Crushing It

by Joanne Levy

  I went around to the front porch and entered the code to unlock the door, which meant there was no sneaking past my parents, because the buttons beep when you press them.

  “Kat?” Mom called out, but then she met me in the hallway. I could hear Dad snoring in the living room, so she’d probably come out to talk to me without waking him. “What are you doing home already? I was going to leave soon to come get you. Is everything okay?”

  I pasted a smile on my face. “Yes, everything’s fine. I was just tired, that’s all.”

  She frowned. “How did you get home?”

  Uh-oh. “I walked.”

  “With Tyler?”

  She was staring at me so intently that I couldn’t lie to her even though I was about to get in trouble. “No, he left earlier.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “So you walked home by yourself in the dark.”

  I nodded.

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  Because I was embarrassed. Because I didn’t want to explain. Because I wasn’t thinking about how I’m not supposed to walk alone after dark.

  I just shrugged.

  Mom exhaled and then hugged me, which was weird, because she was obviously mad. “Go upstairs and get changed while I talk to your father about this.”

  My father let out a huge snore at that moment. Mom and I both laughed, but then her face tightened and she said, “You’re still in trouble, missy. Go on. I need to wake up the ogre in the other room.”

  Without another word I headed up the stairs. I heard music coming from Laura’s room, so I snuck past and slipped through my door, closing it quietly behind me. The last thing I wanted to do was to have to explain to her how horribly things had gone at the dance.

  After I changed out of the dress and into my pajamas, I got my phone out of my purse and held my breath, hoping there would be messages from Olivia and Tyler.

  Half my hopes came true when I saw several from Olivia asking where I was and what had happened to Tyler. Trying not to focus on the fact that there was nothing from Tyler, I texted Olivia back.

  Kat: Sorry. Home now. Tyler left—was pretty mad.

  Olivia: at me, too?

  What? How could she even ask that? Of course he was mad at both of us.

  Kat: yes.

  Olivia: L

  Kat: Can I come over tomorrow?

  I chewed on my thumbnail as I waited for her return text.

  Olivia: sure. I’ll text you in the am. Gotta go! They’re playing 5Style!

  I stared at my phone for a few minutes. Okay, so obviously she wasn’t as upset about the whole Tyler thing as I was. She actually didn’t seem upset about it at all and had stayed at the dance. Did she even really like him? Or was it just that he’d gotten cute over the summer? The more I thought about how she’d been acting while we were trying to get him to like her, the more I realized she’d called pretty much everything that Tyler likes (which is pretty much everything I like) boring: Knights at Sunrise, the samurai movies, Zombie Slashers, manga.

  Not only did she think all those things were boring, but she didn’t even seem to care enough about Tyler to give them a chance. I’d always known that she and I didn’t have very much in common, but this year it seemed even worse. She was into makeup and dance, and I was getting more interested in stuff she didn’t even care to understand. But we were family, and there were a lot of things to love about her.

  But when it came to her and Tyler, how could they be together if she only cared about what he looked like? Or what other girls thought? Or if everything he thought about her was based on a big, fat lie?

  Thinking all this just made me feel a thousand times worse for tricking him into thinking he liked her when, really, the person he thought he liked was . . . me.

  Me.

  Plain old Kat the warthog who could barely dance. Who is short and has braces and glasses. But who loves manga and has read every single Blackwood Knights book at least three times. Who can kick Tyler’s butt at Zombie Slashers. Kat, the girl who Tyler had said was no less pretty than Olivia.

  My heart fluttered in my chest as I connected the dots, as Dad liked to say. Maybe Tyler really could like me. The cute boy next door who was so much more than just a cute boy. My cute best friend.

  I just had to figure out how to get him back.

  Chapter 20

  “I CAN’T STAY LONG,” I said as Olivia and I walked into her bedroom the next morning. She closed the door so it was just her and me. Oh, and all the boys from 5Style, thanks to the millions of posters all over her walls. “I’m grounded, so I had to tell my parents I’d already promised to help you with our English homework. I don’t think they bought it—they only gave me a half hour, and that includes the time it takes to walk here and home. Honestly, if we weren’t related, I don’t think they would have let me out at all.”

  “Grounded?” Olivia asked. “For what?”

  “Walking home by myself in the dark last night.”

  She cringed as she sat down on her bed. “That’s sort of my fault for dragging you to the dance. I’m sorry.”

  I sat on her bed and scooted up beside her against the headboard. I shook my head. “No. It was my decision to walk home alone. I should have called my mom. I was . . . I wasn’t really thinking straight at the time.”

  “Right. Because of Tyler.”

  I nodded as I looked down at my hands and took a deep breath, determined not to get all teary about it.

  “So what happened?”

  I shrugged. “He was really mad.”

  “Still?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I haven’t talked to him yet, but I’m pretty sure he’s still mad.” My silent phone pretty much guaranteed it. I hadn’t gotten the guts to text him yet, but I would after I straightened things out with Olivia.

  “Wait . . . ,” Olivia said in a tone that made me look up at her. “Do you . . . do you like him?”

