it’s kind of late. What ya been doing?”

  “Trying to change my life, that’s what.” She went on to explain how she did something spontaneous by hanging out with Wendell.

  “It felt so good to be connected with a man who seems to be on the same level. Is that wrong? Do I sound like a judgmental snob?” Even though the Eafford sisters were raised middle class, they still had cousins who lived on the drug-infested side of Dallas. Their kin didn’t have extra money for items beyond food, rent, and utilities. And none of that side of the family ever stayed in community college beyond their freshman year, but Lorraine and Joanna’s mother still insisted that they embrace their struggling cousins. She felt guilty for judging certain aspects of Posse’s life and hoped her attitude didn’t mean she was a bad person.

  “Sis, you have every right to make a rational decision about what type of guy you think best fits your personality, values, and goals. Every woman isn’t meant to be with every man. And just because you’re trying to move on from the likes of Posse doesn’t mean you’re judging him. Hate to say it, but he ought to be glad you gave him the time of day in the first place. And you didn’t break up because he was broke; it’s because, most of the time, he didn’t know how to act respectfully. There’s a difference.”

  “I guess,” Lorraine responded in a hushed tone. “It’s just that at one point I loved what he gave me even if it seemed he was someone who shouldn’t have been giving me anything. Now I detest everything he stands for. I hate to seem like I’m going from one extreme to another—Posse versus Wendell. But I have to raise my standards. Nowhere to go but up. Definitely wouldn’t make sense to find a man lower than my ex.”

  “Hmm, sounds like you’ve been doing some serious thinking, sis. Are you truly ready to let go? No more sexy thugs?”

  “I’ve already let go.” She failed to mention that she still took Posse’s calls.

  “Yeah, right,” replied Joanna. She knew her sister well and figured all Lorraine had to do was hear Posse’s charming/ disgusting voice and he’d reel her in like a catfish from a lake.

  “Girl, don’t doubt me. Watch me.”

  “Why the sudden change? Your panties would get wet just from your looking at Posse’s tats on his arms and back.”

  “Back then, all that was sexy.” She quietly laughed. “And I just wanted
to bring his sexy into my life to see what it felt like.”

  “Oh yeah,” Joanna said. “You are the ‘I’ll try anything once’ type of chick.”

  “If you say so, but that’s why I have my sights set on Mr. Wendell. He definitely has the right packaging.”

  “Yeah, I feel you. Because with Posse it was ‘what you see is what you get.’ ”

  “But what if I’m wrong about Wendell? Like how the people at the Dallas firm looked at me and assumed I was a reserved square who’d never be caught dead with a man like Posse, yet I was crazy about him.”

  “You’re thinking Wendell might be freaky behind closed doors?”

  “Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just want a man who’s true to himself, yet adheres to high standards. I want him to say ‘no’ to drugs and not rationalize the positive aspects of pot.”

  “Nothing wrong with that, sis. Just make sure that these new high standards that you’re seeking are really the true you. Wouldn’t want to see you get yourself entangled with a decent guy just for you to decide you prefer the Posse kind of guy.”

  “Oh no, none of that. I’ve been cured of my attraction to knuckleheaded hood guys. I swear on Tupac’s and Biggie’s graves.”

  4

  Unusual Pairings

  The next day, Lorraine needed to take care of business at her car dealership before coming to work. She normally started her job at seven thirty, but on this day she arrived two hours late. The architectural firm of EDC was located in midtown and occupied the third and fourth floors of an eight-story office building. The Houston branch was mostly filled with wrinkled, white-haired white guys whose marriages had lasted thirty years. A few African Americans and Hispanics, both male and female, were also sprinkled here and there. The fifty-member firm consisted of principals, architects, marketing and finance folks, designers, engineers, and others.

  During her first day back at work, Lorraine felt refreshed and ready to resume her professional duties. She emerged from her car dressed in a navy blue skirt suit with matching pumps and a powder blue ruffled blouse. Minutes later, after riding the elevator to the third floor, she lightly waved her magnetic smart card at the card reader in front of her office door and took an anxious breath before entering. She imagined that her in-box was filled with stacks of snail mail or spiral-bound reports, and that her electronic mail had also piled up while she was gone.

  But the moment she stepped into her office, instead of seeing only mountains of work on her desk, she watched Wendell emerge from the other side of the cubicle looking relaxed as he held an armful of black binders.

  “Good morning, Wendell. What are you doing in my office?”

  “Morning, Lorraine. Um, there’ve been some changes around here. While you were out last week, I was temporarily relocated to your office while mine gets renovated.”

  Since she’d been working at the firm, she relished having her own space. Even though she liked Wendell, she didn’t expect to find him traipsing around her office.

  “Are you serious?”

  “I know you’re probably wondering why I didn’t mention it last night.”

  “Shhh,” she whispered and stole a look behind her. It was unlikely anyone heard Wendell, but she felt awkward. She didn’t want anyone to know they’d been together the night before. She was especially concerned because when she worked in Dallas, Posse had started popping up without warning at her job, wearing throwback jerseys and baggy jeans and talking constantly in Ebonics. This time around she wanted to present a more positive image to her corporate family and didn’t want everyone at work to know whom she was dating.

  “I’m sorry, Lorraine, I know this must be taking you by surprise.”

  “I’m not totally surprised. A lot of changes have been going on, not just at EDC, but at dozens of companies across the state. Blame it on the economy, right?” She laughed though nothing was funny. “There’s nothing new about that. Still, it doesn’t mean it’s easy to deal with.”

