Then Jade walked into the room, alluring and shy in her black slip, and he felt something melt. His resolve, maybe, he was still not completely sure.
His eyes took in her painted body, from her pert breasts, to the flat stomach and long legs. When he closed his eyes, he saw her in detail. His memory had not faded during the past days. He still easily recalled the beauty mark on her shoulder. His erection rose with the image of her, but he wouldn’t pleasure himself with her, not cheaply. He wanted her body but not to feel his penis inside her, not so he could possess her breasts. He wanted to feel her quiver and come alive in his arms. He wanted to know who this woman was, and with this one, he would take his time.
* * * *
“I hate how I wasn’t there to protect you.” Colin brought the cup to his mouth. He looked smug and she hated the way he threw blame back at her by reminding her that she was the one who walked into a trap and changed their lives. “What happened to you is something we both have to live with.”
Kate shook her head but he ignored her argument and lack of belief. “I don’t want to live with it. I want to move on. I’m sick of being scared.”
He shrugged, as if she’d said something about the weather.
“I don’t know who you are anymore, Colin.”
“I’m not your psychiatrist.”
“That’s not funny.”
“I’m sorry, Kate.” He glanced at his watch. “I have a meeting. We can talk later, I promise.”
“You have a meeting on Saturday?”
“It was the only time everyone was available.”
“Are you having an affair?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” He put his mug in the sink and moved toward her. His hands on her arms felt heavy and foreign. “There is no one but you.” He bent to kiss her lips. She didn’t respond. He stepped away. “See you later. Maybe we can go out for dinner. What do you think?”
“I think you haven’t been able to touch me in two years.”
Colin paused with his head down. She held her breath, waiting for his impatient scorn or for him to walk away without any comment so her hurt could be plucked from the air and studied anew on his return. When he turned, she couldn’t read his face. His eyes were hard, but she thought they were thoughtful, like he’d realized something and it alarmed him. He nodded. “I will tonight.”
He brushed her cheek with his fingers before he continued out the door. Kate collapsed on the chair. Her body trembled and her stomach felt sick. She wanted to laugh with the promise of his touch, and yearned to feel the lightness of anticipation. She could still recall getting ready while imagining him taking off the lingerie she was putting on. At one time her body had warmed from it. Now she felt a chill.
She held her hands tightly together, and felt she was falling from a precipice. Did desire or defeat lead him to pause? Had he decided he would do this for her, or did he know by her eyes and the tight line of her lips that she was scared?
Had Colin come back and touched her softly, had he kissed her and undressed her without giving her time to think, she might’ve been able to forget her fears. By leaving her here for hours with the idea of his hands on her, and her body not being able to respond, she was suffocated by doubt. Her skin was cold and clammy, and rather than feeling the thrill of his promise, she buried her head in her hands and started to cry. She shook with the thought of him walking away, all nonchalant, as if they’d made love only yesterday, and couldn’t decide if he was cruel or just stupid.
Chapter 9
When Jade got to the parlor later, the girls noticed her agitation and questioned her but Jade didn’t want to bring Kate here. Otherwise, she might as well cry at the kitchen table.
Nikki was there, but not Sasha. There was a new girl, Danielle. She had long red hair and green eyes. She came from another parlor owned by the same man. Danielle used to be a masseuse but became a receptionist once she became pregnant with her daughter. Jade thought Danielle had probably made a fortune with the men. She was average height and all softness, with large breasts and a bottom and legs to match. She was very beautiful. Voluptuous was the only way to describe her, and she seemed very nice and unaffected by the business.
Jade wasn’t scheduled to work. Danielle was not sure whether to let her stay, until Jade said she didn’t mind sitting out the clients if the other girls complained. She explained she didn’t want to go home, and Danielle nodded without asking any questions, though Jade saw the curiosity in her eyes. She liked her for her delicacy.
* * * *
It was a quiet morning, so when Danielle told Jade a client named Christian called to book her, she looked happy for the business. He was due to arrive in fifteen minutes.
Jade’s heart stopped. She couldn’t hide her anxiousness as she shook her head. “He can have someone else.”
“Why? Did he do something?”
“He’s just too sexy,” Nikki piped up.
Danielle laughed. “I think you need something like that today.” Her eyebrows rose. “I can smell relationship problems.”
“You’re in a relationship?” Nikki exclaimed. “You told me you didn’t have a boyfriend.”
Jade had forgotten her lie. “I’m sorry. I just don’t like talking about it.”
“I’m not surprised.” Nikki didn’t seem to care about the fib, which made Jade smile, until she added, “Since he obviously hasn’t touched you in ages.”
Jade stared at her, dumbstruck. She couldn’t argue, not with everything she’d already admitted.
Danielle’s comprehension moved off her like steam. “Is that it? No romance?”
Jade shrugged. “It’s a long story.”
“Is he good to you?”
Jade studied her hands and felt Nikki lean forward with curiosity.
Danielle stepped forward. “It’s obvious you don’t want to talk about it.”
“I think you’ve missed your calling, Danielle. You should’ve studied psychology.”
