Paradise Can Be Murder

by Susan Bernhardt

  After we finished dessert, chocolate flourless cake for me, Phil, Janey, and Mike left to save places for us in the theatre for the show. Elizabeth, Deirdre, and I went to the restroom.

  “When did you find out about Janey coming along?” I asked.

  “About two weeks ago,” Elizabeth said.

  “Two weeks ago?”

  “We decided not to tell you because we thought you would want to cancel,” Deirdre said. “You were so excited about the cruise and your extra time in Florida with Phil. We didn’t want to ruin things.”

  “Was it romantic?” Elizabeth asked.

  I smiled. “Definitely!”

  They both smiled at my response.

  “Then it was worth not telling you about Janey,” Deirdre said.

  Elizabeth nodded. “Even if I had the pleasure of listening to her talk for three hours straight on the plane.”

  “I did tell Phil it wasn’t a great idea springing Janey on you that way,” Deirdre added.

  “You can say that again. I was looking forward to a romantic week with him, a second honeymoon. It’s going to be crowded with Janey in our room.” I glanced at Elizabeth in the mirror.

  “Don’t look at me, Kay. No way! I’m sorry, but Janey is not my problem. I didn’t invite her along. Sitting on the plane with her was enough. She’s not staying in my room.”

  Still looking in the mirror, I said, “I didn’t say anything.”

  “You didn’t have to say anything.”

  “Okay, let’s go back and join the others and have a great first evening,” Deirdre said.

  * * * *

  Janey stayed on the sleeper sofa. “Good night, Kay. Good night, Phil. I loved the show tonight. I love being here with you. I’m so happy.”

  “Good night, Janey. Sleep well,” I said.

  “Night, Janey.”

  The moon cast a soft light into the room through the balcony doors. Phil reached for me in bed and pulled me towards him, kissing me on the top of my head. I pulled away and pointed towards Janey who was just a couple of feet away.

  “Oh, Kay.”

  “What did you think was going to happen?” I whispered, and then turned and faced the balcony door. A solitary tear rolled down my cheek.

  Yesterday on the beach Phil said, “Nothing could ever go wrong in paradise.” I hoped this was the worst thing that would happen on this trip.

  Chapter Six

  Day Two on the ship

  Sunday, March 27

  THAT MORNING, JANEY left the stateroom with her camera around her neck as I was getting up out of bed. She had already closed up the sleeper sofa.

  Phil was sitting on the balcony looking out over the water towards land. The wind was blowing gently from the west.

  I put my hands on Phil’s shoulders. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning. Isn’t the island beautiful?”

  The cruise line’s private island looked blissful with its lush greenery, swaying palm trees, blue-green waters, and white sand beach.

  He looked up at me. “Janey’s already exploring.”

  “I saw her leave.”

  “I told her to be in the dining room for breakfast in thirty minutes. I went down and got coffee for both of us.” He motioned to the covered coffee cup sitting on the table next to him. “That’s when we’re meeting everyone.”

  I headed back into the room. “In thirty minutes! You should have woke me. I’ll take a quick shower.”

  Instead, I changed into my clothes and came back on the balcony, sitting down at the table. I took a sip of my still warm coffee.

  “That was quick.”

  “We’re leaving for the beach right after breakfast. I’ll be taking a shower when we get back this afternoon. I’ll wait until then.”

  By the time we reached the dining room for breakfast, Deirdre had already participated in a yoga class. She was sipping her chia tea looking bright and cheerful, the picture of health. Her long hair was knotted at the back at her neck with tendrils of hair escaping around her face.

  Elizabeth yawned, looking like she could have used at least another hour of sleep. “Who decided we were going to meet at eight o’clock for breakfast?”

  “You want an early start to your day, don’t you?” Janey asked.

  Everyone talked about their plans on the island. Phil, Mike, and Elizabeth were going snorkeling. Janey wanted to kayak.

  “Have you ever gone kayaking?” I asked, looking at our food that had arrived.

