Longing for the Impossible

by Tiara L Giles

  I probably should’ve waited to ask her about being blocked. It seemed like a tough subject for her to talk about. I don’t know why I expected her to speak to me with the same ease she used to. I should’ve seen that coming. I decided I would try and be more patient with her. I needed to show her that she could still trust me.

  4

  Serena

  MY MOM DECIDED IT WOULD be a great idea to invite Brandon, Trinity, and their mom, Anne, over for dinner. She told Anne she wanted to give the family time to adjust before saying hello to Brandon again. The woman felt it was proper to make their family feel like she still cared about them. Like dropping off the face of the planet wasn’t actually a bad thing. That she didn’t abandon her best friend in the middle of her toughest time in life. If my friends ever got divorced I wouldn’t leave them after only a few months. I’d stay with them through the good and the bad.

  She had me clean the dining table and set it with our nicest dishes. She didn’t want the cheap dented dishes with overly sharp edges. She wanted the ones with thick silver, delicate vine-like flowers, and lots of shine. We hadn’t used our table in a while. Mom brought out mac and cheese and set in the center.

  “Get the other food off the stove will you, and put them on something nice.” She waved her hand at me. “I want things to look perfect, and I want you to behave, Serena. Don’t make me look bad. You know I can make things much worse for you.”

  I nodded and headed towards the kitchen. What could be worse than how she’s already been treating me? Not much. I’ve accepted how my life was at that moment, but I didn’t forget how things used to be. I don’t know what changed. She wasn’t always so strict. She wasn’t always so . . . mean.

  I set bowls decorated with small yellow and orange flowers on the grey kitchen counter and scooped green beans, potatoes, and chicken into separate dishes. I put the bowls on a tray and set them on the table. The doorbell rang through the house, and my mom clutched her chest. “Shit. They’re here.”

  “Okay.” I headed to the door and swung it open.

  “Hi,” my mom and Anne screamed together. They hugged, and my mom acted like she was so glad to see her former best friend. She even kissed both of her cheeks. Anne brought Tiramisu, and my mom led her to the dining area as Brandon and Trinity entered the house. Brandon had on a pair of black dress shoes, khaki pants, a brown belt, a watch and a navy blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His hair was pulled back with a few short soft curls falling over his eyes. He smirked when he noticed me staring, and I grabbed my wrist, turning my attention to my best friend. He was too good looking, and I could feel heat on the skin his eyes landed on.

  “Cute dress, Trin.” She struck a pose in her light blue and black dress.

  “Thanks! You’re fine too, girl!” She linked arms with me, and we walked to the table. I glanced back at Brandon, and the look on his face told me he liked my outfit, too. If I focused on my mom and not how good he looked, the dinner would go well.

  “Ah, Sophia, mia amica, it’s so nice to come here again and eat with you and Serena.” Anne said with a thick Italian accent and a shake of her head. Her hair was pinned neatly into a tight bun. Her clothes were wrinkle free, and her jewelry was simple. One small necklace and small diamond earrings.

  Anne was the type of person who was proud of her heritage. She hadn’t used much Italian when she was married but she used a lot more now so Trinity could learn. “It has been too long, Sophia. I was beginning to think you weren’t going to speak with me again.”

  My mom laughed, placing her hand on the table. “Anne, girl. We’ve just been so busy lately. You know how work gets. You know with your new job and all.”

  “Ah yes, you’re right,” Anne said, waving her fork in the air. “But still too long.”

  We hadn’t really hung out as a unit since Anne and her husband Scott divorced. My mom was there for the first few months. She would bring Anne food, invite her over, and try to help her get back on the dating market. It wasn’t long before my mom stopped spending time with Anne all together. Work was her excuse, and the internet was where she spent the most time communicating with people.

  Anne had tried to hang out many times but with my mother ignoring her, she just stopped trying.

  “We should hang out more. Like old times.” Trinity had potatoes in her mouth as she spoke and a heaping amount of green beans on her fork.