The receptionists smile was radiant. “Actually I am taking a night course in counseling, and I think you need to let someone be nice to you.”
“Even if he’s a client?”
“Especially if he’s a client. Let him spoil you. Anyway, he didn’t seem like the typical ones we get. He was nervous, and when I told him you were here, he was delighted and very thankful.”
“Still, if it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else.”
“He left before you came. He stayed for you.” Nikki back straightened as she spoke.
“The guy you’re with outside, do you think if he wasn’t with you, he’d be with someone else?” Danielle asked.
“No, I think he’s with me and fucking all the women around him.” Jade brought her hand to her mouth. “I can’t believe I said that.”
“There must be a reason.”
She shook her head. “I can’t let Christian know me.”
“Who said anything about knowing?” Nikki nudged her playfully. “We’re talking about touching.”
“That’s not allowed.”
“It isn’t not allowed. It’s up to the girl. There is no fucking and no extra services for the men, but if they want to touch you and you want to let them...” Danielle shrugged. “You keep it to yourself. Usually it just happens when it’s a regular of the girl for a long time and there’s actual chemistry that can’t be ignored.”
“You seem to know a lot about it.” Jade thought she sounded snide and cringed immediately.
Danielle didn’t seem to notice. “I do. I married my regular.”
“No way.”
“Why so shocked?”
“Because he met you in a parlor dressed like this—” Jade nodded at her half-naked body. “—and he started by paying you to get naked.”
“And you think it’s something to be ashamed of, him paying to see my body or us talking with ease as I rubbed his cock?” Danielle giggled. “He was lonely. He decided to try the parlor out. He met me. From the first moment,
I felt comfortable with him. We laughed and talked, and I knew he saw beyond my body, which is a lot more than I can say about some guys you meet outside.
“My body was right there. He didn’t have to work to see it, but he had to work to get to know me. He came every week, then twice a week. He wasn’t jealous. He knew this was my job, it was what I did to pay the bills and no one else meant anything to me. I didn’t let him touch me for a long time. And when I finally did…”
The doorbell sounded shrill, and Jade stiffened.
“Just because he met you in here doesn’t mean he knows you,” Danielle added just before the doorbell rang again. “You are a lot more than a slip and makeup, a lot more than a naked body for rent.”
“Geez, she’s something else,” Nikki said when Danielle left to answer the door. “She almost makes me feel proud.” Her wonderful laugh eased Jade and brought a smile.
Danielle was beaming when she returned. “Christian’s gorgeous and honest. He gave his real name. I saw by his credit card.”
“A regular detective,” Nikki said with a giggle.
“Room Two, Jade,” Danielle told her.
Jade’s legs wobbled as she walked to the waiting room. She felt the nervous tension in her stomach and knew it was from Danielle’s words and the tiny glimpse of romance she had gotten from it. Danielle had thawed the coldness with her certainty that Jade deserved something more.
Christian stood when he saw her, as if it was a date. He looked tired but lovely, especially when he smiled shyly. “Hi, Jade.”
She wondered what he saw in the half-naked body before him and in her made-up face. What made him look at her as if they were kids?
He cleared his throat and his unease brought her forward.
“Hi, Christian.” She took his hand, which was warm and soft, and led him upstairs. Room Two was in the back, the nicest one, with the shower directly off it. She closed the door and could smell soap and coffee on him. For a moment, she thought he would lean and kiss her. He had a lovely mouth. When he looked down at their hands, she realized she was still holding his. She saw paint on his skin before she stepped away. “You’re a painter?”
“Yes, and you?”
Her eyes narrowed.
“What did you do before this?”
She ignored him and went to the wicker chair with her back to him. She started taking off her clothes, but in a few quick strides he was beside her. His hand on hers stopped her from lowering the strap. “Don’t.”
Jade stood with her head down and felt something ripple in her stomach. At first, she thought it was annoyance, but when he moved his fingers through her hair and gently eased it back, her lips trembled and she knew it was self-pity. In two minutes, this stranger had done more to reach her than Colin had done in two years.
But that’s what he was, a stranger. She moved away from him. “Why, Christian? So I can pretend you haven’t paid a hundred and fifty dollars to spend time with me and see me naked?”
His eyebrows rose playfully. “You’re no good at pretending.”
She tried to stay angry but couldn’t. “Oh, really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Try me.”
He stepped a little closer. Her heart skipped. “Let’s pretend we met in a bar.”
She shook her head. “That’s ridiculous.”
“See, you’re useless.” He started to turn away. She didn’t want him to.
“I am not.”
When Christian studied her, his face was serious and his eyes were soft. He looked her up and down, and in the half-naked body before him, in the face with makeup thrown on, she knew he saw Kate. It was as if she was standing beside him in jeans and t-shirt. He reached his hand out to her. “Hi, I’m Christian, an artist.”
She looked at his hand and back at him again before taking it. “Hi.”
He smiled. “What’s your name?”
“Jade.”
Disappointment flashed between them. She saw it in his withering smile, but he brushed it away with a shrug. “What do you do, Jade?”
