As if reading my mind, she pulled her hair around and ran her hands through it, studying it. She shook a couple loose strands from her hand, and she sighed. “It’s getting so thin. Mom’s got me on pills for that. She says it’s because of hormones, and that I’ll be fine.”
“Diet is super important for nice hair,” I suggested gently. I sat on my hands and tried to keep my voice calm and level. “It’s food, nutrition, not chemicals, that you need. And lots of hugs and kisses. Raine and I can give you all of those you can handle.”
She smiled at the last, which made me feel a little better. “But if I get fat, then I won’t be able to be a cheerleader. I won’t be on the top of the pyramid anymore. No one will want me then.”
“Yes, you would, and yes, we would.” I sighed. “Raine and I would want you no matter what. Besides, Ames, you’re the smallest girl on the team. You can eat right and still be on top. What would happen if you were climbing up to the top of the formation and fainted.”
She shook her head. “That won’t happen. It’s not that high. As long as I stay light enough to get to the top, I’ll be fine. Mom says I have to stay small.” She touched her breasts. “These are a problem, though. They are out of proportion and make me look fatter than I am. I have to make them smaller. That’s why I have to watch what I eat, to compensate.”
It was one of the dumbest things I’d ever heard. I’d only met her mother a couple of times, and then only briefly, but I couldn’t believe she’d feed her such a line of BS. “I think you have nice boobs. They’re the right size for the size you should be.”
Amelia started pacing. “No, they’re too large. If they keep growing, then I’ll be like all the other girls on the bottom of the pyramid. There’s a reason they’re on the bottom. If I can’t be on top, I won’t get a cheerleading scholarship.”
She was so confused. It wasn’t long ago that she’d commented on how small her breasts were. It sounded like she didn’t know what she wanted or needed. I wanted to help her so badly.
“Who says?” I wasn’t exactly sure what it took to get a cheerleading scholarship, but I didn’t think it was small boobs. It seemed like it was the opposite, if you asked me.
She sighed and pursed her lips. “Mom.”
“Then your mother is wrong.” I stood and faced Amelia. “Look at pictures of professional cheerleaders. Lots of them even get enhancements. You don’t need either, by the way,” I was quick to add. I walked over to her and sat down again, risking putting my arms around her. “Ames, it doesn’t matter if you had big breasts or even a big ass. You could gain a hundred pounds and I would still like you. Raine likes you too. We want you to eat properly and get to feeling better.”
For a split second, she relaxed in my embrace, then she shoved me away. “No.” She shook her head. “Look. I need to go.” She got up and staggered around the coffee table and grabbed her book bag. “Mom will be worried about me.” As she picked up the bag, she swayed again. The bag hit the cans of soda and tumbler of water. The water flew across the coffee table as the unopened cans rolled away.
“Amelia, don’t go.” I felt horrible. She was going to walk at least a mile to her house. It was going to be a little while until Dad got home and could give her a ride. “We’ll stop talking about eating. We’ll do our homework.”
She didn’t say a word as she rushed out of the house. I dropped to the floor and put my head in my hands as tears came unbidden. I’d just connected with both Amelia and Raine, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and be happy about that. I’d managed to drive Amelia off. She was probably going to run to Raine and tell her I was a complete bitch.
I sat there and cried until I realized my butt was wet. The water Amelia spilled on the coffee table had run off and onto the hardwood floor until it finally reached me. I felt so stupid. I couldn’t believe I’d screwed up that badly. Standing, it was all I could do to stop shaking as I went into the kitchen for a rag to clean up the water. The two magazines Dad had left on the table were ruined. He’d understand, though. Dad always understood. I’d talk to him about this too. He’d have some ideas of how I could fix things, the things I’d found and promptly broken.
As I took the soaked towel into the laundry room, I pulled out my phone. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, who I could call. Dad was at work, but he’d be home soon. Raine would still be at Teddy’s thing. I checked my texts. Nothing. I was all alone. I wondered if Raine would text or call after Amelia talked to her about how horrible I’d been. I shouldn’t have pushed.
