by E. L. Todd
Understandably.
So, I did the only thing I could think of. I called her.
After a few rings, she answered. Since she waited so long, she probably debated taking the phone call at all. “Hello?” Her deep voice was as beautiful as ever. It washed over my ears in a delicate way, making me think of the beach and the sunshine. I remembered the way the wind blew through her hair as we stood on the deck of my back porch. I remembered the way her beautiful eyes glittered like gems buried deep within the earth.
“Hey, it’s me.” I stood on the sidewalk, directly in the path of pedestrians. They walked around me, paying no attention to me at all. I looked up at the building, knowing one of the windows belonged to her.
She didn’t speak for thirty seconds. “Hey.”
I was caught off guard by her beautiful voice again. It brought me so much satisfaction. The experience was strange, impossible to understand. “How are you?”
“Good…you?” She couldn’t figure out why I was calling, so her guard was up—like usual.
I felt like shit.
Actually, I wanted to die.
I couldn’t believe I could feel this much pain.
Everything hurt—constantly.
“Great.” It surprised me how easy it was to lie. But telling her the truth, that I was heartbroken, would only make her feel worse. “I miss you.”
She was silent.
I knew she missed me too, even if she didn’t say it.
“I miss you too.”
Both of my eyebrows rose and nearly jumped off my face. My heart filled with too much blood and could barely pump it out. All my nerve endings were on fire, burning everything into ash. I couldn’t believe she said it back. “Can I see you?”
She gave the answer I expected. “Kyle, that date was a one-time thing. We need to walk away and forget about each other.”
I could never forget about her. “Do you like funnel cakes?”
Her surprise echoed through the phone. “Funnel what?”
“Funnel cakes. You know, like glorified donuts. If you’ve never had one, we need to try it. It comes with powdered sugar and chocolate. You’ll love it.”
“Uh…”
“Come on, let’s go. I’m standing outside your building right now.”
Her gasp traveled through the phone.
I shielded my eyes from the sun and looked up at the windows. A second later her face appeared.
I waved. “Howdy.”
“Why are you standing out there?”
“I wanted to stop by and say hi. That’s all.” Since we were this far apart she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable. If I were standing right outside her door, that would just be creepy.
“If I say no are you going to come up to my apartment anyway?” The fear in her voice was unmistakable.
And it broke my heart. “Of course not. If you don’t want to go, that’s fine. I’ll leave.” I wanted her to spend time with me because she wanted to, not because she was forced to. “But I really hope you come down and join me.” I kept staring at her window, watching her distant face through the blinds.
She stepped away from the windows and sighed into the phone. “I told you I didn’t want to go on another date.”
“Can we hang out as friends?” If I couldn’t have all of her, I wanted some of her. “What’s the harm in that?” I’d proven myself to her many times, but I kept my patience. After what she’d been through, we could take this as slow as she wanted. I’d jump over every hurdle in my path if she were the prize at the end. “Besides, you’ve got to eat sometime.”
“I don’t know if a donut qualifies.”
“It’s not just a donut. Sweetheart, it’s so much more than that. You’ll see what I mean.”
She still hesitated.
I tried not to take the rejection personally. I knew her restraint had nothing to do with me. “Well, I’m going to have one myself. Maybe we can get together a different time.” If I kept pressuring her it would just make it worse. All I could do was extend my hand. It was up to her if she wanted to take it.
“I’ll go.”
I kept the smile off my face even though it took all my strength to accomplish that. “Great. I’ll meet you down here.”
“Okay.”
***
We sat across from each other at the table near the window. We both had funnel cakes of our own. Mine was covered with strawberries and strawberry sauce while her was hidden under layers of chocolate.
She stared at it like it was a beast. “This thing is enormous.”
“It’s great, huh?”
“There’s no way I can eat this by myself.”
“Then I’ll take care of it.” I was only allowed to have a meal like this once a month. If I ate too much sugar my body would pay the price. “That’s what I’m here for.”
“There’s no way you could eat both of these.”
“Is that a challenge?” I rose to every challenge, and I always beat them.
“Not sure yet…” She pressed her fork into the cake and broke a piece off. “Here we go…” She shoved it into her mouth and chewed slowly.
“What did I tell you?” I asked. “It’s the best shit ever, right?”
She nodded just before she swallowed. “Wow, you weren’t kidding.”
“I know my stuff.” I ate everything on my plate while keeping my gaze locked to her face. Now I couldn’t get the image of that photograph out of her mind, the one where she was covered with cuts and bruises. Anytime I thought about the file vomit moved up my throat. It was a despicable crime, something that kept me up late at night.
“What have you been up to lately?”
“Just work.” I was preparing for my case to go to trial. The justice system didn’t have the delivery speed of McDonald’s. Cases could go on for months—sometimes years. All my spare time was devoted to creating my strategy. I couldn’t afford to lose this case. And society couldn’t afford to have another rapist on the street.
