Christian sat up on the table, his legs hanging over the side. He looked so young and approachable. He looked as if he belonged there. “Do you think I can press a button and you disappear?”
“I don’t care what you have to do. Go find some girl to fuck. “ She couldn’t help throwing those words at him, as if he should pay for her hurt, as if he were Colin standing before her.
“And will you fuck some other man, just as coldly as you massaged me?” His voice was soft and without malice.
“That’s none of your business.” She thought of Colin waiting for her in the kitchen. She would be more scared than excited, her body tense and rigid as he touched her. She thought of how he’d turn her around and take her from behind, without looking at her face, and how she’d let him do it and feel nothing but the cold night air as he moaned.
Christian jumped off the table and stepped toward her. She crossed her arms in an attempt to get Colin out of her mind. Christian’s head lowered. “I want—”
“To know me.” She sneered.
His eyes, blue with brown specks, looked directly into hers. “I want to paint you.”
“Time’s up. You need to shower.”
“I could draw you here.”
“It’s your money.”
He tried to touch her face but she pulled back. His watch scraped her chin. “Nobody should be so unhappy.”
Jade couldn’t say anything. She felt anger in the pit of her stomach but could only look at him. When he finally went into the bathroom, she dropped onto the chair and was still there when he came out with the shower still running. He kneeled, his hands on either side of her. His watch was gone, leaving his wrist naked and vulnerable. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t presume anything about your life.”
“It’s okay.” She resisted the urge to touch his olive skin and trace his full lips.
When she showered after him, she tried to scrub his touch away. Her hand lay on his print between her legs and all fright ceased as she caressed that area. She moved inside herself for the first time in too long. Her body straightened to attention and her wide eyes stared at the tiles of the shower. She felt like a thief and an intruder but couldn’t bring her hand away. Her caresses sent jolts through her body, as if it was trying to wake. Then she smelled herself on her fingers, like a savage coming across an unknown.
When she came out, she hardly registered Christian’s presence. She was distant and barely looked at him after the shock of touching herself. Her senses had moved below, as if an alarm had gone off there. She was lost in contemplation and barely managed to smile before she closed the front door. He returned the gesture halfheartedly.
Once Christian was gone, her body felt numb. She couldn’t recall what she’d said as he left, but imagined her voice had been sweet and sticky. She remembered his face as he studied her and was worried he was sickened by her farewell.
* * * *
Christian watched Jade disappear behind the door then walked home. He didn’t live far, which made forgetting her even harder, but he thought it wouldn’t make a difference if he was a hundred miles away. There was something about her that would not let him rest. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, and he knew each time he saw her, his infatuation would only get worse.
He had gone back to get his watch off the sink and stopped at the door of the bathroom. Jade had been in the shower. She hadn’t pulled the curtains, and she went to scrub the place he had touched. He’d seen the determination in her fist as she held the soap. Her body had tensed, and she’d moved her shoulders back in defiance, as if washing herself there was a terrible duty.
When she’d touched herself, she eased. Her lips had parted slightly and she opened her fist, the soap falling from her hands. He’d seen her fingers disappear inside her. She had looked as if it was the first time she had ever explored there. She’d looked scared.
He’d seen her nipples grow erect under the spray of water and had to step away before he reacted. His desire to have his hand on her pubic hair and below, to hold her against him as she responded to his touch, had nearly been too much. He’d dressed quickly.
Now, in his apartment with her painting in front of him and her nakedness so inviting, under the beguiling fright in her eyes, he could not stop thinking he opened her up for someone else.
Chapter 10
The moment Colin met Melanie in the car park that morning, she started touching him. She brushed his crotch with her hand as she slipped into the passenger seat, and she unzipped him two minutes into the ride to her house. She lay over his knees and licked his erect penis as he tried to concentrate on driving.
