“Bren?” Liv asked with a slight grin.
“Yes, actually. We like to chat at night sometimes, before she goes to bed. I don’t mind. It’s a nice way to end the day.”
“Good to know. I’m glad you’re enjoying her company.”
“I am. You going to be okay?”
“Yes. Later.” She hung up and stared at the phone for a moment. She really should call Grace and at least make sure she was settled in for the night. She simply wouldn’t be able to sleep without hearing Grace’s soft voice first.
Liv called and was disappointed when it went to voicemail. She left a message and put the phone onto the night table. Maybe she was busy with Harry. Or maybe she didn’t want to talk. With a deep sigh, Liv settled down to sleep, though she realized she’d do anything but.
****
Sara hung up the phone from her chat with Bren. The evening calls were fun, but they did nothing to help her get to sleep. In fact, she usually ended up staying awake longer than normal because they reminded her of Terry. And it sucked.
Not that all her memories of Terry sucked. Far from it. They’d had an amazing time together. Sometimes their talks would turn very serious and sometimes not, but there was this closeness between them that Sara had never had before. Not even with Liv, and she was the one person Sara confided in completely. With Terry, however, it was different. Like they knew each other on an entirely different level.
Or so she’d thought. Could it all have been one-sided? It had to be, right? Or else Terry wouldn’t have dumped her.
That evening played over and over in Sara’s brain like a broken record. Terry stood on the sidewalk outside the park. Little kids played on the swing set, and Sara recalled saying something about Felicia. What was it? That she looked forward to meeting her?
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Terry said. She wouldn’t face her, and something in her voice caused the hair on the back of Sara’s neck to stand up.
“I thought we were headed to the park this weekend. Are you afraid I won’t like her or that she won’t like me? I’m really good with kids, Terry. I promise I won’t bite.” She tried to joke, but it didn’t lighten Terry’s mood at all. In fact, Terry seemed pissed at her.
“No. I think she’d like you,” Terry said. “And that makes this harder than I imagined.” She finally faced Sara, and the pain in her eyes gave Sara a shock. “I planned to wait until after dinner, but I can’t.”
“Wait for what? What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Sick?”
Terry raised her hand to ward off any more questions. She kept her eyes on Sara, and when she spoke, Sara swore her heart broke into pieces with each word. “We can’t see each other anymore.”
Nothing came out of Sara’s mouth, though she tried hard to speak. She must have looked like a fish sucking air.
Terry didn’t say anything more, and after a beat, she walked away. That was it. They were no longer a couple. Just like that.
The weight of what just happened was too much, and Sara sank to her knees. She could still see Terry’s retreating form, pretty sure she literally ran away. She stared after her until her vision blurred. Tears streamed down her face, and she sat on the sidewalk and sobbed.
She called Liv when she could manage to keep her hand steady enough to use her cell phone.
Liv picked her up, and they went to Liv’s house, where Sara cried herself to sleep.
Sara told her boss she was sick with the flu and took a week off work. It was a lie, of course, but anyone who might have seen her would have believed it. The same day Terry walked out of her life was also the day she’d planned to tell Terry she loved her.
Sara’d had her share of relationships, her longest being with Liv, but she never truly fell in love with any of those women. She always loved Liv, but on a friendship level. Never anything as deep as what she felt for Terry.
She ended up spending the week in one of Liv’s spare rooms. Going home would only remind her of the romantic evening she’d planned. Liv brought her a few changes of clothes, and Sara’s mom and dad checked in on her every day. Grace was in and out as well. Liv made sure someone was there all the time to watch over her. She was damn lucky to have such great friends.
Barely five weeks later, she still felt the hit of those words as if Terry said them yesterday.
She stared at the ceiling of her bedroom and wondered if she’d ever feel whole again.
Chapter Four
Liv paced around her office, unable to rid herself of her nervous energy. She’d still not heard from Grace. Their fight was two days ago, and she didn’t think they’d ever gone that long without talking or texting each other. Maybe Liv was moving too fast. Grace clearly wasn’t ready to live together.
She tried like hell to understand Grace’s reluctance. Though they’d talked about it many times, Liv would never fully understand what Grace went through at the hands of Carly. The physical abuse was evident, but the mental abuse…
Right now she felt like an ass, with no way of redeeming herself.
She returned to her desk, grabbed the phone, and called Sara, who answered on the first ring.
“Morning,” Sara said. She didn’t sound any happier than Liv.
“Hey. You busy?”
“Nope. You?”
“Nope.” Liv hesitated. She got the impression calling Sara wasn’t such a good idea.
“What’s wrong?” Like always, Sara read her like a book—without being there to see her.
“I haven’t heard from Gracie.”
“Have you called her?”
“Three times last night and a text this morning. I know she worked late at Rock World yesterday, and she’s off today.”
“She needs time, Livvy. We talked about this. Besides, it’s not like you don’t know where she lives. If you really want to talk to her, go to the cabin. Face-to-face works best every time.”
“I don’t think—” Liv stopped when her cell phone showed a text coming in. She stared at it for a few moments, not sure what to do. It was from Grace.