  My first instinct was to lie about it, but look where all the lying had gotten me. Plus, I could feel my face heating up like crazy, so there wasn’t much point when my red cheeks would give me away. “I think so.”

  “Kat!” she scolded, her eyes wide. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Wasn’t it obvious why? “Because you liked him!”

  “So?” She snorted like I was the one who was being ridiculous. “I wasn’t totally in love with him or anything. It’s not like he’s one of the members of 5Style!” She waved around her room at the posters.

  You have got to be kidding me, I thought. “Livvy, I thought you really liked him.”

  She cringed. “I mean, he’s totally cute, but you were right; he’s probably not my type. He’s way more your type. I can’t believe you never said anything. If you had put him on that quiz instead of your dumb cat, none of this would have happened!”

  I wasn’t sure whether to hug her or clobber her. “I guess I thought he’d pick you over me.”

  She tilted her head and frowned. “Why? Because I’m horrible at math and don’t read? I’m sure that’s exactly what he’s looking for, not the cute girl who knows what cookies he likes and can quote his favorite books because they’re her favorite books too.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “I was stupid.”

  “Normally you’re not, but this time you were, Kat. Plus, you should have told me! You should never, ever lie to your best cousin.”

  “You’re totally right. I never should have lied,” I said, not just thinking of her.

  “Although, I guess we shouldn’t have lied to Tyler, either, huh?” she said.

  “No,” I said. “We shouldn’t have.”

  “How are you going to fix it with him?”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “We’ll figure it out,” she said in a very take-charge voice.

  I got up off her bed. “Thanks, but I need to figure this out on my own.”

  “You’re not the only one who screwed up, Kat,” she said, coming to stand beside me. “I o
we him an apology too.”

  I nodded, then checked my phone for the time. “I should go.”

  “By the way,” she said as I turned toward the door, “you looked really pretty last night. I’m not just saying that because you’re my best cousin, either. You really did.”

  Letting go of the door handle, I gave her a hug. “Thanks, Livvy. You did too.”

  She squeezed me tight. “Thanks.”

  I pulled away. “We good?”

  “Always.”

  “And you’re sure you don’t mind if me and Tyler . . .”

  She waved me off. “No. You and him make a lot more sense. Plus . . .” She got this goofy smile on her face and started fidgeting on her feet.

  “What?” I asked, knowing she had something to tell me.

  “After you left last night? TJ came over and asked me to dance. Turns out he loves 5Style and is an amazing dancer. He’s SO cute, don’t you think?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s totally cute—you know, for you. I’m really happy for you, Livvy,” I said, meaning it.

  She gave me a big smile that told me what she’d said was true: We would always be good, no matter what. After all, we were best cousins.

  “Okay, I’d better go.” I pulled her bedroom door open. “Oh, and about tomorrow . . .”

  Olivia frowned and cocked her head to the side. “Tomorrow?”

  “Volunteering at the shelter?”

  She laughed and waved her hand at me. “Oh, that. Yeah, I’m totally quitting. Sorry.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I figured.”

  She walked me down to the front door. “Good luck with Tyler.”

  I nodded, knowing I was going to need it.

  I texted him a bunch of messages telling him I was sorry.

  He ignored me.

  I texted him jokes.

  He ignored me some more.

  I texted him a picture of my Xbox controller with a question mark (even though I couldn’t actually play, since I was grounded, but . . .).

  Nothing.

  Every text that he didn’t return hurt more and more.

  Saturday night, I tried one last thing.

  Kat: Don’t forget Dad’s driving us to the shelter tomorrow. Come over at 9:30

  Finally, he texted me back.

  Tyler: I’m taking the bus.

  Yep, that one hurt the most. Would he ever forgive me?

  The next morning I was a huge bundle of nerves as I got ready to go to the shelter. My stomach was so tense, I could barely eat my breakfast. What I did manage to eat (a slice of toast with peanut butter) sat like a rock in my gut. Even my stomach was angry at me!

  Finally, at nine o’clock, I planted myself in a chair in my living room, positioning myself so I could see the edge of Tyler’s front porch through a gap in the curtains. If he left, I’d see him, and if he didn’t, well, maybe he would drive with us after all.

  At twenty-two minutes after, Dad hollered my name from the hallway.

  “I’m right here,” I said.

  “Oh,” he said, lowering his voice. “Ready to go?”

  I glanced down at my phone. “It’s not nine thirty yet.”

  Dad opened the closet door, and I could hear the wooden hangers clattering together as he got out his jacket. “I have a busy day lined up, and I’m already getting a late start to drive you. Run next door and get Tyler. Let’s go.”

  I took one last look at Tyler’s porch, then hopped off the chair and joined my dad in the front hall, taking the jacket he handed me and putting it on. We went down the porch stairs toward the car, but I walked as slowly as I could to try to stretch out the minutes.

  Dad stopped halfway to the driveway and looked over his shoulder at me. “Come on, Kat,” he said impatiently, then frowned. “What about Tyler?”

  My eyes darted toward his house again, hoping he would come out that second. Or the next . . . or maybe . . . Nope. He wasn’t coming.