Once in her garage, she released him and made him moan with need. She jumped from the car but he was quick behind her, grabbing hold of her waist as she fumbled with the lock of the door leading into her small townhouse. Her coat dropped from her grasp as he roughly pulled up her skirt and ripped a hole in her tights. She gasped, and her hand fell from the latch of the closed door as she pushed back and he entered her.
His one hand lay flat on her stomach while he clung onto her waist with his other hand, and he dug his fingers into her skin as he filled her up. Their groans rose in pitch as his hips built up speed until he came inside her with a guttural sound. When he let her go, she collapsed against the door. He smiled at the sight of her ass when she picked up her coat and opened the door without looking back. She went straight into the shower.
When Melanie came out of the bathroom, Colin was sitting naked on the bed. She sat opposite him and they kissed as her hands moved down his body to his limp penis. She rubbed it slowly and brought his hand to her leg. She went onto her knees and refused to part them for him. The tease of being kept away got him excited. His penis rose with her resistance. Finally, she separated her legs, and he darted his hand between her thighs. His fingers soaked up wetness until he couldn’t wait any longer.
Colin turned her around so Melanie was on all fours and crawled under her. She lowered onto him and, as her pussy danced with his tongue, he thought of his wife at home, waiting for him. He knew by the time Kate stood in front of him, everything she needed would be left on another woman’s bed.
When Melanie finished trembling, he kneeled behind her. Maybe he would take Kate and she would feel half of him was gone. He would never be all hers again. Would she be content with that? It was better than nothing.
Colin plunged inside Melanie, his crotch against her ass. His thrust was hard. The smacks of skin on skin were loud. He was angry he was going back to Kate with the idea he owed her something.
He moved quicker with the thought of his wife. Did Kate think she had him wrapped around her finger?
Melanie squealed. Colin let the anger he felt toward Kate build. He pulled Melanie up by the waist, his heavy breaths landing on her back. When he finished, he let her fall back on the bed unceremoniously and stayed still with his eyes closed until his chest calmed.
“Wow, what’s gotten into you?” Melanie gasped.
He rolled onto his back and didn’t answer.
* * * *
Jade had another client. He was a middle-aged Asian man with skin smoother than hers. She took off her clothes slowly and walked around the room with a teasing smile. She spoke about her life as Jade, making things up, like that she was single and totally against the constraints of marriage. She spoke with the playful, sexy tone she once used to in the bedroom with Colin and couldn’t help wonder if she’d been pretending then, too, fitting a role Colin wanted her to fill. It was impossible to remember if she enjoyed those sessions or if she thought them necessary.
Her client’s penis rose as she talked. She knew he read what he wanted in her words. He drew pictures within the syllables. When she said she liked to meet people, her eyebrows rose and he smiled. He saw her on the lookout for men.
“I don’t like being with just one man,” she whispered confidentially.
He nodded as though she had said the wisest thing he had ever heard.
/> She rubbed him. “Do you like this?” She spoke in a way suggesting she cared as she caressed between his legs. She grazed his balls with her fingertips as she slid her body over him, making exaggerated sighing sounds.
The client beamed when she took hold of his penis. “We need to take care of this,” she said, and barely stroked his erection before he shot into her hand.
He got off the table a happy man, and Jade felt dirtier from the words she had spoken than any of her actions. She shivered while waiting for her turn in the shower, and when finally under the water, she found it hard to move away from the spray. The place Christian touched, which only an hour ago had warmed her, was cold and distant, She wanted to cry thinking of Christian but mostly thinking of herself and where her life had ended up.
She couldn’t wash this place off her. She couldn’t clock out at five o’clock and forget about the men she’d touched and the way they’d looked at her. The world had become something different and that was only after a few days. No wonder Nikki and Arlene couldn’t look at a man without thinking of sex. Life had been broken down to that, and there was barely anything left.
Jade managed to smile as she walked the client out and closed the door. She would have liked to walk out as well but was frightened of going backward. She could see herself rewinding down the street, into the train, back to her house, to a lonely kitchen table and nothing else.