  “True that.”

  “But it would have been nice if you could have given me a heads-up, um, before now.” She sighed heavily and plopped onto her chair. She grabbed a clump of her hair and twirled it in a circle, thinking about how they’d been together last night, yet Wendell had neglected to warn her about what was happening at work.

  “How long did you say you’d be here? And don’t they know this room only has minor file cabinet capacity?”

  “Hey, I’m starting to feel unwanted.”

  “No, no, no, don’t feel that way. I’m just . . . um, shoot. What difference does it make how a person feels? What’s that? Ha! It is what it is, right? Deal with it,” she said to herself more than to him. “This company doesn’t revolve around me, I know that much.”

  “No, but you’re still an important part of EDC and no matter what decisions are made, they impact all of us.”

  “You know, you really don’t have to say things like that, Wendell.” She was beginning to feel annoyed. She hated when people went out of their way to placate her.

  “What I’m saying may not sound sincere and like something straight out of an HR manual, but I do sympathize with you, Lorraine, you gotta believe me.”

  She nodded, gave a half shrug.

  “Look, I swear on the Bible, I will not crowd you. I’ll give you your space. You don’t have to worry about me listening to your conversations. It’s already tight enough in this little tuna can,” he said. “I guess the work will be complete in a couple of weeks, according to the schedule. Think you can put up with me for that long?”

  “Wendell, I apologize for how I’m behaving,” she said, feeling guilty. “I’m coming off like a self-centered kid and I don’t want to do that.”

  “Speaking of age, how old are you?”

  “W-what? We weren’t speaking of age, but since you asked . . . I-I can’t answer that.”

  “Oh, don’t tell me you’re one of those sistas who refuses to disclose their age. You look way too young to be having that kind of attitude.”

  She laughed, relieved that she was feeling a little more comfortable now that they had changed the subject. “If you say I look young, I can’t argue with the truth. I am, by the way; you just won’t know exactly how young.”

  “Don’t count on me not knowing. I don’t have to ask you to find out things about you. I love a challenge.”

  “Is that right?” Inside she was beaming. It made her feel good to know he may even want to do some outside investigating to find out info on her. Maybe it meant he was interested. Or perhaps he was making polite conversation and she shouldn’t take anything he said seriously. At that point, she wasn’t sure how he felt. When a woman isn’t positive if a man sincerely wants her, it makes her feel uneasy.

  “Well, what if I wanted to know things about you? How would I go about getting that info?”

  “Believe me, you’re going to find out more about me than you probably ever wanted to know now that we’re roommates.”

  “Hmm, like what?”

  “Like, I’m big on coffee. I gotta have something hot to perk me up in the morning, especially since . . .” His voice trailed off like he was lost in thought.

  “You were saying?” She couldn’t believe that so far since she’d been at work, she still hadn’t booted up her PC. Wendell had an energy that took up all her time.

  “Are you stuck on any other type of caffeine besides cola?” he asked, referring to her drink of choice at the movies.

  “Not really, but it’s hard for me to pass up doughnuts.”

  “Hey, now we’re talking. I have a bad habit of downing a couple of those glazed ones a few times a week. And if you want to stay on my good side, supply me with some egg and potato breakfast tacos. I know an excellent place where you can pick some up for me—every Friday.”

  “Hmm, should I be getting a steno pad and taking notes, Mr. Holmes?”

  “Yeah, you should.” He turned around abruptly and went to his side of the c
ube and returned holding a large porcelain mug in his hand.

  “See this? Only my lips have touched this bad boy.”

  Lorraine knew Wendell’s cup anywhere. When she’d first come to the firm, he stood out and she’d observed him holding his cup many mornings as he headed down the hall toward their kitchen’s coffee machine.

  “So you’re possessive over a cup?”

  “I wouldn’t say that.”

  “Then can you say if you’re anal?”

  “Not anal, but I am protective over things I consider mine. Does that make me anal?”

  “It makes you intriguing, that’s for sure.”

  “I could say the same for you, young lady. Um, how can I put this? Last night, you excused yourself and took a call. Unless that was a family member, which I doubt it was, it can only mean one thing. You’re in a relationship. Not my business, but I think I should know these things in case you need to take a personal call.”

  At this point she felt a little insulted. Now that she was getting to know him better, he appeared cockier than she’d imagined.

  “If I get any type of call whatsoever that I don’t want you to hear, I’ll either not answer, or I’ll take the call outside or in the lobby. But why are we talking about this? If I was a man whom you were forced to share an office with, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

  He opened his mouth, stunned by her growing gutsiness. And for a rare moment, he didn’t have a comeback. Instead he simply nodded, smiled, and disappeared out of the office. Coffee mug in hand. Thoughts to himself.

  Since their little conversational exchange, Lorraine struggled to figure Wendell out. She wondered if he was this friendly and outgoing with all the employees, or if he was actually warming up to her. What did it mean when he asked if she had a man? Did he really care? Was his competitive side emerging? Or did he simply not want to intrude upon her personal space and want to know her relationship status up front?

  Frankly, she didn’t know. She sighed and sat at her desk, booted up her computer, and watched as her e-mails began to load. She waited with bated breath; in times past, as a devilish surprise, Posse used to send her sexy e-mails that made her giggle and turn all shades of red until she asked him to tone it down a little.