They stood there, a few feet between them, letting the awkwardness fill the room.
Grace motioned to the twin recliners, the only real furniture in the living area of the cabin. “Want to sit down?”
“No. Thanks.” Liv shoved her hands in her jeans pockets but not before Grace noticed she was trembling.
“This is crazy, Olivia. We have to talk about this. Please don’t shut me out.”
“I—I’m sorry. I don’t know why—it’s crazy and stupid, and I should know better.” Liv paced the small room. “I should be more sensitive to your feelings, Gracie, but I don’t know how to tell you mine.”
Grace stopped her and waited for Liv to look at her. The desperation she saw in her eyes pressed on her heart. “First, I love you. You have to know that.”
“I do. I love you, too.”
“Second, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Me, too.” Tears filled Liv’s eyes.
“Third, I’m terrified and it has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you. I want to be with you—all the time. It hurts to be apart, and I don’t sleep worth a damn when I’m not with you. But it’s hard. Carly had so much control over me that I still get scared.”
“Of her?”
“No. That’s not what I mean. I get scared because to live with someone else you have to give up some control. I feel like I just got control of my life back, so giving up any of it is terrifying. I know in my heart you’re not Carly, but sometimes my brain doesn’t want to accept it. It’s like I’m fighting with myself over it, and it’s damn hard.”
“I’d never hurt you, not on purpose.” Liv’s hand touched the side of her face. “I don’t want you to give up anything, Gracie.”
“But that’s not how it works.” Grace covered Liv’s hand with her own. “I have to give up some control because it would be our house, our lives. Not just mine or yours. It’s not that I don’t want to—it’s—I have to find a way to remind myself it’s okay if I do.”
“What can I do?”
“Talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling. Don’t shut down, Olivia. Please.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you.” Liv leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss on Grace’s lips. “I got scared, and I was afraid if I talked to you, I’d only make it worse. I’d already botched the job of explaining it to you in my office.”
“But that’s when we need to keep talking. We can’t work things out otherwise.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here. It’s tearing me up inside. I guess I wanted you to move in so badly I forgot how you might feel about it. I mean, I know you want to or half your stuff wouldn’t be at my place now. I want to share my life with you, Gracie. I guess waiting until April seems like a long time.”
“It’s only a couple of months.”
“Yeah. And if I lived in the States, I’d be the kind of lesbian that got a U-Haul and moved in on the second date.” She gave a self-deprecating laugh.
Grace opened her arms, pulled Liv into them, and embraced her as tightly as she could. “I promise we’ll work this out. I’m not letting Carly win.”
“You sure I can’t go kick her ass?”
Grace laughed. “I’m sure. You’d have to break into prison and end up in the cell next to her. Then we’d never be able to move in together. It would suck.”
“Yeah, that’s true. I don’t like it when you’re right.”
Grace wiped the tears from Liv’s cheeks and smiled. “Get used to it. I’m going to be the wife that’s always right.”
“Oh joy. I guess I’ll be saying ‘yes, dear,’ a lot, huh?”
“If you’re smart.”
“I’m very smart.”
Grace kissed her gently. “And sexy.”
“I’ll trust you on that one.”
“You should.” Grace deepened the kiss, making sure Liv understood how she felt. “How about I come by the house tomorrow afternoon? I’ve got to get some stuff done for Ojiichan, then I’m all yours.”
“Sounds good. We can have lunch and talk more.”
“We can. There’s a lot of planning to do.” Grace kissed her again. “I think the idea of expanding the house so Ojiichan has his own living area is great. And he’s offered to pay for it.”
“Seriously? Harry’s going to live with us?”
“He is.”
The smile nearly split Liv’s face and warmed Grace’s heart. Liv initiated the next kiss, and Grace’s knees buckled.
“This is great,” Liv said. “I’ve got a contractor in mind. I’ll call him on Monday.” Her eyes held Grace’s and her stomach did a little flip. “Stay tomorrow night with me?”
“Plan on it.”
“I better go. I’ll call you when I get home to say goodnight.” Liv stopped at the doorway. “G’night, Harry,” she called out.
Grace shook her head when he replied, “G’night, Olivia.” She should have known he’d be listening in. He always did, and it brought one thought to mind. She leaned close and whispered to Liv, “Ask the contractor about soundproofing the walls.”
****
The wind picked up, and Terry nearly lost her grip on the office door as she walked out. She hated Mondays and couldn’t be happier this one was over. There was an icy patch on the sidewalk, and her left foot slid and knocked her off balance. She tried to use the door to right herself, but her grip wasn’t strong enough and she fell on her ass.
And just missed taking someone else with her. Terry muttered an apology as she glanced up into Sara’s concerned gaze.
Terry, mortified, scrambled to her feet and carefully closed the office door. She turned to go to her car, surprised Sara was still there.
“You okay?” Sara asked quietly.
“Just hurt my pride, I think. Thanks.”
“Sure,” Sara said, but she didn’t make a move to leave.
Terry desperately wanted to get out of there. Her legs, however, refused to obey the commands from her brain. “You doing okay?”
“I’m great,” Sara said, but the words fell flat. Terry read the hurt in her eyes, and it pulled at her heart.
