The Black Dagger Brotherhood Novels 1-4

by J. R. Ward

  Chapter Fourteen

  Lying in bed, Bella listened to the quiet sounds around her: male voices down the hall, low-pitched, rhythmic…the wind outside pushing against the mansion, capricious, uneven…the creak of a floorboard, quick, high-pitched.

  She forced herself to close her eyes.

  A minute or so later she was up and pacing around, the Oriental on the floor soft under her bare feet. None of her elegant surroundings made sense, and she felt like she had to awkwardly transcribe what she was seeing. The normalcy, the safety she was steeping in seemed like another language, one she had forgotten how to speak or read. Or was this a dream?

  In the corner of the room the grandfather clock chimed five A.M. How long had she been free, exactly? How long since the Brothers had come for her and taken her from the earth back into the air? Eight hours now? Maybe, except it felt like minutes. Or maybe it felt like years?

  The fuzzy quality of time was like her blurry vision, insulating her, scaring her.

  She pulled the silk robe around her more tightly. This was all wrong. She should be rejoicing. After God only knew how many weeks in that pipe in the ground with that lesser standing over her, she should be weeping with sweet relief. Instead everything around her felt fake and insubstantial, as if she were in a life-size dollhouse filled with papier-mâché fakes.

  She paused in front of a window and realized that only one thing felt real. And she wished she were with him.

  Zsadist must have been the one who had come to the side of the bed as she’d first woken up. She’d been dreaming of being back in the hole, back with the lesser. When she’d opened her eyes, all she’d seen was a massive black shape standing over her, and for a moment she hadn’t been able to separate reality from nightmare.

  She was still having trouble with that.

  God, she wanted to go to Zsadist now, wanted to return to his room. But in the middle of all the chaos after she’d screamed, he hadn’t prevented her from leaving him, had he? Maybe he preferred her elsewhere.

  Bella ordered her feet to start moving again and she made herself a little track: around the foot of the gigantic bed, over to the chaise, quick loop by the windows, then a big scenic swing past the highboy and the door to the hall and the old-fashioned writing desk. The home stretch took her by the fireplace and the bookshelves.

  More pacing. More pacing. More pacing.

  Eventually she went into the bathroom. She didn’t stop in front of the mirror; didn’t want to know what her face looked like. What she was after was some hot water. She wanted to take a hundred showers, a thousand baths. She wanted to strip off the first layer of her skin and shave off the hair that lesser had loved so much and clip her nails and clean her ears and scrub the soles of her feet.

  She fired up the showerhead. When the spray was warm, she dropped the robe and stepped under the water. The second the rush hit her back, she covered herself out of instinct, one arm over her breasts, one hand shielding the apex of her thighs…until she realized she didn’t have to hide. She was alone. She had privacy here.

  She straightened and forced her hands to her sides, feeling like it had been forever since she’d been allowed to wash in private. The lesser had always been there, staring, or worse, helping.

  Thank God, he’d never tried to have sex with her. Rape had been one of her greatest fears in the beginning. She’d been terrified, sure he was going to force her, but then she’d discovered he was impotent. No matter how hard he stared at her, his body had always remained flaccid.

  With a shudder, she reached to the side for the bar of soap, lathered her hands, and ran them over her arms. She sudsed up her neck and then across her shoulders and worked her way down….

  Bella frowned and bent forward. There was something on her belly…faded scratches. Scratches that…Oh, God. That was a D, wasn’t it? And the next…that was an A. Then a V and an I and another D.

  Bella dropped the bar of soap and covered her stomach with her hands, falling back against the tile. His name was on her body. In her skin. Like a gruesome parody of her species’ highest mating ritual. She truly was his wife….

  Stumbling from the shower, slipping on the marble floor, she grabbed a towel and wrapped herself up. Grabbed another and did the same. She would have gone for three, four…five, if she’d found more.

