Hold Me: Music For The Heart - Book One

by Faith Starr

  He bit his bottom lip, his chest heaving.

  I hated to see such a defeatist attitude in such a strong man.

  “My father got locked up. It wasn’t until after that Dani opened up and told me all about the physical abuse she had endured over the years. The sexual acts started later. She said she had taught herself to zone out when he touched her, to block it out. I thank God every day that I walked into her room when I did. I might not have been able to prevent the other instances from occurring but at least I could stop that one and prevent her from ever having to go through something so monstrous again.”

  A tear fell from his eye. He wiped it with the back of his hand. I struggled to withhold my own.

  “He had thrown plenty of punches my way over the years. I kept it to myself, though, because he made blind threats which did a great job of keeping me quiet. At the time, I believed them. I figured I could handle the beatings, as long as he didn’t touch my sister, his usual threat if I dared to stand up for myself. It never dawned on me that she always wore long sleeves and jeans, even during the warmer months, until after everything came out in the open. In a million years, I never would have thought the sick fuck might be touching her inappropriately. Who wants to think something like that can happen to a loved one? Needless to say, Dani and I were surprised to learn about the suffering of the other.”

  He scratched his chin and sighed.

  “Dani and I lived at home for a while after the incident, but our mother kept faulting us for what we’d done to our father, telling us we had ruined her life and that our family name had become an embarrassment to her. When in truth, she was the embarrassment. I mean, come on, how could she not believe Dani’s explicit details of the encounters?” More tears sprang to his eyes. He glared up at the ceiling. “I hope you don’t rest in peace, motherfucker!”

  I swallowed my need to pull him into my arms and comfort him.

  “So our mom claimed Dani and I hated his drinking so much, we concocted a story to get rid of him. She was and still won’t accept the truth. Dani and I decided we couldn’t stay with her any longer. Dani especially had a tough time of it. I mean, a mother’s betrayal, it’s the ultimate insult. You hear stories about this type of shit on the news and such, but you never believe it can happen to you, you know?” He sighed.

  I said nothing, but many thoughts raced through my mind. Mainly, anger and sadness that Dani and Joey had been treated so harshly.

  “We were too young to live on our own, had no money, and were emotionally scarred and spent. Trevor’s parents agreed to take us in until graduation. The main caveat, we needed our mother’s permission. At first, she refused. How could we leave her? The family would look even worse to the neighbors and the public. Fuck how others viewed us. Sadly, that’s all she cared about ─ our family’s image. Dani and I fought long and hard, making her life a living hell until we wore her down to the point she finally agreed. It’s kind of pathetic that Trevor’s parents believed us, but our own mother didn’t. Trevor’s mother went so far as to get Dani a therapist to help her deal with her shit.”

  More tears pooled in his eyes. I knew damn well sadness hid underneath anger. It meant Joey was progressing wonderfully, freeing himself without even realizing it. I wanted to jump up and down for joy but refrained from doing so.

  I reached for a tissue from the box on the coffee table and handed it to him. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes.

  “To this day, she still won’t accept it.” He bowed his head. “It’s so fucked up.”

  “It’s very common for people to deny what they don’t want to admit.”

  He sat up, squeezing the tissue. “I’m so sorry I unloaded all this on you.”

  “I’m glad you did.” I smiled lightly.

  “Other than the guys in the band, nobody else knows about it.”

  His vulnerability was on full display. He needn’t worry. I would never betray his trust.

  “You don’t even have to ask. It will never leave this room.”

  He pulled me into his arms, his body collapsing into mine. I ran my fingers through his hair and gave him solace and comfort, while getting my own at the same time.

  30

  Joey

  I wanted to hold her in my arms forever. I didn’t understand why I felt so relieved after sharing such painful memories. Sometimes I wished I could block them out forever, pretend those times never happened.

  Unfortunately they had.

  All my emotions were scattered about on the table in front of us for her to see, leaving me feeling both raw and exposed. I had kept my feelings hidden for so many years in fear that once I popped the cork, I’d explode. Surprisingly, I hadn’t.

  My rage slowly subsided.

  I released her from my grasp.

  She smiled at me and cupped my cheek. “Do you feel any better?”

  Her beautiful emerald eyes entranced me. “Strangely enough, I do.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Even though you aren’t feeling grief over your loss, it doesn’t mean a lot of other feelings aren’t flooding to the surface. Sometimes we have to walk through the rain to find the sun. What happened to you and your sister was an extremely traumatic experience. It’s not something either of you will overcome overnight, so don’t expect to. It takes time and effort to work through the feelings associated with your father and what he did to you guys. But little by little, as you acknowledge and accept your feelings for what they are without fighting them, I think you’ll start to feel relief settle in and will be able to let go of some of the anger.”

  What had I done to deserve such a gift? I always believed everything happened for a reason. I just hadn’t expected it to come in the form of the beautiful woman sitting next to me. What a blessing. Maybe Teva represented the sun on the other side of the torrential downpour I’d been trudging through all these years.