“What?” Sara asked.
“Uh, she just sent me a message.”
“Cool. Job done.”
Liv didn’t reply right away. Instead, she stared at the phone, the message very simple. A telephone emoji. Their shorthand to say “call me.”
“What did she say?” Sara’s voice was quieter as though she didn’t want anyone to hear her. “Tell me.”
“Just to call her.”
“Don’t scare me like that. I thought she was breaking up with you.”
“She might still be,” Liv said, even though her brain told her it was a completely irrational thought. Grace loved her. Right?
Sara said, “Don’t be stupid. She’s not breaking up with you. I’m hanging up so you can call her.”
“No, don’t!”
“Why? Liv, do I need to come over there? Why are you all freaked out?”
Liv didn’t have an answer. Probably because there was no logic to it. Only a deep-seated fear of being without Grace. Her hands shook a little as she stared at her cell phone. She finally had to put the damn thing on top of her desk.
“I just can’t, Sara. I’m afraid of what she’ll say.”
“She’ll say she loves you and together you’ll work out the issue of her living in your house. It really is that simple. Trust me, okay?”
“I want to. I seriously want to.”
“Text her back to let her know you got the message. She’s reaching out. Don’t ignore her.” Sara spoke to someone in her office, her voice muffled for a few seconds. “I have to go. Will you be all right?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t you ignore her, Olivia. You hear me? You pick up the phone and text or call her right after you hang up with me. Got it?”
“Yeah.” Liv placed the receiver on her desk phone and hung up. She didn’t actually promise she’d call Grace, and that was a good thing, becaus
e in that moment she couldn’t do it. Not even a simple message to say she’d gotten the damn text.
Liv desperately wanted to hear Grace’s voice, but if she was going to leave her—Liv would put that off as long as possible. She turned her cell phone off and dove into the pile of paperwork on her desk, hoping to bury herself in it and forget the ache in her heart.
****
Grace was already at the pub when Sara breezed in on Saturday afternoon. They’d missed their usual Wednesday lunch and agreed to make it up on the weekend when they were both off. But Sara decided to stop at the bank to get something she’d forgotten and got caught up in a minor issue. She made a mental note to never show up on a Saturday again. She slid into the bench across from Grace and released a dramatic sigh. “I didn’t think I was going to make it. Sorry I’m late.”
“No worries,” Grace said.
Sara put in her order with Izzy, who was quieter than usual, then turned to her friend. Grace wouldn’t look at her and kept picking at a groove in the wooden table. “Let me guess. Liv’s still on you about moving in?”
“Not really.” Grace sighed heavily. “We kind of had a spat about it last week, but it wasn’t all that bad. At least I didn’t think so. But I’ve been trying to call her since then, and she won’t pick up the phone. I guess it’s my own fault for not answering when she tried to call me that night.”
“I am officially going to kill her,” Sara muttered.
“Why?”
“Because we talked about this. I told her to back off, not ignore your calls. Gracie, I don’t think she understands what’s going on in your head. You need to spell it out for her. You know she can be pretty damn thick sometimes.”
“I do.” Grace smiled just a bit. “But it’s difficult to talk to someone who’s ignoring you.”
“Well, there is that.” Sara waited for Grace to keep going, but she didn’t. “Hey, go over to her office. I know for a fact she’s there because I saw her going in on my way here.”
“I don’t know how to make her understand.”
“Just open your mouth and tell her.”
“I’ve tried. It’s hard because this is super important to her, but for me—when I was with Carly, I felt trapped being in the same house with her. I wasn’t able to leave without her permission. I know Olivia isn’t Carly, but that doesn’t stop the feelings I’m having.” She met Sara’s concerned gaze, and Sara realized Grace hadn’t been sleeping. Grace said, “I’m afraid. It’s all overwhelming me in ways I never expected. I should be excited to be marrying her. I love her. But instead I’m terrified.”
“You have to tell her, honey.” Sara reached across the table and patted Grace’s hand. “She won’t understand why you’re scared, because she can’t. But she’ll try like hell. Plus, I think it might be good if you two have a talk with your counselor, Abby.”
“I know. I’ve got an appointment with her later today.” Grace sniffled. “It’s like I have claustrophobia, and she wants me to move into a shoe box. It’s irrational because I know it would never be like it was with Carly. It’s just a house. Our house. It means so much to her. I know I’m hurting her feelings with all this. I want to talk to her, but I don’t think she wants to talk to me right now.”
“Bullshit. Doesn’t matter what she wants. It’s about what you need, and you need to talk to her. Let’s go.” Sara got up and tugged on Grace’s arm.
“What? Where? We haven’t eaten yet.”
“We can eat later.” She glanced over at Izzy. “Hey, Iz, would you please box our lunches? I’ll get them in a little bit.”
“Sure,” Izzy said. She never looked up from wiping down the bar, and Sara got a very weird feeling something was off.
She couldn’t worry about it. She needed to fix Grace and Liv first.