  Shaky, nauseous, she went up to the mirror that was fogged over. Taking a deep breath, she rubbed her elbow across the condensation. And looked at herself.

  John wiped his mouth and somehow managed to drop his napkin. Cursing to himself, he bent down to pick it up…and so did Sarelle, who got to the thing first. He mouthed the words thank you when she handed it to him.

  “You’re welcome,” she said.

  Boy, he loved her voice. And he loved the way she smelled like lavender body lotion. And he loved her long, thin hands.

  But he’d hated dinner. Wellsie and Tohr had done all the talking for him, giving Sarelle a glossed-over version of his life. What little he’d written on his pad had seemed like stupid filler.

  As his head came up to level, Wellsie was smiling at him. But then she cleared her throat, as if trying to play it cool.

  “So, as I was saying, a couple of females from the aristocracy used to run the winter solstice ceremony back in the Old Country. Bella’s mother was one of them, as a matter of fact. I want to check in with them. Make sure we don’t forget anything.”

  John let the conversation amble along, not paying too much attention until Sarelle said, “Well, I guess I’d better get going. It’s thirty-five minutes to dawn. My parents will have a conniption.”

  She pushed her chair out, and John stood up as everyone else did. While good-byes were said, he found himself fading into the background. At least until Sarelle looked right at him.

  “Would you walk me out?” she asked.

  His eyes shot to the front door. Walk her out? To her car?

  In a sudden rush, some kind of raw male instinct flooded his chest, so powerful he shook a little. Abruptly his palm started to tickle, and he looked down at it, feeling as though there were something in it, that he was holding something…so he could protect her.

  Sarelle cleared her throat. “Okay…um…”

  John realized she was waiting for him and snapped out of his little trance. Stepping forward, he indicated with his hand the way to the front door.

  As they went outside, she said, “So are you psyched to train?”

  John nodded and found his eyes roaming the environs, searching the shadows. He felt himself tense up, and that right palm of his started to hum again. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was looking for. He just knew he had to keep her safe at all costs.

  Keys jingled as her hand came out of her pocket.

  “I think my friend is going to be in your class. He was supposed to sign up tonight.” She unlocked the car door. “Anyway, you know why I’m really here, don’t you?”

  He shook his head.

  “I think they want you to feed from me. When your transition hits.”

  John coughed from shock, sure that his eyeballs had popped out of his skull and were rolling down the driveway.

  “Sorry.” She smiled. “Guess they didn’t tell you.”

  Yeah, he would have remembered that conversation.

  “I’m cool with it,” she said. “Are you?”

  Oh. My. God.

  “John?” She cleared her throat. “Tell you what. Do you have something I can write on?”

  Numbly, he shook his head. He’d left his pad in the house. Idiot.

  “Give me your hand.” When he reached out, she got a pen from somewhere and bent over his palm. The nub ran across his skin smoothly. “That’s my e-mail address and my IM info. I’ll be online in about an hour. Messie me, okay? We’ll talk.”

  He looked at what she’d written. Just stared at it.

  She shrugged a little. “I mean, you don’t have to or anything. Just…you know. I thought we could get to know each other t
hat way.” She paused, as if waiting for a response. “Um…whatever. No pressure. I mean—”

  He grabbed her hand, whipped the pen out of it, and flattened her palm.

  I want to talk to you, he wrote.

  Then he looked straight into her eyes and did the most amazing, ballsy thing.

  He smiled at her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  As dawn came and shutters went down over the windows, Bella drew on the black robe and bolted out of the bedroom she’d been given. With quick eyes, she checked up and down the hallway. No witnesses. Good. Closing the door quietly, she glided over the Persian runner, making no sound at all. When she got to the head of the grand staircase she paused, trying to remember which way to go.

  The corridor with the statues, she thought, remembering another trip down that long stretch so many, many weeks ago.