  She looked down at her French toast covered in fruit. “No, not really, but I’d like the experience.”

  “I’m sorry, but you aren’t going to start learning in the ocean,” I said, remembering my harrowing kayak experience the day after Elizabeth’s wedding when there was a murder attempt on my life.

  No one responded. I poured maple syrup on my blueberry pancakes. I hated to spoil Janey’s fun, but I wasn’t even sure how good of a swimmer she was. Someone had to watch out for her. I looked up at Phil still talking about his plans with Mike for the day. And I supposed that someone was me.

  After breakfast, we changed into our swimsuits, grabbed pool towels, and left to board the tender. The water was too shallow for the ship to get closer to shore and there were no pier facilities. The ride over was a bit rough. The wind had picked up. Had the seas been rough earlier this morning, the island stop probably would have been canceled.

  We had three clam shelters reserved. Deirdre, Janey, and I claimed the shelters, putting our beach bags and towels in them. Janey snapped our photo, and then she and I headed to the water, where she asked me to take some photos of her with our ship in the background.

  After the photo session, where I must have taken at least twenty pictures of her in various poses, I put her camera in her beach bag in the clam shelter and then returned to the water. I knew swimming in the Caribbean would be the highlight of this cruise for me. Again the surreal blue-green water was magical, pure and simple. It drew me in. Deirdre would especially find it magical if she came out in the water. I looked back at her on a lounge chair applying sunscreen, a book lying next to her. The water was crystal clear and warm. Dozens of tropical fish swam by, as if on cue.

  “Kay, do you see that school of fish?” Janey said.

  “Isn’t it wonderful?”

  “I should get one of those waterproof cameras.” Janey dove down into the water. The fish scattered.

  “All is well in the cosmos!” I turned around, happy to see Deirdre had changed her mind and come out in the water. Her face was joyful. “The water is serene. I can feel the connection.”

  I wasn’t going to ask what connection.

  “What connection?” Janey asked, whipping her hair around.

  “The water, it’s full of significance. It’s the symbol of spirit and of our soul. Can you feel the transformation?”

  Janey looked over at me. “Kay, when do you think lunch will be?”

  “You can’t possibly be hungry. We just had breakfast.”

  “Janey, we already resonate with water, because we are mostly water. We just need to identify with it more intimately.”

  I kept my eyes focused on the water beneath me. “Janey, there’s another school of fish down by our ankles. They’re about nine inches, clear in color with black stripes. Do you see them?”

  She smiled looking down towards her feet. “I see them. This is so cool!”

  Deirdre looked down also. “That’s a lot of fish.”

  Later, when we were trying to come out of the water onto shore, the strong waves kept pushing us over, hitting our legs from behind. Deirdre and Janey laughed as they helped me get up. Then they fell.

  Janey smiled large. “I love this place.”

  I put my arm around her shoulders. “It is very cool. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  “Me either.”

  Lying back in the clam shells, we watched the world go by: the sun shimmering on the water, the swimmers, the bathing beauties. Speaking of
bathing beauties, I watched Elizabeth approach, returning from snorkeling with Phil and Mike.

  “What an underwater paradise!” she exclaimed, sitting down on the foot of my lounger. “We saw so many colorful fish and beautiful corals.”

  Phil came up to me. “Kay, the water is calling us.”

  “Phil...Phil...Kay...Kay,” Janey said in a sing-songy voice.

  I smiled and got up. It would be wonderful having some alone time with Phil here.

  While I was trying to get used to the water all over again, Phil immediately dove in.

  “Isn’t this great, Kay? I’m falling in love with this water. The color is so brilliant. We should come here every year.”

  “Deirdre was mentioning before that she thought the water was almost sacred.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Normally I would say ‘she would’, but perhaps she’s right this time. I was just thinking, I’ve never kissed you before in the Caribbean.”

  I smiled. “You did a couple of days ago.”

  “That was the Atlantic Ocean.”

