Hold Me: Music For The Heart - Book One

by Faith Starr

  Her tears escalated. I picked up the entire box of tissues. Apparently one tissue wouldn’t cut it. I dropped the box next to her. I pulled a tissue out and handed it to her.

  “Thanks.”

  “That sounds freeing.” I didn’t know what else to say but did have enough sense to know encouragement and praise were warranted in situations such as this.

  She smiled through her tears. “It is. I’ve wasted enough time trying to redo the past. It’s time for me to focus on the future.”

  “Amen to that, sister,” I agreed, coming to believe maybe the time had come for me and Dani to do the same.

  I put my arm around her, and she leaned into me. I kissed the top of her head.

  “Fortunately, I have a lot of contacts at the hospital. I’m going to utilize them and see if I can’t make something happen. You know, explore my options.”

  Her confidence in every situation she encountered was to be admired. She didn’t let shit get her down. She dusted herself off and got up again. Something Dani and I were trying to do as well. Guess it was a learning experience for all three of us.

  We settled in bed and watched television. The air in the room calmed and it became easier to breathe.

  After the show finished, we went out to the living room. The smell of Dani’s good cooking filled the air. I couldn’t wait to eat.

  Shortly afterward, the guys arrived, right on schedule. Dani was pulling garlic toast out of the oven when they shuffled in, all of us practically salivating at the table.

  Teva helped her in the kitchen. I enjoyed seeing the two of them get along so well.

  “How are things going?” Trevor spoke in a hushed voice, pointing his chin in the direction of the kitchen. He sat back in his chair.

  “Incredibly well.”

  “So what’s the story between you two?”

  Music played in the background, Dani had the fan over the stove on, and she and Teva were chatting animatedly in the kitchen, so I knew the guys and I were out of earshot.

  “I think I finally have a girlfriend. It only took twenty-six years for me to finally be able to say that.” Kind of pathetic but mind-boggling and exhilarating at the same time.

  Trevor patted me on the back from the seat next to mine. “Good for you, bro. She seems like a keeper.”

  That she was.

  Teva acted at ease during dinner, talking with the guys. Anyone would think they’d been lifelong friends. And they spoke freely, equally as comfortable with her. It just affirmed what Trevor had said, she was a keeper. She fit in with the group as if she belonged with us.

  Everyone helped clean up—my rule, not Dani’s—prior to heading to the music room. Trevor had his drumsticks in hand before even sitting at his kit. Logan strummed a few chords.

  While lying in bed with Teva watching TV earlier, I had read over Dani’s lyrics, putting some of my own touches to them. I couldn’t wait to get my fingers on my keyboard. But right now I had a surprise for everyone. Dani’s song would have to wait a while.

  “I’ve got something new.”

  Dani and Teva chitchatted on the brown leather loveseat in the corner of the room. They stopped when I made my announcement, both of them staring at me. Logan and Trevor did as well.

  Trevor broke the silence. “Let’s hear it.”

  I cracked my knuckles and warmed up on my keyboard. Not that I needed to, but having Teva in the room gave me a bit of performance anxiety, something new and different for me. Perhaps because I had written this song after finding out my father died and had stupidly shut her out. Yet at the same time, she still held my heart in the palm of her hand.

  A pain in my heart

  Is all that I feel

  Reasons unknown

  I don’t know what is real

  A loss and a gain

  My mind in a daze

  Why is it my thoughts

  Are in such a haze

  Me holding you

  It’s too good to be true

  You holding me

  I’m finally free

  Tears in my heart

  From wrongs done long ago

  Joy in my soul

  It’s starting to show

  The darkness is lifting

  The light is nearby

  Your essence consumes me

  I can’t understand why

  Guess it’s me holding you

  That seems too good to be true

  Or else it’s you holding me

  That’s changing the way that I see

  Holding you through the night

  Or all through the day

  It’s that look in your eyes

  That blows me away

  A gift unexpected

  The time never right

  To remove all the bars

  From a heart locked up tight

  I guess it’s me holding you

  That seems too good to be true

  And you holding me

  That’s finally set my heart free

  My hands shook by the time I finished playing the notes. The silent reaction in the room was overwhelming.

  Dani had her arm around Teva, the two of them wiping their tears. Logan had his brow creased in what-the-fuck fashion, and Trevor twirled a drumstick, eyeing me with a knowing smile.

  My mouth felt too dry to speak. I needed a drink. Luckily, we kept a stacked minifridge in the music room. I helped myself to a bottle of water, chugging its entire contents.

  “Let’s do it again, this time with a slow guitar rift and a smooth beat on the drums.”

  Bless you, Logan, for getting us back on track to do what we came to do.

  My eyes caught Teva’s. She had that damn twinkle in them again, the one that got me in the heart each and every time.

  39

  Teva

  I had never experienced one of those moments where I felt frozen in time until a minute ago, as if everything and everyone around me were mere shadows, movements going in slow motion.