  She walked fast and then ran, clutching the lapels of the robe and holding the slit on the bottom closed over her thighs. She passed statues and doors, until she got to the end and stopped in front of the last pair. She didn’t bother to collect herself, because she was uncollectible. Loose, ungrounded, in danger of disintegration—there was no collecting anything. She knocked loudly.

  Through the door came, “Fuck off. I’ve crashed.”

  She turned the knob and pushed. Light from the hall barged in, slicing a pie wedge out of the darkness. As the glow hit Zsadist, he sat up on a pallet of blankets in the far corner. He was naked, his muscles flexing into ridges under his skin, his nipple rings flashing silver. His face, with that scar, was a billboard for the rankly pissed-off male.

  “I said, fuck o—Bella?” He covered himself with his hands. “Jesus Christ. What are you doing?”

  Good question, she thought as her courage dimmed. “Can…can I stay here with you?”

  He frowned. “What are you—No, you can’t.”

  He grabbed something off the floor and held it in front of his hips as he stood up. With no apologies for her stare, she drank in the sight of him: the tattooed slave bands around his wrists and neck, the gauge in his left earlobe, his obsidian eyes, his skull-trimmed hair. His body was as starkly lean as she remembered, all striated muscles and hard-cut veins and evident bones. Raw power emanated from him like a scent.

  “Bella, get out of here, okay? This is not the place for you.”

  She ignored the command in his eyes and his tone, because although her bravery was gone, desperation gave her the strength she needed.

  Now her voice no longer faltered. “When I was so out of it in the car, you were behind the wheel, weren’t you?” He didn’t respond, but she didn’t need him to. “Yes, you were. That was you. You spoke to me. You were the one who came for me, weren’t you?”

  He flushed. “The Brotherhood came for you.”

  “But you drove me away. And you brought me here first. To your room.” She looked at the luxurious bed. The covers were thrown back, the pillow dented from where her head had lain. “Let me stay.”

  “Look, you need to be safe—”

  “I am safe with you. You saved me. You won’t let that lesser get me again.”

  “No one can touch you here. This place is wired like the goddamned Pentagon.”

  “Please—”

  “No,” he snapped. “Now get the hell out of here.”

  She started to shake. “I can’t be alone. Please let me stay with you. I need to…” She needed him specifically, but didn’t think he’d respond well to that. “I need to be with someone.”

  “Then Phury’s more what you’re looking for.”

  “No, he’s not.” She wanted the male in front of her. For all his brutality, she trusted him instinctually.

  Zsadist ran his hand over his head. A number of times. Then his chest expanded.

  “Don’t make me go,” she whispered.

  When he cursed, she exhaled in relief, figuring that was as close to a yes as she was going to get.

  “I have to put some pants on,” he muttered.

  Bella stepped inside and closed the door, lowering her eyes for only a moment. When she looked up again, he’d turned away and was pulling a pair of black nylon sweats up his thighs.

  His back, with its streaks of scars, flexed as he bent over. Seeing the cruel pattern, she was struck with the need to know exactly what he’d been through. All of it. Each and every lash. She’d heard the rumors about him; she wanted his truth.

  He’d survived what had been done to him. Maybe so could she.

  He turned around. “Have you eaten?”

  “Yes, Phury brought me food.”

  A flicker of expression passed over his face, but it was gone so fast she couldn’t read it.

  “Are you in pain?”

  “Not particularly.”

  He walked over to the bed and plumped up the pillows. Then he stood to one side, looking down at the floor.

  “Get in.”

  As she came forward she wanted to throw her arms around him, and he stiffened, as though he’d read her mind. God, she knew he didn’t like to be touched, had learned that the hard way. But she wanted to get close anyway.

  Please look at me, she thought.

  She was just about to ask him to when she noticed he had something around his throat.

  “My necklace,” she breathed. “You’re wearing my necklace.”

  She reached out to it, but he flinched away. With a quick movement he took off the fragile gold chain with its little diamonds and dropped the thing in her hand.