  “Oh, uh . . . he’s getting a ride there separately.”

  The lines in Dad’s forehead got a little deeper, but he didn’t say anything as he hit the button on his key chain to unlock the car. I walked around the other side and opened the door, pausing as I looked at Tyler’s front door one last time.

  Please come out now, I said in my head.

  “Kat, let’s go,” Dad said, really impatient now, so I scrambled into the car and buckled up.

  We were only a half a block into the drive when Dad turned off the radio. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, as if I had no idea what he was talking about.

  “You and Tyler.”

  “Oh. Uh, no, I don’t want to tell you about it.”

  Apparently, when he’d asked if I wanted to tell him about it, it wasn’t actually a question, because he just kept going on. “Does it have something to do with you leaving the dance on your own Friday night and then walking home alone?”

  “Maybe. But I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Sometimes dads don’t care what you don’t want to talk about. Especially when they have you trapped in their car. “Did you get into a fight?”

  He obviously wasn’t going to let it go. I sighed. “Okay, yes, we got into a fight. Well, actually, I did something stupid and now he hates my guts.”

  I could see out of the corner of my eye that Dad took his eyes off the road to look at me, but I kept my eyes trained out the front windshield.

  “What did you do?” he asked.

  “It’s stupid. Can we not talk about it?”

  “Kat,” he said. “I know I’m old and your dad, but maybe I can help.”

  “I doubt it,” I said.

  He chuckled. “I may have been down this road once or twice. I’ve done some stupid things in relationships before and I—”

  “We’re NOT in a relationship!”

  “Whoa,” Dad said, holding up a palm. “Relax. Friendships count as relationships. What I meant was that I might be able to offer some insight.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “Tell me what happened,” he said softly.

  I was super embarrassed, but maybe he could help. I mean, we were on the way to the shelter, and Tyler wasn’t talking to me. What did I have to lose?

  “Fine. Olivia liked him, but he wasn’t into her because she likes boy bands and dancing and hair and stuff and he likes books and games and manga.”

  “Right, of course,” Dad said.

  I looked over, but he wasn’t smirking, so I went on. “So she pretended she was into all the things he likes.”

  “Okaaaaaay,” he said. “So how does this involve you?”

  I was suddenly worried that admitting to tricking Tyler might get me into more trouble with my parents. My stomach rolled the toast around again, but I realized that if there were consequences, I probably deserved them. “Uh . . . I may have been secretly on the phone with her while she was talking to him and told her what to say.”

  “May have . . .”

  “And I may have pretended to be her when we played Zombie Slashers remotely.”

  “Right. What else?”

  “Uh, I may have tried to whisper lines to her at the dance from under the bleachers.”

  He smirked at that but quickly straightened out his mouth just as I was going to tell him that none of this was funny. “Well, no one can say you’re not resourceful,” he said when his face was serious again.

  “Maybe. But stupid. He caught us.” I began to chew on my thumbnail.

  “And I’m guessing he wasn’t flattered by all the effort you two put into this elaborate scheme?”

  “Not exactly,” I said. “Like I said: hates my guts.”

  “I doubt that,” Dad said as he turned onto the freeway. “You two have been friends for a long time. I’m sure he’s hurt that you were dishonest with him. But he’ll come around.”

  I sighed and pulled my thumb away from my mouth; I’d already bitten the nail all the way
down. Any more and I might be considered a cannibal. “I don’t think so, Dad. He was pretty angry.”

  “You’ll have to apologize, obviously.”

  “I tried. He won’t answer my texts.”

  “Maybe corner him at the shelter? Lock him in a kennel and pour your heart out to him?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Hilarious.”

  Dad smiled at me for a second and then looked back at the road. “Listen, Kat. Here’s a bit of tough love. Relationships—friendships, love relationships, whatever—they take work, and people make mistakes. It’s easy to lose sight of the endgame sometimes, but it doesn’t just happen; you have to work at it.”

  “What’s the endgame?”

  “That you want to have that person in your life. That you care about them, and sometimes that means putting them first, ahead of yourself or your own wants.”

  That made sense. Neither Olivia nor I had really thought about Tyler’s feelings in all of this. I guess I’d thought he’d be happy to be with her in the end, but if I’d really thought about him and what he’d want, I would have known better.

  But as I thought about what my dad was saying, I also thought about my family. All the nights we waited for him to come home, and then how when he was home, he was crabby and distracted or sleeping on the couch.

  “Dad?” I said.

  “Yeah?”

  “Um . . .”

  He looked over. “What is it?”

  “What you said . . . that makes a lot of sense.”

  He smiled and turned into the shelter parking lot.

  “But . . . uh . . .”

  We drove around back to the staff parking, and he took a spot near the back door. Once the car was stopped, he turned it off and looked at me. “What?”

  I swallowed, nervous about what I was going to say. But I needed to say it. “That putting-other-people-first thing . . . I don’t think you do that with Mom or Laura and me. You’ve been working so much lately, we hardly see you.”

  His face fell, and I suddenly felt like the worst person in the world (as if I didn’t already) for making him upset. “Kat, you know this new practice—”