  “Trinity slow down and don’t eat so much at one time. Portion control, dear.” Anne tapped Trinity’s plate and Trinity dumped what she had on the fork back onto the plate before stabbing a smaller amount of food. Anne’s mouth turned into a tight smile. “I would love to hang out again, but only if you are free of course.”

  My mom’s eyes dropped to her plate. She swallowed hard and gave Anne the same fake bright smile she used for work colleague’s she didn’t like, but had to put up with. Most people didn’t see through that smile, but I did. “Of course, with your new PR job and all, we’d have to work out a schedule.”

  “Naturalmente.” Sophia nodded. “It shouldn’t be too difficult.”

  “No. Not at all.”

  “So can we hang out again?” Trinity’s mouth was free of food. My eyes darted between my mother and Anne. If Brandon coming back meant I could hang out with my best friends again I would scream and stay over there for a week. Anne’s face was full of the same curiosity I and Trinity had. My mother stopped chewing and fear seemed to settle in her face. “Yeah. I mean, I have specific rules for Serena, and you’d have to call me in person because she might not be home, you know.”

  “Si, I see.” Anne looked at her plate and shifted in her seat before giving my mom a small smile.

  I wasn’t sure if my mother had just agreed to letting me out of the house again or letting people over. There wasn’t a yes or no. She didn’t say if this included Brandon at all either, who had been quiet the entire time.

  “So, what have you two kids been up to? Any acceptance letters at school?” My mom’s voice was higher than normal. She called it her professional voice. I rolled my eyes and Trinity cocked me a confused glare.

  “I’ve got a soccer scholarship at Nerita,” Brandon said.

  “Oh. Serena looked into Nerita, but she didn’t want to go there. The program wasn’t as good for her major.”

  “I’m going to Triton instead,” I said after my mom nudged my arm.

  “With me!” Trinity raised her hand in the air then shrugged. “I guess I’m going to be a vet.”

  “Well that’s good, and it’s a very useful career choice.” My mother nodded and eyed me as if choosing to study English was the worst idea ever. Trinity swallowed hard and nodded. She wasn’t happy about being a vet, but it made money. “Very practical.”

  “I think she’ll do a great job.” Anne smiled brightly and picked up the napkin in front of her and wiped her hands. “I guess we will call it a night, you two. I’ve got to get up really early.” She nodded at my mother and winked at me. “The food was good. Thank you, Sophia.”

  “No problem at all.” My mom waved her hand. We both stood when Anne, Brandon, and Trinity got out of their seats and followed them out the door.

  “It was really good to see you again, Sophia.” Anne squeezed her shoulder. Her smile was nostalgic and sad. She turned her eyes to me and patted my head. “You’re almost an adult now. Both of our kids are. I hope to spend more time with you, too.”

  “You too,” I said as she walked away. My mom quickly turned back into the house.

  “Thank God that’s over,” she mumbled under breath as I closed the door.

  BRANDON

  My mother had spent the walk back home lecturing Trinity on maintaining her figure and having several good options for a career. Mom had it in her mind that people should always have logical backup plans for their future. Each career choice needed to bring in a certain amount of income. You shouldn’t just choose a path set for failure.

  “What are you plans a
fter high school, Brandon? Do you have any?” My mother asked in Italian, flipping on the lights as we placed our items in the coat closet.

  “I was thinking computer engineering and college soccer.” I dropped onto the couch and Trinity followed. I knew where Mom was going with this but the lecture would be worse for Trinity if I didn’t answer.

  “See Trinity. That makes sense. He has a backup plan in case his soccer career fails.” She sat on the coffee table in front of us and crossed her legs. “You don’t even have a backup, let alone something to look forward to.”

  I hated when mom compared us. She thought doing so would help Trinity figure her life out faster, but it didn’t. All it did was make Trin stress more about the future. Trinity held her head low and wrung hands together.

  “College starts in August, Trinity.” My mom stood. “Figure something out before then, and please stop getting detentions. You’ve already gotten three this school year. You’re a straight A student. Straight A students don’t act out like this. I have no idea where this behavior is coming from.”