My hands shook as I texted I miss you to Raine.
Then I sent You’re beautiful to Amelia. I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to focus on, but I’d made her feel bad, and I needed to fix it.
Then I went and sat on my bed, staring at my phone, waiting for a response from either of them.
Chapter Thirteen
Raine
TEDDY’S BELT ceremony went longer than I thought it would. We didn’t get home from his karate thing until after 11:00 p.m. He’d worked hard to get there, and it showed. The other kids in his class were good too, but it had been sort of hard trying to stay engaged in it the entire time. I had a lot on my mind, and I was itching to talk to Mel and Ames, but Mom and Dad had warned me not to be on my phone the whole time. Besides, Teddy was so excited to put on his brown belt, that I had to make sure he knew I was proud of him. So I’d left my phone in the car to avoid the temptation of texting with Mel and Ames. Only I hoped they weren’t going to be too freaked out by me not responding to texts or voicemails. It was the first time in weeks I’d been out of touch for any amount of time, and it felt weird.
I also needed some time to think about things, and it was a good time to do it. Between whatever was going on with Amelia and what had happened the night before between Amelia, Mel, and me, I admit I was a little overwhelmed.
The talk with Amelia the previous night had helped. I wasn’t freaking out, and she wasn’t either. That was the biggest thing. I couldn’t bear to think about losing my best friend if either of us got all weird about things. It was good to know we were having some of the same thoughts and feelings, that we would just take whatever was going between us slow and see how they went.
I had gotten nervous when Mel and I waited for Amelia and she never showed and didn’t respond to our texts and calls. We’d waited until we were already late for class before we got her text saying she wasn’t feeling well. I was still worried, but at least she’d texted.
Since we were already late, Mel had suggested we skip first period altogether to go somewhere quiet. I knew what that meant, and with a stomach full of butterflies, I’d taken her to the parking lot near Ames’s and my tree.
We didn’t get out of the car, and I don’t remember doing it, but suddenly I was in her lap and we were making out. Ames and I had said we’d take it slow, but I never knew it could feel so exciting. At first, I missed having Ames there, but soon, I was so into what Mel and I were doing, I could barely think about anything else. I’m sure a bomb could have gone off beside the car and I wouldn’t have noticed. All I could think about was Mel’s mouth and how her touch gave me tingles throughout my body. I felt like I would explode and still I wanted more. I began to think of other things, private things, we could do, but I wasn’t sure I could go there yet. My body definitely wanted to, but my head was still a little scared. When Mel broke away and breathlessly suggested we go to school to make sure Amelia made it there okay, part of me was relieved, while the other part wanted to continue doing what we were doing. We kissed for a few more minutes, and then we headed back to school. The ride there was mostly silent, but I held Mel’s hand, and I was sure she was thinking about some of the things I was. Her eyes danced, and she smiled shyly when I looked at her. I wished I was free after school to hang out with her and Amelia and continue what we’d started.
When we pulled up to the school, first period was almost over. As we walked in through the main doors, the halls were almost deserted since most kid
s were in their classes. Amelia must have just gotten there too, because as we approached the office to get our late passes, we saw her go straight to the nurse’s office. She’d looked so frail, even from a distance. She walked so slowly, and her shoulders were slumped. I could tell she was not feeling well at all. My heart hurt to see her like that. I wondered why she’d even come to school.
I grabbed Mel’s hand and pulled her toward the office. “Come on. Let’s see how she is.”
“Wait, Raine,” Mel had said, holding me back for a second. “Before we go in there we need to talk about something.”
The look on her face was serious, and it sort of scared me. “Sure,” I said, unsure of where this was going.
“Amelia has a major eating disorder. You know that, right?”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I said. I knew what she was talking about, but I wasn’t sure it was a disorder, really. Maybe a weird obsession with counting calories and maybe not eating enough sometimes. Lord knew I should probably watch more of what I ate. I liked how I was now, but the soda and pizza would probably catch up with me later. I’d wondered why she was bringing it up right then.