  I took her hand in mine and squeezed it. “I don’t know how to thank you for being here for me right now, especially after how horribly I treated you.”

  “I’m thankful you opened up and trusted me. That means more to me than anything.”

  Her smile was angelic. I had to taste her. Touching her wasn’t cutting it anymore. Nobody had ever claimed to care about what I thought or felt other than the guys and Dani. This was so new and different for me. Dani had been right all along about Teva. I had hit the jackpot when I met her.

  Cradling her cheek, my tongue eagerly found hers, tuna breath and all.

  We remained lip-locked for quite some time, making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers. Another new and different experience for me, one I enjoyed tremendously.

  Shifting positions, I leaned back and brought her onto my lap with her body resting sideways. She snaked her arms around my neck, her hands going into my hair.

  I caressed her shin, her skin smooth to the touch. She bent her knees and rested her feet on the couch. My other hand held on to her for support.

  She tilted her head back, deepening our kiss. I shifted to adjust my cock. It wanted to get in on the action as well.

  My hand drifted upward toward that sweet spot of hers. I rubbed the outside of the thin cotton fabric covering her. She moved her hips rhythmically against my palm.

  I pushed the fabric aside and swiped my fingers between her folds. She definitely felt my vibe, her liquid heat all but melting my hand. I slid a finger inside her while my thumb stroked her clit.

  She filled my mouth with delicate moans, placing her hand over mine, encouraging it to move faster. She broke the connection between our lips, her head falling to the side, and arched her back, fully immersing herself in the experience.

  More than anything, I wanted to make her feel good. She deserved the world, and I wanted to be the one to give it to her. I guess sometimes you just knew when it was right.

  I wasn’t ready to verbalize those specific thoughts yet, though. They were new for me and a bit unsettling. I didn’t know what to do with them. Plus, I
had a plethora of other feelings making their presence known. I certainly didn’t want to fuck things up. What I did know was that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. It was in her touch and in her eyes.

  “Yes!” she cried out, her body shaking and tightening around my finger.

  We kissed deeply, my finger still doing its thing so she could maintain the goodness overtaking her for as long as possible.

  She brought her hand to my cheek and held it there. Our kiss became softer, filled with intensity, not one of lust but a hell of a lot more. My heart picked up speed as a result.

  She pulled back and stared into my eyes, her hand still planted on my face. Neither of us said a word.

  There were a few moments of silence. Possibly one. However long it was, it was profound.

  “Do you want to go to my bedroom?” She spoke in a hushed tone.

  I wanted to connect with her more intimately, if at all even possible. The force between us was pretty frickin’ powerful.

  “Do you?” I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page.

  She nodded.

  Enough said.

  I lifted her up and carried her into her room, where I placed her on her neatly made bed.

  We continued to stare into each other’s eyes.

  She raised her arms so I could lift her sundress up and over her head. No bra? What a sight to behold.

  Her chest rose and fell with anticipation. She had nothing to worry about because mine did the exact same thing.

  She leaned up on her knees and reached for the hem of my shirt. She tugged the fabric up and off.

  Our eyes remained locked as she undid the button on my jeans and slid the zipper down. She pushed my denims down along with my boxer briefs, then bent forward and took me into her mouth, completely catching me off guard.

  My head fell back, my eyes closed. I gripped her hair and pulled her forward, so I could go deeper inside her mouth. But as good as it felt, I wanted more.

  I gently pushed her off me. Her gaze shot up to mine. I took care of any insecurity on her part by kissing her, both of us collapsing on her bed, my body coming to rest on top of hers.

  She wrapped her legs around my waist and ground her hips against mine, in sync with my movements.

  I needed protection and fast. I was going to blow, my desire for her too great to wait another minute. I broke the kiss. “Let me get a condom.”

  “I’m on the pill.” She circled her hips against mine. “I’m clean. And you know I’ve only been with one other man, and that was years ago.”

  I had to make sure she was okay with this. I didn’t want her acting out in the heat of the moment only to regret her decision later. I brushed some loose hair off her face. “I have no problem using protection, baby, but it’s up to you. I always use protection and test myself regularly.”

  She smiled sweetly. “I trust you.”

  She blew my mind with that statement. Other than Dani and Trevor’s sister, Sam, both of whom I considered family, no woman had ever said those words to me. They held a lot of meaning and set the bar high.

  My heart raced, and I suddenly panicked. I kissed her, so she wouldn’t be able to read my expression, something I noticed she could do with expertise.

  “Do you trust me, Joey?”

  Fuck. Another loaded question, but one I didn’t have to think twice about. I did trust Teva, probably too much for my own good. I mean, shit, I had just spilled the beans to her about my dark past. If that wasn’t trust, I didn’t know what was.

  Her eyes were filled with uncertainty.

  Caressing the smooth skin on her cheek, I let out a soft breath. “Yes. I trust you wholeheartedly.”