  “Si, Mama.” Trinity ran fingers through her hair.

  “I love you both, and you are the lights of my life, but I am very tired. Don’t forget to go to bed at a decent time.” She squeezed the bottom of our chins as she smiled, patted our cheeks and then headed to her room.

  “She’s such a fucking pill.” Trinity groaned and stood. “You want some ice cream?”

  “Yeah.” I stood and followed her into the kitchen. “You good, sis?”

  “No,” Trinity said, grabbing a tub of ice cream from the freezer. I walked towards the counter and grabbed spoons from the utensil drawer. “Why the fuck would I be?”

  I propped myself on the counter and handed her a spoon. She popped open the tub and dug in. “Our mom thinks I’m fucking fat, and I won’t have a fucking future. It’s not like I don’t have shit I like to do.”

  “But none of them meets Mom’s standards.” I scooped some ice cream from the tub.

  “Not at fucking all.” Her mouth was filled with ice cream. “Imagine what she would have said if you only wanted to do soccer?”

  “Probably something like ‘What if you get injured, Brandon. What will you do then? I’m only just trying to help you’,” I said in my best mother voice. Trinity laughed.

  “You forgot the random Italian.”

  “Si.” My mother is Italian, and my father is African-American. Although Trinity and I came out with light skin our hair was still thick and curly. I could understand Italian but was never able to pick it up enough to speak it. Trinity on the other hand was almost fluent. Even Serena was good at the language.

  “Everything okay with Serena? She seemed a little weird at dinner.” I took another bite of ice cream. Trinity tapped her chin and sucked in her lips.

  “Far from it.” Trinity sighed. “She’d kill me if I told you though. You’ve gotta ease your way back in if you want to know. She’s got this whole thing about wanting to look good in people’s eyes. Her mom’s got it, too. Serena’s more embarrassed about shit, and her mom is just fucking terrifying.”

  “Hmm. That’s weird.”

  Serena’s mom was more like Trinity minus the sailor mouth. Ms. Richards was outspoken and honest and nice. Serena was softer, but just as honest.

  “Yeah. Ree never gave a shit about what people thought of her before, but now . . .” Trinity shook her head.

  I frowned. “I admired that about her.”

  “So did I, but if you want your friend back you’re going to have to accept who she is now.” Trinity threw her spoon in the sink and closed the ice cream tub. “It won’t be easy, but I’ll kick your ass if you treat her any less because of her differences.”

  “Don’t worry about that, Trin. You know I’m not a douchebag.”

  “Just doing my job as a friend, B.”

  I hopped off the counter and threw my spoon in the sink. It couldn’t be that hard to get to know her again, and Trinity would fight me if I became an asshole. There was only two years between us. Two years wasn’t enough time for me to change, but it was enough time for Serena. The gap wasn’t that big now. Was it?

  5

  Serena

  STRESS. MOUNTAINS OF STRESS. WE had only been back to school for two weeks, and I was already stressed. Tests were coming up in math and chemistry. My English teacher had decided to assign a test in the next two weeks. My art teacher wanted to assign a group project. A fucking group project! Do you know how much I hate people? Yeah. Sure. I sat with the “cool kids”, but only by being best friends with cheerleaders. I was supposed to be kicked out of the group when I left the squad. I didn’t need the added stress of a group project. I was too young for this amount of stress.

  “Less than five months ‘til graduation!” Keirsten danced on our way to the library for lunch. Our trio would sometimes hide out in the library whenever one of us felt like being around the usual gang was too much, or if we needed to discuss something in private. Trinity was running late this time. “I can almost taste the freedom.”

  “And then we’ll end up in another hell known as college. You might not even graduate on time,” I pursed my lips and clutched my things to my chest. The tips of my fingers were hot, but the rest of my skin felt cold.

  “Oh, come on. College is going to be wonderful. So much free time and possibilities!” She swung her lunch box in the air.

  “Yeah. So many exams and projects. Can’t wait.”

  Kiersten’s features softened as we found an empty table in the back of the library.