  I put my arms around his neck. “I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

  After a minute or so, Phil looked at his waterproof watch he had bought for this trip. “Well, I’ve never kissed you at eleven forty-five on March 27th.” We kissed again.

  “Que romantica,” I said.

  We stayed in the water for close to an hour before joining the others for the barbecue lunch.

  Janey took nonstop photos of the lunch buffet provided on the beach: barbecued ribs, Jamaican jerk meats, a variety of grilled fish, lemon braised chicken, grilled and sautéed vegetables, tropical fruits, decadent desserts. It was impressive. With all of the picture taking, I was amazed that she still managed to have time to eat two entire plates of food. She must have great metabolism to stay so slim.

  Later in the afternoon, when we returned to the ship and took our showers, I suggested to Janey we check out the tween club on board.

  “But I like hanging out with all of you. You’re not trying to get rid of me, are you?”

  “Of course not, but you can do both. You’ll enjoy doing fun activities with kids your age.” As a last resort I added, “I’m sure they will have lots of contests to enter.”

  That clinched the deal with her.

  * * * *

  That night at dinner, everyone talked about the great experiences they had during the day. Suddenly we all stopped talking, being interrupted by the loud husband at the next table. I questioned whether Mr. and Mrs. Smith were really their names. The husband’s voice carried as well as the complainer.

  “Don’t you know yet which eating utensils to use?”

  The wife looked over at us; a flush crept across her cheeks. She looked at her husband, her eyes watering and picked up her outer fork.

  “And don’t have two desserts this evening. You’re starting to widen at the waist.”

  Mrs. Smith rose suddenly, toppling her chair backwards and practically ran out of the dining room.

  The waiter came over and righted the chair. He gave the husband a disgusted look. Mr. Smith didn’t notice and continued to eat his mixed green salad.

  Elizabeth shook her head. “If John talked to me like that, I’d kill him.”

  Janey looked at me.

  “Elizabeth’s only kidding, Janey.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “She is,” I said.

  “That poor, unfortunate woman was snorkeling in our group,” Phil said. “She’s an excellent swimmer.”

  “She came to the aid of a woman who had drifted quite a distance from the boat and was having trouble getting back,” Mike said.

  “Did you see her husband? The big oaf,” Elizabeth smirked. “He saw what was happening and let his wife do the rescue.”

  Phil shrugged. “I would have helped her, but didn’t learn what was happening until Mrs. Smith had almost reached the woman.”

  “What was the tour guide doing when all of this was going on?” I asked.

  Mr. Smith’s cellphone rang.

  Not waiting for an answer to my question, I dropped my napkin on the floor, bent way over to pick it up so I would be able to hear Mr. Smith better.

  He gave me a disgusted glance, then went back to his phone conversation. “What do you want? I told you it’s over.”

  Silence.

  He looked around the area. “You know my wife left the table? What, are you spying on me?”

  I quickly stood up and looked around to see if I could see anyone talking into their phone. I didn’t see anyone and went back to my seat.

  He glanced over at me and frowned. “Quit wasting your time.”

  Silence.

  “No, you listen. Accept it.”

  He ended the call and went back to eating his salad.

  Mrs. Smith returned to the table. Her eyes bloodshot. She picked up her salad fork and after finishing her salad, she said, “I just saw your secretary close to the entrance. I would have gone up to her to say a few words, only she was on her cell. From the expression on her face, it must have been a worrisome call.”

  He put his fork down on his plate. “You were gone so long, I thought you fell into the toilet.”

  She looked up at the assistant waiter who was collecting the salad plates and then looked over to us. A tear rolled down her cheek. I quickly looked away, avoiding any further embarrassment to her.

  We all looked away from their table. The others had been watching as well. Phil and Mike started talking about the blues group they planned to listen to. Suddenly our eyes went toward the table on the opposite side, where the two couples sat.

  The complainer was mentioning the towel animal left on her bed yesterday evening by the room steward. “I couldn’t even make out what the animal was supposed to be. Obviously, he needs to practice more.”