The clock’s tick filled the silence in the room. Her hand grew hot in his. She imagined his palm on her belly, the warmth and softness of it as he moved it downward. She imagined having him inside her and, growing scared with his grasp, she pulled away. “You need to shower.”
“I paint faces sometimes. I like ones that tell stories. Usually, I paint old people. They hold so much in their expressions. Few young people do.” His voice was like a caress, so easy and low. “Not like you.”
She walked to the large, rectangular window and stared outside, seeing nothing through the net curtain. Her heart beat fast. She wanted to get away from him but couldn’t leave.
“It’s your eyes, Jade. There’s so much in them. You’re frightened and proud at the same time.” He paused. “I want to know you.”
She whirled around. “Is your life so boring that you should want to know the innermost secrets of a woman you paid to massage you?”
He was taken aback, but not in the way she’d hoped. “Why would you say that? Do you think you’re not worth knowing because you rubbed my penis?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I think it is.”
She shook her head, wanting to storm out of that room, but she couldn’t face Danielle, who’d see right through her.
“Why does the idea of me knowing you scare you so much?”
“Did it never occur to you I don’t want you to know me, and I have no interest in you except as a client who pays me?”
“I don’t believe that.” He walked the distance between them slowly. “I think you feel something more than that.”
Jade swallowed hard. He was nearly beside her. She shook her head but argument failed her. With his every step, he pulled at her resolve. His gaze stayed on her face, while hers moved like a bird trying to get out of a window. There was no place to turn.
By the time Christian stood before her, so close she could feel the heat emanating from his body, he had a slight smile. He raised his hand and touched her face. She turned away, unable to look at him. He touched the cheek given to him and brought his hand down her neck. He spread his fingers around her throat, and it was the most possessive gesture she’d ever felt, as if she was his to do with as he wished.
He grazed her collarbone. She couldn’t stop him as he caressed the V-shaped piece of skin untouched by her lingerie. He touched the silk between her breasts and then she felt his palm graze her nipple so lightly his touch could’ve been a breeze.
She wanted him to stop and she wanted him to keep going. He brushed her other breast, and kept looking at her face as he lowered his hand to her belly. She felt the heat sear her skin as he went lower and reached between her legs. When she felt the flash of heat, she gasped. Her body jerked, and he brought his hand away. With the glistening of her tears, she saw concern in his questioning blue eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
Jade couldn’t look at him. His touch had been like a mark of ownership, and it scared her.
With the warmth of him still lingering, Jade told him to shower. She pitied him as he nodded, his gaze searching for forgiveness. He did not need to seek it. She could’ve stopped him at any time. All she had to do was move her hand onto his but she hadn’t wanted to.
Still, he blamed himself—she saw this by the slight slump of his shoulders but mostly by his silence. She wondered if he’d felt her dryness when he touched her there. Did he know it had been a long time?
She could’ve made him feel better. She could’ve told him she wanted it to be him, this man who looked at her like he’d finally come home, this man with the soft hands and eyes. She wanted Christian to open her up, not Colin, who made her feel small and insignificant every time he glanced at her.
But Jade didn’t make Christian feel better. She didn’t tell him it was okay because she couldn’t take the chance. If she started to speak, she knew she would not have been able to sto
p. She would’ve told him everything.
Christian came back from the shower naked and drying his hair with the towel. When she saw him, she started to remove her clothes. He didn’t stop her this time. He dropped the towel and his gaze took her in. “Slower,” he said.
She obeyed and slipped the straps off her shoulders. The lingerie slid down her body, and she stood in her g-string and high heels.
“Turn around.”
She did, her heart thumping from his appraisal and the regret that this was how it was now, client and masseuse, and that was all it would ever be.
“You are so beautiful.”
Jade wanted to believe him, and when she turned around, his erection insisted he wasn’t lying. He looked uncomfortable. She wanted to smile and hold him, but she picked up the massage oil instead. “Do you want to lie down?”
“Jade?”
She moved to the bottom of the table and looked at him. “Yes?” Her voice sounded flat with the lack of emotion.
Christian gave up trying to talk and lay facedown. She massaged his body in silence and felt his yearning to look at her as she climbed onto the table. Her skin skimmed his buttocks and her body slid on his back so her nipples—the nipples he had just touched—rubbed against him. She thought she felt sadness or defeat coming from him. It nearly made her stop the act of not being affected by him.
Jade told him to turn over and saw his body enjoyed her massage, even if he was holding back. She held his penis and rubbed it against her nipples. He tensed as she slid up and down his front as if she was fucking him.
She knew he wouldn’t touch her when, even with her body against him, she was so distant and determined to remain Jade. She sat up and took his erection in her hands, feeling his gaze on her face as she watched her hands on his shaft, and saw the tremble coming from the pit of his stomach before he came.
He rose on his elbows to watch her clean him with a tissue.
“You have five minutes to shower.”
“I want to paint you.”
She sighed. “Why are you so persistent? Why can’t you leave me alone?”
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