  “You’ll do fine. You’re smarter than you think you are.”

  “You think way too highly of me, my friend.” I forced a weak smile and placed my head on the table, attempting to steady my breathing.

  “You’ve got two weeks to study. You’ve got time. Just breathe.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can’t what?”

  My eyes found strong biceps, a strong neck, a nice jawline, and green eyes.

  “Brandon!” I jumped in my seat.

  “Hey.” He smirked.

  “Um…Hi. What are you doing here?”

  My stupid hands couldn’t seem to find a place to settle. I kept touching my hair like a ditzy cheerleader. His smirk grew. I clasped my hands together and straightened my back.

  “Catching up on the reading assignment I missed over Christmas for AP English.” He lifted a thick book in his hand.

  “When did you start reading?” I said and Kiersten’s mouth fell open. A smile tugged at my lips.

  He spun a chair around and sat.

  “I figured it would benefit me if I actually read the assigned books instead of guessing on the exam. Besides, I’ve read plenty of things.”

  “You mean Sparknotes and the first paragraph of every book?” I folded my arms and tilted my head to the side. A playful smile sat on my lips.

  He flashed a grin and chuckled. “Mmm, I was beginning to think Snarky Serena only paid a visit the other day.”

  I put my elbow on the table and my head in my hand. “Oh no, she’s definitely still here.”

  “That’s good. I hope I don’t scare her away.”

  “You can try.”

  Kiersten coughed, and we both blinked. I had almost forgotten she was there. She had a goofy grin on her face, and she squinted at me.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” She smiled and looked to Brandon. “I usually don’t ask outsiders this, but . . . you want to eat lunch with us?”

  “Outsiders?”

  “Yeah. We don’t allow male creatures during our lunch.” She folded her arms and smiled. “But I made way too much food this time. So, you should stay!”

  “You always make too much damn food.” Trinity appeared and dropped her backpack on the floor before sitting beside her brother.

  “That’s because some of us like to complain about the lack of food I bring.”

  “Hey! Sometimes I have a pretty big appetite.�
��

  “Yeah when you don’t eat breakfast.”

  “I recently stopped eating breakfast. You know, for figure purposes.” Trinity reached for the food Keirsten made and began to open up each Tupperware bowl. Trinity could eat seven different dishes for breakfast if she wanted to. If she didn’t worry so much about her weight she’d eat to her heart's content. “Besides, Emma Kay, one of us has gotta start eating this food.”

  Trinity reached over and poked Keirsten in the shoulder. Keirsten swatted her hand away. “Oh my god! Don’t use my first name.”

  Trinity cackled before grabbing a fork out of Keirsten’s bag and devouring the food.

  “So are you going to stay, Brandon?”

  “Does Ms. Serena want me to?” He eyed me, and it felt as though hot lava had just traveled down my skin. What the hell?

  “I-I don’t care. You can do what you want.” I turned away and waved a hand at him. I wanted the cold feeling to return again. This heat was too much to handle.

  “Alright. I’ll stay.” He repositioned his chair and Keirsten pulled out the food she had prepared.

  “That lunch was nice.” Keirsten jumped as we closed our lockers. We were standing outside while I waited for my bus to appear. “I thought you were pretty cute back there, and my food was really good this time.”

  “Cute? Nothing cute happened,” I said hiking my backpack on my shoulders.

  “Oh. Come on. ‘Ms. Serena’? And you teasing him.” She smacked my arm. “You can’t tell me that wasn’t cute!”

  I shrugged. “It felt pretty normal to me.”

  Keirsten was a bit of a romantic. In her mind any contact I had with a boy who happens to be cute and possibly single has potential boyfriend written all over it. She’d try her best to set me up with a guy if she felt like it. It’s not like I was allowed to have a boyfriend anyway.

  “It may have felt normal, but it definitely wasn’t.” Keirsten grabbed my shoulders. “I haven’t been here as long as Trin. So, to me, this is far from normal. You haven’t talked to anyone like that since I got here.”