She decided to find some distraction and sat beside Sarah in the courtyard. Sarah hadn’t had a single client today, which was completely unheard of for the blond bombshell and her bubbly ways.
First, Sarah apologized for not spending much time with her since she’d gotten to know Michele. Jade told her not to be silly, but as Sarah talked, Jade understood the young woman felt sorry for herself. She came here looking for fun and wanted to open up but instead her world had crashed down on her. She managed to keep it from collapsing altogether but the strain was obvious on her face. Maybe she’d needed Michele’s harshness to stop Julie from disappearing altogether.
* * * *
Sarah had met a gorgeous brown-eyed girl with spiky brown hair named Jo among Michele’s friends. She described the nightclub they went to as small and dingy. The toilet had graffiti art scribbled on the black swinging doors, and the light was so dim it was hard to see her face in the mirror. Sarah followed Jo into the bathroom, where she was brought into the stall and pushed up against its closed door.
She let herself be kissed and felt soft, female caresses on her breasts as Jo leaned into her. Sarah felt Jo’s hand press against her stomach and sweep down to brush her crotch. She gasped as if it was the first time anyone ever touched her there.
Jo caressed Sarah’s bare legs until she found the space between. She slid her fingers through wetness and made Sarah’s body spark and her legs tremble. Sarah was weak in her hands. The gentle caressing of her ridges and the tongue slipping in and out of her mouth were going to make her come within seconds.
She heard the clattering of the door against its hinges as she moaned. When Jo moved her hand away, Sarah, taking deep breaths, couldn’t speak. Jo laughed. “You can do that to me later,” Jo told her and sealed her promise with a kiss.
They spent the night together. Sarah adored Jo’s lean body and how she tasted. They held onto each other all night, and she fell in love.
The next morning, her lover received a phone call and the air turned cold. Sarah tried to talk but was given a down-turned gaze and told to leave. She dressed. Her movements were heavy compared to the night before when she thought her body could float away.
Sarah was about to close the door when she remembered her bag. She went quietly back into the bedroom, scared of being heard and causing an argument as the coldness had been close to anger. She saw Jo sitting on the bed, holding her knees and crying. Sarah left without the bag and arranged to meet Michele that night. She hoped she could talk to her and find out what she had done wrong.
Michele didn’t come alone. She had her girlfriend and Jo with her. They went to the nightclub again and Sarah followed Jo to the bathroom. Although uncertain and hurt, she didn’t know if she hoped for the previous night to be replayed. She didn’t think she would be able to stop Jo from touching her again even if it meant being treated coldly afterward.
She knocked on the stall door. “Please let me in.” There was no answer. “I’m staying until you talk to me.” She stood with her head against the door and listened as Jo’s crying died down. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
“I think you know.”
Sarah’s blood paused below her skin. She knew what was coming. She heard the door click open and wanted to run away. Instead, she pushed it in, so she will always have the memory of Jo’s beautiful eyes crowned by short hair looking up at her. Sarah would never forget going onto her knees and holding Jo’s hands, wet with sweat, and the disgust on Jo’s face as she pulled away.
“Last night was an experiment for you, wasn’t it?” Jo demanded.
“Who told you that?”
Jo tilted her head as if studying something unknown to her. “Just answer my question. Are you gay?”
Sarah shook her head.
“I thought so. I was your first, eh?”
“There has to be a first time.”
“There has to be the test too. Did I pass?” Jo’s sarcasm was touchable.
Sarah grabbed onto her only life vest. “It must’ve meant something to you. Otherwise, why would you be crying?”
Jo stood. “I was thinking of someone else.”
Sarah held her arm. “Please. I’ve fallen for you.”
The way Jo looked at Sarah made her hand fall quickly. She saw fire in those brown eyes. “That’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Do you think I should stick around so you can discover yourself? Well, you can fuck off.”