  “Then make love to me.”

  It was a plea, one I could tell she regretted after the words had slipped out.

  “It would be my honor. There’s nothing else I’d rather do right now.”

  Her body instantly relaxed beneath me. Mine did the same on top of hers. My heart now raced for an entirely different reason.

  I aligned myself with her opening, using my hand for assistance. Her body welcomed me with open arms. Being inside her, bare, was like nothing I’d ever felt before.

  Her eyes flickered open, and our gazes penetrated each other while I entered her slowly, methodically. I wanted to cherish every second of this experience. I didn’t want to rush a thing.

  She draped her legs around mine to restrict movement between us. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. The feeling of skin against skin, especially hers, became sensory overload.

  She brought her hand down to my ass, nudging it forward so our bodies met in the middle, thrust after delicious thrust.

  Her pussy began to spasm, and the sensation of it tightening around my cock brought me up and over with her. So much for taking it slow. She cried out in pleasure. I joined her.

  What a feeling to release myself inside her. I think it was the first time in my life I had ever gone bare. Definitely something to brag about. Not that I would but it certainly made the thought of ever fucking with condoms again lose some of its thrill, if not most.

  She kept her legs intertwined with mine, our bodies reducing their speed until we both came to a complete stop, my softening cock remaining inside her.

  I opened my eyes. She looked up at me, this time with something different in her gaze. But for some reason, it didn’t scare me. Rather, it consoled me, comforted me.

  If I had seen such intensity a day or two ago, I would’ve probably bolted. But not today. Nor any other day from here on out, for that matter. I planned to keep her around for days to come. Oddly, I could no longer picture my life without her in it.

  31

  Teva

  Wow. Wow. Wow.

  No other word could describe the experience Joey and I had just shared. Something so much more substantial than intercourse alone.

  “Tell me about your exes.”

  Confusion overtook his gorgeous face.

  I got it. He didn’t want to. My nagging curiosity died to know about his past relationships—other than the women he considered groupies who he had engaged in sex with for no other reason than to simply get off.

  “There’s really none that stand out enough for me to share about.”

  He pulled out and rolled on his side next to me. He caressed my stomach.

  I shifted to face him. “None? No first love that broke your heart or anything similar?”

  He shook his head. “Kind of pathetic, huh?”

  “I don’t think it’s pathetic at all.”

  “Were you in love with that professor you slept with?”

  “Dr. Shithead?” I rolled my eyes. “I cared for him. I mean, I had to, being I gave him something so precious to me. But I never had any intense feelings toward him, like the kind I read about when women say they’re in love. I also couldn’t picture myself being with him long-term, so I knew it couldn’t be love.”

  Fear flashed through his eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was scare him off. I was scared myself with my own strong feelings for him. And I knew if he left right now, I’d be heartbroken. I would lose my first and only love.

  “I know this is crazy to ask after such a short time, but do you feel that kind of intense feeling you just spoke about toward me?”

  What?

  My heart fell into the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t expected that question in particular to come out of his mouth. I sensed his hesitation to hear my answer. I certainly dreaded giving it.

  My body tensed. His hand continued to dance on my hypersensitive skin.

  “What do you want my answer to be?” I flipped the question, too nervous to respond. I had too much at risk.

  “I want it to be yes because I feel it toward you. It’s a feeling I can’t describe or explain. All I know is I’ve never experienced it before.”

  My heart beat faster as a result of his confession. I reached up and touched his cheek. I smiled. “I think I understand what you’re talking abo
ut, because I too have the same feeling.”

  He kissed me. An eternal kiss that probably only lasted a couple of minutes. And when it ended, I felt a compelling desire to share my dark past with him, since he had so bravely entrusted me with his.

  “I too lost my father. I know how it feels to lose a family member. Although in my case, the relationship was different. My father and I had a special bond, more so than I had with my mother.”

  For the first time ever, I felt safe speaking openly about what had happened to my father. Lily only knew bits and pieces of the story.

  His attentive eyes made me want to continue. His hands never left my skin.

  “That must’ve been hard for you.” He tried to comfort me. To my surprise, it worked.

  “He committed suicide. I discovered the body.”

  His face twisted. “Fuck. That’s heavy shit.”

  His response caused the corners of my mouth to quirk up. “I know. It is. He had been depressed for quite some time before making the rash decision to end it all. There was a lot of fighting going on between him and my mom. I didn’t think anything of it. Parents argue, right?”

  He nodded in agreement.

  “They kept a lot from me. My mom recently informed me his business had been suffering. I had no clue. They kept me in the dark about almost everything. It makes me so angry. I knew firsthand how distant he became because he pushed me away too. I didn’t understand why, either, until it was too late.”

  I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. I intertwined my fingers with his. It hurt so bad. I missed my father so much.

  “I think it all became too much for him. You know?” I glimpsed at him. “And he didn’t see any other option.”