“I’m sorry,” Terry said.
“For what?”
“Hurting you.”
“Pfft.” Sara waved her arm as if to shove the idea away, but her eyes told Terry a different story. “You didn’t. I’m fine.”
“Good, good.” Terry edged toward her truck. “I should go. I need to get Felicia from school.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Terry said and went to her truck. She took one last look at Sara before getting in the vehicle and driving away.
No matter how hard she tried, the expression on Sara’s face stayed with her. Lost. Hurt. Angry. All mixed together. All caused by Terry.
She wanted to turn the vehicle around and find Sara. Talk to her. Let her know why she’d been forced to break up with her. Let her know she still cared.
But would Sara accept Terry’s reasoning for the breakup? Or would she be angrier?
Terry took a shaky breath as she pulled into the parking lot of the school. She had to get her emotions under control before Felicia saw her.
As if on cue, Felicia ran to the truck, followed by Sally Johnson, who held Felicia’s backpack in her hand.
Felicia wrapped her small arms around Terry’s waist and held on for dear life. “I miss you, Mommy.”
“I missed you, too.” She cupped Felicia’s face in her hands and smiled down at her. “Did you have a good day?”
“Nope.” Felicia pulled back and opened the rear passenger door of the truck. She climbed onto her booster seat and waited to be buckled in.
Terry caught the exasperated expression on Sally’s face and walked a few steps away, hoping Felicia wouldn’t be able to hear her. “What happened?” she asked as Sally handed her the backpack.
“She tried to kiss a boy today.”
“Oh? Which boy?”
“Bryce Preston. They play together a lot, and I guess Felicia decided she needed to kiss him.”
“Please tell me she kissed his cheek.”
“Um, no. She went for a full-on lip lock.” Sally’s face gave away how much humor she saw in the situation. “I’ve seen it happen before. They see older kids, or their parents, doing it and decide that’s how you show affection.”
“How did Bryce react?”
“As you’d expect. He shoved her away, wiped his mouth like it was full of mud, and stomped off. He hasn’t talked to her since.”
“Oh no. First kiss and first rejection all at the same time.” Terry sighed. “It’s going to be a long night. How has she been?”
“Quiet. She’s really upset. I think her little heart is broken.”
Terry glanced at the truck, where Felicia sat patiently waiting for her. Felicia’s little heart would mend. Probably by tomorrow when she chose a different boyfriend. Terry wished it were as easy for a grownup. “Thanks. I doubt I’d have gotten that much information out of her. When she shuts down, that’s it.”
“So I’ve learned. Good luck,” Sally said and walked away.
Terry got Felicia buckled in and pointed the truck toward home. “Want some music?”
“Nope.” Felicia stared out the window, her arms crossed over her chest. She often used her arms as a shield so no one could get in and hurt her. It worried Terry how she was able to close herself off so easily.
“Not even Lady Gaga?”
“Nope.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
Damn. Terry wasn’t getting anywhere. She let the silence hang heavily in the car for the short drive home. Once inside, Felicia hugged Shirley, went to her room, and closed the door behind her.
Shirley gave Terry a puzzled look. “What happened?”
“She kissed a boy.” Terry relayed the whole sordid tale. “I’m sure she’ll be fine. There’ll be another boy tomorrow, or next week, but that’s not what’s bothering me.”
“Let me guess. It’s how she’s closed herself off and won’t talk about stuff that bothers her.”
“Exactly. I don’t know what to do, Mom. Is she like this because Ann died? Did I do something to make her think she can’t talk to me about her problems? I can’t let her do this. What if she’s like this as a teenager and gets into trouble because she won’t come to me for help? Or what if—”
“Stop.” Shirley pointed to the couch. She took a seat and patted the cushion beside her. Terry obligingly sat down. “It could be a phase she’s going through. Or related to Ann’s death. There’s no way you’ll figure that out. What you need to do is go into her room and make sure she understands you’re there for her. Even if it means sitting in the room without saying a word. Just be there.”
“Are you sure?”
The look on Shirley’s face might have been comical in another situation. “You do know what I do for a living, right? I’ve told you this before?”
“Counseling juvenile delinquents is different. Felicia’s a good kid, and she’s only eight.”
“Psychology is the same, and you know my job is more than dealing with delinquents. You also know Felicia’s age has little to do with anything. She’s not likely to ever be mentally equal to her physical age. Now take my advice or not, but let me know what you’re going to do. I’m starved and want to get dinner going.” She got up and entered the kitchen, signaling the conversation was over.
Sometimes Terry hated that her mother was a psychologist. Why couldn’t she be a regular mom with a regular job? Like at the local grocery or something.
She stood and headed toward Felicia’s room but paused at the kitchen doorway. “You do know I hate it when you’re right.”
“I do. I’ll come get you when dinner’s ready.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Terry walked to Felicia’s room and knocked on the door softly. “Can I come in?”
“Yep,” Felicia said. She was sitting on her bed, her legs crossed and a book in her hands.
“Mind if I sit in here with you?”
Felicia shrugged so Terry made herself comfortable, sitting in a similar position as Felicia. They faced each other, but Felicia didn’t look up from her book.