* * * *
Sarah sighed and looked at Jade with tears in her eyes. “I felt so stupid. I couldn’t leave for ages because I thought everyone was talking about me. I can’t believe Michele did that to me.”
“Did you see Jo again?”
She shook her head. “She left the nightclub after that. When I looked for her, Michele told me she was gone and she didn’t want to see me again.”
Jade held her hand. “Maybe you should go home.”
She nodded. “I really don’t want to see Michele today.” Sarah stood and Jade saw her tremble. “What was I doing, Kate? Why was I trying to be someone I’m not?”
Jade straightened when Sarah called her by her real name and wished she hadn’t shared it when they first met. “Maybe you needed to find out who you really are.”
“No.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Sarah smiled knowingly, as if Jade knew the answer, but she didn’t and she wanted to know. “How can you, Sarah?”
“You know when you’re lying.”
Jade thought of her last client, and the things she’d told him made her feel sick. She thought of Colin and their movements around their big house and each other, the lack of affection and the inability to talk. Then she remembered Christian, the way she felt around him and the way she treated him.
Sarah spoke with her gaze on the ground. “Jo saw who I was and made me realize I was a fake.”
“Aren’t we all?”
Jade couldn’t mistake the anger when Sarah looked at her. “Are you a fake, Kate?”
“Stop saying my name.”
“Why? It’s you, even in here. You can’t get rid of who you are.”
“You don’t have to take your hurt out on me.”
That calmed Sarah down a little. “How are you a fake?” With Jade’s silence, Sarah sighed. “You don’t need to answer. I can see it.”
Jade was worried then. Was she obvious? She felt tempted to look at her wedding ring finger, but the way Sarah was, all bristled and annoyed, she would’ve noticed.
“You light up when Christian comes in, yet you pretend you don’t want to see him. W
hat are you afraid of?”
Jade couldn’t answer.
Sarah shook her head. She was a different person than the one Jade had met a few days ago, but as she watched her walk away, she wondered if the girl she met here that first day was the one that wasn’t real.
Chapter 11
Jade dressed slowly. Sarah was still in the sitting room when she went in to get changed. She looked sad and lost within herself again, so they got ready in silence and flung their bags over their shoulders at the same time. Danielle knew there was something wrong with Sarah and let her go home early without complaint. She nodded at the two women as they left together.
The first few days, Kate had felt a dull apprehension when she opened the door to leave, worried she would meet someone she knew, but that was gone now, or it had become as familiar as her own heartbeat—hardly recognizable.
Sarah stepped outside first. She stalled for a moment, blocking Kate from leaving. Kate could see by Sarah’s stillness that she was looking at something, or more likely, someone. She thought it might be Michele or Jo, until Sarah turned and Kate saw challenge in her eyes.
“What?” Kate was worried someone she knew stood there. She held onto to the notion Sarah didn’t know Colin or what he looked like so she could breathe. Sarah finally stepped away and was halfway down the street by the time Kate had the door closed and turned around to see Christian standing against the wall.
* * * *
“I have to go.”
“No, you don’t. I was just going to run a bath.”
Colin laughed. “Are you never satisfied, Melanie Gravid?”
She kissed his nose. “Always, Colin McKenzie.” She rose from the bed and he watched her full figure move to the bathroom. His eyes caught the lovely sway of her curvy ass. A few seconds later, he heard the water start.
He looked at his watch. It was after five. He could wait a while more. Kate stopped asking him questions long ago. He’d love to sit in the circular deep bath and feel Melanie’s feet against his leg and on his crotch. She always sat opposite him, teasing him with her touches until she became excited. Then she would slide up beside him so her breasts lay on his chest and move her hand to his penis. With the water around him and the soap on her hand, his erection would rise, surrounded by softness. She would rub his length until his penis was tight and then she would lift herself up. They never had a bath without her ending up on top of him. It would be their last sex of the day, and she would move slowly, like lapping waves, as he licked her breasts.
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