  The complainer’s husband ignored her and continued eating. Although a bit overweight, I noticed he floated as graceful as a mermaid this afternoon in the water.

  Deirdre and Elizabeth started laughing. I couldn’t help it, Janey and I joined in also. The complainer was so ridiculous about the towel animals and all of her complaining. How bizarre it was being between these two tables of characters. It was almost difficult to converse among ourselves with the distractions provided by them, although Phil and Mike managed to continue being in music la la land.

  The rest of Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s meal was spent in silence. Their eyes and thoughts seemed to be focused elsewhere. She mostly looked at her food, he out into the room. When dessert time came around, Mr. Smith ordered two desserts and told the waiter that Mrs. Smith decided to pass.

  “Are you sure?” the waiter asked Mrs. Smith.

  She nodded while looking down.

  After dinner, Phil and Mike left to listen to a blues band while the rest of us decided to try our hand at karaoke. We stopped first to listen to a song at the piano bar. We told them we’d catch the blues club later.

  On the way to karaoke we went by the lounge where the blues band was. We stood in the back of the lounge for a couple of minutes while Janey used the restroom. The band must have been taking a break. Mike and Phil were up by the stage. Mike was talking to the guitarist and bass player. Phil, on the other end of the stage, was talking to the female vocalist. She had on a strapless red mini-dress that showed off legs that were too long and too shapely. I couldn’t help but notice her bosom, practically falling out of her dress, putting Dolly Parton to shame. Such an exaggerated person, almost cartoon like, and Phil seemed to be deep in conversation with her. Who even looks like that? I shifted my weight uneasily from one leg to the other.

  I told Deirdre, Elizabeth, and Janey that I wanted to use the restroom and would meet them at karaoke. After they left, I lingered in the background, watching Phil and this woman for several minutes. I felt a sharp pain in my jaw and realized I was clenching my teeth. Perhaps it was because whenever Phil would say something to her, she would laugh, flip her hair, an
d touch her bright red lips, her eyes intent on him. She continued this same sequence a few times. Then I saw her put her hand on Phil’s arm. I questioned whether I should go over to Phil and claim his attention and assert my role as wife, when Janey showed up and said they were waiting for me at karaoke. They wanted to sing a Diana Ross and the Supreme’s number, “I need love, love….you can’t hurry love.”

  Following Janey into the lounge, I asked her if she even knew that song. She didn’t answer, for as soon as we got to the lounge and sat down, our names were announced at karaoke. We went up to the front and belted out the song with tremendous vigor and energy. It was fun and I thought we were quite good. I was surprised that Janey did, in fact, know the song. Janey always surprised me.

  After our turn, the complainer from the table in the dining room got up and went over to the microphone. In the middle of her song, she stopped and blurted out, “How am I supposed to read the song on this machine? The words are going by too damn fast.”

  Deirdre, Elizabeth, and I burst out laughing. Janey shook her head and ordered another soda. I glanced past the complainer, over to a corner booth, and saw our irate husband Mr. Smith laughing as well. He was sitting quite close to a woman who wasn’t Mrs. Smith. A waiter came by and delivered mixed drinks to them, cutting off my view.

  “Elizabeth, Deirdre, look!” I motioned inconspicuously towards the couple after the waiter left. “Mr. Smith with another woman.”

  “It sure is,” Elizabeth said. “I feel sorry for his wife.”

  The three of us continued to watch their interactions.

  Elizabeth quietly gasped. “Look, she just put her hand on his thigh.”

  For a split second, I thought of Phil laughing with the blues singer. I started twisting the band of my wedding ring before I realized what I was doing.

  “Oh, my gosh, the woman just slipped her shoe off and ran her foot up his pant leg,” Deirdre whispered.

  “He’s disgusting,” Elizabeth exclaimed.

  Janey, who was sitting on the other side of me, was intently watching the singers who were on stage. They were quite good. I nudged Janey, smiled, and gave a thumbs up sign. I’m glad she wasn’t paying attention to Mr. Smith or the three of us.