Mel let out a soft sigh. “What I’m saying is that she probably isn’t feeling well today because she hasn’t eaten anything of real substance in a long time. Even if it is the flu, it’s probably because her immunity is way low, but I’m fairly certain sure it’s mainly because she’s starving to death.”
“We watched her eat salad and a piece of pizza last night,” I said, but I knew I was grasping at straws.
“Come on. She didn’t put any dressing on the salad and took all the croutons and cheese off. And it was a small piece of pizza, and she took most of the toppings off and left the crust. That’s not enough to sustain her.”
“Yeah. I know,” I conceded. “But what can we do?”
“We can say something to the nurse.”
My heart jumped. “She’d kill us.”
“Maybe. But can you stand by and watch her maybe kill herself? I watched a friend in Texas do this to herself. She didn’t make it.” A deep and powerful mix of emotions crossed her face, and all I wanted to do was hold her.
“God, Mel. I’m sorry.” They seemed like hollow words, but I really was sorry. And scared. I kind of understood a little more about what was at stake here. It had never occurred to me that my Amelia might be in danger. I ran a hand down her arm, and I wanted to rush to Amelia’s side. I shuffled my feet indecisively.
“I know that I’ve only started to get to know you two, but I can’t go through this again.” Mel’s voice cracked with emotion. “I can’t watch someone I care about so much do this to themselves without trying to help.”
Mel looked like she was about to cry, and it tore out my heart. I also knew Amelia was in trouble, but I didn’t want to face it. Though I had to. For both of them.
“Okay. But I’m not sure what to do or say. I’m not sure I’ll be able to say it even if I did know. This is so scary.”
“I know. It’s terrifying. I think I know what to say if you don’t. I just think that maybe you need to start it,” she said.
“Okay.” She’d looked so relieved. “I want to try,” I said, knowing that it had to come from me. The odds were Ames wouldn’t take it well regardless of who it came from, but she’d handle it better from me.
While I sat through Teddy’s katas and belt matches, I thought about Amelia. I wondered if Mel had tried to talk to Ames about her problem. I wondered how Ames responded. Maybe Ames would listen if it came from Mel. Mel was new to us, and she’d gone through it with another friend. If Ames listened to anyone, it would probably be Mel.
By the time Teddy’s thing was over and I checked my phone, it was late. I had one text from Mel and nothing from Amelia. I wanted to check in with her, but it was too late. I sent her a quick text telling her that I loved her and responded to Mel’s text telling her I missed her too. Unless either of them was still awake, talking to either of them would have to wait until the next day. I barely slept that night thinking about Ames and her problem. I wanted to get lost in memories about kissing both Ames and Mel, but my fear over Ames’s eating disorder sort of eclipsed all that and made me think about the scary things that came with possibly being gay. When I finally did fall asleep, my dreams were anxious and fragmented. I felt like I hadn’t slept at all.
THE NEXT morning I felt like I was moving underwater. I hit snooze so many times that my mom had to knock on my door to get me out of bed. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open during breakfast. Thank goodness Teddy and Colin decided to get along for once, because I wasn’t sure I could have put up with them this morning. The only things that kept me awake were looking forward to picking up Ames and Mel and the sleepover we’d planned for that night. I’d texted Ames already, and she said she was feeling better, so any fear that I’d had about her bailing on us because she wasn’t feeling well disappeared.
I saw Ames at her regular pickup spot near the opening of the river path and my pulse sped up. She looked good. Better than she had in days. I pulled over and she smiled.
“Hey, Ray-Ray,” she said when she slid into the passenger seat. None of the weirdness from yesterday seemed to be with us. She reached over and gave me a hug, and I hugged her back. She pulled back a little and hesitated before she smiled and gave me a shy kiss. I kissed her back, taking it a little deeper. I so wanted to take her to our tree and keep going, but instead, after a couple minutes, we broke and I smiled at her when she sat back in her seat. “Oh, wow,” she said, touching her lips. “I kind of like that. I like it a lot.”