“No golfing?” Her lips rose into a smile, and she looked so beautiful when she allowed her natural features to come through.
“No…unfortunately.” I wouldn’t have time for that for a while.
“Did you pick up another case or something?”
“Actually, I did.” I wouldn’t go into the specifics to spare her the heartbreak. She didn’t need to know anything about it. When I put him behind bars I would tell her. It would be my gift to her.
“What’s this one about?”
She never asked me that before. “I’m not at liberty to say.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“It’s okay.” The fact she asked me anything at all was a good sign. “How’s work?”
“Good. But to be honest, I haven’t worked on your design…”
Probably because she assumed we wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore. “That’s fine. I’m not in a hurry anyway.”
“That’s a relief.”
Without asking I took a bite of hers. “The chocolate is good.”
Since I took some of hers, she took some of mine. “Yours is too. But maybe we can split one next time.”
I tried not to react but it was difficult. It was the first time she spoke of us having plans in the future. I drank my water to cover up my smile, knowing it might spook her off if she caught the look. “Sounds like a good idea.”
***
I wanted to get inside her apartment. If she were alone with me inside closed doors, it would be a great way for her to realize she could trust me. But I couldn’t make that happen by my own manipulation.
She had to invite me.
I walked her to her door at the end of the night, dreading the goodbye part. I never knew when I would see her again every time we parted ways, but there was a good chance I would at least get a hug from her.
And her hugs were the best ones I’ve ever had.
“I apologize for introducing you to the funnel cake,” I said. “Now you’
re going to be addicted.”
“The fact it’s around the corner from my office doesn’t help,” she said with a chuckle.
“Have you had crepes before?”
“Crepes?” she said. “Those wraps filled with chocolate and fruit?”
“So you’ve tried them.”
“I know what they are but I’ve never had one before.”
“Really?” Did she live under a rock? “Well, that’s the next thing on our bucket list.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” She pulled her keys out of her purse, her eyes downcast.
I had to get inside but I didn’t have a clue how to make that happen—unless I forced it. “I had a great time tonight.”
“Me too.” She got the key in the door and pushed it open, the keys still hanging from the keyhole.
This was tricky. She seemed to be in a good mood, calm and comfortable. If I pushed too hard I’d lose the moment. But if I didn’t try hard enough we’d never move forward. “How long have you lived here?”
“A few years. It’s close to work so I like it.”
“Cool. Can I take a look?” I kept my hands in my pockets and didn’t move toward her, giving her as much space as she wanted. There was no other way to show my intentions unless I said them out loud.
“Uh…” She kept one hand on the door and looked terrified.
“It’s okay,” I said quickly. “I was just curious to see what your place looked like. It’s not a big deal.” Too much pressure would make her cave. It was difficult to find that balance, to push her when it was necessary and when to back off when she needed it.
She gripped the door handle, still unsure.
“Good night,” I said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
She pressed her lips tightly together before she answered. “Yeah, you can come in.”
She just invited me inside her apartment? Did that just happen? The evening had been going remarkable well. I almost couldn’t believe it. “You’re sure?”
She nodded.
“Cool.” I walked inside, keeping my hands in my pockets. I took a look around her place, seeing the small living room and kitchen area. For an apartment in Manhattan it was pretty nice. It was bigger than a broom closet, something most people had. “It’s nice.” It was decorated in earthly tones, suiting her personality and demeanor perfectly. If I walked into this apartment without her present, I would have known it belonged to her.
“Thanks.” She shut the door behind her, and her shoulders were rigid. She was hunched slightly in a peculiar way, like she was forcing herself to relax and her body wouldn’t obey.
I didn’t walk down the hall to take a peek of her bedroom. If anything, that might make her uncomfortable. “Is it okay if I sit down?” I walked to couch and stared at her large TV.
“Of course.”
I sat down at the edge and looked at the picture frames on the table. All of them were images of her and her friends, hiking or going to the beach. Florence was in one of them.
“Shit, I forgot my manners.” She smacked herself in the forehead. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Water is fine. Thanks.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t do this a lot…” She turned back and walked into the kitchen.
“It’s no big deal.” The fact she invited me inside was a big deal. Now I knew she was comfortable around me—and she really did like me. If I were anyone else she would have shut the door in his face. I really had a chance to make this work.
She set the glass of water on the table. “Anything else?”
“No, thank you.” I crossed my legs, resting one ankle on the opposite knee. I grabbed the water and took a sip, trying to act as normal as possible. Being alone in her apartment was too significant to ignore.
She sat down on the opposite end of the couch. “You want to watch something?”
“Sure. What are you into?”
She glanced at the time on her phone. “America’s Funniest Home Videos comes on right now.”
“You like that show?” I always left it on in the background when I was at home working on briefs.
“Yeah. It’s nice to watch something family friendly. Everything else on TV is rated R these days.”
“I know what you mean.”