  Joey had written a new song, the lyrics about me. I couldn’t believe it. And even better, the melody touched every fiber of my being. It sounded soft and sweet, strong and dramatic. A heartfelt song, similar to his other ballads, but this one had something different to it. He’d mesmerized me with his words and the way he sang them. He truly knew how to put his all into his music, totally blowing my mind with both the song and him.

  My heart raced at hyperspeed and when his eyes caught mine, again, time stood still. I had tunnel vision, seeing nothing else. His emotions penetrated into me through his stare, something profound and surreal.

  I loved this man with all my heart, body, and soul. I didn’t need a song written about me to realize it. Joey Fine filled the void in my heart. The one I had felt since my father took his life, something I never thought possible. Yet, Joey accomplished the feat, and I would let him know each and every day moving forward how much he meant to me.

  “Let’s do it again, this time with a slow guitar rift and a smooth beat on the drums.”

  Logan’s voice snapped me out of my spell. Dani still sat next to me with her hand now in mine. Joey stood behind his keyboard, replaying the melody. Trevor tapped a beat.

  It amazed me to see how the three men worked together and how adding in the other instruments made the song come to life even more. As remarkable as it sounded with the keyboards alone, it now had even more emotion to it.

  My head ached, but I dared not move or leave the music room because I was having too much fun watching the song transform into something real as the minutes ticked by.

  “I think we’ve got another hit on our hands.” Logan spoke proudly with a nod. He set his guitar on its stand.

  Trevor nodded in agreement, still playing a gentle beat. Every time I saw him, and it hadn’t been often, he was drumming on something. So comical.

  “I agree.” Dani stood. “If you will please excuse me, I’m going to take a bathroom break.”

  “I could use one as well.” Tr
evor set his sticks down and followed her out of the music room.

  Logan and Joey exchanged curious glances. Logan helped himself to a bottle of water from the fridge. He held one out for me as well. I shook my head about a quarter of an inch in both directions in thanks but no thanks. I didn’t want to bring on more pain by using sudden or big movements.

  Joey came over and sat next to me, taking my hand in his. “How does your head feel after sitting through all of Trevor’s banging?”

  “You better be happy he isn’t in the room right now to hear you call his playing banging. I’ll be nice this time around and not saying anything.” Logan winked. “I’m going to the kitchen to get another one of Dani’s chocolate chip cookies. Do either of you want one?”

  Joey and I both declined. It was obvious Logan felt out of place and needed an escape plan. In my opinion, he had come up with the perfect one.

  “My head feels great as does my heart. The song is beautiful.”

  He smiled knowingly but with humility, no sense of cockiness whatsoever. He kissed the back of my hand. “I’m glad you like it.”

  “Are you kidding me? I love it.”

  He reached for me and pulled me in for a kiss. A kiss that became heated in a matter of seconds.

  The sound of Trevor and Dani entering the room had me retreating.

  Trevor put up his hand. “Please don’t stop on our account.”

  Joey flipped him the bird. I sucked in my bottom lip in embarrassment. I usually wasn’t one for public displays.

  “I think our session proved to be quite productive. You guys want to watch a horror flick?” Trevor asked, once again with sticks in hand, this time tapping the air.

  “I’m game.” Dani nodded. “I love horror movies.”

  Joey posed the question in my direction. “Do you want to watch a scary movie? I promise to comfort you if you get scared.”

  “You two are nauseating. I’ll be waiting in the living room,” Trevor grunted, stepping out of the room with Dani in tow.

  “Shall we?” Joey stood, my hand still in his.

  “We shall. But just so you know, I get scared during horror movies. So if I scream, don’t make fun of me.”

  He kissed my lips. “I promise not to, but I can’t speak for the others.” He carefully pulled me in for a hug. “You can always grab on to me if you feel the need.”

  “I like that idea.”

  We joined the others in the living room.

  Logan took a bite of his cookie and sat next to us on the couch. “Dani, you are the best fucking cook ever.”

  “I made them for you, love.”

  He smiled at her response and shoved the rest of his cookie into his mouth.

  We all got cozy. Trevor and Dani took the loveseat. I was sandwiched between Joey and Logan, my body held protectively against Joey’s, his arm draped around me, rubbing my shoulder. His free hand held mine. I loved how affectionate and attentive he was, his body comfortable to lean against too. So comfortable that the next thing I knew he gently shook me awake. “The movie’s over, babe.”

  I surveyed the space around me to find the room empty. The guys had already left, Dani nowhere to be seen.

  “I slept through the entire movie?”

  “It sucked anyway. You didn’t miss anything. Come, let’s go to bed.”

  He assisted me up and led me to his room. We washed up and then the two of us cuddled in his bed. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

  The following morning I felt a lot more like myself. My ribs still ached, but my head hurt less. As much as I hated the thought of not waking up next to Joey, I wanted to go home and make arrangements for the next chapter of my life because the old one had definitely come to an end.

  “You sure you’re good?” He stood in the kitchen in my apartment.

  “Very good, as a matter of fact. I’m going to see if I can go in and speak with my supervisor today or tomorrow.”

  “Would you mind if we sat in the living room for a few minutes?”