Terry knew she could read that one, because they’d practiced doing so a few days ago. But Felicia hadn’t turned a page in a while, so she suspected Felicia was just staring at it. “Want to read that one to me? Or maybe the new book Grams got you? The one about the monkey that gets into all kinds of trouble?”
Felicia didn’t answer right away, her eyes never leaving the book. But something in her posture changed. She loosened up a bit. Before Terry said another word, Felicia started reading aloud.
Chapter Five
Josephine’s was packed, and Sara was thankful she managed to get reservations at the last minute. Weekdays were busy enough, but this was Saturday. Reservations usually had to be made weeks in advance. The owner happened to be a client of hers, and for the first time ever, she used that to her advantage. She felt the need to pamper Bren a bit, and by the look on her face, Bren was well and truly impressed, if not a little intimidated. She doubted Bren ever had the opportunity to go to such an elegant place.
Sara couldn’t help the stupid grin on her face as she oogled Bren. She was absolutely adorable in black slacks, white Oxford shirt with long sleeves, and a black jacket. A bright-blue bowtie complemented the outfit. And not the kind that clips on. An honest-to-God bowtie.
Sara touched the tie, pretending to straighten it. “You’re too cute for words.”
Bren laughed. “And you’re stunning.” Her eyes roamed appreciatively over Sara’s body, lingering on the low neckline of her red cocktail dress. “You turn heads everywhere you go. You know that?”
Now Sara was blushing, and she hated it. Her makeup wouldn’t be able to hide it either. She knew her cheeks were blood red, but her insides were even hotter as she locked eyes with Bren. There weren’t any big fireworks or butterflies, but Sara definitely felt the attraction between them. She had a sense they were good in bed and maybe, just maybe, good for each other, too. She looked forward to finding out about how good the sex was. No way would she be getting drunk tonight.
“Does that type of flattery get you places with other women?” Sara asked.
“Usually.”
“Huh.”
“Is it working right now?”
“It might be.”
Bren opened her mouth to comment, but the maître d’ interrupted her. Sara chuckled and followed him to their table.
“I was about to tell you I have a lot of other lines I enjoy using,” Bren said as they were seated. “Some damn sexy moves, too, which you’ll find out about later on the dance floor.”
“Promises, promises.” Sara ordered a bottle of wine, knowing the best selection without looking at the menu. How very different this date was to the one she’d been on with Angel last weekend.
“Wine?” Bren asked as she perused the food choices. “I thought we weren’t going to drink much.”
“Just a glass or two. Then coffee before we hit the dance floor. Trust me, the wine here is incredible, and you’ll thank me for ordering it.”
“I might thank you, but I’ll need a loan from the bank to pay for it.”
Sara hadn’t given any thought to what Bren might do for a living. Sara herself wasn’t rich, but she saved her money and did okay. Coming to a place like this wasn’t something she did often, but the costs never entered her mind. “Don’t worry about it. It was my idea to come here for dinner. I’ll pay for everything. You can buy me a soda at the club.”
Bren didn’t look up from the menu, and Sara got the sense she was more than embarrassed. Mortified maybe? “I’m sorry,” Bren said. “I didn’t think about who was paying tonight. I figured the place wouldn’t be cheap, but I was like, they got to have salads, right? Those are cheap. But
damn. The salads cost more than it takes to fill up the gas tank in my truck.”
“Bren, it’s okay. I meant for this to be a nice treat for you. I feel like you deserve it.”
“I probably should have told you I don’t have a job yet. I just graduated from uni, and I’m living at home with my parents. I have some money left over from my college fund, but I’m trying not to spend too much of it.”
Wow. Sara knew she was young, but she was still living at home? It made Sara not only feel old, but like a cradle robber. Since they met up at the pub before coming to Josephine’s, Sara had no idea where Bren lived. “I have a job, so tonight is on me.” She watched Bren reading the menu for a few moments before asking, “What’d you study?”
“I have a double major in education and journalism. I’m certified to teach, or I could work for a newspaper. I’m not sure which way I want to go. I thought I might try both and see what happens.”
“At the same time?”
Bren shrugged. “Why not? I pulled off a double major, and that was like having two full-time jobs. Plus, I minored in history and English. I’m pretty sure I can at least get a job as a substitute teacher to start with.”
“But something’s stopping you?”
“Yeah. My heart’s not in it or journalism. I did my internships, and they were okay I guess. I don’t know. How’d we get on this crappy topic anyway?”
Sara gave her a smile. “There are no crappy topics. I just wanted to get to know you better. That’s what going on a date is for, right?”
“I suppose so.”
“I’m totally impressed with a double-major. I barely pulled off one.”
Bren shrugged. “It wasn’t that hard. School’s always been easy for me. What was your major?”
“Business administration. I’m a geek when it comes to crunching numbers and dealing with paperwork. I got a BA with the intention of going to work at a bank. Seems like a weird dream job, but it is for me.”
“I don’t think I ever met anyone that liked working in a bank. What do you do?”
“Assistant loan manager right now. Eventually I’ll be bank manager—maybe higher than that. I don’t know yet.”
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