“We’re off to Liv’s office,” Sara said once Grace had her coat on. “I’ll get her to stop whatever the hell she’s doing, and you two will talk about this.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. There’s got to be a reason she’s dodging my calls. I’m not sure barging in on her at the office will fix anything.”
“We won’t know until we try.” Sara took her hand and led her out the door and toward Liv’s office. “She’s shutting down because she’s hurting, Grace. It’s what she does, and if you don’t confront her now with the issue, it’ll fester, and that’s not something you need.”
Grace stopped when they were across the street from Liv’s office. “Sara, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s not—the timing is off. I think I should go home, and by home I mean Ojiichan’s. I need to Skype Abby and maybe get my head around things. Sometimes it sucks that your counselor is in another country, but Abby gets me.”
“Okay, but are you sure?” Sara hated the sadness in Grace’s eyes. She wanted badly to fix things.
“I’m not sure of anything except I need to talk to Abby.” She hugged Sara tightly. “Thanks. Sorry about lunch.”
“I don’t care about lunch. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” Grace said and walked away.
Sara stared at the office and contemplated going in. She wanted to get the food from the pub and hand lunch over to Liv and get her talking about the situation. But something told her to back off. As much as she loved Liv, she knew it wasn’t really her place to get between her and Grace, especially not on an issue this big.
So she returned to the pub, where she found Izzy still wiping down the bar. By now it should be shining like glass. “Hey there,” Sara said, startling Izzy.
“Hey. You want your food?”
“I guess so.” Sara waited and once the boxed lunches were handed to her, she paid Izzy. “You okay?”
“Yeah, why?” Izzy said without looking at her. There was something very wrong with the way she hunched her shoulders forward. Like she was defeated.
“Because you’re not okay. I’ve known you most of your life, Izzy, and I know when something is off. Spill.”
Izzy shrugged. “Girl troubles. No biggie.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Want to talk about it?”
“Michelle broke up with me. Said she’s not into me anymore.”
“Michelle sucks.” Sara waited for Izzy to look at her. There was a tiny smile on her face. “I know you guys were together for about a year, so it’s gotta hurt, but let me tell you it gets better.”
“She says she thinks I’m, like, into someone else.”
Sara raised her eyebrow. “Are you?”
Another shrug.
“Maybe it’s good Michelle broke up with you. Makes you available for this other woman, right?”
“Nope. She’s now dating someone else.”
Sara almost laughed at the irony but kept her expression sympathetic. She patted Izzy’s hand. “If she’s just started dating there’s still time. You tell her how you feel. Let her know you’re interested and see where it leads you. You never know. She might be dating the wrong woman.”
“I wish.” Izzy sighed. “Thanks, Sara. I appreciate the talk.”
“Any time.” Sara wasn’t sure she’d done much for Izzy, but at least she smiled a little. “Catch you later.”
“Later,” Izzy said and moved her polishing down the bar.
Sara took both lunches and walked home.
****
Grace sat at the tiny kitchen table at Harry’s cabin later that evening and thumbed through her text messages to Liv. All of them unanswered. It wasn’t like Liv to shut her out this way. They’d had a few disagreements before, but nothing like this. Had she really hurt her feelings that badly? Why was her moving in now such a blasted big deal to Liv?
Grace wanted to ask her, but Liv wouldn’t take her calls. Grace was tempted to go to Liv’s house and make her talk to her. She was hurting, too. Every minute apart from Liv was like a minute she couldn’t breathe.
Harry settled int
o the chair beside her and put his hand on her arm. His once dark skin was lighter now because he no longer spent most of his time outside. His wrinkled hand reminded Grace of how fragile her beloved ojiichan was. Grace looked up at his kind face and smiled for him.
“Gracie Lee, you must go to her. This does you no good to sit here and be miserable. Talk. Tell her how you feel.”
“I want to, but she doesn’t. I can show up, sure, but that won’t make her talk to me. I don’t know what to do. She’s never done this before.”
“You have not had this issue before. How were you to know how she would react? Likewise, I am sure she does not understand your reaction.”
“Did you ever have this kind of problem with Obaachan?” Her gaze drifted to a photo of her grandparents on the mantle. Their wedding day. Obaachan wore a satin-white dress that ended at her ankles. The photo was black and white, but Grace could easily see how happy they both were.
“There were times we did not agree. We married later in life, as you and Olivia are doing, which meant we were both independent—set in our ways. There is much for you two to learn about each other.”
“I thought I already knew her.”
“You do, but this is different. Bringing your lives together will change your relationship, Gracie Lee. It will make you stronger. You will get past this.”
“It hurts.”
“I know.”
A knock at the door surprised them both. Harry had no immediate neighbors. Grace noted the time was close to ten at night. She exchanged a glance with him before answering the door.
Liv stood there in jeans and a sweatshirt, despite the near freezing temperature.
“Hey,” Grace said, too stunned for words.
“Hey. Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Grace stepped aside. Liv looked terrible. Her eyes were puffy, her face drawn and pale.
Harry greeted Liv from the kitchen. “I’m going to bed,” he said. “G’night, Olivia.”
“G’night, Harry.” She waited for him to close the door to his room.
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