  “Here. Take it back.”

  She looked down. Diamonds by the Yard. By Tiffany. She’d worn it for years…her staple piece of jewelry. The thing had been so much a part of her, she’d always felt naked without it on. Now the fragile links seemed totally foreign to her.

  It was warm, she thought, fingering a diamond. Warm from his skin.

  “I want you to keep it,” she blurted.

  “No.”

  “But—”

  “Enough with the talk. Get in or get out of here.”

  She put the necklace into the pocket of the robe and glanced at him. His eyes were locked on the floor, and as he breathed his nipple rings caught the light.

  Look at me, she thought.

  Except he didn’t, so she got into the bed. When he leaned down she scootched over to make room for him, but all he did was pull the covers over her and then go back to the corner, to the pallet on the floor.

  Bella stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. Then she grabbed a pillow, slid out of the bed, and went over to him.

  “What are you doing?” His voice was high. Alarmed.

  She dropped her pillow and lay down, easing onto the floor beside his big body. His scent was so much stronger now, smelling of evergreen and distilled male power. Seeking the heat of him, she inched closer until her forehead hit the back of his arm. He was so hard, like a stone wall, but he was warm, and her body relaxed. Next to him she was able to feel the weight of her own bones, the hard floor underneath her, the currents in the room as the heat came on. Through his presence, she connected to the world around her again.

  More. Closer.

  She pushed herself forward until she was flush against the side of him, from breast to heel.

  He shifted away with a jerk, moving back until he hit the wall.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, pushing herself up to him again. “I need this from you. My body needs”—you—“something warm.”

  Abruptly he leaped to his feet.

  Oh, no. He was going to kick her out—

  “Come on,” he said gruffly. “We’re going to the bed. I can’t stand the idea of you on the floor.”

  Whoever said you couldn’t sell something twice had never met the Omega.

  O rolled over onto his stomach and propped his body up on weak arms. The retching was easier like this. Gravity helped.

  As he gagged, he remembered the first little deal he’d made with the father of all lessers. On the night of O’s induction int
o the Lessening Society, he’d traded his soul, along with his blood and heart, to become an immortal, sanctioned, supported killer.

  And now he’d done another trade. Mr. X was no more. O was now the Fore-lesser.

  Unfortunately, O was also now the Omega’s bitch.

  He tried to lift his head. When he did the room spun, but he was too exhausted to bother getting more nauseated. Or maybe there was nothing left on the downside in that department.

  The cabin. He was in Mr. X’s cabin. And going by the light, it was past dawn. As he blinked in the weak glow, he looked down at himself. He was naked. Marked with bruises. And he hated the taste in his mouth.

  Shower. He needed a shower.

  O dragged himself off the floor using a chair and the edge of the table. As he stood, his legs made him think of lava lamps for some insane reason. Probably because both were liquid inside.

  His left knee gave out and he collapsed into the seat. While he wrapped his arms around himself, he decided the wash-off could wait.

  Man…the world was new again, wasn’t it? And he’d learned so many things during the course of his promotion. Before his change in status, he hadn’t known the Fore-lesser was much more than just the leader of the slayers. In fact, the Omega was trapped on the other side and needed a conduit to get temporal. The number one lesser was the beacon the Omega used to find his way during the crossover. All the Fore-lesser had to do was open up the channel and make like a lighthouse.

  And there were serious benes to being the lesser in charge. Benes that made that body-freeze technique Mr. X had used look like child’s play.

  Mr. X…good old sensei. O laughed. However shitty he felt this morning, Mr. X felt worse. Guaranteed.

  Things had gone so smoothly after that blade-in-the-chest routine. When O had landed at the Omega’s feet, he’d made his case for a regime change. He’d pointed out that the Society’s ranks were dropping in number, especially among Primes. The Brothers were getting stronger. The Blind King had ascended. Mr. X was not holding a strong front.