“Me too.” I put my hand on her thigh as I pulled back onto the street. She put her hand on mine and wove our fingers together. “You look like you’re feeling a lot better today, Ames. I like that a lot too.”
“I am. My mom brought home a bunch of vitamins yesterday, and I think they’re helping. I also got a lot of sleep last night, so I have a lot more energy today than I’ve had in a long time. I think I might have had too much on my schedule. But cheer practice is going down to twice a week instead of four times now that homecoming is over. I think that’ll help. Plus, having the bye week this week gave me a little break.”
“I’m happy for the bye week too,” I said, smiling at her. “I’ve been looking forward to you and Mel spending the night tonight.”
The hand holding mine stilled.
“Um, yeah,” she said. “I’m not sure Mel will still want to come over if I’m there.”
I looked at her, and she was staring out the side window. I waited for her to elaborate. Her rubbing my hand was a distraction. “Why do you say that?” I finally asked.
“I think she’s mad at me.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. I still wasn’t feeling well yesterday after school when I went to her house. I think I may have overreacted to something she said, and I sort of had a meltdown and went home kind of suddenly. When I got home, I fell asleep and missed a few texts she sent, so she probably thinks I’m mad at her, but honestly, I’m just embarrassed.”
“Have you tried to talk to her?” The text I’d gotten from Mel suddenly made more sense, but I had only received one, so things couldn’t have gone too bad. It made me want to see Mel that much faster and figure out what was going on.
“No. I was in a weird place last night. I wanted to be left alone. Now that I feel a little better, I realize that I was acting like a brat, but I’m not sure how to tell her that I’m sorry.”
“Well, I’m about to turn down her street,” I said. “You’ll have your chance soon enough.”
She squeezed my hand and breathed out.
Mel came out of her house as soon as I pulled into her driveway. She walked slower than usual, and I could tell she wasn’t her normal cheery self. The back door to the car opened and she climbed in.
“Hey,” she said in greeting as she settled in.
“Hey,” said Ames and I at t
he same time.
“You doing okay, Ames?” Mel asked tentatively.
“Yeah, I am. My mom gave me some vitamins that seem to help.”
“Good. Good,” Mel said.
“Hey, I’m sorry about…,” they both said at once after a moment of quiet.
We all laughed.
“Really, I’m sorry,” said Ames in a rush. “I was oversensitive yesterday. I hate that I may have hurt your feelings by rushing away.”
“No worries,” Mel said. “I’m sorry too. I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”
When I pulled into the school parking lot and stopped the car, Mel reached over the seat and gave Ames a quick hug. I sighed a breath of relief. My two best gals were okay again.
“THANKS FOR dinner, Mrs. Dresden. You make the best beef stroganoff ever,” said Ames. I’d asked my mom to make Amelia’s favorite dish in hopes she would eat a lot of it. Ames had eaten some of it, but there was still a lot on her plate. My mom noticed too.
“You barely touched yours, Amelia,” she said with a raise of her eyebrows.
Amelia took another mouthful and rubbed her stomach. “You gave me so much. I can’t eat another bite. It’s so good.”
“Well, I’m glad you like it. It looks like Mel might be ready for seconds.”
“Yes, ma’am, please?” said Mel with a smile. “My dad tries hard, but he doesn’t cook like this. This is great, Mrs. Dresden!”
“Hey, Amelia, did Raine tell you I got my brown belt last night?” asked Teddy. He’d brushed his hair and changed his shirt in anticipation of Amelia joining us for dinner. My brother cracked me up.
“No, she didn’t,” said Amelia. “That’s awesome. Was it hard?”
“I had to work hard for it, but all it took was practice,” said Teddy, puffing out his chest.
“Wow! That is awesome,” said Mel. “You’ll need to show me some of your katas.”
“Do you know karate?” asked Teddy.
Three Times the Charm Page 9