She turned on the channel and leaned back, her eyes on the screen.
I didn’t make a move to sit beside her. A part of me wanted to grab her hand or place my arm around her shoulders, taking advantage of the situation to have some kind of affection. But I knew it wasn’t wise to push the envelope. Just the fact I was inside her apartment was amazing.
She laughed when a dog chased his own tail in a video. He kept spinning around until he got dizzy and toppled over. Her eyes lit up in joy and her face looked natural, poised.
We weren’t technically on a date, but it was the best one I’ve ever had. There wasn’t a fancy dinner or a bottle of wine. There wasn’t hot sex at the end of the road. It was just she and I—together.
And it was perfect.
***
I was exhausted and sleep deprived. This case was taking all of my focus and it hadn’t even started yet. I was obsessed to the point of insanity. My rage and pain edged me forward, pushing me to limits I’d never breached before. Every time I read a new account of the crime I ground my teeth so tightly together my jaw hurt. Rose had only been in my life for a short amount of time, but I’d become so fond of her that I couldn’t comprehend it.
The fact this happened to her—shattered me.
I had to get justice for her even if she didn’t know about it. I had to fight for her, to do the right thing. What happened to Rose was in the past and nothing could change it, but I could stop it from happening to someone else in the future.
And I would.
I gave her space for a few days so I wouldn’t come on too strong. The last time we hung out it went perfectly. If I pushed her for more, she might cut me off altogether. Besides, I had a lot of work to do at the office. I put in more time than I’d ever had before, determined to win this case with ease.
I got tickets to the Mets because they were playing The Warriors the following night. Since they were her favorite team, I thought it would be the perfect excuse to see her again. She wouldn’t say no to a free ticket.
Nobody would.
When five days had come and gone, I called her. It was nearly impossible to downplay my feelings and pretend I wasn’t thinking about her all the time. She was always in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t reach for the phone and text her whenever I felt like it.
I listened to the phone ring a few times before she answered.
“Hey.” It was the first time she didn’t answer me in a dismissive way. I didn’t detect her walls that time. She spoke to me like I was a friend—someone she trusted.
“Are you watching America’s Funniest Home Videos?”
“Yeah. How’d you know?”
“I’m watching it too.” It was on in the background. At the moment, there was a dog wearing sunglasses at the beach. A bandana was around his neck, with the American flag print.
She laughed into the phone. “He looks so cute with sunglasses on.”
I loved her laugh. There was nothing else like it. “Yeah…pretty cute.”
“Did you know it’s on Netflix? So you can watch every season.”
“We’ll have to have a marathon.”
“Good idea,” she said with excitement.
I really liked the way things were going. It was too good to be true. “Are you busy tomorrow night?”
“Depends. Why?”
At least she didn’t shut me down entirely. “I have two tickets to the Mets tomorrow. Want to come along?”
“Oh my god. Aren’t they playing The Warriors?”
“Yep.”
“Yes! Of course I want to come along. How much is the ticket?”
“Not a dime.”
“Don’t be like that,” she said. “If I’m going to take a ticket I
’m going to pay for it.”
“I got them for free.” That was a lie, but she didn’t need to know that.
“How?”
“I know people.” Another lie. “It’s tomorrow at seven. So, I’ll pick you up at six. Is that okay?”
“Absolutely. Oh my god, I’m so excited. I’m actually pacing in my apartment because I can’t sit down.”
The thought made me smile. Whenever I made her happy, I was happy. “I’m glad you’re excited.”
“Thanks for inviting me.”
“There’s no on else I’d rather go with.” That comment was a little strong but it was too late to take it back.
Thankfully, she let it slide. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The Warriors
Kyle
When I picked her up she was wearing a Stephen Curry jersey with a Warriors baseball cap. She looked cute, to say the least. She wore dark skinny jeans under her jersey, and Nike running shoes were on her feet.
“I’m really digging the sporty outfits you wear.”
“You don’t think people will give us a hard time?” she asked. “You know, because I’m not rooting for The Mets?”
“Who cares?” I asked. “Let’s do what we want and worry about it later.”
She buckled a fanny pack around her waist and walked out.
I eyed the dark green bag with a raised eyebrow. “A fanny pack?”
“Yeah, they are so convenient,” she said. “Hands free.” She locked the door behind her and walked down the hall beside me.
I tried not to laugh. It was dorky but cute at the same time.
She caught the look. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“You think it’s lame?”
“Actually, I think it’s cute—on you.”
“A basketball game is no place for a purse—or a clutch.”
We took a cab to the stadium then walked inside. I got great seats three rows back. We were right behind The Warriors’ bench. We’d get a great view of everything—and all the players.
“Shit, these seats are incredible.” She’d never been so enthused over anything in my presence. Her eyes were bigger than golf balls, and she took in the scene like it was the coolest thing in the world. “I can’t believe I’m here. I’ve always wanted to come to a game.”