  His worry made my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. If he planned to break up with me… Forget it. I couldn’t even think that thought. It was too horrific.

  I followed him into the living room and sat next to him on the couch. He took my hand in his.

  “What’s going on?” I needed him to get to the point. My mind was starting to get ahead of itself.

  “I have an idea. But before you say no, please agree to hear me out first.”

  An idea? I had no clue about this grand idea of his, but nervous energy poured out of his body.

  “Okay. Let’s hear it.” I figured why not go ahead and jump in the deep end.

  His knees bounced in unison. I mimicked his nerves, bobbing my foot against the floor.

  “Joey, what’s going on?” I became more concerned about his well-being than what he wanted to share with me. He broke out into a sweat, the wetness making my palm damp.

  “Our album is set to drop in about six weeks. That’s about the same time we’ll be heading back on tour.”

  Ah, I understood what he wanted to discuss. He wanted to prepare me for his upcoming departure, a sucky thought.

  I pulled my hand from his because now my palms also felt clammy. I wiped them on my pants. My head throbbed, my heart pounded, my body now in full-blown fight-or-flight mode. I prayed he wouldn’t end our relationship because he didn’t want to do the long-distance thing.

  “I know. The songs are great. Well…the ones I’ve heard so far. But I’m sure the others are too.”

  His disinterest in speaking about the album couldn’t have been any more obvious.

  Okay, I couldn’t take it anymore. His stalling the inevitable had my stomach twisting up in knots. “Please tell me what it is you want to say. I can feel your uneasiness, and I’m starting to freak out a bit.”

  “I know we haven’t been together long. Fuck, we practically just met. But I feel like I’ve known you forever.” He balled his hand into a fist.

  For Christ’s sake, get to the point already!

  I’d soon require a paper bag to hyperventilate into.

  “I know your coursework is online.”

  Yeah, and?

  “I want you to consider coming on tour with us. You’ll have plenty of time to study and do whatever you need to do for school. We have full Internet access on the bus.”

  I experienced yet another one of those frozen moments in time. There were a million questions which had to be asked, but the first one that came to mind was, “Are you kidding me?”

  He shook his head.

  So this wasn’t some kind of a practical joke?

  I leaned back against the sofa cushion, mindful of my ribs, my mind swirling with a million thoughts that went along with the million questions.

  “Even if I wanted to, I can’t. My life is here. I have rent and student loans to pay, plus all the other bills that come in every month. I’m humbled and sincerely appreciate your offer. And the thought of you asking means the world to me, but I can’t just pick up and leave my life behind. I have to work.”

  “I can certainly help with some of those things during the months we’re on the road. I have more money than I know what to do with. It’s not fun having so much when you have no one to share it with.”

  Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, his offer too much to fathom.

  “I love you, Teva.”

  Say what?

  My eyes snapped open, my heart fell into the pit of my stomach for the second time in about ten minutes. He had so much vulnerability emanating from him.

  I carefully sat up. I pulled him into my arms and hugged him. Tears sprang to my eyes. “I love you too, Joey.”

  He broke our hug. “Then say yes.”

  “But what if things don’t work out? Then I would’ve left my whole world behind me for what?”

  “Why wouldn’t things work out? Do you have any doubts about your feelings toward me?”

  “No. I know
how I feel.”

  “So do I. And I think if we make a plan of action ahead of time, we can make it work.”

  “What about Logan and Trevor? I’m sure they don’t want me bunking on a bus with them for months on end. And your sister, have you even spoken to Dani about this?”

  “Don’t worry about Logan, Trevor, and Dani.”

  “I don’t know. This is a big deal.” As much as I wanted to jump on that bus with him and tour the country, I was a realist.

  “I know. Listen, if it’s about the money, we’ll pay you a salary.”

  I narrowed my eyes, utterly confused. “Pay me a salary? For what?”

  “Dani has a lot on her shoulders, organizing the meet and greets and dealing with the fans. You could help her. And you two get along great. Plus, if one of the fans passes out the way Lily did, your medical skills will come in handy.”

  “This is insane.”

  “Insane is how I feel about you. Please think about it. I’m not trying to pressure you. We still have several weeks before we leave. You told me yourself that you’re ready for a change. This will give you ample time to think about what it is you want to do as well as continue your studies if that’s the direction you still want to take career wise. It will also give us the opportunity to explore different places together. Even though I’ve been to most of the cities we’ll be touring in, it will be an entirely different experience visiting them with you, seeing everything through your eyes.”

  I was having a difficult time processing this, such an unexpected and out-of-the-blue invitation. One I was over-the-top ecstatic about. I mean, Joey professed his love to me and then asked me to join him on tour. Hello? I felt the need to pinch myself to make sure it all wasn’t a dream or a hallucination of some sort from my concussion.

  Any other woman would have probably already been packing a suitcase. This was the kind of thing dreams were made of, the once upon a time and the happily-ever-after. I could say one thing, our entire story together thus far had been one big fairy tale. And I had a hard time accepting the reality of it. But Joey and I were real. And our feelings toward each other were real as well.